Painful, self-consciously quirky 'comedy' with no plot, failing to tell the story of several idiotic, unlikeable characters and their attempts to find love. One of the 5 worst films I've been unfortunate enough to encounter, and I've seen Sextette and Terror of Tiny Town (look them up and realise the full depths that Damsels In Distress reaches). This isn't even bad in the sense of The Room, where at least the results are laughable - quite the opposite, despite this allegedly being a comedy. The cast is awful, but special mention must go to Greta Gerwig as Violet. On the strength of this un-performance, we can only hope she's never cast in anything else. Save yourselves! Avoid this movie at all costs! Spend your time and money doing something more pleasant, like having a root canal.
Reviews
9 Reviews
Drive
(1997)
The best Hong Kong film made somewhere else
14 March 2002
American-born director and FX makeup man Steve Wang hooked up with Power Rangers stunt guru Koichi Sakamoto to make Guyver 2, a Japanese manga-inspired sci-fi movie with martial arts. Their next collaboration was Drive, a low-budget hi-tech action movie that has gained quite a following on DVD.
The movie stars Hawaiian martial arts genius Mark Dacascos as Toby, a guy on the run from the evil corporation that killed his girlfriend and implanted him with a 'Bio-engine', a device that gives Toby superhuman strength and speed. Arriving in America he enlists the reluctant help of Malik (Kadeem Hardison) and the two cross America in Malik's increasingly beat-up hot rod. Along the way there are a few laughs, a touch of romance, the occasional shootout and, oh yes, kung fu. Lots and lots of kung fu.
To be honest the plot is really just a way to get from one action scene to the next, but when the action is as good as this who cares? Wang, Sakamoto and Dacascos (is it me or does that sound like the world's weirdest legal firm?) have come up with some of the finest fight action you'll see in a film made outside Hong Kong. Dacascos proves he is every bit as flexible and forceful as Jet Li, Donnie Yen, Jackie Chan and the rest, while fight master Sakamoto is no less talented than Yuen Woo Ping or Cory Yuen Kuei. It's quite sickening that Dacascos is mostly confined to 10th-rate direct to video movies while overweight personal trainers and ballet dancers like Steven Seagull and Jean Claude Van Donut still manage to get cast in big-budget theatrical releases (well, maybe not Jean Claude anymore).
Fans of The Matrix will no doubt get a kick out of the lightning-fast moves and vaguely sci-fi setting (although it's worth noting that this film predates The Matrix by several years). Anyone looking for no-brainer popcorn entertainment that is actually good will also find much to enjoy.
Note: the US release of this film was cut by about 20 minutes and re-scored with a shockingly bad hip-hop soundtrack. The director's cut, available on UK DVD, is much better and worth seeking out.
The movie stars Hawaiian martial arts genius Mark Dacascos as Toby, a guy on the run from the evil corporation that killed his girlfriend and implanted him with a 'Bio-engine', a device that gives Toby superhuman strength and speed. Arriving in America he enlists the reluctant help of Malik (Kadeem Hardison) and the two cross America in Malik's increasingly beat-up hot rod. Along the way there are a few laughs, a touch of romance, the occasional shootout and, oh yes, kung fu. Lots and lots of kung fu.
To be honest the plot is really just a way to get from one action scene to the next, but when the action is as good as this who cares? Wang, Sakamoto and Dacascos (is it me or does that sound like the world's weirdest legal firm?) have come up with some of the finest fight action you'll see in a film made outside Hong Kong. Dacascos proves he is every bit as flexible and forceful as Jet Li, Donnie Yen, Jackie Chan and the rest, while fight master Sakamoto is no less talented than Yuen Woo Ping or Cory Yuen Kuei. It's quite sickening that Dacascos is mostly confined to 10th-rate direct to video movies while overweight personal trainers and ballet dancers like Steven Seagull and Jean Claude Van Donut still manage to get cast in big-budget theatrical releases (well, maybe not Jean Claude anymore).
Fans of The Matrix will no doubt get a kick out of the lightning-fast moves and vaguely sci-fi setting (although it's worth noting that this film predates The Matrix by several years). Anyone looking for no-brainer popcorn entertainment that is actually good will also find much to enjoy.
Note: the US release of this film was cut by about 20 minutes and re-scored with a shockingly bad hip-hop soundtrack. The director's cut, available on UK DVD, is much better and worth seeking out.
Blind Fury
(1989)
Joyous 80s action nostalgia
14 March 2002
In the 1980s big video rental chains like Blockbuster had yet to colonise England. If you wanted to rent a movie you strolled down to your local garage (filling station) or off-license (liquor store) and browsed the small rack of abominable direct-to-video trash that passed for entertainment. Once in a while though, and entirely unintentionally, they'd have a real gem; a low budget, DTV classic that actually had a good plot, decent acting and some production value. This is how I discovered Blind Fury'.
Rutger Hauer plays Nick, a soldier blinded by an explosion in some far-flung jungle hellhole. Wandering through the trees he stumbles into a small village, where a wizened old sword Master teaches him to handle a Katana in spectacular fashion.
