patrick_bateman_90029 Reviews

Gameshow (2009)

The Rare Example of the "Perfect Short"

[9/10 · 29 January 2009]

In most textbooks on film-making, it's recommended to study the works of student filmmakers. In these texts, it usually suggests, while the movies work, something is sacrificed along the way. For instance, story may be thrown on the back-burner for visuals; or the writer/director will put too much emphasis on the story, therefore not giving himself time to help perfect the combined efforts of all crew members. It's something I've noticed in some of the student films I've sat through at various Savannah Film Festival screenings. Writer/director Vincent Carubia's titanic-in-scale effort "Gameshow," however, is an example of when all the pieces fit together to create a rich-in-style-and-substance comedy.

Down-on-her-luck Jenny (Rachel Thomas) leads a teenage life most cringe at the thought of: at school, she is the butt of everyone's jokes, especially those of snotty Queen Bee Tammy (Cassady Lance) and 'partner' Patrice (Kelly Rogers); while at home, she finds herself forced to deal with the complete absence of money in her family, hampering her desire to go to college. Through a miracle – in the form of Jenny's supportive best friend Paige (Parris Sarter) and a player's accidental loss of her arm – Jenny winds up competing on the Gameshow, the wacky 2000s answer to the game shows that dominated the living rooms of the 90s, hoping to earn both the dignity she feels inside her and the money needed to save herself and family from certain financial ruin, even if her plight doesn't manage to inspire sympathy from the other contestants (or the audience)...

First and foremost, it should be noted Gameshow is one of, if not the most, ambitious student film crafted in recent years. To someone not connected with "the business," a story of this magnitude on a budget smaller than the size of a nail seems insane, but logic isn't a word one should employ during a viewing of this. Carubia and his round-up of comedians keeps the laughs coming a mile a microsecond, never giving the audience in the movie or watching the antics unfold on-screen time for a breather (make sure to keep your ears open for a well-placed jab at popular dance anthem "Low" by Flo Rida). Credit should also be given to DP Ryan O'Hara and production designers Sun Lee and Lynsey Mouer, who collaborative efforts help perfectly cultivate the style of the film and locations to perfectly reflect Jenny's story: the first part of the film has a very drab and unfortunate feel to it. When we arrive at the Gameshow studio – the set itself an awe-inspiring, Burton-esquire carnival ride of whimsy and danger – everything explodes around us in a veritable orgasm of unbridled imagination.

Lead performer Rachel Thomas gives us a heroine worth rooting for, though this reviewer's only complaint with her is that a perfect balance between sad and happy is never truly achieved. Even during moments of triumph, her Jenny always seems to exude a dismal feeling that becomes distracting at points. The rest of the cast – and the audience extras – do their jobs well (actress Leslie Watkins provides a memorable laugh as the trophy wife contestant with more alcohol than blood in her body and newcomer Carol McDaniel wears her heart on her sleeve with pride as the "grandmother" of the contestants). The four MVPs of the Gameshow cast are SCAD film regular Jeffery Hall as Bob Saggins, the Gameshow host decked out in a very inspired dollar-bill purple suit whose ongoing cheerfulness is infectious; Elizabeth Brewster as a harried producer who has a snarky comment for every request that passes her way; and comedienne Parris Sarter brings the right amount of heart and laugh to Paige, the type of friend everyone hopes to have; but it is ingénue Jasmine Vizena who dominates the screen as Chevy Honda, the acid-tongued, Popeye's-waving, ghetto-fabulous villainess who sets out to humiliate and destroy everyone in her path just for a laugh.

I would say if there was only one real flaw with the film, it's the film's short length. Such a rich story is presented to us with a collection of intellectual jokers (all of whom probably O.D.'d on the "Smylex" before the camera started rolling) running the show, but the time allotted only allows us to get an up close view of a selected group and not of the full picture (particularly in the forms of the uber-effeminate Guatemalan and brutish Bulgarian contestants played by Julio Penagos and Mackenzie Graff). But it's just a minor flaw one constantly forgets as the big picture keeps unfolding around you. Gameshow won't be the film competing against Slumdog Millionaire for any big prizes this year, but it is an excellent testament to the kind of entertainment people can craft under the right circumstances.

A

Hellraiser: Hellworld (2005 Video)

"Hellworld" Almost Succeeds in Making You Ashamed of Being a Pinhead Fan

[2/10 · 3 September 2006]

The '80's gave way to the modern horror film. True, they didn't have the "teen stars" coveted by the raving teen masses back in the day, but they did have the killers that these same teens continually talk and debate about. We had Freddy, Jason, Chucky, and the resurrected "careers" of Michael Myers and Leatherface. BUT there was one who managed to be not only the most frightening of the bunch, but actually never managed to cave… until now, that is. It was Pinhead, the leather-clad Black Pope of Hell's Labyrinth, played with ghastly grandeur by thespian Doug Bradley, the symbol of the brilliantly macabre Hellraiser series.

However, with the release of Hellraiser: Hellworld, the third direct-to-video sequel directed by Rick Bota (whose previous entries, Hellseeker and Deader, actually gave me fleeting moments of hope for the Hellraiser series), not only has Pinhead caved (and this is a level of caving that no one could ever imagine, a level even worse than the one he stooped to in Hell on Earth), but the whole idea and principle of the series has caved to a point of extreme embarrassment.

In the "real world," Pinhead, the Cenobites, the Labyrinth, Leviathan, and the Lament Configuration are nothing more than instruments in "Hellworld," the hottest internet game to sweep the gamer and hacker world (which is kind of a sad commentary on the gaming world). Five gamers in particular – Chelsea (Katheryn Winnick), Allison (Anna Tolputt), Derrick (Khary Payton), Mike (Henry Cavill), and Jake (Christopher Jacot) – have been invited to a "Hellworld" party, hosted by a peculiar man (Lance Henriksen, who just seems to be looking for work nowadays, which is just depressing) who knows all about Hell and more. But it's not long before Pinhead and two of his followers – Bound and Chatterer (who are completely butchered because of lack of funding. Watch Hellbound* and Hellseeker^ to see how Bound^ and Chatterer* are SUPPOSED to look) – arrive to bring everlasting torment and misery to the five gamers. But how can the Cenobites be there if no one has opened the Lament Configuration, which doesn't even exist to begin with? And what could the transpiring events and the Host have to do, as Chelsea begins to suspect, with the suspicious suicide of their friend, Adam (Stelian Urian), who became more paranoid of the game as he continued to play?

Words truthfully cannot describe the disgust I felt as the film progressed. Of course, I will admit it was nice to have tiny references to the original films occasionally discussed here and there – such as the infamous "Engineer" from the original or the discussions of Philip L'Merchant, the box's creator – but references do not make a film. Serious research of the material, an excellent screenplay, and a cast up to the challenge does, which Hellworld all lack. The screenplay is nothing more than a bunch of bland splatter-fest clichés and scenes poorly sewn together, and the cast (save for Henriksen and Bradley) are all at their possible worst. When each character meets their fate through the Cenobites, their pain was completely unbelievable. If you want to sell a Hellraiser movie, the most excruciating forms of suffering have to be believable. And another thing, how come two of the torture-prone friends get better looking makeup than the Cenobites?

