soyarra Reviews

Scott Pilgrim vs. the World (2010)

A good film wasted on a weak lead actor.

[3/10 · 7 May 2011]

This film has a really spectacular supporting cast and what would have been a great premise IF it had been built around a better actor. I doubt even readers of the comic imagined the weedy, sunken-chested, round-shouldered, soprano-voiced Michael Cera as Scott (except possibly in their nightmares).

Honestly, what was Edgar Wright thinking? Cera is the vacuous center around which this film careens and I don't think that was the intention. He's eclipsed by Kieran Culkin (who obviously intends to be Robert Downey Jr.'s successor in acerbically droll performances), Anna Kendrick and Mary Elizabeth Winstead (who looks as if she could crush Cera). A shame, because with a strong lead this could have been a great film, one which actually made money.

Melinda and Melinda (2004)

Recycled Woody.

[1/10 · 15 January 2009]

And how many actors can he get to stand in for his own neurotic, compulsive uber-New Yorker persona? In this film Woody is played by Will Ferrell in what is mercifully less a direct impersonation than the one Kenneth Branagh did in "Celebrity." It's an annoyingly repetitive story now: nebbishy, neurotic man with a wife or girlfriend falls madly in love with a shiksa queen upon which he projects all manner of perfection. Everyone lives in perfect gigantic apartments in great Manhattan neighborhoods, everyone constantly patronizes expensive, exclusive restaurants during which all the characters relate fascinating anecdotes and discuss arcane philosophy, there is always a trip to the Hamptons during which the nebbishy main character spazzes out about sand and physical exertion and possible exposure to diseases, and then of course, said main character feels guilty about his lust for the shiksa queen but pursues her anyway, sometimes succeeding, sometimes failing, etc.

This a tired formula, and proof that Allen isn't really a great film artist at all. He just seems like a dirty old man with the libido and emotions of a 20-year-old who is intent upon telling the same boring old stories again and again.

Charlie Wilson's War (2007)

Worse than I expected.

[2/10 · 29 November 2008]

I actually thought this film might not be half bad, but I had to switch it off after 30 minutes. What an incredibly mannered, artificial performance by Tom Hanks! I didn't think it was possible given that he's a very natural, usually graceful actor, but he was entirely unconvincing as Charlie Wilson. Even Julia Roberts was better in her miscast role as a wealthy Texas dowager. Incredible.

As for Aaron Sorkin's screenplay - a bunch of facile quips do not make for a profound exploration of the initial US involvement in Afghanistan. I know he was trying to make some sort of point here, but this was not the way to do it. I mean, this is the guy who created and wrote most of The West Wing, and who wrote A Few Good Men, for God's sake.

Love in the Time of Cholera (2007)

What is up with Mike Newell?

[1/10 · 22 November 2008]

I think I've figured it out: when he sticks to British stories, characters and actors, he makes really wonderful films (Enchanted April, Four Weddings and a Funeral, Harry Potter/Goblet of Fire). But when he goes abroad, he stumbles badly, as with Mona Lisa Smile and this truly awful, MST3K-worthy film.

The main problems here are the terrible script, the weird casting (Benjamin Bratt? The bland, unattractive woman who plays the female lead?), and as someone else commented here, the absolutely atrocious makeup (really, it looks like a high school play's version of "aged" makeup). But some of the directorial decisions are highly suspect: the melodramatic acting, the laughable accents (Liev Schreiber and especially John Leguizamo are particularly at fault), and the really hokey voice-over, which all combine to make this film absolutely ludicrous instead of the sweeping, multi-generational romance it's supposed to be.

Yes, it's really that awful. Newell should definitely confine himself to the UK.

The Seeker: The Dark Is Rising (2007)

A travesty.

