Sander Pilon Reviews

Masha i Medved v kino: Skazhite «Oy!» (2023)

Good hour of fun for the kids

[7/10 · 15 December 2023]

It's really sad to see a childrens movie being rating-bombed by people identifying with a side in the russian-ukraine war.

The rating system of IMDB is clearly so broken that it's almost useless even looking at the rating.

Anyway, the 'movie' is more of a collection of 4 Masha episodes. About one hour long, about the length most 4 and 5 year olds will last in a cinema anyway. It's not the best quality of animation or stories, but it's typical of Masha and the Bear episodes as you can see them on various streaming services.

Me and my little girl enjoyed it. A good hour of escaping the world, away from the wars and suffering.

The Consultant (2023)

Not a comedy

[6/10 · 25 February 2023]

Whatever this is, it is not a comedy. It is absurd, over the top, mostly unbelievable and riddled with plot holes the size of planets.

The main flaw is not even that the main premise is absurd, but that the entire ensemble of employees chooses to remain at this company. This single absurdity keeps insulting the intelligence of the viewer and drags this show into the realm of comedy instead of mystery/drama.

And yet it has a certain attraction that keeps you wanting to know what happens next. You keep wanting to know if the levels of absurdity rise, and so far the answer is yes. I'll keep watching because I want to know the outcome, but this is not a good show.

The Ark (2023– )

Uninspiring, irritating characters

[2/10 · 11 February 2023]

I dont really write a lot of reviews. This was supposed to be a next hitshow from the creators of Stargate, etc.

But really? Do they expect us to watch this? Most characters are one sided, boring, or just plain irritating. Events are random and these people who are supposed to be the best of the best from planet earth behave like a bunch of spoiled children.

Minutes after waking up from cryosleep during a disaster, people look perfectly healthy, fit and all hair is perfectly combed. What?

People die left and right, but after a quick ceremony everybody moved on without any sign of emotional effect.

And these really smart people keep doing really, really dumb things.

Be smarter than them, stop watching.

The Terminal List (2022– )

Are people watching and then reviewing or...?

[8/10 · 4 July 2022]

There is something very wrong with the reviews here.

10/10?? Really? 1/10? Really?

It is not worth 10 stars. This is not Godfather or Sopranos-like material, at all.

On the other hand, it is not worth 1 star either. Acting is not that bad, and there are much worse series out there on any of the streaming services.

Where are the balanced reviews?

I'd say it's a mildly interesting piece of television. About what you expect from the genre (like SEAL Team or any of the SEAL-shows)

Chris is not on his best. Certainly not as enteraining as in Jurassic Park or GOTG.

6/10, maybe 7/10. Good popcorn TV, but nothing more.

Warrior Nun (2020–2022)

The dialogue, make it stop!

[2/10 · 5 July 2020]

The premise is not that bad, this could have been a cool show. But it is totally screwed up, dumbed down and not meant to be watched by anyone over 15 years old. The dialogue and acting are cringeworthy.

This is no Buffy.

6 Underground (2019)

Solid action movie

[7/10 · 13 December 2019]

Does it have a good story? Not really, the premise is almost original though. Good characters? No, not really. Shallow, predictable.

But the action, one-liners and eyecandy still make this a good two hours of solid entertainment! 7/10.

Daybreak (I) (2019)

Bunch of kids in a high school play

[3/10 · 2 December 2019]

This show tries to hard. It is like a bunch of kids in a high school play. As a result it is not quirky, not funny and lacks all substance. I tried, but in the end this is not for me.

Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.: Fear and Loathing on the Planet of Kitson (2019) Season 6, Episode 3

Awesome

[9/10 · 25 May 2019]

After the mediocre last season, the show is back on track. This was one hell of a fun episode that left me cursing and screaming at the television in its final moments - that cliffhanger was intense!!!

SEAL Team (2017–2024)

A military soap opera

[8/10 · 18 June 2018]

This is not a game changing tv show. It has a simple premise: men shooting guns at bad guys, an occasional explosion, lot of pictures of military equipment and tough talk. Mix in some romance affairs and a dog that sniffs out explosives, and that's that.

Does that sound like I hate it? Maybe. But I love it. Ideal after a days hard work :)

Popcorn entertainment. And a pretty good attempt at that too. Just dont expect anything smart.

Star Trek: Discovery (2017–2024)

Very entertaining

[9/10 · 1 November 2017]

It started out a little slow the first few episodes, but I'm rapidly growing very fond of every aspect of this show. Good characters, good production.

Nothing is what it used to be. Nothing is what it seems, the captain doesn't seem very dependable and ultimately nobody is safe. In that aspect this show is very fresh and not as politically correct as the old star trek series we used to have.

My only problem so far is that Michael is rising through the ranks a little too fast for my tastes. But hopefully we'll see more of the dark and gritty side of life on a Fededation vessel.

So far so good.

Dead & Breakfast (2004)

Not enough ketchup in the world...

[3/10 · 13 August 2004]

After reading the comments here I had high expectations of this movie. Unfortunately, it left me bored and disappointed.