Back in the '80s, Pinhead's "Oh, what wonders we have to show you" would have a monumentally chilling effect. Now, it does nothing but cause fleeting moments of despair as I recall a time when Pinhead was effective.

F

The Wicker Man (2006)

Some Horror Remakes Work, Some Don't. "Wicker Man" Collapses Into The Latter Category

[2/10 · 2 September 2006]

Let's face it: Remakes of classic movies are comparable to treading on thin ice. Remakes of classic horror movies are considered worse, especially when the original was excellent. There are few examples of horror remakes that manage to shine brighter than the originals (The Fly and The Thing); remakes that are nowhere near as good as the originals, but still manage to work (House of Wax, The Omen and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre); and the remakes that sully both the original and all involved in the remake (Van Sant's Psycho, Carrie and The Fog). Unfortunately, playwright Neil LaBute's redo of the cult classic The Wicker Man falls (very hard, I might add) into the third category.

The plot remains the same as the original, except for a few minor changes: police officer Edward Malus (Nicolas Cage) is summoned to the honey-collecting colony of Summersisle by a former lover of his, Willow (Kate Beahan). It seems her daughter Rowan (Erika-Shaye Gair) has disappeared without a trace, and Edward is the only one who can find her. The townspeople – all women (Frances Conroy, Leelee Sobieski, Molly Parker, and Diane Delano, among countless others), sans a few men who help around the colony – are all unhelpful, some claiming that the girl does not exist while others say that she has died. The search leads Edward to Sister Summersisle (Ellen Burstyn), the leader of the island, who also happens to be the head priestess of the Pagan religion that dominates the whole island, and a terrible realization: every year, a sacrifice is given to the Sun Gods through something known only as "the Wicker Man" in exchange for healthy crops and delivery of honey. And it seems Rowan has been picked as this year's sacrifice...

When the preview first aired in June (around the same time the remake of The Omen was released), it was evident that LaBute's Wicker Man would be nothing like Robin Hardy's 1973 classic, which can best be described as "a sexy Pagan musical." Gone are the ongoing musical numbers, nubile young women parading around flames in the nude, hares, Christopher Lee in drag and a dubbed Britt Ekland seducing Edward Woodward's pious Sgt. Howie through the walls of her room while she sings, dances, and caresses her sensual form, replaced with a dull Nicolas Cage, who will most likely be up for a Razzie nomination next February (which is especially sad, considering how perfect he was last month in Oliver Stone's World Trade Center) who gets a laugh every time he beats up a woman (in a bear suit, no less!), an opening that has nothing to do with the story itself (as well as an unneeded epilogue that, God help us, leaves the door open for a James Franco-headed sequel), an uninspired score by Angelo Badalamenti, and a complete reworking of the townspeople and the idea of good vs. evil, which is the biggest mistake the movie makes. LaBute, famed for his unapologetic misogyny, has changed it from a township of men and women sacrificing a pious virgin (but let's be honest: who, in their right mind, would buy Nicolas Cage as a virgin?) to better their crops to an island of droning, feminine-worshiping butchers who only use men to procreate and toss them away (well, burn them away) like yesterday's garbage. Original Wicker Man scribe Anthony Shaffer must be rolling in his grave over this.

However, for all the wrongs of The Wicker Man, there is one element that nearly makes up for most of them: Ellen Burstyn as Sister Summersisle. While she is no Christopher Lee, Burstyn commands the screen with her revered presence and manages to salvage the last half-hour of the movie, which is when the plot actually starts to heat up.

"Welcome, Mr. Malus. You have come of your own free will to keep your appointment with the Wicker Man." This short line of dialog uttered by Ms. Burstyn is nothing more than a reminder of an appointment I regret having made. But I will not attempt to persuade or dissuade you, the reader, from viewing The Wicker Man. If you want to see it to see how the American movie studio has converted a British classic or for Ellen Burstyn and the ending (which remains faithful to the original in almost every detail, except without Edward screaming for Jesus and the townspeople rejoicing and singing as the Wicker Man burns), be my guest. I am just offering a notice of caution and recommendation towards other movies in theaters within the genre. Or, better yet, just go to Blockbuster or Netflix and rent the original Wicker Man. At least you won't want to throw a half-full Diet Coke at the screen watching the original.

D-

The Aristocrats (2005)

Extended Perversions Cause 90 Minutes of Tear-Inducing, Side-Splitting Laughter

[10/10 · 10 August 2005]

I was fortunate enough to see a special screening of The Aristocrats on Monday morning. I did not know what this joke that everyone was going on about was and until I saw the film, I didn't want to know. From the trailer, I thought it was something about wild and crazy sex addicts. After that film, wild and crazy sex addicts jokes seemed tame.

If you don't know the joke, it's about a man (or family, however you're telling it) going into a talent agency and tells the best agent there is that he's seen the perfect act that he needs to represent. What follows is a family act where the most perverted and disturbing things in human history are done (incest, bestiality, and fluids and wastes are a big hit in every version told). After hearing it, that talent agent proclaims that it's the best act he's heard in ages and asks what the act's called. And the man replies with two simple words: "The Aristocrats."

The film is 90 minutes of various comedians either telling the joke or explaining why it's so big between the comedians and why they're called "The Aristocrats." Everyone you can think of tells his or her own rendition of the joke and I mean EVERYONE: Penn (who co-directs the film with Paul Provenza), Drew Carry, Whoopi Goldberg, Martin Mull, Sarah Silverman (who even proclaims herself an Aristocrat), Carrie Fisher, Gilbert Gottfried, George Carlin, Phyllis Diller (whose arms are now starting to look like veined wings), Hank Azaria, Eddie Izzard, Andy Dick, Howie Mandel, Bob Saget (who gets the great idea to make a video of the joke and mail it to everyone involved with "Full House"), Jackie 'The Joke Man' Martling, Paul Reiser, Billy Connolly, Eric Idle, Kevin Nealon, Carrot Top, Robin Williams, Chris Rock, Jon Stewart, Bill Maher, Larry Storch, Fred Willard, Don Rickles, Steven Wright, Michael McKean, many others (including a mime, a ventriloquist, and jugglers), and even an animated skit featuring Cartman (who can REALLY tell an offensive version).

Is it vile? It makes Pink Flamingos look like a Walt Disney picture and they don't even show anything in this. Will people be offended? I'd actually be surprised if anyone WASN'T offended. Will people like it? I had to hold my sides because I felt like if I laughed any harder, they would split open, not to mention that everyone at the screening seemed to love it (and the women in the audience seemed to laugh even harder than the men). I remember a woman who was sitting a few seats behind me who was laughing like a hyena on drugs. Will "The Aristocrats" be nominated for a Best Documentary Oscar? I don't really know. There's so many other documentaries that are out this year – "Inside Deep Throat" (yeah, like that'll get nominated for an Oscar), "Murderball", "March of the Penguins", and "Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room," among others – and the film is sure to offend many an Academy voter, but I would like to see it get nominated and possibly win just to see how voters and audience react.

Oh, and make sure to stay through the very end for a surprise cameo.