[1/10 · 14 February 2008]

I know Susan Cooper was upset at the way these filmmakers butchered her wonderful story, but I think she should have done more to intervene. As it stands now, this horrible, ridiculous version of "The Dark Is Rising" almost guarantees that we will never see great film versions of this terrific quintet of books. Shame on Walden Media for allowing these hacks to gut and "rework" what was one of the greatest YA stories ever and deep-sixing what could have been a film series to rival "Narnia" and "Harry Potter" -- that is, if they'd only retained the original characters and their ages, had kept the English and Welsh settings, and had not excised the "non-Christian" pagan Celtic motifs and legends out of the story.

This is one of the most crushing disappointments ever, and I doubt I'll ever pay any money to see a Walden Media production ever again (even the Narnia movies). Again, shame on you.

Stars and Bars (1988)

New York in the late 80s.

[7/10 · 9 February 2008]

I remember standing in a long line to see this in Manhattan, and thinking that the New York parts were a perfect representation of the city at that moment in time. It's a weird vehicle for Daniel Day-Lewis, apart from his ability to play a perfect British upper class twit - I don't think he's done a comedy since (and certainly not before). The use of Joan Cusack as leading lady and love object is bizarre, too - up until this point she'd been relegated to kooky sidekick/friend of the heroine roles (Broadcast News springs immediately to mind), something she went back to almost immediately after this film. It's strange all around, but also a funny time capsule of sorts. I too wish it was out on DVD.

Manhattan (1979)

Great film, but definitely not "magical."

[7/10 · 12 July 2007]

Well -- that is unless you count the great black and white shots of Manhattan landmarks and the soaring Gershwin score. No, while this movie is funny, the people in it are selfish, shallow, and for all their "brilliance" and "sophistication," fairly despicable. This includes the pedophile hero, with whom I suppose we are supposed to sympathize and identify. This is an interesting take on a certain segment of New Yorkers (I suppose one would call them the "Eastside atheist/Jewish/Presbyterian pro-abortion anti-war intelligensia," a bunch I usually identify with), but they're all so petty and loathsome I usually can't watch it. This was probably Allen's intention: to show these awful people juxtaposed with the great sights of Manhattan, but I can't be sure.

The Wiz (1978)

A terrible adaptation.

[2/10 · 27 April 2007]

The original Broadway production of "The Wiz" was charming and spirited, but this awful movie is an exercise in bloat. For one thing, Diana Ross is horribly miscast as Dorothy, a role played on the stage by teenagers. She's supposed to be 24 in this film but looks every one of her 34 years, and transforming Dorothy from an innocent girl into a neurotic, whiny schoolteacher just to accommodate the too-old Ross was a terrible idea. It's the worst sort of vanity casting.

The musical numbers are too long and way, way over-art-directed, and the choreography is completely pedestrian. The only person who shines in the whole film is the young Michael Jackson, looking cute and normal in his pre-op incarnation. Other than this, the film is a definite misfire, which is unfortunate because the score is good and, of course, the story is very durable.

The Magic Toyshop (1987)

I agree -- where the heck is this movie?

[11 January 2004]

I saw this film on the A&E Channel in 1991 and have bitterly regretted not taping it then. The late Angela Carter herself wrote the screenplay and included elements of magical realism not present in her novel, which made it even more intriguing and absorbing. The cast includes the great Tom Bell as Uncle Philip and the terrific Irish actors Kilian McKenna and Lorcan Cranitch (of "Cracker" fame) as Finn and Francie. It is a fantastic adaptation of a difficult, strange and wonderful book, and I wish SOMEONE at Granada or the BBC or wherever would release it on all regions DVD already!

Boys on the Side (1995)

This is a Don Roos script!

[17 June 2001]

I am a huge Roos fan (loved "The Opposite of Sex"), so I was totally surprised to find that he wrote "Boys On The Side." I wish he had directed it, too, because although Herbert Ross is a master of "women's films," I think Roos' slightly less sentimental hand would have made a better movie. Still, I liked it before I knew who wrote it; usually I can't stand either Barrymore or Goldberg, but both were very effective here, and Parker just proves again why she deserves a much higher profile in Hollywood. She's just terrific. All in all, a great little film that is completely inclusive of various minorities (shows how easily it can be done) AND which features two of my favorite actors, James Remar and Matthew McConnaughey, in two very sympathetic performances. Good for a night in.

