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Jason X (2001)
The film Jason X should've gone FULL Comic Book
Spoilers abound:
When Neil Armstrong said his famous quote "That's one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind", I'm 99.99% sure he wasn't referring to Jason Voorhees, slasher extraordinaire. Hell, when Jason first started slaughtering horny teens at Camp Crystal Lake, no one could have predicted that years later he would be off into space (or even Manhattan for that matter).
Enter Jason X (no relation to Malcolm) the tenth film in the Friday the 13th series (with the "X" doing double duty here as not only the 10, but also the unknown, or more accurately Uber Jason who shows up for the last reel).
Kane Hodder returns for his forth (and to date, last) time portraying the hockey masked killer. Once again, he embraces the role and gives Jason a little personality under the mask and makeup.
Although this movie was shot on film, it was one of the first features to be totally transferred to HD video. This allowed for a quick turnaround for the numerous digital effects (most which look horribly dated) and also for some cool colour timings that give the picture a brighter comic book look.
Of course, as with every Jason movie, there are a couple of memorable kills - the stand out in this one being the head freeze/table slam, which I simply call "smash-face".
Unfortunately, the film's pacing is horrible. It starts well, introduces our main batch o' characters, but then abandons them to focus on a bunch of unnecessary grunts, who suffer mundane deaths. This drags the film down completely - not to mention the whole thing reeks of a bad Aliens ripoff. Fortunately, the film eventually gets back to the original crop of victims, I mean characters, and has a few cool tricks up his sleeve.
As for the music, Harry Manfredini's opening credit theme is great, however, the rest of his score is uninspired, and doesn't even seem to match the action on screen.
But what about this so called SUPER JASON? Well, Uber Jason is cool, but I believe his new look would probably wear out its welcome after another film or so, as the iconic (read: Old School) Jason would be missed.
Fans are seemingly split on this instalment (lets face it, fans are split on every entry in this franchise, which is what makes it so darn fun to talk about). However, I believe that this one stands above parts 7, 8 and 9. Yes It's stupid, but its somewhat fun nevertheless. Admittedly, the filmmakers should've gone "full comic book" given the premise, and that (mixed with the bad score) is what keeps this one from being one of the best.
For a more in-depth dissection of this film, check out our Friday the 13th (Jason X) podcast here: http://tgif13.podbean.com/e/jasonx/
Jason Goes to Hell: The Final Friday (1993)
Jason Goes to Hell in a Hand Basket
Spoilers abound:
So after a four year hiatus, and the rights to "JASON" being sold to New Line, we get a Friday movie unlike any other that came before it! And yet surprisingly, it's just as bombastic as Jason Takes Manhattan.
After arguably a fantastic opening sequence, that inexplicably brings a full grown "monstrous" Jason back from Toxic Waste Boyhood, and then systematically blows him to smithereens - we are treated to the return, and unfortunately the worst Harry Manfredini score; A Heart munching Coroner; and a ridiculous Hidden-esque Body-Hopping, Roaring Jason.
In an even more peculiar move, that will have you screaming for good ol' ROY, the "real Jason" doesn't return until the last 5 minutes of the flick - That is after demon child Jason, burrows his way out of some copper's neck and he is "reborn", hockey mask and all, through his dead sister's body.
Yes, you read that correctly.
Admittedly, if you're a rabid Jason fan, you'll undoubtedly cheer for his return, even if it's mere minutes before he gets pulled into hell by the Fraggle Rock gang.
The tagged on teaser ending is also sure to please die-hard fans that were waiting (and kept waiting for 10 years!!) for the ultimate modern era monster movie match up!
There are some intentionally comedic moments as well, and if seen in it's UNRATED edition, this film boasts some of the goriest (but occasionally choppy) Friday kills ever. If they kept it simple, and expanded upon the opening sequence, with the bounty hunter character, we may have had the ultimate post Paramount Friday movie. As it stands, it's a jumbled mess of a film with the occasional highlight moment.
Be sure to check out our Friday the 13th Fan Podcast here (or search TGIF13 on iTunes): http://tgif13.podbean.com/e/episode-9-jason-goes-to-hell/
Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood (1988)
A Ho-Hum Entry
The New Blood is the second worst installment in the Paramount era Friday the 13th movies - edged out, ever-so-slightly by Jason Takes Manhattan.
I'm always perplexed by how many fans embrace this entry. Truthfully, Kane Hodder's portrayal of Jason Voorhees, and the Jason make up design are the best things about part 7.
From the lackluster sound design, insipid script (which seemingly can't even rip off The Final Chapter well), forgettable characters, turtle pacing, and practically non-existent gore effects, almost everything about this entry is pi$$ poor!
Maybe, if the movie was available uncut (something that will unfortunately never exist), that would boost my rating and enjoyment slightly. But as it stands, the sleeping bag kill sequence remains one of the only highlights in this dismal Friday.