Sin City (2005)

Rodriguez, Miller, and Co. Triumph with "Sin City"

[10/10 · 23 March 2005]

Before I begin my review, let me just say that I've recently become familiar with Sin City. After seeing the trailers and Comic-Con footage, I decided to buy the first five books to see what I was missing and what to expect.

Anyhow, I recently attended an advanced screening of Robert Rodriguez/Frank Miller's Sin City in Houston and hot damn, what a movie! The movie is based off three of graphic novelist/co-director Frank Miller's books and a short story from Booze, Broads, & Bullets: The Customer is Always Right – An assassin (Josh Hartnett) and his target (Marley Shelton) have a discussion on a rainy balcony that ends in bloodshed; The Hard Goodbye - Marv (Mickey Rourke), a hulking brute, is out to find the person who murdered Goldie (Jaime King), a kindly prostitute he met and fell in love with one night; The Big Fat Kill – Dwight (Clive Owen), an ex-photographer with a new face, is out to protect his two loves, barmaid Shellie (Brittany Murphy) and Old Town leader Gail (Rosario Dawson), from Jackie Boy (Benicio Del Toro), a rough hero cop who really doesn't know when to take no for an answer. And when his temper leads to his bloody murder, it's up to Dwight and the Old Town girls to get rid of the body before the cops and the mob find out about it and wage war on Old Town; and That Yellow Bastard – Hartigan (Bruce Willis) is the only clean cop in Sin City and out to get Roark Jr. (Nick Stahl), the pedophile son of the corrupt Senator Roark (Powers Boothe), who has kidnapped a young girl, Nancy (Mackenzie Vega as a child; Jessica Alba as an adult), and plans to rape and kill her. Hartigan rescues Nancy and puts Junior in a coma, but suffers the wrath of Senator Roark and gets blamed for Junior's crimes. Eight years later, Hartigan gets out and has to protect Nancy, now an exotic dancer, from the Yellow Bastard, a deformed yellow "man" that shares a disturbing tie with Roark Jr.

Before I discuss the film itself, let me discuss the cast.

Mickey Rourke is BACK with a vengeance. He owns the Marv role, just like Ron Perlman owned Hellboy last year. After years of bad cameos and roles, Bruce Willis finally gets it right with Hartigan. Clive Owen is great as Dwight (hell, he even gets the best monologues out of the three lead characters). Nick Stahl… well, if you've seen Bully, you'll know what to expect, except that he's now a deformed pedophile instead of a violent surfer kid. Once you see Elijah Wood as Kevin, you will never look at him the same way again. That's all I can say without spoiling anything big. Benicio Del Toro is freaky as Jackie Boy and you honestly can't wait to see him get what's coming to him. Michael Madsen has an interesting extended cameo as Hartigan's semi-corrupt partner (the character also appears in A Dame to Kill For). There's also Michael Clarke Duncan, Josh Hartnett, Powers Boothe, and Rutger Hauer, but there's not really much to say about them except that they're effective in their brief roles. Jessica Alba proves once more that she's more than just a pretty face as Nancy. She could've easily played Nancy as some dumb bimbo who's in love with Hartigan (even though that would've been disrespectful to Miller's vision), but she brings vulnerability and sass to the role and it works. Chiaki Kuriyama, step down. The crown for Menacing Asian Warrior goes to Devon Aoki's deadly little Miho (and boy, is she deadly). The best thing about Miho, excluding her fighting abilities, is the mystery surrounding her. Like Uma Thurman and David Carradine in the first half of Kill Bill, you know nothing about Miho, except that she's silent and the deadliest woman in all of Sin City. For those worried about Brittany Murphy, don't worry (much). She makes cameo appearances in THG and TYB and plays a semi-pivotal role in TBFK (hey, at least it's not her repeating Little Black Book). After her embarrassing appearance in Alexander, Rosario Dawson makes up for it threefold as Gail. She's decked out in bondage gear and loving every minute of it. Jaime King is good as Goldie and her twin sister, Wendy. Alexis Bledel sheds her good girl image as Becky, the Old Town girl who brings chaos wherever she goes. And Carla Gugino has an interesting small role as Marv's lesbian parole officer who supplies him with his pills.

Now, onto the film… Rodriguez KNOWS what he's doing. By bringing Miller on to supervise and Quentin Tarantino to direct one scene, he helps bring Sin City to life. The movie has an amazing 1940's film noir look to it, even with the sequences that had splashes of color, thanks to Rodriguez's cinematography and editing, which closely follows the images in the books. The art direction, completely CGI with minimal sets, is so realistic, you'd think they spent a fortune on it. The score, an action/jazz mix, is perfectly done by Rodriguez, John Debney, and Graeme Revell. While Sin City will likely be forgotten come Oscar time, mainly because of the insanely violent nature of it, I am hopeful that the film garners a Makeup nomination because the work done to create Marv and the Yellow Bastard is just phenomenal.

As I mentioned earlier, I bought the first five books and eagerly await the re-releases of Booze, Broads, and Bullets and Hell and Back just to see what Rodriguez and Miller are cooking up for Sin 2. If Rodriguez was right about wanting Maria Bello as Ava Lord in ADtKF and Johnny Depp for Wallace in H&B, then it could be even better than the first.

To keep it short and sweet: Sin City is THE movie of 2005. It's visually astonishing and has a great ensemble and director(s) to back it.

A+

Supermarket (2004)

Illeana Douglas, Jeff Goldblum, and Daryl Hannah. What More Could You Ask For?

[10/10 · 17 December 2004]

I went to see this short film at a special screening at the Savannah Film Festival (the same night I attended the premiere of "Stage Beauty," but that will be another review) and had the pleasure of meeting Illeana Douglas after the screening, where she talked about collaborating with the directors of the documentary "Jon E. Edwards is in Love" (who were also in attendance) on a documentary about Jeff Goldblum (that should be interesting to see).

To put it simply:

• Illeana Douglas (of "Action" and "Stir of Echoes" fame) now works in a supermarket as a way to take a break from Hollywood.

• Crazy fans who can't remember the title of "Stir of Echoes" or say that they saved the ticket stubs for "Grace of My Heart" continually harangue her.

• Daryl Hannah is continually chewed out by the boss.

• Jeff Goldblum shops at the store to buy the ingredients for a cake (What kind? No one, not even Illeana Douglas, will ever know.)

Ms. Douglas, who also wrote and directed the short, knows comedy because I was laughing all fourteen minutes, whether it's her being stalked or Daryl Hannah being a lazy oaf (although I was secretly hoping she would put "the eye-patch" on and go all California Mountain Snake on the boss' ass. Sarah Silverman has a brief cameo as herself doing the opening act for the comedy show Illeana's put on inside the supermarket. And while he only appears in the last five minutes, Jeff Goldblum is funny (but then again, he's always looked or acted funny, so it was a combination of both).

If you can find it, see "Supermarket." It's one of the best celebrity-made shorts you'll probably see.

A+

The Mangler (1995)

It May Be Stupid, But It's Enjoyable

[6/10 · 1 August 2004]

I first saw The Mangler when I was, at least, thirteen years old. I heard about it when I saw the preview for it on the old VHS tape for 'Wes Craven's New Nightmare' (the best Freddy sequel after FvsJ) and I thought it looked interesting, so I rented it.

