war_cat2 Reviews

Land of the Dead (2005)

You have to be kidding me right?!?!

[2/10 · 25 October 2005]

I avoided seeing this movie in the theaters for the whole two weeks it was playing there for one reason. When I saw the trailer it looked like an utter piece of cr#p with that lame "hollywood polished" look.

You know where the lighting is so generic, the lead characters all have an inch of makeup on (to help repel the generic lighting glare), the sets look plastic and cookie-cutter like, there are "famous" people playing the lead characters which really ruins the suspended disbelief factor (aka Star Wars New Trilogy syndrome), and so on.

So as quickly as it disappeared from my local theaters it landed (no pun intended) on my local video rental store shelves. It took me a week of trying to convince myself it was worth paying $4.00 to rent when good luck (or bad luck) found me. My neighbor just bought it so I borrowed it from him to give it a watch.

Let me preface the next dialog by my background. I grew up in Pittsburgh and lived there most of my life. The original Romero films (Night & Dawn) were two of my all time favorite flicks. I lived by Monroville Mall (where Dawn was filmed) and many a time took self guided tours in the back halls looking for the "boiler room" and the "hideout to the roof" room. I found the boiler room. :-) These films were part of my soul as a person and I made damn sure everyone I connected with over the years knew that. I lent them out to so many friends and watched them over and over with so many girlfriends as to try and let onto others what I oh so loved. I won't discuss Day of the Dead. While it had some "qualities" to it. It simply wasn't there.

So imagine an avid fan like me just having that "gut instinct" that this one was going to be horrible. I just had that feeling. I was so damn sad just thinking how bad it was going to be. But I've been wrong before.... maybe the preview was chopped up with pare-polished clips before they got reworked. Right? Maybe?

I popped the DVD in with a feeling of hope and sat back and watched. The first five to ten minutes went by "ok" with no huge letdowns (well with the exception of the film not being able to call Pittsburgh "Pittsburgh" for whatever reason??? WTF?). Then "ok" turned to "uggh", then "uggh" turned to "ick", then "ick" turned to "omg this isn't good", then "omg this isn't good" turned to "help me".

Now 15 minutes after popping this movie out I am sitting here on IMDb writing this review. I feel I have to waste more time with this film to warn others and to "let it all out" as maybe this place makes me feel like I have a virtual shoulder to cry on.

I could go into a hundred details of why it was such a horrible film but all you have to do is read the 1000's of other pis$ed off reviews about this film to get where I'm going. I don't feel like bashing George right now. I just hope in my heart he really knows just how much he let all his loyal fans down. Because I have a feeling he might not. What with all these mysteriously positive reviews posted up here by people who most likely live to watch each new episode of "Survivor" since Season 1, George might be a little misguided as into thinking he actually succeeding into not making a pile of cr#p.

Let's all do ourselves a big favor and take a deep breath and think positive thoughts. "Hey hey everything is going to be OK, hey hey everything is going to be alright".

The Fog (2005)

Avoid this movie at all costs.

[2/10 · 17 October 2005]

I saw this opening night and let me tell you. The first hour is so bad that at least a half dozen people got up and left. The lady behind me puked half way thru the movie as well (I think because the movie made her nauseous). The last 1/2 hr does have some cool cinematography but not enough to save the film from the horrible creation it is. Bad acting, horrible script writing, stereo- typical characters with less than 1-dimension. Leave well enough alone (the 1980 original). ___SPOILER BELOW____ The best (funniest) part of the film comes when the lead lady watches a videotaped segment of some murders and we see the hilarious reaction of guy who hid in the freezer. "Just chillin'" he was. :-)

We also get an infamous horrible script writing one-liner "What's going on here?".... see if you can spot it.

Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith (2005)

The force is not with this one

[2/10 · 23 May 2005]

Well, the movie is a miserable failure on so many levels it is nearly impossible to decide where to start. First off let me declare that Episode IV is one of my top 3 movies of all time. I am a huge fan and actually thought Episode II had many redeeming qualities. But this pile of crap is a different story. I saw it in a packed theater and in many scenes the audience was bursting out laughing at how poor the acting was and how cheesy the scenes were. Most notable the entire scene where Samuel L Jackson is slayed by the soon to be Darth Vadar. The entire scene is a laugh riot and me and my date burst into tears at how hilarious the scene played out. Can you say bad makeup and horrible acting day? Omg, isn't it funny how R2D2 can 'jump' out of his spaceships in this film but not in Episodes 4->6? It's funny how bad this film really is. I saw it with 2 other huge fans as well and we just left shaking our heads in disbelief. Lucas needs to issue out a serious apology to all the fans he let down. He should recommision Eps 1->3 to a new director to 'remake' them immediately. The only good thing about this film was the last 20 mins which sets up the masterpiece Ep 4. And that was just because it brought back such warm memories of the best one of all. Yoda is cool as well, but the rest of the cast is a joke. The writing pathetic as well. Do not even think about renting this pile either.

Elephant (2003)

Brilliant.... spellbounding

[21 November 2003]

After leaving this movie I could not believe it was only like 80 mins... it felt like at least 2 hrs... why? Because I was so captivated to the screen. I never wanted my eyes to leave. I was definitely fascinated by the incredible camera work and the amount of time it must have took. Some might call it artsy, but it did nothing but draw the audience more in touch with being a student there. Long boring walks, the monotony. Whether Gus did this intentionally or not does not matter. The fact is it works brilliantly. The school and 'high school life' in general are dissected to such a amazing degree that by the end of the film you really feel like you've been at this school for 4 years and are just another zombie walking the halls. Then 'boom' you are snapped backed to reality by a senseless killing spree that has no explanation. And it doesn't need one. Because an explanation won't do anything for you or anyone else... you or they will just be gone. This film not only shows this but rubs that fact in your face. You are pretty much helpless to watch and there is nothing that can be done to stop it. You just had the feeling watching this kids shoot up the school or get ready to shoot up the school that if that janitor (or kid) did run and call the cops... it wouldn't matter. By the time the cops got there (even if it was under a minute) and figured out what to do the kids would have been done with their shooting spree hours ago. This is exactly what happened at Columbine. The cops show up and just sit in the parking lot not knowing what to do, or more importantly, not wanting to risk their lives to go try to help other people because they are A) Scared to, or B) don't want to disobey an order from a captain that tells them to sit back for the time being. You can't really even blame the cops... You or I might do the same thing being in their situation... but this all goes back to the film and how brilliantly it was constructed. You totally got that feeling near the end... no hope in sight, etc. As far as the filmmaking goes, it was again breathtaking. The entangled stedicam tracks are nothing short of a masterpiece. I was glued to the screen... how the hell did they accomplish that?, etc. He seemed to account for every reflective surface on these tracks too. Holy smokes. Amazing. Simply put.

Valley Girl (1983)

Simply put... The best 80's movie.

[10/10 · 24 September 2003]

20 Years later and this movie still has echoes of its greatness floating around. Never has a movie surpassed Valley Girl's incredible soundtrack. The movie completely encapsulated the 80's to such a perfect degree that it could only be realized this many years later. Nicolas Cage at his best. A movie that just has so much character to it, that it makes you realize how sad hollywood has become (as far as quality goes). The special edition DVD is loaded with tons of extras and well worth it to purchase it as you'll have plenty of material to sift through. For sure.

X2 (2003)

Total waste of $9.50

[1/10 · 12 May 2003]

First and foremost, I thought the first X-Men was an average to dull movie and it in no way merited a sequel. Hollywood of course has different agendas. This sequel is horrible. The first 30 mins of the movie move along rather well and have some nice special effects, but that is where the fun stops. The last hour is so drawn out and boring that I and my co-watcher were nodding off at times. The plot is bad, and the script is poorly written. Can anyone answer me these 2 questions? (1) Why is it ok to kill off goverment soldiers, but it is not Ok to kill police officers? For some reason no police officers were hurt during the filming of this movie, there faces however were covered in soot from exploding cars 1ft from them. Meanwhile army special ops soldiers were gutted left and right with no limbs spared. (2) Why can this band of mutants accomplish incredible feats time & time again without fail, but when faced of the task of trying to avoid a wall of water closing in on there location with 30 mins to act the best solution they can come up with is to sit in a broken down state of the art 'mutant' jet (which for some reason has no ejection seats) and look dumbfounded? WTF? And people are raving about this pile of junk. The damn teleportin' crawler could have teleported them all 1 by 1 to a nearby mountain top in 5 secs. Nice script writing. I can not believe this movie is going to inherit yet another sequel. Tragedy at it's finest. There was two awesome things about the movie though that I forgot. The preview for 28 Days Later, and the preview for Matrix 2. I'm out.

