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Reviews
The Midnight Club (2022)
Not a particularly accurate view of cancer
Well, its set in a hospice for end of the line cancer patients, and as a cancer patient who's at the end of his line I was drawn towards this. I liked the start of it when it states cancer patients are not "heroes" or that we're not "fighting a battle", but apart from that it was unrealistic. Where was the chronic fatigue, the up and down days, and the endless meds and side effects. And bedrooms without a medicine trolley or other medical paraphernalia? And or course, the well worn cliché: cancer = vomiting.
And as for that awful Anya. Sometimes you do get angry, but all the time? No way. Too much virtual signalling going on here, which overshadows the daily lives of cancer sufferers.
Yes, I know the series is about the telling of horror stories, rather than the treatment of terminally ill patients. But as it's premise and the reason why they are altogether, I would have liked something a little more realistic.
Moonfall (2022)
Who thought that Haley Berry could do comedy?
Scientists reveal that the moon is heading towards the earth. Three maverick Astro Scientists discover that the moon is a dyson sphere built by our ancestors, but is being controlled by some evil AI determined to destroy earth. In an old space shuttle they encounter the entity and at the same time they also encounter a good AI who has been waiting for them, and helps them to destroy the evil AI and save planet earth.
I started to watch this with interest, then frustration, and then finally with hilarity. Towards the end, Emmerlich and co writers run out of ideas and shamelessly plagiarise about a dozen movies. The fun is name that movie: Mission to Mars, Independence Day, Alien Covenant, Day after tomorrow etc. The use of 'science' is stretched from the possible to sheer ludicrous. The special effects are dated: how many times has Emmerlich used cars and lorries tumbling in mid air, meteror showers creating explosions etc. And the acting and script are painful to watch and experience.
It feels like a post pandemic movie where everyone involved is just being grateful for the work.
Emmerlich likes to use sub plots(family tension, family separation)in some sort of demonstration that the movie is greater than the sum of its parts. Given that each sub plot is uninteresting this is a low bar. He has been out of the scene for a few years, but if this his attempt to break back in its a shameless effort. I've seen a few worse movies, but given the money pumped into it, it squanders its resources like an Corrupt kleptocrat
Do not watch this movie in the hope of discovering anything high brow. Who thought that Haley Berry could do comedy?
Flood (2007)
Don't bother, really don't bother
Re- watched this after finding nothing else interesting for me on Prime. It's a reasonable premise for a disaster movie, but that's about all. The script and direction feel that they were purposed for a midday soap rather than a feature length film. Despite valiant efforts the actors couldn't lift this one, which is ironic as at times they were so wooden you'd imagine them floating away. If the budget wasn't there to create a good movie, then why bother making a poor forgetable one.
Nisser (2021)
Could have been so much better
It's not that I didn't like it but it could have been better. For instance, what was the back story for the elves. When did the villiagers lock them in an enclosure. Why inhabit the island? And the family is so stupid. They're in the wilds and the mother is looks as though she's dressed for a shopping outing. And the irritating daughter who refuses to understand the consequences of her actions, which has lead to the deaths of many, is treated sympathetically because she is 'sensitive' and 'caring.' More conflicts of interests could have been brought out that could have made for more interesting story line. In this event, the plot seems overly simplified and rushed.
Night Teeth (2021)
Over hyped rubbish
Let me start by say that I'm not a great fan of vampire genre movies, largely because they rely on shock horror gore and forget the essential stuff :- having a good story line. This dross strays not too far. Yes, it's stylish, but that's about all. If you substitute form for substance you better have a good box of fireworks. Unfortunately, this is a damp squib. An unoriginal, boring, waste of time.
Singularity (2017)
This could have been an interesting movie.....
There are times where you come across a movie that has a lot of potential, but we end up witnessing its collapse under the weight of its own pomposity. Such is this one. There seems to be no sympathy between the acting or direction. A change in both would have helped. Instead it comes across as point scoring (bad old humanity has to be saved by human- robot hybrids) pretentious, and heavily sign posted. The story lends itself to many other movies, such that a re- write is not only possible but essential. A lost opportunity.
Vendetta (2013)
Did I really just watch this.......sober?