The premise of the film is simple. A bunch of friends are stuck in some town in the middle of nowhere, add zombies and let the gore fest begin!

Movies like this need to be funny, gory, fast-paced or scary. This movie fails to deliver. The humor just isn't good enough to entertain for 90 minutes, the pace is too slow, the story is just too fragmented, characters fail to make an impression and the rap-sessions between "chapters" lost their charm after 10 times too.

Bottom line - this movie doesn't come close to movies like From Dusk Till Dawn, Evil Dead 1/2/3, Dawn of the Dead, Braindead or even the recently released Shaun of the Dead.

My rating: 3/10

Babylon 5 (1993–1998)

The best show ever.

[24 May 2004]

I'm a TV junkie. I watch about every half decent show out there. Recently I started watching Babylon 5 again from DVD.

The show might be a decade old. The SFX might sometimes be bad, the make-up sometimes somewhat dated.

But still. No other series is so... epic. So overwhelming. So exciting. So gut-wrenching. I just can't find superlatives good enough to describe this show.

No other show this last decade can light a candle to B5. Mostly because tv stations are afraid to tell a story that spans more then one episode.

JMS predicted one thing about B5. He said: "you will cry." And, dammit, he's right. Again. And I still have trhee more seasons to go....

So anyone that hasn't seen this yet: Do yourself a favor. Don't let the bad acting and weak SFX the first 5 episodes get to you. Stick with it, and you too will agree that this is the best tv show ever made.

The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)

They said it couldn't be done. Jackson did it.

[10/10 · 6 January 2004]

This movie is the second '10' in my vote list, and so far it counts 650 movies.

Having read the books, I, like many, formed my own middle earth. And for a movie it is next to impossible to live up to the already established image the excellent books have left in my mind.

But Jackson did it. Never have I been so impressed with a movie. There are numerous 'wow!' points in the movie, from the first shots of Minas Tirith to the arrival of the elephaunts to the fight with Shelob.

A breathtaking amount of detail and care has went into the movies, from the digitally created Gollum to the straps on the kings armour, the production of the movie is near perfect. Words fail to describe Minas Tirith, and the cast does an excellent job all around.

Some people here say that the ending is too long. Indeed, the movie does not follow the current hollywood standards of a climax and then the end. I blame hollywood. I wish more movies would take the time to wind down and end their story properly.

Some people say that the movie left out some important parts of the book. They are right, but it would've made the movie too long.

On both accounts Jackson made the proper compromise.

Peter Jackson & Team - Thank you!

Once Upon a Time in Mexico (2003)

Not as good as desperado...

[7/10 · 5 January 2004]

I went in with high hopes, something a seasoned movie-watcher like me should know not to do, and unfortunately I could not help but feel a bit dissapointed. The reason I had such high hopes was, ofcourse, that it's predecessor, Desperado, was such an excellent movie.

Once upon a time in mexico (herafter called "the movie") lacks in almost every area that desperado excelled in.

I can't help but feel his little spy kids projects have spoiled Rodriguez a bit. The action in the movie is sometimes a bit over the top, in a totally uncool, sometimes even childish way. Fake CGI and gas explosions are used too much, and people fly and jump just a little too much for my tastes. Effects of the action are a bit too comic sometimes. Desperado had much better action.

Although lacking a story too, Desperado at least didn't pretend to have one.

The movie pretended to have Salma Hayek in it. She wasn't on screen more then 5 minutes, unfortunately. Huge bummer for us guys.

And the soundtrack, well, it's actually pretty good! But still, the Tito&Tarantula soundtrack from Desperado is almost unequalled.

Still, the movie is highly enjoyable. Lots of action, one-liners and excellent performances from the cast, especially Depp. (Who seems to be in all the right movies in the right roles these days. Way to go!)

Rating: 7/10, and that's giving it a lot of credit.

(And once again we're stuck with a trilogy where part 3 just isn't up to par.)

Azumi (2003)

Okay movie ruined by too much cheap shots...

[5/10 · 19 December 2003]

The story is about a little orphan girl who is raised with 9 other boys to become assassins and carry out their 'mission'.

The movie is basically a coverstory for a whole lot of unconvincing sword fighting, cheap green-screen shots, and gallons of fake blood. I can take a whole lot of fake stuff, having enjoyed CTHT and a lot of other asian movies, but this one is just a little bit too fake.

And hey, even some cheap shots can be forgiven, but what totally ruins it is that the lead cast is entirely unconvincing as a bunch of assassins. They looked like a bunch of highschool kids who clumsily tried to wave a sword or two around, and failed miserably at that.

Rating: 5/10, but just because you get to look at hot japanese girls in tiny miniskirts.

Coronado (2003)

Finnally, a real adventure again!

[8/10 · 12 October 2003]

It's been a while since we had a real adventure in the theatre.

Well, the wait is over! Coronado is a genuine Indiana Jones style adventure in central America. Complete with ancient temples, revolutions and tons of jokes. And oh, it has something the Indiana Jones movies never had - a hot babe in the leading role. A real Lara Croft, the way she was meant to be!

