spamspaz-1 Reviews

Black Dahlia (2006 Video)

Do not be fooled, this is a ploy to steal your money

[1/10 · 25 November 2006]

At the store I was fooled that this was the studio version, but don't be fooled, this is the biggest pile of feces I've ever seen, and I only watched the first 15 minutes. I swear that if I watched any more my eyes would have exploded and my ears would melt from shear disgust. This movie was made in about a week in order to steal some thunder from the "real" movie. This is like Snakes on a Train, they change the title slightly and let the money roll in, but don't let these freaks get any money. They wasted your money and however long you sat to watch this crap. From what I saw, they special effects were created via ketchup bottles, the plot was written by a eight year old who was way to interested in boobies and blood, and the actors are people that probably needed the work so bad they would be willing to be paid minimum wage. Period.

Snakes on a Plane (2006)

Self Spoof

[10/10 · 21 August 2006]

If you are expecting a serious action/thriller film you will be disappointed, but if you are a fan of bad movies, prepare to be amazed. This movie is exactly what you want for this kind of movie because it makes fun of itself so much it makes it a great mix of thrills and laughs. You will constantly laugh at the unbelievability of the snake that just tripped over the wire making it become unplugged and you will gawk at the stewardess who somehow got a mini-flamethrower onto the plane. This whole movie gets to the point where the ridiculousness is expected and it reaches its happy medium. Throw in some awesome acting by Samuel L. Jackson who knows exactly what this movie is trying to do. The plot is cliché, you know who's going to die in the first five minutes, and its just so stupid its smart. Watch this movie now!

Miami Vice (2006)

Not actually that bad

[7/10 · 30 July 2006]

I am one of the many people who are seeing this film and have not even heard of the source material, I am too young to know what it is yet I am old enough to see the new and enjoy it. This film is not as good as the other Micheal Mann film with Jamie Foxx (Collateral for those in the know), but it still has its moments even though they are way to bloody for their own good. The acting is fairly nice in some parts, but is over acted with silly accents here or under acted with little emotion in some parts. The middle part of the film that with little reason skips out for an arguably more romantic half hour between Colin and Gong could be cut out or left in, but the action scenes are enjoyable and the plot progresses at a nice pace. This movie will most likely be enjoyed by action film people who aren't slow at following plots, but I found that even my mother enjoyed this movie. It may be graphic and a little on the long side, but it is a fairly good film that can be enjoyed by many.

Memories (1995)

Memorable

[10/10 · 11 July 2006]

I am a guy that rents Anime from my local video store and not much makes it through even though I live in a part of the Greater Torono Area that has a large Asian population. I find that the stuff that I find is either really good or really bad, and this film is some of the best I have seen. Each story has emotion, power, and overall, the power to be remembered years later. I think I saw this two or three years ago and I can still vividly remember the imagery and stories. My personal favourite story was Magnetic Rose because of its look into paranoia and the mind. I think it was also a wise choice to put Stink Bomb in the middle because it is the humorous one. And artistically, Cannon Fodder takes the cake. A great find for artistic types and anime-lovers alike. See this movie now!

Karas: The Prophecy (2005 Video)

Wow.... ya WOW

[8/10 · 2 July 2006]

Like most people probably think, this movie is a visual feast, the anime and 3D mixed together quite nicely and the fight scenes were very exciting. The voice acting in Jap was good, actually didn't watch in English, I am a big anti-dub person so the audio was good. The music was fitting, the plot was... the plot was... uhhhhh, interesting. Ya, interesting. I had to think about it and it did make sense eventually but expect to be sitting there going "Huh?" for about ten minutes after the movie. But for me that is good, any movie that makes you good is much better than most of American rubbish. My only bad points is perhaps too confusing and the anime and 3D didn't always mix. But very good!

Boo (2005)

Definitely Better Than Most Direct to Video Horror!

[7/10 · 27 June 2006]

I have seen a fair share of bad direct to video horror films, in fact I think that most of them are hysterical and that is why I rent them. This one surprised me though, with the god-awful title and the back of the box plot leaving me laughing, I was expecting a laughable experience. However the plot made sense compared to other films I have seen with a similar vibe (I'm looking at you Death Tunnel) and the creepy bits never truly scared me (very few movies do, but see R-Point, it did) but it was well done. I think that it did deserve a ciniplex release, but some parts to shine out as being bad. The acting is rather cheesy, the plot is rather swiss cheese like (sorry about all the cheese references, I'm kinda hungry), and the blood effects are noticeably off. I still recommend for fans of underground horror, because this one is pretty good for what it is!