I'm going to keep my opinion on The Mangler short and quick because I think that there are better films out there that I can give better opinions on.

It's not a bad film, but it's not a very good film either. The problem is that this isn't the kind of Stephen King short story you adapt into a major motion picture. I read the story a few months afterwards and that material would've made a good short film. With this film, they add this pretty cheesy subplot about the powerful old men in town sacrificing their sixteen-year-old virgin daughters to the Mangler for money and power. While it has King elements in it, it just simply doesn't work for a film like this. And the exorcist best friend or whatever the hell he was supposed to be, don't get me started on him.

Tobe Hooper does the best he can with the material, but I wish he'd go back and do more classy horror films like the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Poltergeist. But then again, maybe he wasn't trying to make a serious horror film. Maybe he was making something that was stupid, but would keep (some of) the audience entertained. The acting pretty much sucks, except for Robert Englund (who is so over the top in this and loving it) and Ted Levine (it's nice to see him play a good guy for once). And the gore and special effects, for the day, are pretty nifty and the machine itself, before its true nature is revealed, is pretty eerie to look at.

I'll give the theatrical version a C- for the machine and Englund and the unrated edition a B- for Englund, the machine, and the extravagant gore.

Freddy vs. Jason (2003)

I Still Can't Believe It Was Finally Made

[8/10 · 8 March 2004]

Everyone knows who Freddy Krueger and Jason Voorhees are. If not, it's time for a quick history lesson.

Freddy Krueger (Robert Englund) was a child molester/killer who was caught by the cops of Springwood, OH after offing the 20th child. He was freed on the opening trial date because the search warrant wasn't signed, meaning that the evidence against Freddy was inadmissible. The parents and cops, fearing that their children would be next, tracked him down and burned him alive inside the boiler room he took the children to. If only they knew that this would be the mark of death for their children, for Freddy returned in their dreams. Armed with the bladed glove he made and his sick love of pain, he murdered a majority of the child/teenage population, either with the glove or using their worst fears against them.

Jason Voorhees (Ken Kirzinger, replacing longtime Jason actor Kane Hodder) was once a deformed, mentally challenged boy who drowned at Crystal Lake when he was 11. His mother (Betsy Palmer in the original, Paula Shaw in FvsJ), filled with rage, went after all the camp counselors and killed them, except for one who decapitated her one Friday the 13th. After that, Jason returned, fully grown, horribly rotted, and armed with a hockey mask to guard his decayed face and various sharp objects (specifically a machete) to slash, butcher, hack, etc. the young, horny, nubile teens that dare step foot onto Crystal Lake.

I know what you're thinking: How can you get a dream stalker and a mute butcher onto the silver screen? It's quite easy. Just insert said villain's glove at the end of other said villain's last movie, work on the film's script since 1988's separate Freddy and Jason films (The Dream Master and The New Blood), and find the right set of teens that end up either defeating said villains or learning a new meaning of pain.

Freddy vs. Jason is different from most of the Freddy and Jason films. The best example why: Freddy and Jason are in it together. But there is a major difference between the separate film series. Freddy films feature characters with back stories, brains, and some sort of secret fear that Freddy exploits in the dream world (the best example being the infamous 'cockroach death' from The Dream Master) while Jason films feature young, nubile chicks who take off their tops and die a violent, grisly death 5 minutes later.

With FvsJ, you get a mixture of the drawn-out characters and the idiot kids that get offed 5 minutes later. Sure, some of the dialogue is corny, but what are you expecting: a Best Original Screenplay nomination for this? The kids in this film are modern versions of the kids from previous films from either series. You have the young girl who has a shattered past (Monica Keena, who could pass as Brittany Murphy's sister), the boyfriend who doesn't know everything that happens (Jason Ritter, son of the late John (who also happened to work on Bride of Chucky with FvsJ director Ronny Yu)), the kinda bitchy girl with a heart of gold (Destiny's Child's Kelly Rowland), the geek (Chris Marquette), the kid who was attacked by Freddy once (Brendan Fletcher), and that chick from Ginger Snaps who lived a bit longer than she should have.

It's also different because back in the days of old, a Freddy or Jason movie took only a few months to make and would get released a year or two after the last one. With FvsJ, it took over 15 years to make. The original plan was to make this in '88 (the same year that NOES4 and F13 VII were released), but because Paramount owned the rights to Jason at the time, it was impossible. So, Paramount gave up the rights to the Jason franchise, New Line claimed them quickly, and Jason Goes To Hell was made, which was a sort of early teaser to FvsJ because of the ending.

Now, it's time to drop the history lesson and get onto the film itself.

I loved it. After too many years of him cracking too many cheesy one-liners, the screenwriters did their homework and gave Freddy the dark, cruel edge he once had. While it was disappointing that Kane Hodder was not asked to return as Jason because he, besides Robert Englund, was the major lobbyist for this film, Ken Kirzinger does a great job as Jason (especially since he had worked as a stunt coordinator on the eighth film, Jason Takes Manhattan). But of course, no one comes to see Freddy or Jason films for excellent acting or a good story. They go to see hot girls who take their tops off, inventive and gruesome deaths, and, which is the main reason for this, to see Freddy and/or Jason in action.

But here's the major thing that makes it stand out from the other films: Freddy and Jason don't fight in the other films.

The major standout point is the all-out final battle between the two (Well, that and the super-hilarious scene where Kia (Kelly Rowland) tells Freddy off. That got a huge laugh in the theater and a few cheers.). It's not as breathtaking as the battles in Lord of the Rings or as artistic as the battle between Uma Thurman and Lucy Liu in Kill Bill, but man, do these two take a licking and keep on ticking. It's just 11 minutes of a long-awaited battle royale. You see it all: slashings, dismemberments, gouging, etc. The best part is definitely when Freddy uses Jason's own machete against him a few times.

This isn't Oscar material (well, maybe MTV Movie Awards material), but it is a great way to spend 100 minutes with those two great slashers you grew up with.

Dumb and Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd (2003)

90 Minutes of Pure, Excruciating Torture

[1/10 · 8 March 2004]

I really liked the original Dumb and Dumber. I thought it was a hilarious comedy that was better than it looked because of the writing/directing of the Farrelly Brothers and the acting of Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels. When I originally heard that they were doing a sequel to Dumb and Dumber, I was somewhat enthusiastic. Then, it was announced that they were doing a prequel. Enthusiasm meter dropped some. Then, the Farrelly Brothers announced that they wouldn't be involved. Enthusiasm went down some more. And finally, it was said that Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels weren't returning and were to be replaced by younger people. Enthusiasm went straight to hell. But I still decided to give it a chance because Eugene Levy was in it and he always finds a way to make the movies he's in funny. I was wrong again.

The plot - Harry and Llyod meet in the '80's and foil the corrupt principal's plans to steal money for himself and his mistress, the trashy lunch lady. Easily the stupidest plot I have ever heard. And I haven't even started dissecting this trash yet.