So yeah, the story contains plot holes the size of elephants, the actors aren't always believable, but hey ... the insane amount of fun that this movie delivers makes more then up for that.

Bottom line: bring on the sequel!

Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle (2003)

Full Reverse

[5/10 · 19 September 2003]

The first Charlies Angels movie had a shred of believability left. Granted, it wasn't much, but it was there. In Full Throttle all that is gone. The stunts are way over the top, and totally not believable, and calling them stupid is giving them too much credit. And the characters are weak at best. Even compared to the first one Full Throttle is pretty weak.

The only real revelation this movie brings is that Owen Wilson has a brother. I heard the voice of the FBI agent and immediately recognized the voice of Owen Wilson. It turned out to be his brother. Duh.

Wonderful Days (2003)

Quality animation wasted by a boring story.

[4/10 · 14 September 2003]

The animation of this animation was really superb. But then again, I've always had a weak spot for huge post-apocalyptic structures.

But the story... it's so boring. I think it's because the story fails to capture the audience. You don't care for the good guys, and you don't care if the bad guys die or not. You just look at the pretty pictures, but even those become boring after 30 minutes.

Rating: 4/10.

Path to War (2002 TV Movie)

Interesting, but slow

[4/10 · 18 June 2003]

This movie is about America getting dragged into the Vietnam war. It's not about the soldiers, but more about the political background that led to the war.

The movie itself presents an interesting view of the events, but I fear that the movie is more suited for a history class at school. It just doesn't entertain enough for that rainy sunday afternoon. It's basically a lot of politicians talking.

It's hard to rate this movie - the political background of a war is really fascinating material, in that aspect the movie delivers. But a movie should also be entertainment, and unfortunately this particular movie failed to entertain me.

xXx (2002)

Great action movie!

[8/10 · 17 October 2002]

XXX is like an over the top James Bond without all the talking, but with more attitude, action and bigger explosions. Entertainment in it's purest form.

Guns. Cars. Chicks. Gadgets. Huge explosions. One-liners. Bad guys. Insane stunts. Humor and above all, lots and lots of action. What can you POSSIBLY want more in a movie?

Yes, it has plotholes the size of the sun. But who cares if they cover them up with big explosions?

Yes, "character development" is nowhere to be seen in this flick, but who cares if they cover it up with lots of pretty girls?

When you're totally braindead after a long week of work, THIS is the movie to unwind with. No complicated plot, stupid characters, or boring drama to endure. Just sit back, set your mind to 'standby', and don't forget to breathe and chew that popcorn once in a while.

Oh, did I mention the huge explosions?

Rating: 8/10. Bring on XXX2!

Signs (2002)

Awful...

[4/10 · 11 September 2002]

Okay, I can usually see how films get high IMDB ratings, even though I don't like them myself. Not this time.

The whole plot is unbelievable. Hell, Independance Day was more believable! The characters are "flat", you get no connection with them at all. The ending is horrible. The aliens are, well, the same aliens we saw a million times before - nothing original.

M. Night Shyamalan has failed us again.

In other words: It's the worst movie I've seen in a long time, and I can't for the life of me figure out how it got to have a 7+ in the ratings.

My rating: 4. Stay. Away.

Rurouni Kenshin: Reflection (2001–2002)

The OVA that ends it all...

[8/10 · 28 April 2002]

Kenshin lasted a long time: OVAs, Movies and more then three years of television - but all good things must come to an end.

Will Kaoru get Kenshin? What will happen to Yahiko and Sanouske?

This 2-part Kenshin OVA answers those questions and ends the series in a worthy way. It is not as good as some of the other OVA's and TV episodes, but not bad at all.

You could see it as a summary of the TV series plus a final episode.

Fans will definitely not want to miss this, if only to close the magnificent book of Kenshin.

Rating: 8/10

Gosford Park (2001)

Long, Boring, Dull

[3/10 · 1 April 2002]

I watched this movie because of all the great reviews here.

I will never listen to you guys again! This movie was a 2 hour bore! It was terrible! A bunch of boring English people talking about boring things and the last 30 minutes were supposed to be some murder mystery that turned out to be not very mysterious at all.

Rating: 2/10

Cowboy Bebop (1998–1999)

They're right....

[9/10 · 4 March 2002]

In the comments before this one you haven't read a single bad review, you've been told this is the coolest thing ever, the best anime show ever made, you've been told it redefines style and class, you've been told the music is awesome, and many more.

All I can say is that they're right. Cowboy Bebop is 11 out of 10, three thumbs up, and even that's just not enough.

Go see it.

Escaflowne: The Movie (2000)

Good retelling of a great animated series

[7/10 · 28 November 2001]

'Escaflowne', the movie, is basically a retelling of the popular (and wonderful) animated series. However, the movie is a lot darker, a lot of characters in the series have been left out, and some events have been altered, so do not expect to see a movie that stays true to the series.

Does that make it bad movie? No, not at all.

My Rating: 7.5 / 10