Where the Heart Is (2000)

Strangely compelling

[22 April 2001]

Even though I read all the horrible reviews for this movie and was put off by the fact that it was based on an "Oprah book" (always a barometer for the low-to-middlebrow), I found myself watching it several times on cable. I mean, I sort of have a crush on James Frain (the thinking woman's Tobey Maguire), but his milquetoasty role in it wasn't all that compelling. Then I realized that this poor-white-trash-girl-overcomes-adversity movie was just a dim echo of the definitive film of this genre, namely Victor Nunez's "Ruby In Paradise," which, oddly enough, starred Ashley Judd when she was about Natalie Portman's age (and, incidentally, was about ten times more luminous than Portman). "Ruby" was about a PWT girl who was angry, proud, smart and determined; it was completely without sentiment or cliche, and had a very realistic ending -- which is to say, it was totally unlike "Where The Heart Is." Do yourself a favor and rent "Ruby In Paradise" instead. It's a great little movie.

Strange Days (1995)

Worth seeing for two reasons

[21 April 2001]

IMHO, the only reasons to see this very dumb, very derivative, dated sci-fi thriller are:

1) I love any movie in which Vincent D'Onofrio dies a horrid death (see "The Player," "Full Metal Jacket," etc.). He's a completely loathsome actor.

2) The final major, intense, tongue-action clinch between the equally glorious Ralph Fiennes and Angela Bassett is the ONLY reason to really watch this film. Everytime I see it I scream, "Show that white boy how it's done, girl." Shudder.

The Winslow Boy (1999)

Nepotism

[18 April 2001]

My only comment is: when will Mamet stop foisting his distinctly uncharismatic and pedestrian actress wife on us? One only needs to contrast her lackluster performance as Catherine in this version of "Winslow" with Emma Thompson's in the 1988 TV version to realize that a really good British actress in the role would have elevated the whole movie and actually been up to the exemplary work done by Jeremy Northam and Nigel Hawthorne. Too bad.

Far Harbor (1996)

Stultifying

[2/10 · 18 April 2001]

So mannered and "actor-y" you want to scream, this film is notable only for the participation of the always-wonderful Dan Futterman. This is the nadir of Jennifer Connelly's self-conscious, "aren't-I-a-fine-actress?" film turns (at least she's not relying on her breasts as usual). Not worth the time.

The Next Best Thing (2000)

Just excruciating.

[16 April 2001]

Yikes. This movie is like a car wreck -- you want to avert your eyes, but are compelled by the ghastliness of it. There is only one bearable scene, and it's directly after the alternately laughable/deadening courtroom scene: when Rupert Everett is shown bare-chested on his bed, bathed in golden light and vertical shadows, looking pensive. Good grief, is this man gorgeous or what? But a great beefcake shot does not a movie make, and this thing is further testament to the fact that if Madonna feels compelled to make more [terrible] films she should at least get a lighting designer who uses gels much more...creatively. Someone wrote in a review that she has absolutely no screen presence (completely true), but she should at least look halfway decent. This film is a mish-mash of really idiotic, leaden dialogue, bad '50s-style melodrama, unrealistic characterizations and trite "gay man/fag hag" situations. I hope to God Rupert holds this debacle against Madge and sticks to period pieces from now on (for example, if you want to see good Rupert Everett movies, rent "Another Country," "Dance With A Stranger," or "An Ideal Husband").

Angel Heart (1987)

The predecessor to "Seven" and "Devil's Advocate"

[13 April 2001]

I'd totally forgotten about this movie, and after seeing it on cable I know why "Seven" seemed so damn familiar: it has the same creepy, dark, nightmarish atmosphere, and very nearly the same sorts of murders. Also, DeNiro made a much scarier, more deadly Satan than Pacino's histrionic scenery-chewer in DA. This film has probably the last good (and coherent) performance from Mickey Rourke, too. The whole thing will give you bad dreams.