Besides being a waste of celluloid, I have never seen such a cast whose talents were so horribly wasted. And there were so many good actors in this. There was Eugene Levy, Cheri Oteri, Luis Guzmán, Mimi Rogers, Shia LaBeouf, and the obligatory cameo by Lin Shaye that happens with nearly every film from New Line (in fact, I wonder if she has some hidden cameo in the Lord of the Rings trilogy). The two actors who replaced Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels - Eric Christian Olsen and Derek Richardson - are good replicates, but they just weren't Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels. The cameo with Bob Saget was dead before it even began. And then, this "film" is so filled with so many mistakes (not including the film itself), I still wonder if this was done accidentally or by the filmmakers to see how many people would notice every mistake the film was filled with.

I thought Gigli was a much better film than this (and that's saying something). This film is nothing but a waste of time, celluloid, talent, and air. I would rather have a root canal without anesthesia than sit through this hunk of garbage, which I rated as the #1 worst movie of 2003, ever again.

Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003)

Kill Bill: Vol. 1 - The 2nd Best Film of 2003

[10/10 · 8 March 2004]

Quentin Tarantino. You know the name and you know the movies. When some of the classic directors began to decline, such as Scorsese, Spielberg, Kubrick, and Coppola, he arrived on the spot with a little film known as Reservoir Dogs. While it was not a smash with the critics, it was with the people, making it a small hit and putting his name on the map. Then, he did Pulp Fiction, which has been hailed as one of the greatest movies of all time, resurrected John Travolta's career, made big stars of Uma Thurman and Samuel L. Jackson, and scored Tarantino various awards, mainly an Oscar win for Best Original Screenplay. Then, there was Jackie Brown, which wasn't as hot, but did become a cult hit. And now, after five years, he's come back with the 1st half of a simple film: a woman getting back at the person who stole four years from her.

From the very beginning of the film, it is very obvious of Tarantino's love of samurai and grindhouse films. Some of the best examples include the beginning (featuring the Shaw Brothers' and the `Feature Presentation' logos, the usage of Sonny Chiba portraying Hattori Hanzo once more, Gordon Liu as the head of the Crazy 88 (and make sure to look out for him as Pai Mei in Vol. 2), and Chiaki Kuriyama as Go Go, the cute girl in the Japanese schoolgirl outfit who could get a little mace crazy, and the way whenever someone gets a limb severed, the wound just sprays and sprays and sprays.

Uma Thurman. What can I say about Uma Thurman? She is the woman of the year (sorry, Charlize Theron. You were great in Monster (and you have all those awards to prove it), but you didn't have to spend three months learning about the art of combat or learn how to speak Japanese). The Bride is a character you sympathize with, even though her character was once a cold-blooded assassin. The performance has everything; coldness, humor, tragedy, and all those other things you love to see women do (Charlie's Angels, eat your heart out).

And speaking of Charlie's Angels, who would've thought that Lucy Liu could actually act in something? I love her in the Charlie's Angels films, but her character in those films is actually pretty one-dimensional. With O-Ren Ishii, she really expands out of the good girl look and into a REALLY bad girl look that's pretty mean with her samurai sword.

The rest of the actors playing the Deadly Viper Assassination Squad are really good at their jobs as well. Vivica A. Fox does an really good job with her 20 minutes, Daryl Hannah and Michael Madsen rule (and I can't wait to see their characters develop some more in Vol. 2), and David Carradine. What can be said about David Carradine? Yeah, they never show Bill in Vol. 1 or give Bill's motives for trying to off the Bride, but that's the greatest thing about Bill and the Bride. It's the mystery about these two characters and what they once shared that gets the story moving forward (although I wonder if Bill would still have been an interesting character if it was Warren Beatty or Kevin Costner playing the role).

The fight scenes in these films are something The Matrix Reloaded and Revolutions wished they could be, yet never could. Why? Because Quentin put heart into the battle scenes here, not a few million bucks worth of CGI. The Matrix fights failed, in my opinion, because it is very obvious to tell where it was the actors and where it was some CGI trick. With the fights in Kill Bill, especially the House of Blue Leaves battle, it is always the actors themselves, sometimes with a little help by traditional special effects that will shoot out blood like a water fountain. And while I loved the House of Blue Leaves battle, the best battle would have to be the battle between the Bride and O-Ren Ishii. And that's because of three things: the beauty of the scene, the excellent cinematography/editing, and the perfect use of Santa Esmerelda's `Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood.'

And speaking of the cinematography and editing, I found it to be criminal that Robert Richardson's breathtaking cinematography and Sally Menke's award winning editing were not nominated for Oscars this past year. But it was a pretty big year last year and if Vol. 2 ends up getting nominated next year, it would be kind of pointless for the same film to win the same awards twice in a row.

I loved Kill Bill: Vol. 1, but it's just so hard to have it as the #1 best film of the year when it's going up against The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King. They're both completely different, but also so completely entertaining.

Well, here's hoping that Kill Bill: Vol. 2 is just as great as Vol. 1. Should be great to see how the battle between the Bride and Bill will play out.

A+

Latter Days (2003)

A Surprisingly Well Done Film

[9/10 · 7 March 2004]

Latter Days isn't the kind of film I normally see, but I went and saw it because I had tickets for an advanced screening of the film and since I'd never heard of it and when it came out, I probably wouldn't end up seeing it, I just went. And I was in for a surprise: I liked it.

The plot revolves around two exact opposites – insecure Mormon missionary Aaron Davis (newcomer Steve Sandvoss) and gay party animal Christian Markelli (Wes Ramsey, ABC's "Guiding Light" and the failed sitcom "Luis") - who meet after Aaron moves into the apartment across from Christian's with some other missionaries. In a retread of the romantic comedy genre, Christian's friends bet him $50 that he can't get one of the Mormons into bed (especially since he's so famous for getting "straight" guys to bed him). And here's where the plot makes a complete 180 in turning from the typical romantic comedy to a moving, dark drama. Once Aaron discloses his sexuality to Christian and turns him down, Christian attempts to become a better man just to prove to the world he isn't some, for a lack of better words, shameless whore. It's not long after that Aaron's missionaries discover his true colors (during a rather embarrassing, if intimate, moment with Christian). Aaron, who has finally disclosed his feelings and longing for Christian, is shipped back to his BEYOND disapproving family and Christian begins a search for the one who got away that captured his heart...

Like I said, I had never heard of this film and if I didn't end up getting free passes for this, I probably wouldn't have seen it. My idea of an excellent love story on celluloid is something along the lines of Zeffirelli's Romeo and Juliet or Bram Stoker's Dracula. But in the end, I'm glad I did. To me (and possibly others), Latter Days was either A) A twist on the conventional love story, B) An attack on the Mormon community or C) A little bit both both. And while, as a drama, it failed in some places, but shines in moments of comedic brilliance.

The cast (and the music) is probably the best thing about it. Besides Sandvoss and Ramsey (whom I believe both have big futures before them), the cast includes Jacqueline Bisset as a sympathetic restaurant owner, Mary Kay Place as Aaron's once loving, now bitter and unforgiving mother (though at times, mainly because of the way she looked, I was reminded of Piper Laurie's over the top Oscar nominated performance from Carrie), Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Aaron's homophobic missionary partner, Amber Benson as one of Christian's friends, and Erik Palladino as a dying AIDS victim that Christian befriends.