Eraserhead (1977)

Scary Stuff Indeed

[10/10 · 13 June 2006]

I'm a guy who likes a good scary movie, however I was never scared by them. Always a quick thrill and a laugh and then I would go to sleep that night fine and dandy. This film scared me, deeply. The cry of the baby is by far the most distressing and disturbing sound I have ever heard. Even the lighting is done in such a way that I shudder. Oh yeah, and that chipmunk girl, don't even get me started. I agree with the deep inner messages, I am still trying to put it together myself. I am warning you however that if you rented this not expecting art, but instead a movie, then you will be disappointed. So open your mind and you will enjoy it into next month. In a quote from the movie, "It's OK!"

Troy (2004)

Another Myth Butchered

[1/10 · 4 June 2006]

I think the best metaphor for this piece of disgusting trollop is how Brad Pitt chose to "act" in this film. I would like to note that Brad Pitt is not necessarily a bad actor (see twelve monkeys), but instead decided to take a couple of months on vacation for this film. Be amazed by his three facial expressions in the film and his complete lack of emotion! Gasp as you learn Orlando Bloom's acting peak was Lord of the Rings. Vomit as you notice that they have completely butchered the myth to a point that you can no longer recognize it. The only good action scene in the film (the great balls of fire) doesn't even make sense for the time period! I mean come on! Not to mention the cliché filled script that oozes with mediocrity and should be have the title changed to "A three hour long summer movie that should have gone straight to DVD". Personally, I enjoyed the new TV version of Hercules more than this because I could at least laugh at that! You have most likely already seen this movie if you are reading this and I feel sorry for you, but if you haven't stay far far far away!

Dead Leaves (2004)

My head is still spinning, but in a good way!

[8/10 · 4 June 2006]

Normally I ask for a plot in my movies, but when this was movie was finished I realize that you can still have a great movie with practically no plot. This movie gets this score for its amazing animation style, its no bars held style of action, its tongue in cheek humor, and style dripping out of every poor. Some of the humor was a bit low (I'm look at you Drill!) and the story was really confusing, but overall I thought that this movie was one of the most memorable pieces of work I have ever seen. If you come into this movie expecting a deep tapestry, you will be shocked and appalled, but if you liked Kill Bill and movies that are as fast as an fighter jet, rent or buy this movie now!

Oldboy (2003)

A violently good movie with a TERRIBLE moral!

[9/10 · 3 June 2006]

This movie was filmed well, the action was good, the story was in depth, and it mimicked Kill Bill with some of its interestingly filmed scenes, (the climax in the apartment, the elevator, and the hallway fight!). I really hate to give a movie this artsy and enjoyable such a low score, but a soon as you start talking about incest I lower the score, I just think its gross! However, in art everything can be said or done. Now when you SHOW incest on screen in a gratuitous sex scene, I draw a line, a BIG RED line. I am OK, but weirded out by sex in film (I'm not against it if it develops the plot), but when its incest, i just want it to stop. Oh ya, there are two incest scenes if you haven't seen the film. However it made the plot more interesting, so I would still give it at least and 8, but when you make the moral that its OK to have sex with your daughter, WHAT THE HECK!!!!!! IT IS NOT OK TO SLEEP WITH YOUR DAUGHTER!!!!! If the moral was don't do it, then it would be fine, but no, the ending was its OK to sleep with your daughter. Jeez this movie well done and I suggest it if you know how not to listen to morals. Its like Kill Bill, but with lots of incest, now I feel all dirty...

Death Tunnel (2005)

A friend payed for the rental, and I still feel ripped off!

[1/10 · 3 June 2006]

I am a guy that really loves a "good" bad movie. What I mean is, if a movie is really bad, I will enjoy it because it makes me laugh. However, this movie surprised me! I was expecting it to be at a level of bad that was laughable, but no, it was below that line. WAY BELOW!!! The movies opening screen of text made me feel that this movie might be promising (that picture of the girl with the weird rash on her face freaks me out). But then, RIGHT AFTER that scene is a scene that you see later in the movie and is only there so that you don't turn off the movie right away.

Something that needs to be said is that this movie tries to keep you guessing by making the order of scenes like a puzzle. But it turns out just to be confusing and a waste of mental energy for such a stupid plot. The beginning is dumb, (look at the green scary face!), and the ending doesn't make sense, a waste of time.

Overall, there are so many things that make this terrible, the saw ripoff, the very unappealing girls, the rice paper thin plot, the really really really bad acting, the photo shopped props (I am not kidding, the directors must have forgotten to put them on set so they just edit them in badly), you know what? I have given up on listing, just remember, NEVER EVER EVER EVER RENT THIS AND GOD HELP YOU IF YOU CHOOSE TO BUY THIS!!!

Please do not give the makers of this movie happy, because they worked so hard to make us filled with pain.