The Hunted (2003)

Jeez, Let me dust off my First Blood DVD instead

[14 March 2003]

Hi kiddies,

This movie basically is First Blood redone. It's hollywood snaking a classic movie in the beliefs that the new generation of movie goers won't realize what has been stolen. You know how when you listen to the radio to a new rap song, and you hear a familar riff being used in that song (take any Puff Daddy song) and you just know many young kids won't realize it is a stolen riff? Same deal with this movie.

Director: Come on, let's just make it, we got Tommy Lee to sign as Colonel Troutman. $15 million only... that's a steal.

Producer: What if the kids did see First Blood?

Director: It came out in like 81 or something right? Like at least 20 years ago.... they'd be in their mid 30's by now at home with 2 kids, they won't be able to afford to go the movies.

Producer: Nice point. Let's do it. You down for 18 tomorrow?

Director: Sure, tell Susan hi for me.

Do yourself a favor and rent or buy the classic First Blood. See David Caruso before he moved to Miami and became a stud.

25th Hour (2002)

An introspective film

[13 January 2003]

Well first off, I thought when I opened up the reviews for this movie on IMDB they would be much more generous. I couldn't believe all the people who didn't like it. I thought the film was very refreshing and very introspective.

I have only seen 1 or maybe 2 other Spike Lee movies. This might have led to a more favorable review since certain complaints were about repetitiveness from his other works. I had no problem with the editing (excessive jump-cuts) or sound (I thought the sound mixing in the dance club scene was actually well done).

The movie stood out to me for several reasons. I loved the whole countdown theme to the movie. The countdown that your life as you know it is going to be over in a very short time. When I enlisted in the Army a while back there were parallel feelings. You get your orders and you know you are shipping out in 'X' months, then it becomes 'X' days, then 'X' hours. Your not sure what's going to happen to you so you think this might be my last time to live like this (at least for awhile). While prison would be an uncomprehendible horror to be on your horizon, there is still that feeling of a 'countdown' going on in the service.

I thought the DEA officers and the scenes they had were great too. The whole interrogation scene where they try to get Norton to spill the beans on Nikolai was intense. It wasn't filled with yelling or agents punching people like you might find in a similar film. Instead it was filled with incredibly powerful dialog and an interesting introspection into how easy it would be for the DEA (or any officers) to put some incredible pressure on someone to cough up some info. 'Playing ball' as they put it. I thought the agents mannerisms were extremely entertaining too ('well shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit').

Hoffman's character's whole obsession with his 17yr old student was great too, although a little more dissection would have been preferred. And Pepper's character was great. Their whole friendship thing just shows how different people can become over time and still remain friends. Those 3 characters would have never been friends had they met after high school.

I thought the WTC construction scene was very well done, not over the top and had a good fit in the movie. I'm glad it was in there, as well as the 'no F-U' bathroom scene. This movie brought a lot of things to the table that many directors neglect, or more honestly don't have the insight to even see. This movie is in a category of it's own from a direction/writing standpoint. I recommend this movie in many aspects.

Bowling for Columbine (2002)

Not as great as some have said

[7/10 · 4 December 2002]