The music is the other best thing about it. While the score is good, the original songs are some of the best original songs I've heard from a movie so far this year. Three of the songs sung by singer/actress Rebekah Jordan, who appears in the film as Christian's roommate, has an extremely gifted voice and delivers three songs – "More," "Another Beautiful Day," and "Tuesday, 3:00 a.m." – quite successfully. The other songs are well-written, but it's my belief that the producers of the film should promote the Jordan-sung songs for Best Original Song – specifically the heart wrenching "Tuesday, 3:00a.m. – in this year's Academy Awards race.

Is "Latter Days" a great movie? Not really, but it serves its purpose in showing that true love isn't always between a man and a woman and that it's OK to be who you really are.

Feardotcom (2002)

Oh God, What Did I Do To Deserve This?

[2/10 · 7 March 2004]

I don't get it. This had a good director (I liked House on Haunted Hill), a good cast (including Stephen Dorff, Natasha McElhone, Stephen Rea, and Jeffrey Combs), and an interesting plot (although now that I think about it more, it was just The Ring for computers). I went into the theater with semi-high hopes because the trailer sold me. But after I came out, I was repulsed and severely disappointed. To this day, I have to ask what I did to deserve watching this 'film.'

The makeup was interesting and the cameo by Udo Kier was cool, but after that, it was just two hours of let downs, fake scares, and an unapologetic look at extreme tortures done to women for people with a sick sense of entertainment. The dialogue is so banal and pointless that I felt like an eight year old wrote this. And also, the plot is incomprehensive. They say that many, many, many people visit this site and yet, only a few have died. Shouldn't the death rate in America in this film be at an all-time high because of this website?

If you want scares, rent The Ring. Rent the remake of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Just rent something that isn't fear dot com. If you have a brain or a love of real horror, just slowly back away from this tripe and find something else.

Passions (1999–2008)

Why I like this show, I'll NEVER know.

[8/10 · 20 September 2003]

I used to watch The Bold & The Beautiful and As The World Turns with my grandmother when I was a kid. Back then, I just wanted to spend time with my grandmother. I did kinda enjoy B&B, though I didn't understand what the show was about.

In August of 2001, I was watching NBC at 3:00 in the morning (Passions airs at 3:05 a.m. here in Houston) when I see all this strange stuff going on. An old woman putting a spell on a hospital because her grandson had died and her nemesis was getting his heart. A young girl was hoping that the dying girl would die so that she could have the boyfriend. Two brothers (even though one looked and sounded more like a Southerner than a half Irish/Spanish man) fighting over the same woman, who just remembered who she really was. So, of course, this show HAD to be Passions.

Although my pleasures are more in the likes of horror, I started watching. And then, I got addicted. The stories were so ridiculous, yet entertaining. There was Ethan's confusion between marrying Theresa and Gwen, Tabitha seducing Kay into joining the forces of darkness, the addition of Charlie, and Whitney, Chad, Fox, Theresa, Ethan, and Gwen moving to L.A. And now, there are SO many love triangles on the show, it isn't even funny! For example, Theresa - Ethan - Gwen; Chad - Whitney - Fox; Sheridan - Luis - Beth; Eve - T.C. - Liz. The list just goes on and on and on and on.

The cast is believable, at least. Galen Gering and McKenzie Westmore are perfect as Luis and Sheridan, the ultimate couple who will always be together, no matter what happens to them.

The usual role of soap villains are filled by Ben Masters (Sheridan's cold brother Julian), Andrea Evans (Julian's trampy mistress Rebecca), Kim Johnston Ulrich (Ivy, the blonde, manipulative, wheelchair-bound bitch determined to break Sam and Grace apart), Amelia Marshall (Liz, Eve's sister who's determined to get payback against her sister), Kelly McCarty (Beth, the insane girl determined to take Luis away from Sheridan) and, of course, Juliet Mills as Tabitha, the meddlesome witch who wants to cause despair for everyone in Harmony.

Then, you've got the characters who try to be good, but end up being bad (ex: Fox (Justin Hartley), the young Crane heir who gets what he wants when he wants, Gwen (Liza Huber), who thinks that she's destined to be with Ethan and constantly rubs it in Theresa's face, Kay (Deana Wright), the young woman determined to steal Miguel away from Charity, David (Justin Carroll), the man on Ivy's payroll who's being forced to break Sam and Grace apart, and Syd (Alicia Reyes), the hot, young singer who harbors a crush on Chad and would love to take him for herself.

And as the characters who never get it easy, James Hyde and Dana Sparks as Sam and Grace, the couple who face as many obstacles as Luis and Sheridan, Tracey Ross as Eve, the doctor who can't escape her past no matter what, Charity (Molly Stanton), the girl with magical powers of good, Theresa (Lindsay Korman), Ethan (Eric Martsolf), Whitney (Brook Kerr), Simone (Chrystee Pharris), Chad (Charles Divins), and all of the other characters that you can imagine on every soap.

One tiny thing that does annoy me is how quickly the actors on the show leave and how a new actor plays their character immediately after. They are up to Kay #4 now! And Deana Wright was a pretty darn good Kay, too.

Although Passions isn't the best TV show in the world, it is a good way to kill some time and watch something that is so goofy, it's entertaining.

Hellbound: Hellraiser II (1988)

Very sick, but a very beautiful follow-up

[9/10 · 3 September 2003]

I first saw Hellbound in the fall of 2000 when I was re-introduced to Pinhead. At the time, I had only seen Hellraiser, Hell on Earth, Bloodline, and Inferno (which now, I wish I had not seen). I heard many things about it. Some said it was either as good as or better than the first. Some said that the film was full of enough gore to put the original to shame. And when I rented it, I was first appalled, then I was shocked, and finally, I was in awe.

Taking over the director's reins from Clive Barker, Tony Randal, along with newcomer horror writer Peter Atkins (who would go on to do Hellraiser III and IV, as well as the first Wishmaster, not to mention cameoing as the Barbie Cenobite in III) create a film that manages to be a bit darker than the first, with a just as good cast.

Starting right where the first ended, Kirsty is now in a mental hospital, run by Dr. Channard. He has frightening fascinations involving the puzzle box and the world of darkness within. So, he resurrects Julia, uses a mute patient to solve the box, and once again, Hell is brought to Earth. But this time, the viewer actually gets to see how Cenobites are created and explains more of the Hell that the Cenobites serve.

I won't lie. When I first saw this, there were images in that film that stayed in my mind for a long time. Only finding the unrated version, I wasn't prepared for such sights as Skinless Julia, Hell's Labyrinth, and, especially, the Channard Cenobite. When I first saw him on-screen, I knew that he would be the one that would put Pinhead's seething darkness into shame.

SPOILERS

I was a little bit surprised, though, that the Channard Cenobite actually had the nerve within to kill the original Cenobites (sans Pinhead). I could already figure out that Female and Butterball would turn back into their normal human selves, but when the Chatterer changed back into a little kid, I was completely off guard. I was so shocked to see that the puzzle box would actually transform a little kid into a Cenobite.