In this movie, Danny Dyer delivers the most difficult of Shakespeare's soliloquies with extraordinary insight and passion. Naaaaaaaaah. Danny Dyer delivers what is pretty much expected of him in in this woeful tale of deadly revenge.. He plays a special op's soldier whose parents are murdered by a gang of drug dealing low life's. Using his specialist skills, he picks the gang off one by one culminating in each ones gruesome demise. Fortunately, he's battled hardened and says a lot less than we are used to hearing from him. The plot is complicated by the fact that as he's pursued by the cops, his army bosses want the police to back off as he is an army asset. (Oh, shocking moral dilemma).
This is a two a penny film. At times it tries to resemble Harry Brown(2009), which was a much superior movie in terms of contextual elements such as dealing with grief and moral compass. Vendetta seems to offer no layers at all except bank holiday revenge movie click bait.
Another of those movies where the word "acting" is stretched, and you felt that all those involved wanted to earn some easy holiday money in the sure knowledge that the movie would end up on Netflix. No one could make a point of watching this movie unless they were seriously drunk.
Ice (2011)
Don't waste your time
As this movie is so poorly derivative of The Day After Tomorrow one wonders why they bothered making it. And that's about the only good thing you can say about it. The efforts of the actors are simply wasted in a torrent of poor scripting, poor direction, and an impoverished story line. The attention to detail is so laughable. At minus 40 degrees, where was the frosted breath to mention just one example amongst countless others. I can only assume that the funding for this came about as some sort of tax write off. A truly dreadful effort, which should carry the warning "Don't waste your time"
Melissa & Joey (2010)
Dungheaps are not romantic or comedic, and neither is this.
Don't get me wrong, I like American comedy - even if the re-runs are dated. However, I tried this again as it was being shown once again on Brit Tv. It's simply dreadful. One of the worst examples of American sitcom humour. The "gags" are laboured and flat, and when it's quite obvious that they're not working 'Melissa' goes into a predictable hissy hysterical fit (yawn), in a poor attempt to divert attention away from the poor scripting. I cannot recall ever finding anything in this dung heap even moderately amusing. No point in spending anymore time or words on this pool of vomit.
Guns Akimbo (2019)
A reasonable movie, but Radcliffe was woefully miscast
A mildly comic shoot-'em-up bonanza which could have been better. The action was ok but the gags seemed to be laboured. In the midst of machine gun carnage, Schwarzenegger was able to deliver ridiculous one liners that worked better (Commando/Red heat). Even films like Crank or Kill Bill had better insane comedic moment. The story and the gags aren't the problem in this movie: it's Daniel Radcliffe. He simply cannot lead a movie.
When Radcliffe is in a supporting role he excels (Frankenstein/Kill your Darlings). Equally, when his role has to be understated to allow the story to develop (Woman in Black/Jungle), He can play these well enough. However, as a leading man he almost struggles to be convincing. In Now You See Me 2 (which, admittedly didn't do anyone any favours) he was excruciatingly bad.
Radcliffe is not a bad actor but he appears to be choosing roles that do not play to his strengths. As I watched this movie I kept thinking of actors who would have done a better job. Radcliffe needs to be more selective, else we'll start thinking he's the Harry Potter bloke who Hollywood couldn't give up on.
That neither does him or us any favours.
Snow White and the Huntsman (2012)
I thought a treadmill was painful enough, but......
I was on a treadmill and I wanted a non- descript movie to distract me. This movie succeeded more than I expected. It almost collapses under the weight of its own bloated pretentiousness. A cast of first rate actors cannot salvage the poor direction, scripting, and convoluted story line. After 2 miles I turned the treadmill up hoping the further stress would distract me. Alas, this didn't happen. It's one of those sword and sorcery movies where it's best to be doing something more important as you watch it, like being on a treadmill or shampooing the dog.
A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)
Cashing in on a Tired brand
This was one of those additions to the Netflix, which was 'one to watch before it gets deleted.' I mistakenly thought that this was the 1984 version, but regrettably it was the 2010 remake.
One wonders why on earth this movie was made. Cynically, one can view it as an attempt by the studios to wrench even more dollars from a brand that has gone way past its sell by date.
The original 1984 movie was a classic, and although the effects may seem dated by today's standards it was at the time quite an horrific movie. This 2010 version offers nothing in the way of horror, nothing in the way of developing the storyline, and nothing in the way of showcasing it's actors.