Be sure to check out our Friday the 13th Fan Podcast here: http://tgif13.podbean.com
Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989)
Garbage Sequel
Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan is the worst Friday flick from the Paramount era - Beating out Part 7 for the dishonour! It's practically bloodless; the change of local fails to deliver; the chronology is further pooch-screwed; Jason looks like a left over Ghoulie (who hasn't gone to college); His footsteps sound like RoboCop; He teleports (!?); the final "couple" are completely forgettable; and the ending, oh good God the ending, is atrocious!
On the other hand, this was the first one I saw in the movie theatre, so I do hold a special place in my heart for it. It's got some funny bits; the lighting is great; and Kane Hodder portrays Jason perfectly - that is until he's unmasked (in arguably the film's most unintentionally hilarious moment).
As a creepy, Crazy Ralph like deckhand proclaims: This Voyage is Doomed!
Indeed.
For a more in-depth dissection of this film, check out our Friday the 13th Podcast here: http://tgif13.podbean.com
The Descent (2005)
Overrated, practically shockless horror film that seems to have many fooled!
Why has this film received such praise? Did I see a different film?
Spoilers abound:
The movie opens with a well constructed tragedy that sets an unsettling tone, which unfortunately, is ruined throughout the next half hour. What the audience is treated to is an insanely boring "Night in with the gals" at a cabin that is supposed to help create three dimensional characters and sympathy for what is to follow. It produces yawns. In fact, I dozed off and awoke as the dimwits were descending into the hole. We are also introduced to the first of many dreamy sequences involving the main character's daughter that never go anywhere!
Anyway, a hand is torn open by a rope and suddenly I think we're heading somewhere. Nope. But at least some suspense is building-I like suspense. I would have liked suspense 20 minutes earlier. Then a leg is broken. That sequence is single-handedly the film's best. Try not to squirm when her friend pushes the bone back in.
Then a bunch of stupid monsters attack and the film goes down the toilet. At first, the creatures look creepy, but after the third time you see them, it's evident that they're really just GHOULIES (that haven't gone to college).
Anyway, there is lots of blood and loud shock/jolt scares that would have been lambasted if in a Friday the 13th film, but seem to be highly praised in this "monster" movie. I'm all for Monster Movies-we need more of them, but this film just didn't cut it. Too much of the movie is ho-hum, and it is shockingly filled with "we've seen it all before-MTV style edited" thrills and chills.
My verdict 5/10 or "D".
The Return of the Living Dead (1985)
Hail!
I've been putting off writing a review for this masterpiece of
mayhem simply because I know that anything a write will never do
this film any justice. It has comedy, it has horror, it has punk
music, it has gore, it has story, it has three dimensional characters
like Linnea Quigley-scream queen supreme and it has ZOMBIES!
In short, it has everything that a great B-movie should have and
holds up to dozens upon dozens of viewings. For the sake of
humanity see it today!
A+ 4 stars (out of four-where the hell did that fifth star come from
anyway) 10 out of 10 100% Perfect!
Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966)
I might become violent
This is simply a terrible home movie that will provide scattered
chuckles but not much more. It dares you to watch. I triple dog dare
you! "Manos: The Hands of Fate" is a perfect example of how not to
make a movie. Attention all film students: Watch it and learn.....
The Mothman Prophecies (2002)
Absolutely Horrible
A message from the Mothman: Do not see this movie! The Mothman Prophecies does not thrill or entertain. It leaves the viewer in a state of absolute boredom and challenges you to sit through it's entirety. Some dialogue even made me laugh out loud in the theatre. There is nothing redeeming about this waste of time. There is no reason to review the photography, lighting, directing, editing and acting because it does not serve any insight into this bombastic travesty....OK, enough negativity....on a positive note, here are some possible sequel titles: Mothman 2: Electric Boogaloo, Mothballs (a hybrid film), Mothman Vs. Godzilla, Mothman Returns, Mothman Strikes back, Mothman sucks again, Mothman Vs. the Gerbils, Mothman makes mo' money, Driving Mrs. Mothman; I will stop.....and hopefully you will too....Please do not see this movie....
Dèmoni (1985)
"She took off dat mask and scratched herself, Candi......"
***gore spoilers ahead***
Let's start off by saying that "Demons" is not a film for those who
have just jumped onto the horror bandwagon since "Scream" was
released. This is Italian splatter-matter. It's a film that delivers jaw
dropping gore for entertainment purposes. And there is plenty of
fun to be had...."if" you enjoy exploding boils, teeth being forced out
of gums by fangs, various munchings, decapitations and the like.
