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The Matrix Resurrections (I) (2021)

Spiraling downward starting low

[2/10 · 2 January 2022]

First of all i do want to mention what the good things are

1. Keanu and Carrie-Anne can certainly still carry this franchise with the right script (unfortunately this is not it), and also Yahya Abdul-Mateen II and Jessica Henwick does solid performances with what they are given.

I cannot think of anything more positive to say about this movie.

What made the first movie great, and the sequels watchable, was pure originality and amazing characters fighting for an epic goal. All of this is lacking in this movie. The movie is constantly duplicating scenes from the first movie, to no other end then to try to capture some feelings of nostalgia. The result is that you keep remembering what utter nonsense this is in comparison to the original. The amount of flashbacks and reused material is just ridiculous, and Naruto and One piece now have stiff competition in this area.

The pace is also quite unexplainable as scenes that could (and definitely should) be kept to a minute or two just keeps dragging on (yes i'm thinking of the horrible game design scene). And other scenes that could use some more explanation are cut short.

The secondary cast is a poor replica of the original crew, and are not given any opportunity to stand out (or even act). The ones that are given some space and screen time as Jonathan Groff as Smith that presents a character that bears no resemblance at all to the original. His lack of any kind of charisma is almost impressive. Neil Patrick Harris is being his usual self and feels very out of place.

The action scenes are either scenes that we have seen before in the series, duplicated, or things done better in other movies.

The greatest pain point of the movie might still be that the makers of this nonsense have chosen a script that try to spin the story completely around the old main characters, and really have to force things to make it fit this narrative. The obvious choice would instead be to introduce a new protagonist and focus the story around them, weaving in the new cast and the more known characters in a natural way.

Now we end up with a copy of a movie without any apparent goal, with bleak characters that you don't care for, doing repetitive things to no end.

2 out of 10, and that is generous.

The Little Things (2021)

3 minutes in and I have seen enough

[1/10 · 21 February 2021]

1. Why do the girl leave her car at a closed diner? 2. When she dont find anyone there, why not go back to her car and drive off? 3. The girl runs, and her hunter walks to track her. Now tell my how he can catch up. 4. When a person runs for 30 seconds full speed and then fall, they don't end up in 20m away.

This is just plain lazy. If you dont want to put the effort in, don't make a movie. Denzel was probably great tho!

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets (2017)

Beautiful Imagination, meet Horrible Script!

[5/10 · 14 August 2017]

I read though a bunch of the reviews and some come close to defining the issue with this movie, but no one really nails it so i will give it a shot.

First of all I can mention that i love The fifth element, and this movie definitely draws from the same kind of visually explosive science fiction. There also is some clear connections to Avatar, both in some character design and plot. The action scenes is also definitely well done and quite original to a point. The costume, makeup and CGI are the true strong point of the movie.

That doesn't sound that bad, does it? So what the heck is the issue.

1. The love story

The main character Valerian already in his first scene behaves as something that would have been archaic in the 70's. Trying to force himself on a female work partner, followed by having his "play list" of girls he have conquered revealed. His female counterpart Laureline is a clear example of a female written by a man from his (skewed) perspective. Every scene that try to progress the relationship between the main characters is just painful to watch, and the movie would have benefited from removing the entire romantic dynamic between the main characters.

I have to mention that the actors do quite well with what they are given, the issue is that they have been given crap...

2. Humor (or the absence of it)

The movie is completely devoid of humor. This would not be an issue if the flick would have intended to be serious, but the problem is that it have about 20 punch lines that completely fail to make a single person in the audience laugh. I cant see how this could have differed from a screening audience, so at that point I think the director would have just said "Let's go back to the drawing board... and don't let this embarrassing thing go public".

3. Rihanna

I actually saw a review that thought Rihanna's first scene was creative. The more correct definition of that scene was the most awkward scene I have seen in a long time. Its really hard to describe without spoiling this crap, but its a dance scene that just goes on and on and trying to be creative but ending up being so out of place as you can see it in the faces of the actors!

Rihanna then follow this masterpiece up with the worst voice acting I have seen in a Hollywood movie (really not an exaggeration). Either the director just gave up and handed it over to the sound engineer with a "good luck with this one", or more likely they let it pass because it was Rihanna.

What pains me is that these three thing could have been fixed (with different levels of effort) and then we would have ended up with a decent or even excellent movie. But the end result now is just a mess.