Like much of the Netflix stock, it is a so-so movie. You would be forgiven for falling asleep for much of this movie: it's attention grabbing span is minimal as we end up with 90 minutes of tedium. It is not a movie that you're likely to boast to friends about watching. Thank heaven the cinemas are opening up again.
Mortal Engines (2018)
Thin plot over egged
Competently acted, good effects, and an interesting premise. Apart from that the movie didn't appear to have much of a point.: no big storyline surprises, and somewhat torturously maintains a plot premise already sketched out in the first opening minutes. Entertaining? Certainly. Forgettable? Undoubtedly.
Ice (2011)
Don't waste your time
As this movie is so poorly derivative of The Day After Tomorrow one wonders why they bothered making it. And that's about the only good thing you can say about it. The efforts of the actors are simply wasted in a torrent of poor scripting, poor direction, and an impoverished story line. The attention to detail is so laughable. At minus 40 degrees, where was the frosted breath to mention just one example amongst countless others. I can only assume that the funding for this came about as some sort of tax write off. A truly dreadful effort, which should carry the warning "Don't waste your time"
The Goldbergs (2013)
Barry Goldberg sucks
I caught up on the Goldbergs pretty late. However, due to covid19 isolation, I managed to catch up. I love the scripts, the stories, and the family - but with one notable exception. I loath Barry. There are very few characters that I have found so annoying. Not only is his general behaviour childlike and inexcusable, but he is seldom confronted by or made responsible for his appalling self absorbed actions. This isn't comedy but tragedy. I wish the writers could have made him more likeable and sympathetic. As it stands, Barry being beaten with a baseball bat would have come as comic light relief.
The Goldbergs (2013)
Barry Goldberg sucks
I caught up on the Goldbergs pretty late. However, due to covid19 isolation, I managed to catch up. I love the scripts, the stories, and the family - but with one notable exception. I loath Barry. There are very few characters that I have found so annoying. Not only is his general behaviour childlike and inexcusable, but he is seldom confronted by or made responsible for his appalling self absorbed actions. This isn't comedy but tragedy. I wish the writers could have made him more likeable and sympathetic. As it stands, Barry being beaten with a baseball bat would have come as comic light relief.
The Great Unwashed (2017)
Average Brit Comedy
Charlie is an overly confident, self-absorbed job hunter, who mistakenly attends an interview at a hairdressers. During the interview, Charlie witness a murder and realises that the job is for a driver for planned heist. After quickly exiting the interview, Charlie goes on the run with the gangster-hairdressers in pursuit. Having no friends to fall back on, he flees London and heads to the Welsh countryside to seek refuge with his alternative lifestyle brother, who is tent squatting in woodland with his 'psychic' girlfriend. City dweller Charley has to come to terms with this alternative lifestyle and discovers nature (comically through psychedelic tinctures). The gangster-hairdressers eventually learn of his whereabouts, and a comically bloody battle ensues between the alternative tribespeople and the gangsters, with the former emerging as winners.
This is one of those quirky, small cast, very British comedies about mistaken identities, clashes of culture, and larger than life characters. The premise is good and amusing and reminds you of Michael Palin's "Ripping Yarns", or the Simon Pegg stable of comedy. However, where the film starts off well enough, it feels that the writers ran out of fresh ideas for the second half and the comedy becomes rather laboured. Towards its end, it tended towards self-parody as a comedic outlet.
Not a bad movie, nor bad acting (Jonathan Pointing is particulars good in the role as Charlie), but perhaps it would have worked better by being shorter and better edited, leaving room for the gags to have a better outing. Given the lamentable lack of British Comedy movies, this film perhaps, could have been better publicised.
Tell Me Your Name (2018)
The worst film I have seen in Decades
Once again, lured by the star rating on amazon prime. What can you say? An absolute discredit to film making. This movie collapses under the weight of it's own pretentiousness. It is truly awful. What ever content this tragedy for a movie has is lost on the series of non-sequiturs. Poor story, poor development, poor characters, poor plot. It failed on every level of interest a movie could possibly have. Anyone who was involved in the creation of this poorly conceived catastrophe should ask themselves whether they have made a wise career choice.
I Had a Bloody Good Time at House Harker (2016)
Fails on everything it was supposed to be.