And the Channard Cenobite's death was a fitting death to such a creepy character. He was a monster as both human and a Cenobite. And it was also a pretty ironic way that he dies by the hand of Leviathan, who actually seemed to have chosen him as his new Dark Pope. Well, a fitting end to a frightening monster.

END SPOILERS

The acting in this one has improved. Returning from the original are Clare Higgens (Julia), Ashley Lawrence (Kirsty), Sean Chapman (Frank), and Doug Bradley (Pinhead), who take their roles to a new level. New bloods Kenneth Cranham (Channard) and Imogen Boorman (Tiffany) help bring more life into the film, but what really makes it the best, besides Bob Keen's excellent skinless/Cenobite makeup, is Christopher Young's beautifully haunting score which gives the film its own emotion.

So, the next time you go to your video store, don't get a Freddy, Jason, or Leatherface movie. Go to the "H" section and look for Hellbound: Hellraiser II, one of the 1980's best horror sequels.

A+

Darkness Falls (2003)

Good film, flawed Tooth Fairy

[7/10 · 5 March 2003]

I first heard about Darkness Falls in January 2002 (when it was still being called The Tooth Fairy. What had drawn my interest: a photo of what the Tooth Fairy creature itself had looked like. But I'll get into that later.

First, I wanna talk about the film.

It wasn't 100% scary, but it was very entertaining. It had good acting by newcomer Chaney Kley and it was nice to see Emma Caulfield actually battling a demon instead of complaining about losing her demonic powers (always a hoot as Anya/Anyanka on Buffy). The story was good, the effects were good, and the sets were dark and eerie, but there was just one major flaw.

When the film was first announced, all that was known about it was a photo of the Tooth Fairy. Originally, she was a blue-bodied woman with long, flowing black hair that covered most of her burned face, hollow black eyes, long talons attached to each finger, tiny baby teeth attached to her chest, arms, shoulders, and hips, two sets of vein-y neck wings, a long, tattered skirt, and two long wings attached to her back. I was unnerved by the look, shocked that when you would originally think of the Tooth Fairy, you'd think of a beautiful woman with long, flowing blond hair, a beautiful pink dress, and two cute wings attached to the back of her dress, not the Angel of Death!

Well, August arrived when Sony and Revolution hired effects wizard Stan Winston to fix the design up. When November came, the first photos of the new design showed up and I was very disappointed. It didn't have the same unnerving feeling that the first design left me with. This design just left me with a thought in my head: "Sony replaced the excellent original design for Freddy in drag? What's wrong with them?!"

If they hadn't messed with the Tooth Fairy, I probably would have given Darkness Falls a higher rating. (B+)

Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth (1992)

Not as Bad as I Expected

[7/10 · 3 February 2003]

I first viewed Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth after I saw Hellraiser: Bloodline in a theater (the most underrated Pinhead flick of all). I was going to rent the original, but they were all out, so I rented the Unrated version of this. And I didn't think it was that bad after what I had been hearing.

Pinhead is pretty much himself in this as he was in the other two. He's just shown killing more than when we just saw him kill one victim. He still has smart things to say. And he still has all 128 pins embedded in his head.

The new Cenobites were interesting, but they weren't as creepy as the Chatterer, Female, or Butterball. The only two real intriguing Cenobites were the CD Cenobite and the Terri Cenobite.

The cast was good. We got to see Doug Bradley as Human and Pinhead. Terry Farrell, long before her role on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, is intriguing to watch as the young reporter who is given the task to stop Pinhead, as well as Paula Marshall and Kevin Bernhardt, who play an ally and foe to the reporter that become Cenobites in the end (I wonder if those were really the actors under all that makeup and leather).

And a big plus is that they use the original score instead of cooking up some cheesy score as most third sequels do. It's good to hear the original score, which mixes horror with eroticism.

Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth is not a disappointment.

The Ring (2002)

I went into total paranoia for a few weeks after viewing The Ring

[9/10 · 1 February 2003]

I had received sneak passes to see The Ring early. I was expecting a film with some eerie elements, like The Sixth Sense or The Others. I wasn't expecting something that would send me deep into the dark tunnels of my own paranoia and leave me locked in it for a few weeks. I will kid you not. I am a person that doesn't get scared easily and The Ring shook and crumbled the very foundation. Gore Verbinski takes the basis of Ringu, the original Japanese version, and mixes in his own little twists to create the most frightening movie of 2002.

SPOILERS

There were two scenes that scared me the absolute most.

A) The first being when Ruth tells Rachel about how Katie's face looked when they found her body and they do that quick flash of Katie's body falling out of the closet with that disturbing look of shock embedded in her face. What made that scene so eerie, besides the make-up, was the sound effects used and the fact that you weren't expecting it to happen at all.

B) Whoever says that the scene with Samara coming out of the well and the TV in the end wasn't scary is probably lying because they refuse to admit it. That was the scene that sent me into paranoia because I have a TV in my room that's right in front of my bed. Imagine how frightened I was when I was getting ready for bed and having to eye my TV the entire time. The way it's shot and the way Samara moves sends your nerves straight to Hell.

END SPOILERS

The film also showcases an excellent cast, including Naomi Watts, fresh off her voyeuristic role in Mulholland Drive, Martin Henderson, Brian Cox, and Daveigh Chase, who takes her sweet roles of Donnie Darko's younger sister and the voice of Lilo and totally changes into Samara, the black-haired, dead-eyed girl with a mind of pure evil.

Be warned: don't see The Ring alone.

Wishmaster 3: Beyond the Gates of Hell (2001 Video)

The Djinn Has Placed Himself in a Major Rut of Shame

[1/10 · 30 January 2003]

I'm going to be frank. When I first saw Wishmaster back in 1997, I was greatly impressed. Here was a brave little film that: a) Stayed away from the teen horror genre (hiring hip teens to be butchered left and right) and hired unknowns. b) Was an homage to the splatterfests that haunted the screens from the late 70s to the early 90s (including the Freddy, Jason, and Pinhead films) c) Had some interesting cameos by some of the biggest horror stars, including Robert Englund (Freddy Krueger), Kane Hodder (Jason Voorhees), and Tony Todd (Candyman). All you needed was Doug Bradley (Pinhead) and Gunnar Hansen (Leatherface) and you would have a full house! d) Introduced us to a frightening screen villain that joined the ranks of the classics: the Djinn.

What made the Djinn so eerie was his cruel wish-making and, of course, the voice and presence of Andrew Divoff.

When I first heard that they made Wishmaster 3 and Wishmaster 4 together and with a new actor as the Djinn, I was a bit disappointed. How could they replace the best actor to play the Djinn? It's like replacing Doug Bradley and Robert Englund and having Pinhead and Freddy played by Ewan McGregor and Seann William Scott. And when I finally saw Wishmaster 3, my worst fear had come true. I thought that Wishmaster 2 was pretty bad enough, especially with the Djinn design change, but when I saw this one, I was so insulted by it, I started thinking that Wishmaster 2 was a masterpiece.

I had a few main problems with the film.

A) The lame wishes. If the wish was grotesque, it was ridiculous. The exploding heart, grotesque. The professor being ravaged by the demon women, ridiculous.