The film is also dubbed.....this is (for once) a good thing. For
instance, the pimp character spouts some of the best dialogue I
have ever had the pleasure of quoting (to the extent of becoming a
on-going injoke amongst my friends). For example: When reacting
and explaining what happened to one of his hookers, the pimp
exclaims: "She took off dat mask and scratched herself,
Candi....because of dat scratch she became a DEMON, an
instrument of EVIL, just like they said in the movie you heard them.
Right? Right??? We've got to stop it! We've got to stop the movie!"
While not flawless, "DEMONS" definitely stands out as one of the
better zombie films from Italy. A rating of: 9........A second rating for
gore: 10 out of 10!
Blow Out (1981)
A personal favourite
From the opening credits and cheesy slasher film setup, right to the often criticized denouement, Brian DePalma's "Blow Out" stands out as one of cinemas forgotten treasures. John Travolta gives a performance that will easily make you forget about anything he's done after "Get Shorty"-o.k. not everything; Nancy Allen takes a while to warm up to as the ditsy call girl, but she will eventually win the viewer over; Dennis Franz is perfect as a sleazy photographer, and John Lithgow shines as the abnormal assassin. All of DePalma's trademarks are here-split screen and deep focus shots, melodramatic slo-mo sequences, amd homages to past directors. Unfortunately, most of the video transfers of the film suffer in poor image quality (It's not letterboxed (widescreen)-a must for all of DePalma's, actually anybody's work) and sound quality (since this film is about a sound recordist the sound plays a major role). A DVD has yet to be released, so to this date only the beautiful widescreen laserdisc transfer of the film does it any justice. This film is a personal favourite. If you enjoy DePalma's films (forget "Bonfire of the Vanities" and "Mission to Mars") and/or political conspiracy thrillers then treat yourself to one of the best. "Blow Out" delivers. Lets just hope a DVD (a special edition would be amazing) is in the works!
Requiem for a Dream (2000)
Another vote for best film of 2000
Not only is this the best film of 2000, but it is one of my personal all
time favorites. Never before, and I do mean NEVER, have I left the
theatre so shaken......so moved! The performances are flawless,
the direction and editing are assured and appropriate, and the
soundtrack........Let me tell you....the soundtrack is one of the finest
ever recorded for a film. There has been a lot of negative
comparisons to the "MTV-like" quick editing and distorted lense
styles.....but where films like "Charlie's Angels" use these
techniques to be hip and not-too-boring....."Requiem for a Dream"
actually uses them to support the story and the "hell-world" in
which the characters live.
Although this is not a typical "horror" film, it incorporates many
horror genre conventions that viewers will find unsettling and even
terrifying. As a horror movie fanatic it scared me more than any
Hollywood horror film in recent memory.
A definite 10 out of 10!
A Crack in the Floor (2001)
Horrible!
Spoilers ahead (if you can call them that). There is no reason to watch this worthless slasher. A killer with a twitchy eye awakes. Mario Lopez from "Saved by the Bell" leads a bunch of nobodies into the forest-they all die (EVERYBODY!) and rather bloodlessly at that!!!!!! The twitchy eyed killer goes back to sleep.....THE END.....So many unintentionally laughable moments....No fun whatsoever.....Gary Busey's roll is stupid and about 1 minute long. Should be called "A Cr.p in the Floor".
Iced (1989)
In the top ten....WORST!
I would love to write a thorough analysis of this slasher opus, but the time it has taken me to write this sentence alone, is worth more of your time then sitting through this pile of "insert censored word here".
TRUST ME, having your eyes gouged out by plastic spoons is more enjoyable then watching the pathetic actors bench press spices, ski supposedly downhill on a flat terrain, and die rather bloodlessly and ridiculously.
Oh yeah, a plot twist is thrown in...but you won't care, I didn't. "Iced" is not even funny on a so bad it's good level. A miserable experience.
Nightmare Weekend (1986)
A deadly turd of a film
Sniffing girl's panties kills a guy...and a stupid freaky puppet says a lot of stupid freaky things......My eyes could not leave the screen, my finger could not leave the Fast Forward button....I had to rewatch this spectacle to see if I had really experienced what I thought...I did.....God help us all!
The Prey (1983)
AVOID
The best thing about "The Prey" is the tag line..."It's not human and it's got an axe"! The movie itself is a padded stinkaroo....endless insect and wildlife shots make the viewer wanna die! No slasher fan will like this garbage.....Watch "Friday the 13th" again and burn any copy of this film you find!
It also rates as one of the 25 worst films ever made!
The Weirdo (1989)
One of the worst movies EVER made
The Weirdo MUST go on everyone's top ten worst film list....It is simply DREADFUL! From the opening credits that read: The Weirdo-The Beginning!?????? to a hand chopped off by butter knife to the ludicrous plot? twist.....this movie is just abysmal! I laughed, then cried....I wanted to poke my eyes out with my very own butter knife! How this film ever got financed is anybody's guess...someone must have decided that spending five hundred bucks on crapola was better then burning it......They were wrong!