I decided to watch this as I had a good rating on amazon prime. Mmmm it had a lot of interesting elements, but perhaps the thing that was missing was comedy. It's suitable for kids of about Twelve years old who still think the word 'fart' is funny. The premise of the movie was reasonable, but it failed in humour, pacing, and horror. An atrocious waste of time and money.
A Dark Song (2016)
A thoughtful story using the occult - but not to all tastes.
The premise of this story is straightforward enough: having been failed by the legal system for the murder of her child, a recently bereaved mother turns to an occultist to seek revenge on the child's murderers.
The film avoids all the stock in trade special effects, supernatural cliches, that we have grow accustomed to in traditional occultist films. The tension is slowly built as she is instructed to undertake numerous ordeals over several months for her wish to be fulfilled.
This is a terrific account of an occult ritual. The interplay between the occultist (Steve Oram) and the bereaved mother (Catherine Walker) is mesmerising. Wonderful performances. Yes, it is a slow movie, but at the end of it I felt that I had watched something substantial, something that had a deep resonance. The sense of the mother's loss and her desperation are palpable. And there is something in both characters to elicit our sympathy and rejection. They both come across as deeply real with flaws and strengths.
This film is described as a horror movie, but it isn't in the traditional sense, although it has its scary moments. It doesn't quite fit into any established category, and that's why I think it excels. It takes the occult genre by the scruff of the neck and gives it a well deserved shaking. All the scenes work well, although I am in mixed minds about the ordeal of pain enacted by demons. On the other hand, this could have descended into gratuitous scenes of violence and sadism, which other films too greedily feast on as a selling point. It does have that 'Marmite, test to it: you will either love it, or hate it. I thought it was a great movie; thoughtfully written, with sterling acting.
I'm disappointed that a lot of horror genre fans didn't like this movie. This is as close to magick and the occult as you will see in a movie. The strength of this movie is its ability to create atmosphere. You will either go with it, or reject it. I went with it.
Cloud Atlas (2012)
Nietzsche in the Clouds
The story is based on the premise of eternal recurrence (popularised by Nietzsche), whereby time is infinite but the events within it are finite, and as such these events repeat themselves, mutadis mutandis. Individuals find themselves within in these repeating events, albeit undertaking different roles and offer different dynamics.
Within Cloud Atlas we find a series of small stories where each different protagonist has to overcome obstacles that enables history to move forward. Whilst each event may have the same characters involved, each story has them playing different roles within the story. Their different reflections enable a 'collective consciousness' to evolve in order for history to move forward.
Each story is fragmented and interwoven with each other, leading to a progression and humanisation of time. We have episodes that involve slave ownership, industrial corruption, revolution in a techno-tolitarian state, and a hilarious escape from a nursing home. And we have an interconnectedness, either directly or indirectly, through each characters on their influence on history.
That said, was it a good movie? It's a good movie, although in my opinion not a great movie. The motif is story driven rather than character driven, so you can't expect outstanding displays of acting. Although having said that, they were good solid performances, particularly from Hanks (However, his attempt at a english accent was Dick van Dyke-ish) The major problem is that the film is a victim of it's own premise, in that if events repeat themselves then there can be no climax, no telos. To this extent the film felt flat. I never got that 'Oomph' feeling at the end of the film. I felt I was being spoon fed a philosophical idea, and the story line(s) and acting were somehow subordinate to this.
And isn't this latter reason why we want to watch movies?
Nonetheless, it is an enjoyable movie, and I would certainly recommend it.
Geostorm (2017)
When a disaster movie is it's own Disaster
A weather controlling space station runs amok, and its down to its dark horse creator to sort out the mess and save the planet. Oh, he does.
It's a ludicrous premise underlined by poor script, poor story line, and wooden acting. Gerard Butler plays...Gerald Butler in a familiar screen presence. The supporting cast are allowed no development as the disaster unfolds (they start out as annoying and maintain that momentum throughout the movie). The movie is a poor pastiche of earlier world extinction genres. The CGI is ok, but again we've seen it before particularly in 'Gravity' and reminds us of the expression : less is more.
In the hands of a different director, this movie could have been better as the theme does have some potential. As it is, we are left with a so-so movie. It's not a bad movie, the pacing is generally ok, but if you are into binge watching this might be your first movie before the main course.