B) The acting. The actors are talented people, but they acted like they didn't even WANT to be in the movie. A.J. Cook (talented, but bad material), Tobias Mehler (good actor, bad projects (especially that Godforsaken Carrie remake!!!), and Jason Connery (who doesn't seem to have as great an acting capability as his father) just never seem to be believable.

C) The Djinn himself. With Andrew Divoff, even in the most ridiculous scenes imaginable, he always found a way to make the Djinn dark and scary. With John Novak filling his shoes, he's degenerated the Djinn into a second-class jokester (think of Freddy in the later sequels).

D) St. Michael being the Djinn's nemesis? Does this even need to be talked about?

If you want to rent a good horror film, rent either Jeepers Creepers, the original Wishmaster, or Jason X (not 100% horror, but it's much more entertaining), or go to the theaters and see The Ring, Final Destination 2, or Darkness Falls. Just avoid Wishmaster 3: The Sword of Justice (or Beyond the Gates of Hell, whetever the Hell they decide to call it this week) like the plague!

Legend (1985)

Tim Curry as One of the Greatest Villains Ever!

[8/10 · 17 February 2002]

I first saw Legend a while back when it was announced that there would be a Darkness figure and I thought the story was original, though flawed in places, the sets and costumes were very well designed, and the acting by Tom Cruise (you can tell from this and Risky Business that he had a nose job afterwards) and Mia Sara, but the best thing about the film was just one thing: Tim Curry's performance as the menacing, yet seductive Lord of Darkness. The make-up for Darkness was greatly designed by Rob Bottin (if Chris Walas' astonishing makeup for The Fly wasn't unveiled that year, I would have totally wanted this to win the Makeup Oscar) and the score used when he steps out of the mirror to meet/seduce Princess Lily (Mia Sara) is well done and reminiscent of Vangelis. Besides that, I'd recommend Legend as a good fantasy film or a good drinking game.

B+

Jeepers Creepers (2001)

Horror at it's true best

[9/10 · 8 January 2002]

I was very surprised with how much I really liked Jeepers Creepers when it first came out. I was, at first, expecting another entertaining yet stupid slasher movie with a monster as the slasher, but this was able to capture in the form of the villainous and carnivorous Creeper what most horror movies can never quite catch now: true horror.

All the film needed was a simple plot, a few no-name actors with a bit of talent (even though the two lead characters can get VERY annoying at times), and a very scary villain to join the ranks of some of the other horror classics, such as Halloween, Carrie, A Nightmare on Elm Street, Friday the 13th, and The Exorcist. All I know is that this is a real good film and I can't wait for the upcoming sequel.

Also, on director Victor Salva, I know about his past and, while what he did was absolutely horrific, he's admitted he did a bad thing and promised that he'll never do it again and I can forgive him for it.

Scream (1996)

An Instant Classic!

[10/10 · 8 December 2001]

It is a known fact that in the mid-1990's, the horror genre was very dead. Very few horror movies were recognized. Until Scream came out, the only horror anyone would watch would be either an old Stephen King movie on TV or going to the video store so you didn't have to spend six bucks on seeing Candyman (1992). The Scream trilogy redefined the genre. The best is always the original Scream. It had an very original plot, a decent cast, true scares, some very good references to classic films (Wes Craven's cameo as the janitor in Freddy Krueger clothing and the use of colored corn syrup as blood, like what was used as pig's blood in Carrie (1976)), and it introduced an all-new terrifying serial killer: GhostFace. When I saw it in the theaters in 1996, I was truly scared out of my wits when GhostFace attacks Casey Becker (Drew Barrymore). Very few movies in the genre and the past five years since have been able to be as scary as Scream, except for Jeepers Creepers (2001). Believe me, rent Scream some time, make yourself a nice bucket of popcorn, turn off the lights, and prepare to scream endlessly!

Shasta McNasty (1999–2000)

This was a funny show.

[5 July 2001]

When I saw the first ad for Shasta McNasty, I thought that it looked stupid. Then, I watched the first episode and I was still laughing after it finished. The acting was fantastic, the sets were very cool, and my favorite character was Vern, played by Verne Troyer a.k.a. Mini Me from the second Austin Powers movie. I really liked this show and I was very disappointed that UPN cancelled it. I hope that they bring it back one day.

Scary Movie 2 (2001)

Even funnier than Scary Movie! (some spoilers)

[8/10 · 4 July 2001]

I just got back from "Scary Movie 2" just about an hour ago and I'm still laughing from thinking about it.

The cameos by James Woods, Veronica Cartwright, and Natasha Lyonne are funny enough just to pay for admission. But that's before the film starts to get funnier as the Wayans spoof "The Haunting," "Hannibal," "Save the Last Dance," and "Charlie's Angels." The only (semi) downside to the movie was that the sex jokes in this were racier than the ones in the original film, especially the spoof of "Titanic" that ends very messily.

But besides that, "Scary Movie 2" may probably be the most fun you will probably have at the movies this summer.

A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master (1988)

What an Disappointment, Compared to the Earlier Films

[8/10 · 18 June 2001]

I saw The Dream Master two different ways: First, when I was four years old (it was a TV edit that still gives me restless nights from time to time); Second: when I bought the DVD box set and Nightmare 2 was better than this (and that's saying something). But while I still don't like this film, it has grown a bit on me (but not enough for me to actually like it).

I'll judge the film in to ways: Pros and Cons.

Pros: - Good acting from Rober Englund (as always) and Lisa Wilcox, who should be getting more work; The makeup here is the best out of them all; The score by Craig Saffan is effective.

Cons: - Renny Harlin's direction (his version of Exorcist: The Beginning solidifies that fact); The movie feels way too much like an MTV music video while the first three had a very dark tone to it; While the deaths are inventive, they just really aren't as memorable as classic deaths as Tina's or Jennifer's (well, there is Debbie's death, which brings me to my next point); The cockroach sequence (the main reason for many of my restless nights). That sequence has a long-lasting effect on you that you just REALLY want to get rid of no matter what.

If you want to rent The Dream Master, fine by me. It's your money. But I recommend that you rent Nightmare 1, 3, 7 or Freddy vs. Jason instead.

D-

Dracula 2000 (2000)

I hate this "movie!"

[2/10 · 8 June 2001]

I really don't know what to say about Dracula 2000, except what an insult on Bram Stoker's infamous story of Count Dracula. It had an OK cast, like Christopher Plummer as Van Helsing, but it was still a bad movie. It had no actual plot, no good acting, and Gerard Butler was a disappointing Dracula (sure, he was sensual and menacing, but he should have a "heart" that makes the role meatier, like Gary Oldman in Bram Stoker's Dracula). Pretty much the only good thing about it was Vitamin C, Jeri Ryan, and Jennifer Esposito as Dracula's Brides (but none of them hold a candle to Monica Bellucci as the lead Bride in BSD), but those three hot girls just weren't enough to save this. My advice to Patrick Lussier: stick to editing. And to Wes Craven: Don't attach your name to every Miramax/Dimension horror film that comes out. It will tarnish your career. If you want to see a good vampire movie, my advice is to rent Shadow of the Vampire, starring Oscar nominee Willem Dafoe.

D-