First off, I gave this film a 7. I wanted to rate it 6.5 but IMDB wouldn't let me, and a 6 wasn't giving it a fair shake. The first hour of this movie really was moving... I loved the interview with Marlyn Manson (I never liked this guy until after seeing his interview), and the interview with Matt Stone (the whole way he laid out high school and how it is imbedded in us how important it is was entirely too accurate). The Chris Rock clip was priceless, his stand up alone warrants his own movie. To me however, the second hour of the film was more like Michael Moore dragging us through his perception of why America is so violent. Maybe he did this behind the scenes, but I felt its presence all too powerfully. Although he really doesn't investigate into why America is more violent than other countries (and he states this fact), he was basically asserting his views upon us anyways (not that this is a crime, it's his movie!). The fact that he seemed to act like he wasn't was bothering me. The whole movie seemed to suggest our gun control laws were wrong and too lax. And that this was a big reason all these tragedies were occurring. He wanted to show us how easy it was to buy ammunition at K-Mart. He made a big deal about how the boys that shot up Columbine got their ammunition there (somehow pushing us to believe the tragedy might have been prevented had it not been sold there). The truth is, 'Where there is a will, there is a way'. Anyone who wants to go shoot up a school that bad will find their ammunition somewhere. And the whole half hour or longer deal about bothering Heston was just annoying. Sure the guy was wrong (highly insensitive) for holding his rallies at the towns right after these tragedies occurred. But to go to his own home (which Heston was cool enough to set him up with an interview on no notice) and try to rattle him with a picture of a dead girl (whom he is somehow directly responsible for) was just wrong also. This accomplished nothing and moved the movie to a snail's pace. Oh yeh, and let's go annoy Dick Clark while he's in the privacy of his van getting ready to go out with some friends. The whole movie almost had a feeling that Michael Moore really doesn't like America in many ways (the montage of devastation set to Joey Ramone's 'What a Wonderful World' cover is evidence enough). I felt this feeling throughout most of the movie too. Everyone is entitled to his or her opinion, I would just rather people to state it out instead of trying to push upon us so subtly. I really think the movie would have been a down right masterpiece if he would have focused his last hour of film on exploring more into explanations (and even more into questions), instead of shoving us down his road using his subtle views as propellents.

Insomnia (2002)

He must have been duct-taped

[2/10 · 11 July 2002]

Going from Memento to this one can only wonder if Christopher Nolan did in fact have anything to do with this film. The girl I went with fell asleep several times (which brought new meaning to the film's title). I almost fell asleep twice. The acting is very good, it's just the damn movie moves along so slow. It's like 'Ok, we got your point, it takes her a while to drive out to the cabin'.... 'do you have to draw it out into a 10 min scene?'. Keep in mind to all you Nolan fans. He remade this movie from a movie that came out several years ago in france. So he took a bad egg to begin with. He still shoulda known better. Tisk tisk. Hopefully he just caught a momentary case of McTiernan virus (McTiernan went from DieHard to Rollerball 2002) and he'll recover.

Let's all send our best wishes to Nolan on a speedy recovery.

Rollerball (2002)

I'm sorry for this travesty

[1/10 · 11 July 2002]

I want to pledge my sympathy for all those unfortunate souls who had to suffer through the viewing of this atrocity. My thoughts and prayers go out to you. I will trust in due time you will be able to find some sort of meaning for the torment you experienced.

The Pornographer (1999)

Definitely a great flick

[4 January 2001]

This movie captures something special. To bring a seemingly normal man into the porn world through film must be a very tough thing to do. This is exactly what Doug Atchison accomplishes. He brings us down a route that could be easily taking by so many people. Not many realize this. The movie has some superb acting, and what a great treat to see Craig Wasson from Body Double enter the film. The movie also boasts a soundtrack that fits perfectly into the film. The trailer for the movie on the DVD is nearly perfect. All I can really say is go rent this DVD at Hollywood video and check it out. You won't be disappointed in any sense. Great job Doug. Good luck with future projects.

Cadence (1990)

3 Paws up!

[7 December 2000]

Plot summary: Charlie Sheen is thrown into an army stockade with a whole gang of brothers, and they need to learn to work together to get through it. Translation: He's the only white guy in the bunch, and if his honky azz messes up, he won't be rollin'.

This underground (hardly any theater time) military movie turns out to be quite a winner. Charlie Sheen is superb, Laurence Fishburne does a great job, and Martin Sheen pulls off a great directorial debut to the big screen (along with a nice acting performance). I was in the army for many years and I could totally relate sometimes how it was to be the white guy trying to fit in. It's a tough situation to capture in film and make work (it's been attempted hundreds of times), but Martin does a very nice job. The 'Chain Gang' song they sing through the movie was so good that I recorded it off the the movie to MP3. My squad once attempted to perform that cadence dance. It was very amusing. 'Gig for Bean' is a quote I used to say all the time. Every once in awhile someone would get it and it would be a classic moment. 3 out of 4 paws on this one. (More reviews at www,warcat,com)

Real Genius (1985)

I was hot and I was hungry!

