jsimon050 Reviews

Johnson Family Vacation (2004)

Should have been better

[15 April 2004]

This movie should have been funnier. So many things made no sense like why Cedric insisted on talking with that ridiculous accent and why Steve Harvey refused to be funny. As a black man, I am so disappointed when a black movie just sucks.

It was a good kid movie, though, because kids don't care.

The Griswald family's first vacation is the standard for all vacation movies. However, it is not as kid friendly as Johnson Family Vacation. The hot tub scene with the 4 big girls was just begging for funny. Hitler could have gotten more laughs in that scene. Vanessa Williams could not possibly be any more beautiful, though. It was almost worth the price of admission to see her, but not quite.

Bad Santa (2003)

Like wow

[25 December 2003]

Billy Bob Thornton is to Bad Santa what Harvey Keitel is to Bad Lieutenant. The language was so rough that I started to feel bad for the child actors. You gotta admire the balls to the wall style, though. I mean, Santa actually pissed himself while waiting for lap kids. He also repeatedly punched a pre-teen in the face and kicked a midget in the nuts. Wow! This is a fitting achievement for the director of Crumb.

Hit Me (1996)

Made me want to hit myself

[14 September 2003]

I waited patiently for Koteas' agonizingly slow and neurotic performance to pay off. Just when I thought I was going to be rewarded, I was not. By the end I wanted them all to get shot, including the lovely French Canadian woman. I must say, however, that I thought that the film was beautifully shot and faithful, at least partially, to the film-noir ideal. Unfortunately, none of the characters performances made the plot bearable. Even the title has little relevance. They never showed a card game, any card game. I would have settled for the Windows 95 version of solitaire by the end. I was reminded of a watered-down cross between Cronnenberg and Lynch.

The Way of the Gun (2000)

Fantastic Story and Action

[20 January 2003]

I love this movie. It is even good enough to make me not mind Juliette Lewis. The story unfolds at the perfect pace, revealing just enough about the character relationships to keep it from being a chick flick. The action has a way cool, Tarantino-esque "we do this everyday" feel. This movie deserves a place with P. Fiction, R. Dogs, and The Usual Suspects.

Action (1999–2000)

Loved it

[16 January 2003]

I thought that this show was "laugh 'til you puke" funny. It was definitely over the top, maybe too much so. I wish that it hadn't been cancelled. Jay Mohr was raw and Ileanna Douglas, who is quirky sexy was great too.

The Man Who Wasn't There (2001)

a visually arresting tale

[29 July 2002]

Tony Shalhoub as Freddy Riedenschneider stole the show. Thornton's character, Ed Crane, however, played dead-pan to the point of letting interest in his plight slip away. By the end of the film I didn't even care that he had been falsely accused. Although, I found the surreal execution, complete with the two zombie guards, to be way cool. The Brothers Coen were also quite correct using the black and white format for this film noir. While not for every taste, I believe that their films should be collected and The Man Who Wasn't there belongs in that collection.

Gosford Park (2001)

Not a good murder mystery

[12 July 2002]

I found Gosford Park well acted. The pacing and character development suggests a very well crafted murder mystery. All of the characters are suspects. However, by the time the murder is commited, the film spends very little time and engergy solving the crime. The focus remains on the relationships between the characters and the murder becomes a non-issue. I enjoyed Gosford Park but I would not recommend it as a great murder mystery.

Animal Farm (1999 TV Movie)

Total revision

[1/10 · 26 March 2002]

This movie should not bear the name Animal Farm. It is not faithful to the Orwell text and takes unnecessary liberties. It is unfortunate that the money and effort to make this version of the great book was not spent more effectively.