Years later, Nick is reluctantly pulled into a seedy drug conspiracy. One of his army buddies is blackmailed into producing narcotics for one of those low budget movie rent-a-mob guys. Nick must protect his friend's son from assorted redneck hoodlums and, most entertainingly, ninja movie stalwart Shô Kosugi.
This is a thoroughly entertaining movie with some solid fights (the action choreographer later did Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story), and director Philip Noyce (Patriot Games, The Bone Collector) knows how to shoot an action scene. Above all this movie has a sense of FUN, which makes it such a guilty pleasure.
Oh, and the kid in the movie was later in Baywatch but don't hold that against him.
Rutger Hauer plays Nick, a soldier blinded by an explosion in some far-flung jungle hellhole. Wandering through the trees he stumbles into a small village, where a wizened old sword Master teaches him to handle a Katana in spectacular fashion.
Years later, Nick is reluctantly pulled into a seedy drug conspiracy. One of his army buddies is blackmailed into producing narcotics for one of those low budget movie rent-a-mob guys. Nick must protect his friend's son from assorted redneck hoodlums and, most entertainingly, ninja movie stalwart Shô Kosugi.
This is a thoroughly entertaining movie with some solid fights (the action choreographer later did Dragon: The Bruce Lee Story), and director Philip Noyce (Patriot Games, The Bone Collector) knows how to shoot an action scene. Above all this movie has a sense of FUN, which makes it such a guilty pleasure.
Oh, and the kid in the movie was later in Baywatch but don't hold that against him.
Road House
(1989)
Whee-ooh momma, Swayze sure does pack a mean punch!
11 March 2002
When I first saw this movie at the age of thirteen, I loved it. Seeing it again recently thanks to a sparkling new DVD release I was surprised to find that I enjoyed it once again, albeit for somewhat different reasons. It wasn't so much that it contained the essential ingredients of fistfights, shootouts and tits (although it does, in abundance), more that is undoubtedly one of the most unintentionally hilarious camp classics of the Blockbuster era.
If, as Quentin Tarantino suggests, Top Gun is the world's most homoerotic action movie, then Road House is its inbred Southern cousin. It features Patrick Swayze as Dalton, a tough, good-looking and perpetually oiled-up nightclub 'cooler' who travels from town to town like a hair-sprayed Lone Ranger. Wherever redneck hicks are afraid to drink moonshine or low-rent strippers cry out for justice, Dalton will be there. Thus he finds his way to Jasper, Missouri to get rid of the local crime boss and his number one henchman; a martial arts expert and self-proclaimed anal rapist known only as Jimmy. What follows is a curious mix of Way Of The Dragon and Deliverance, as Dalton makes the villains squeal like piggies with his down-home corn chewin' Zen wisdom, glistening pecs and slick kickboxing moves. As if that isn't enough, the soundtrack features a bunch of blues standards rocked up by the Jeff Healey Band that will delight drivers of big rigs everywhere.
Owners of gun racks and monster trucks will love this movie, the rest of us will watch with a mixture of amused delight and spellbound horror. Trailer-park kung fu. it's a winner.
If, as Quentin Tarantino suggests, Top Gun is the world's most homoerotic action movie, then Road House is its inbred Southern cousin. It features Patrick Swayze as Dalton, a tough, good-looking and perpetually oiled-up nightclub 'cooler' who travels from town to town like a hair-sprayed Lone Ranger. Wherever redneck hicks are afraid to drink moonshine or low-rent strippers cry out for justice, Dalton will be there. Thus he finds his way to Jasper, Missouri to get rid of the local crime boss and his number one henchman; a martial arts expert and self-proclaimed anal rapist known only as Jimmy. What follows is a curious mix of Way Of The Dragon and Deliverance, as Dalton makes the villains squeal like piggies with his down-home corn chewin' Zen wisdom, glistening pecs and slick kickboxing moves. As if that isn't enough, the soundtrack features a bunch of blues standards rocked up by the Jeff Healey Band that will delight drivers of big rigs everywhere.
Owners of gun racks and monster trucks will love this movie, the rest of us will watch with a mixture of amused delight and spellbound horror. Trailer-park kung fu. it's a winner.
Gen-X Cops
(1999)
All the worst things about modern Hong Kong movies in one film
5 March 2002
One problem with recent HK action films is that it seems to be impossible to find male leads that aren't also teenybopper pop stars. Imagine a police thriller starring N-sync and you'll start to get the idea of how bad this film is. Basically the plot follows a cop who is the laughing stock of the force (a stupendously awful performance from Eric Tsang) who recruits three police academy dropouts (Nic Tse, Stephen Fung and Sam Lee) to infiltrate a group of hip n' trendy young Triads. The big question must be how the trio ever got into the academy in the first place since they act like 11-year old schoolboys after their first beer. By the end of the movie they've got in with the Triads, had some fights and saved the day, but by that point nobody really cares. The only reason to watch right to the end is (a) a big explosion from the Independence Day effects team and (b) a Jackie Chan cameo.