[10/10 · 29 November 2000]

Great movie. I still watch this movie today and get great laughs over it. Godbless Napster for giving me the tools to acquire the soundtrack which as far as I can tell was never produced. 'Number One', and 'I'm falling' are two obscure tracks from the movie that are great. This movie was my best buddy through my college years (in the 90's). It just makes studying not that bad anymore. You want to be a geek. :) Val Kilmer has never had a better role since (Tombstone was close). Ahterton is great, and the guy who plays Kent is hilarious. Oh yeh, Debra Foreman makes an appearance too (remember her as the lead from Valley Girl?). 4 paws up! (see www.warcat.com for more reviews).

The Perfect Storm (2000)

The clouds take a long time to clear

[6/10 · 17 November 2000]

This movie had great special effects and very good attention to detail but was way to drawn out and got boring for a bit because of it. Also, do not watch this movie on a TV (unless it is huge). This movie was clearly made for the theater. Watching it on the VCR was demoralizing to say the least. I knew it would have looked way better on the big screen. Like I said, it had very good attention to detail (George Clooney's tan line where his wedding band used to be, etc), but the storm scenes seem to go on forever. Which makes watching this over (aka replay-value) virtually impossible. Worthy of rental. My rating: 6. Special Note: There is actually one scene in this movie where they show a close-up of Clooney on his boat all scruffed up. He actually resembles Ice Cube in this scene. It's an unbelievable thing to say let alone see. See if you can spot this scene out. Recall how Ice Cube looked in Anaconda, etc. What a howl.

The Perfect Storm (2000)

Clouds taking a long time to clear

[6/10 · 17 November 2000]

This movie had great special effects and very good attention to detail but was way to drawn out and got boring for a bit because of it. Also, do not watch this movie on a TV (unless it is huge). This movie was clearly made for the theater. Watching it on the VCR was demoralizing to say the least. I knew it would have looked way better on the big screen. Like I said, it had very good attention to detail (George Clooney's tan line where his wedding band used to be, etc), but the storm scenes seem to go on forever. Which makes watching this over (aka replay-value) virtually impossible. Worthy of rental. My rating: 6.

Kelly's Heroes (1970)

Worth its weight in gold

[9/10 · 3 November 2000]

Great movie... Great plot, great acting, great direction, you name it. It even has a great theme song; Burning Bridges by the Mike Curb Congregation (I finally found the .mp3). My favorite part of the movie, and a scene that makes the whole movie worth while, is when Carrol O'Conner (playing an American General) is listening to the radio and overhears our heroes talking about pressing forward and cutting into German lines with all this enthusiasm. So O'Conner gets all psyched up and is like 'that's the kind of spirit I'm talking about!' Little does he know they are fighting their way forward to claim 16 million dollars in gold. The minefield scene is well done to and adds some serious intensity to the film. The DVD is great. A must see, even 30 years later.

Mankillers (1987)

Fun late night movie to watch

[8/10 · 1 November 2000]

Mankillers. The name itself should tell you to 'lighten up' and relax while you sit back on a late Friday or Saturday night to watch this one.

It's about a girl (McKenna) who is a former CIA agent that must put together and train a group of 10 women convicts. Their job is to find John Mickland and stop him (by any means necessary). Hence the name 'Mankillers'. Mickland has been up to no good in the form of kidnapping young girls and selling them to rich nogood individuals.

It's a cheesy movie that looks like a group of 10 to 15 friends got together to make. With that said, you will get plently of laughs from the lack of special effects, or the low budget stunts that are performed. There is one scene where some kidnapped girls are being kept in the man guarded camp. The camp itself is low budget defined. There are all these shacks constructed of 2 x 4's and sheet metal. But that all adds to the effect of a 'budget on a shoestring'. The movie has some classic scenes too. The head bad guy has a scene where he is interrogating another man (an infiltrator). He handcuffs the guy up to the ceiling and pulls out a chainsaw (like in Scarface) and yells at the guy. The authority in his voice and the way he delivers the dialog is classic. The scene ends *SPOILER* with the chainsaw being driven into the helpless victim and fades out as we hear his blood curtling screams. Classic.

