Ken Colangelo Reviews

Snakes on a Plane (2006)

Bask in the badness

[6/10 · 20 August 2006]

You have to WANT to see this movie to enjoy it. It's a bad movie, on purpose, and that's what you have to want. Having said that, it's pretty funny (not hysterical) because it's loaded with stupid 1970s and 1980s action and disaster movie clichés. If the audience has fun with it then it'll be a party film. In my audience they were laughing and clapping at the death of a clichéd old female lead BECAUSE she was such a tired piece of material. As Jackson's partner dies a cry of "MENDOZAAAAA!" goes up from the back of the theater - a reference to a spoof of cop partner films from the Simpsons. I guess it compares to Rocky Horror in the way the audience makes it fun. Except it has no catchy tunes. If I had to watch this alone I would probably die. This is one LOUSY movie. Have fun!

P.S. The music video at the end, I feel, is literally funny.

Slither (2006)

Not clever, could've been funnier

[4/10 · 7 April 2006]

I like lots of schlocky horror fare but this was weak. Nathan Fillion was wasted on this film - that's really too bad. I went expecting something clever or funny from the Dawn of the Dead guys...at least something wise-ass. This was not fun nor funny, just time consuming and dull. Lame, unamusing monsters, few jokes, no horror (didn't really expect that though) - there's precious little to recommend this deal. I've seen worse is about all I can say, but not recently. Also, I would have liked to see more of the alien back-story, that little bit was kind of neat, but too hastily abandoned. I wonder if they'll still make a non-Romero 'Dawn of the Dead' sequel? That I'd go see.

The Skeleton Key (2005)

OK suspense-thriller-type jazz

[7/10 · 12 August 2005]

Hey, it's not the greatest movie ever but it does well. A little fake out here, a simple twist over behind your back, some seltzer in your pants. It's all fun. Well, not fun really. Some scratches and broken bones, some substantial local flooding, some hurt feelings surely but no big monsters, no scary ghosts trying to eviscerate people - generally just no good news for the nice girl who stumbles into the Southified supernatural realm without an unlicensed nuclear accelerator on her back. Sure it will do lots to keep folks from moving the the bayou and I'd bet the bayou folks will be just fine with that. Truthfully I never thought New Orleans would be much fun anyway.

The Grudge (2004)

Not too clever, pretty scary

[8/10 · 22 October 2004]

Lots of scary stuff going on. It's no The Ring, from a story standpoint, but it has more cheap scares, which worked effectively judging from the midnight audience I saw it with. The demographic of the audience was 17-20 years old and the smell of alcohol was hard to ignore. Just a bunch of partiers out at a cheap thrill movie laughing too loud at what seemed like unremarkable Japanese characters* but also powerfully startled and screaming bloody murder during the scarier parts. Sarah Michelle Gellar was bland, as was her boyfriend in the movie. Still, the good directing made it a nasty little package that will now have people scared of their attics.

*Anyone think these characters were silly? I didn't. It's no Godzilla movie, surely. Must just be a cultural misunderstanding? Too much beer probably.

Cabin Fever (2002)

Bad, dumber than imaginable, gross, funny

[5/10 · 12 September 2003]

Really stupid film with lots of grossouts, nudity, terrible cheesy music. Somehow it's funny though, sometimes on purpose, like so many bad horror films of the 80s. I should give it a 3 but I'll go for 5 since some of the humor was a tiny bit effective.

The Time Machine (2002)

Good but little to do with the book

[7/10 · 16 March 2002]

Surprisingly good but nothing to do with HG Wells - there are Morlocks and he leaves around 1899 but that's about it. Great time machine though and the time travel sequences are all they can be. No giant star nitwits in the cast, no catch phrases, that alone gets it a 7.

Dragonfly (2002)

Right at the threshhold of being worth it

[6/10 · 16 March 2002]

A little flat but worth seeing. Not as trivial as the previews made it out to be. Actually had a decent ending and some strong action sequences I wasn't expecting. Hints of Jacob's Ladder and What Lies Beneath but not as good as either.

Resident Evil (2002)

Good basic fluff

[7/10 · 16 March 2002]

Zombies, mutant demon things, good basic thrills. Kind of a ripoff of Aliens and the 'Dead' Romero films but surely better than Alien 4 and not a comedy like the Romero films. Succeeds where Tomb Raider failed in that it entertains and isn't so self-consciously cool. Audience reaction was very positive where I saw it.