schamarande Reviews

Antlers (2021)

It feels rushed

[5/10 · 22 December 2021]

It's nice entertainment but it feels like they were not well documented enough on child abuse and neglect and the early maladapted schemes you develop from there, as an adult... which would have made for better and a more gripping character development regarding the Meadows siblings. Instead, it is barely brushed upon, just enough to provide an excuse for the characters to get involved.

The same goes about the Wendigo theme. Why does Paul elect to consult a Native about those cases and why does the old wiseman have a book open to the right page handy? We didn't need such a rush. Maybe we didn't need a full thesis on the theme, but a less clumsy story arch.

Fake News (2021)

A collection of punchlines

[4/10 · 24 September 2021]

There is no story or character arc. The entire movie relies on punchline thrown at each other, which works until you start realizing there won't be any story.

Monsterland (2020)

I hope there'll be another season, a more consistent one.

[7/10 · 24 September 2021]

The first two episodes are apart from the rest. I found the narrative to make better sense and to actually illustrate 'monsterland'. Then it kind of gets diluted, metaphors seem far fetched.

Superhost (2021)

There was some potential

[4/10 · 5 September 2021]

The acting is just plain bad.

The scenario must have been written by someone who knows nothing about social media and YT, or they must have been severely uninspired. Too bad because creepy YTers have been well documented.

Guess what... bad acting + bad scenario... just don't go there, you're worth so much better than me. Obviously.

Age of the Living Dead (2018– )

Just no.

[3/10 · 5 September 2021]

The acting is enough to fill your existence with regret and right from the first couple of minutes, you know you ought to cut it short. First episode, first actor waking up in a military camp situation... his clothes are lacerated but they're squeaky clean and ironed, he's feeling himself. Next scene features a poor girl wandering New Mexico's countryside... you tell me how she's been walking for hours under a scorching sun but her hair remains impeccable, the dirt on her face is blurry in the right spots and contours her face to a T, her 'old' makeup hasn't budged... I guess that's what it must be like to be the survivor kind.

Promising Young Woman (2020)

All men should see this

[10/10 · 20 June 2021]

The best movie I've seen in I-can't-even-remember-how-long.

The music is genius, it functions as a red herring.

The ending is not where you neither expect nor would like it to be.

Stay Out of the F**king Attic (2020)

Are you guys for real?

[1/10 · 3 April 2021]

Seriously though. I set out to watch it right after 'Dawn of The Beast' and you guys managed to do worse than the former joke.

Dawn of the Beast (2021)

A time-consuming joke

[1/10 · 3 April 2021]

I always think that the one thing you can afford even on a low budget is a good plot and character development. Didn't find any. Obvious, boring, too much going on without being tied... And in the end, I couldn't tell if the acting was bad because of the weak dialogues or if it was just bad.

At least, I watched it while being sick so I couldn't do anything besides picking a better movie. My bad.

The Rental (2020)

Franco needs to spend time with the public who actually pays to see movies

[1/10 · 29 August 2020]

Yeah, and he needs to finally pay attention to what makes a story addictive, or at least entertaining. The character arcs are weak, so sure enough the plot ain't there. We felt like when you catch a sci-fi movie on tv about a pixellated sabertooth messing around - you can't help but say "it can't be so bad, it has to be on purpose, now throw some cubic shark in the mix"... Same with The Rental, we were convinced there was going to be a punny twist or something that would justify it was in the box office. Nope. Never happened. By the end, Franco even teases us (see how I still give him credit after a whole movie of not knowing how to go anywhere?) with a cute payoff. But it seems by then everybody was too tired and broke from the nonsense. You do exit the theatre not being able to believe you just paid for that.

The New Mutants (2020)

Entertaining

[5/10 · 29 August 2020]

It's not the ultimate cinematographic work of art, but it was entertaining. After sitting through The Rental and Tenet, we were wary of plots that drag until the last minute, and it was a little linear for us during the first half.

Simply Black (2020)

It hits somewhere right

[6/10 · 31 July 2020]

Jean-Pascal Zadi has that thing to make you cringe-laugh with how close he hits home. This comedy is important for addressing identity introspection, which is understandably a huge topic in France, even more so if you were raised in an immigrant family. Regarding the story itself, I found it lacked proper development. I couldn't see a clear arc and the plot progressed without a snatch, so no tension comedy-wise or other. By the end of the movie, I felt we were still midway.

The Hunt (II) (2020)

Could have pushed it further

[5/10 · 31 July 2020]

I personally enjoyed it. However, the synopsis promises you a badass to throw off the otherwise expected manhunt. Promised delivered, but you know how the main character is supposed to go through an arc? I couldn't find one. She kicked ass from beginning to the end. Is it a horror movie? Nope. Gory, yes. There's some humour, and they pull a great mockery of political speech. But character development is missing.

The Vigil (2019)

They gave up after exposition

[2/10 · 31 July 2020]

The premise had potential. That's about it. One hour into the movie, we realized the plot still hadn't moved and lacked density. Scenes worked on your nerves, but every time you expected a payoff in the form of a jump scare or plot progression, they dragged you forever. It felt like the movie was 4 big scenes. That'd be about 20 min a scene. All I'm saying is you shouldn't have to pay to catch up on your sleep.

See (2019–2022)

Fantasy ok, but come on...

[1/10 · 9 November 2019]

Considering the high ratings, I guess most people don't mind that people who have been blind for centuries still care for fashion, can saw clothes and make boots like it would matter if they could see them. You'd think that function and sensorial appeal would prevail, but nope. Doing your hair and wearing cute accessories is apparently still very much something. Naturally, if fashion is still important, so is architecture...

Rabid (2019)

It stood on good grounds but stumbled

[3/10 · 1 November 2019]

I haven't seen the original movie, and unfortunately I'm not sure I'll have enough patience left now. The movie picks up during the last 20 minutes, so there's that. Until then, the plot and characters fail to build up. The climax is unnervingly weak. Dialogues lack depth. The fashion and Gunter, don't even get me started...

The Order (2019–2020)

A joke from the title sequence

[4/10 · 3 August 2019]

I wanted to be entertained, and I had set my goals pretty low. But boy... The title sequence, right from the start, didn't look like they had enough budget to apply serious fx. Oh well... And then, the acting did it for me. I thought it was a joke, so I paid attention. After one episode, I realized it wasn't a parody or something of the sort. I still stayed and watched 2 more.

The Curse of La Llorona (2019)

The Curse of La Basura

[1/10 · 28 April 2019]

We were lucky to watch that movie in teen-free premises, which allowed us to focus on the story without suffering jumps, screams and laugh at their own jumps and screams, and repeat. That let us realize plot and twists were not part of the original budget. I guess all the money went to la llorona herself. The room was full of adults, we all laughed at how bad the acting was at times, when the tropes were too obvious... by the end, we were pissed we had not received money to waste two hours of our time.