The movie has some fairly cute girls in it, but there is no nudity that I recall. It's any 80's movie, so you get plently of the 80's outfits along with the 80's fluff chick hair.

All in all the movie is quite entertaining and is definitely worth renting. I found it at Blockbuster for many years but it might be hard to find nowadays in the year 2000. But it is worth the hunt.

Terminator 2: Judgment Day (I) (1991 Video Game)

Good game (takes long time to finish)

[8/10 · 24 October 2000]

I remember me and my brother playing this game for like 2 hours in a row at the 'O' in Pittsburgh. We had a blast but man it was hard to shuffle around in our pockets quick enough to get the quarters in the machine. The farther you get in the game the shorter your quarters take you. But the game is a blast. The T800's that come at you are very detailed and it is fun gunning them down. It's also kinda funny when you shot your allies (who are hiding behind boxes) in their backs. :) I rated it like an 8 out of 10.

Godzilla (I) (1998)

Run for the exits!

[1/10 · 23 October 2000]

The best part of Godzilla was the trailer for 'Blade' at the beginning. After saying that, I'll summarize some more. If you want to watch something more interesting then this movie, do the following. Go buy a pet iguana and put him on your living room floor and watch him walk around. Instant hollywood movie material. What a joke this film was. Too bad Broderick had to be part of it. How can he go from Wargames, Ferris, and Glory to this? That sux. :(

The Warriors (1979)

Who are the Warriors?

[10/10 · 23 October 2000]

This is one of my all time favorite movies. A suspense ride from beginning to end. Walter Hill (48hrs) does a great job directing. Of course the favorite gang in the whole movie is The Baseball Furies. I actually went to a Halloween party last year (1999) and there were a group of 5 guys dressed up as the Baseball Furies. That right there should tell you how monumental this film was/is. It's dark. It's packed with action. And there are some very interesting/entertaining characters and character situations to watch. The whole atmosphere of being chased and 'on the run' is perfectly captured by Hill. I still quote many of the phrases the Warriors use when I'm hanging with my friends. Let's just 'soldier' through there, 'you guys are acting like faggots', etc. Not that I'm a homophob, it's just fun using some quotes like that around my friends and seeing what response I'll get.

Lost Souls (2000)

What a lame movie

[1/10 · 16 October 2000]

The Best thing about this movie was the trailer for '13 Days' at the beginning. Repeat: The Best thing about this movie was the trailer for '13 Days' at the beginning.

All jokes aside, the movie was boring, an exorcist ripoff, and comes at a time where every other week a new Satanic movie is being released.

The girl (Winona Ryder) looks good with long hair. That's one of the pluses of the film. The ending of the movie is so bad you will be asking yourself... this is a joke right?

American Psycho (2000)

Patrick Bateman was right

[10/10 · 12 October 2000]

This was a great movie that only a small handful of people might be able to fully appreciate. Without going into to details and saying how much I could relate with Patrick Bateman (thereby saying I'm some kind of psychotic killer), let's just say the movie has very intense moments of craziness, yet terrifyingly believable.

And Patrick Bateman was right, 'The Greatest Love of All' was Whitney Houston's most powerful song on her debut album.

The Grim Reaper (1980)

The American version is cut? That's bad

[6/10 · 12 October 2000]

I thought this movie was an Ok rental. The thing I actually thought they did really well in this movie is atmosphere. I think the atmosphere of the entire movie is really spooky and scarey. And you really do get the feeling the group is stranded on this island and you can relate to that 'trapped' feeling. I rented the American version and it did not have the cut scenes referred to. The baby getting chomped and the madman eating his guts. Those 2 scenes would have made me give this movie a potential higher rating for sure.

Black Roses (1988)

You gotta love it

[10/10 · 3 October 2000]

Black Roses is one of those rentals you go get and prepare to have a good time. Bring some friends over to watch it. It is just so damn funny you'll be laughing in no time. The funniest part of the movie is a quote from one of the kids dad:

joke spoiler 'What's this?' -dad 'An earring pop.' -son 'An earring? Only 2 types of men where earrings son. Pirates and faggots. And I don't see a ship parked in our driveway.' -dad end spoiler

Summary: This movie is a howl.