Really this movie sums up the problem with many modern HK films. It's too American-style, and puts too much emphasis on pretty-boy hair-farmers with the acting talent and martial arts ability of Mariah Carey. The performances are pitiful. The action scenes are a joke. Only Francis Ng, a criminally underused Daniel Wu and Toru Nakamura as the Triad gang leaders come off with any dignity. And if you think this sounds bad, the sequel, Gen-Y Cops, is a million times worse.
3/10
Really this movie sums up the problem with many modern HK films. It's too American-style, and puts too much emphasis on pretty-boy hair-farmers with the acting talent and martial arts ability of Mariah Carey. The performances are pitiful. The action scenes are a joke. Only Francis Ng, a criminally underused Daniel Wu and Toru Nakamura as the Triad gang leaders come off with any dignity. And if you think this sounds bad, the sequel, Gen-Y Cops, is a million times worse.
3/10
Righting Wrongs
(1986)
Yuen Biao and Rothrock shine
5 March 2002
This Corey Yuen Kuei-directed actioner stars Yuen Biao as a gifted young prosecution lawyer. Disillusioned with a system that allows crime lords to buy their way out of trouble, Yuen becomes a vigilante and starts to hunt down the bad guys. On his trail is tough Gweilo cop Cynthia Rothrock, determined that nobody should take the law into their own hands.
The plot for this movie is fairly formulaic, but it remains one of the best HK action films of the 80s. The reasons for this are some strong performances from the leads (Yuen has often been unfairly dismissed as a poor relation of Jackie Chan and Sammo Hung, while Rothrock must have been sick of playing the same part over and over) and some electric action sequences. The most memorable scenes are; an attempt on Yuen's life by black American karate expert Peter "Sugarfoot" Cunningham; a bout between Cynthia Rothrock and her fellow US Forms champion Karen Shepherd; the inevitable showdown between Yuen and Rothrock; and the final confrontation between Yuen, Rothrock and the mysterious villain.
The plot for this movie is fairly formulaic, but it remains one of the best HK action films of the 80s. The reasons for this are some strong performances from the leads (Yuen has often been unfairly dismissed as a poor relation of Jackie Chan and Sammo Hung, while Rothrock must have been sick of playing the same part over and over) and some electric action sequences. The most memorable scenes are; an attempt on Yuen's life by black American karate expert Peter "Sugarfoot" Cunningham; a bout between Cynthia Rothrock and her fellow US Forms champion Karen Shepherd; the inevitable showdown between Yuen and Rothrock; and the final confrontation between Yuen, Rothrock and the mysterious villain.
Cut
(I) (2000)
Fun slasher movie
5 March 2001
Low budget Australian entry into the post-Scream horror genre, about a group of film students trying to complete a slasher movie which was shelved when the director (Kylie Minogue) was murdered by the villain. Everybody who has subsequently tried to finish the movie has died mysteriously, but that never puts these people off does it? Molly Ringwald plays the bratty American soap actress returning to the movie at the request of her agent, who sees the spate of deaths as terrific publicity. She sends herself up brilliantly, the young Aussie cast are excellent and there's a freshness which is missing from most American movies of this type. The bad guy, Scarman, is a good deal creepier than your average masked slasher villain, and much mileage is squeezed from the fact that there are several actors playing Scarman running around too. Recommended if you can find a copy anywhere.
Enter the Eagles
(1998)
Like father, like daughter
22 February 2001
Solid Hong Kong action movie which would be less interesting but for the presence of Bruce Lee's daughter (as I'm sure she hates being introduced) Shannon. She certainly has the moves and seems to have picked up much of the charisma, plus there are a few cool visual gags which serve to point out her famous heritage (there's a really neat bit where she tears out a bad guy's hair and blows it away, much as her dad once did to Chuck Norris}. Shannon's final fight on the airship is magnificent. Well worth checking out if you can find it.
Rapid Fire
(1992)
Damn, I love this movie
9 December 2000
This was the first movie I saw with Brandon Lee in it, and despite the hackneyed plot, cheesy dialogue and pedestrian performances from the supporting cast, I still love it. Simply put, Brandon Lee kicks ass.
Even compared to '90s kung fu stars like Jet Li and Donnie Yen, Brandon had some excellent moves. The fight scenes, choreographed by Lee and Jeff Imada, are well-paced and exciting, with Lee demonstrating his amazing skill. In particular, his big fight with Al Leong features some impressive use of father Bruce's one-inch punch. I wish it was out on DVD!
Even compared to '90s kung fu stars like Jet Li and Donnie Yen, Brandon had some excellent moves. The fight scenes, choreographed by Lee and Jeff Imada, are well-paced and exciting, with Lee demonstrating his amazing skill. In particular, his big fight with Al Leong features some impressive use of father Bruce's one-inch punch. I wish it was out on DVD!
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