jjamele Reviews

Five Weeks in a Balloon (1962)

Racist, Xenophobic, Sexist Hollywood at its Best (Worst)

[1/10 · 5 January 2008]

Jules Verne wrote the book that this film is based on in 1863, when Africa was not yet fully explored, the British Empire sought to rule the world, and "White Man's Burden" was the accepted philosophy of the age. That such a film could be made in 1962 and contain so many stupid, ugly stereotypes shows you how far the movie industry still had to go.

This film has it all- the obviously white (but dark haired and tanned) native girl who speaks perfectly good, though halting, English ("Me Makia. Who You?"), the "Arabs" waving Scimitars and mistaking the white explorers for "Gods" because they come out of the sky in their amazing, technologically advanced balloon, the white blonde (Barbara Eden) who must be rescued from being ravaged by the drooling Muslim traders, the "Sultans" who look like they stepped right out of Alladin, with their pointy slippers and jeweled turbans and all-white harems, the Africans with painted bodies, feathers in their hair and necklaces of bones around their necks, waving spears and shouting gibberish....I could go on and on.

Should I even bother to mention the bizarre travel route taken by explorers who are in a hurry to get to a specific place- flying across central Africa from East to West, then finding themselves in the Sub-Saharan grasslands, then in a Saharan sandstorm, then back over the jungle? So they are in a race against time, but they take the All-Chiche' route anyway?? I recommend this film to any film history teacher who wants to discuss racism in Hollywood. If you decide to show it to your children, at least make it an educational experience- pause from time to time to discuss the use of revolting stereotypes and why it's demeaning, to both the people being stereotyped and the viewers.

Casino Royale (2006)

Cellphones! Cards! Cellphones!

[7/10 · 31 August 2007]

If your idea of a good movie is lots and lots of scenes of people looking at cellphone screens, people playing cards, people talking into cellphones, and people looking at cellphone screens, this is the film for you! Seriously- this is a far better than average Bond film, but if you take out all the scenes dominated by cellphones (why are they so fascinating to the producers? They are hardly glamorous technology in 2006) and card-playing (anyone else think that Mathis's narration of the game-- "there is now fifteen million in the pot....there is now one hundred million in the pot.." especially when you consider he was speaking to a TREASURY AGENT who just MIGHT be capable of ADDING was more than a little annoying?), you've got maybe forty minutes of action.

You also have to ignore a few major plot holes- the password Bond chooses is so blatantly obvious. How could the Secret Service fail to protect Bond after the game was over, and before he could transfer the money? Why wasn't the money transferred as soon as the game was over? How did LeChiffre know that Bond wouldn't' run over Vesper with his car- he barely missed her- and why didn't that tip off Bond that LeChiffre already had the account number out of her? How could Vesper spend the entire card game sitting at the bar and not bother to watch to make sure Bond's drink wasn't poisoned? Why did Bond chase that guy up the crane instead of just waiting for him to come down- did he think the bomber was going to jump into a hot air balloon and fly away at the top? I could go on, but what's the point?

Gandhi (1982)

Unnecessary Characters

[5/10 · 10 February 2007]

This is one-half of a great movie. I say this because the film's second half is marred by the unfortunate appearance of tacked-on characters who seem to serve no other purpose than to give face time to a few actors and actresses, all of whom I hope paid for the privilege of being in this movie.

Especially grating are the appearances of Geraldine James as Gandhi's adopted daughter Meerabaham and Candice Bergen as a photographer (in the film's last 40 minutes no less.) James's only function in the film is to speak softly and worshipfully and to gaze at Kingsley's character for several seconds at a time. Why on earth her inclusion in this film was seen as necessary totally escapes me. She has nothing of substance to say and just takes up space. Bergen's photographer is even worse- her appearance so late in the film simply makes no sense unless Bergen slipped some money under the table to the producer. She actually subtracts from the film by playing Candice Bergen rather than any character the viewer could possibly care about.

I wont include Martin Sheen in this group, because he does appear early in the film, then vanishes for roughly two hours before reappearing near the film's end. However, I found it striking that the makeup crew was apparently not informed that some thirty years were supposed to have passed between meetings of Sheen's character and Kingsley's. Sheen's character really ought to be pushing seventy by the time he reappears, but he doesn't look a day past fifty.

Enduring Love (2004)

What was Clare on?

[23 December 2006]

The Clare character really, really annoyed me. At no time in the film did she seem to have any energy at all; instead she kind of stumbled around this picture like she was on Valium, depressed, exhausted, moody, etc. In fact, it seemed pretty clear to me that she was under the impression that all this was happening to HER-- and really, to hell with the incident's impact on anyone else. If I were Daniel Craig I would have dumped her ass halfway through the film. And I wasn't at all upset when she was stabbed at the end- she made the decision to trust a total stranger instead of the guy she allegedly loved, and paid a horrible but pretty well-deserved price.

One more note- I thought it really detracted from the story to show the smashed-in body of the accident victim. I don't know, it just seemed unnecessarily graphic.

Gemini Man: Pilot (1976) Season 1, Episode 0

Hokey late-70s SCI FI show

[4/10 · 10 August 2006]

Bad acting, dumb plots but kind of fun way to remember the 70s- tight bell bottom slacks, flowery shirts, butterfly collars, feathered hair, boots, Citizens Band Radios, "turkey," VW Beetles and race cars! Oh, and check out the "impressive" computer that is used to run the secret spy agency Casey works for-- spools, blinking lights-- you almost expect someone to slam a data cassette into the side of the thing..

Forget plot for either "story" in this two-part film: You'll have more fun scratching your head at the weird inconsistencies. For one, Casey is warned to get the trypolodene to the Government lab "before it closes at five"-- so the Government lab cant stay open to receive a vital, top-secret fuel additive? For another, the second segment is set up in the first, with the hokey trucker repeatedly telling Sam that he's going to quit trucking to "race cars in Ontario." But when we run into the trucker in the second episode, they are clearly somewhere in the South..

The best way to watch this film is to find the Mystery Science Theatre version- it's a riot!

The acting is forgettable to say the least.