5/10

Chappie (2015)

Where is my mind?

[2/10 · 10 July 2015]

Where is my mind? I ask, when so many give this movie a positive review. Its truly amazing that a movie this bad can have this many good words said about it.

I don't have a big issue with plots with holes as big the milky way. Neither have I problems with the product placement that's probably paid for the entire flick. What I DO have problems with is that every single character in a movie is completely illogical and I start to wonder if they are supposed to be humans or there is another layer to this movie that my mind can't comprehend. The characters are either plain stupid, illogical or have a mild case of schizophrenia (some characters have all three traits).

Some examples

Yo-Landi - Gangster that suddenly is not a gangster but a sweet girl and a mother figure, with no tendencies of violence and no trace of her hard street life living.

Vincent - Ready to burn down an entire city to test a toy, without so much as an explanation.

Deon - Why should i prove Vincent have set the world on fire, I can go and be useless someplace else instead. I only invented AI so i'm not smart enough to just go to the boss with proof and end this miserable movie.

Ninja - Goes from human waste to hero without a single explanation.

Michelle - The first AI is probably not worth any money. I make guns. Chist... said nobody ever.

So why do i rate the movie a 4/10, the action is OK, the CGI is OK, and the music is excellent.

I like Blomkamp's other movies, but this is not worth anyones time. Go see Mad Max: Fury Road instead. Thats a completely insane movie where every character(and prop) does make sense, in opposite to this! Or why not Short Circuit from 1986?

Man of Steel (2013)

A fallen hero

[3/10 · 1 July 2013]

Superman is one of the most iconic heroes out there, and he has been with us since 1938. At first he was portrayed as quite ruthless, but in 1940 a new editor decided that superman should have a code of conduct of not killing.

That has ended with this Movie, in several ways.

First of all superman wouldn't let his father die of such a stupid reason of a hidden identity. It's a total 180 of the character we all know to be superman.

Secondly he actually kills one opponent. This is a product of our time and American policies. "It's OK to do whatever is necessary, for the right cause". Superman could in the past always find a way, but in this movie he for some reason doesn't.

Thirdly he fights recklessly and is probably responsible for several innocent bystanders' deaths.

That is why I can't really see this as a proper superman movie. He just wouldn't act the way he does in this movie. As a action movie this still fails at so many levels. The Fights is painstakingly long and pointless. Immortal fighting is not very exiting! There isn't any acting worth mentioning. There is no scientific base for 95% of the things happening. The CGI is quite nice, but who in god's name give pointless CGI a perfect 10 score?

Now for the things that raises the score from 1 to 3.

The Krypton sequence. Henry Cavill have lifted some weights. Russell Crowe. That is it...

Robin Hood (2010)

How a strong 9+ becomes a 6- in just 30minutes.

[6/10 · 14 May 2010]

I had very high expectations and who wouldn't? Ridley Scott directing a great adventure with a very solid cast and a high budget.

The movie didn't really start the way I thought it would. The pace was quite slow but very interesting, and I was gripped. The interaction between Robin and his fellow soldiers was quite believable and entertaining, and the story about the English crown succession was also nicely done.

The entire chapter about Nottingham and its citizens is also at a nice and slow pace, but its never dull. Von sydow is a pleasure to see as usual, and both Crowe and Cate Blanchett delivers. You just sit and smile, when things suddenly goes very very wrong...

It starts when Walter Loxley explains Robins past to him. The scene is rushed and it seems a bit far-fetched. Also the following scene when robin goes to the meeting of the barons. Ridley must at this time peeked at his watch and noticed that he let most of the movie pass without telling much, and start to massacre the script.

The Nottingham action scene is where it's starting to go seriously wrong. You can't really get to understand how Robin suddenly is in command of an army, and speaking to lords as their equal. Especially when they call him by his common name in a scene later. The pace is really off here too... Action scene-Action scene-Short grief scene- Love scene- And on horseback against the French again in a 5min gap. Set in contrast to the feelgood mode you were in this is a very rude awakening.

After this you are handed a fighting scene that is absurd in every way. The landing craft is from WW2 (what possible use does the landing bridge have on these boats?). The battle is a slaughter, the French never stand a chance(not very interesting).

When suddenly Marion appears on the beach with the local teenage runaways on ponies I just shake my head... why?! It's just stupid?! Also they seem to be trained by ninjas and easily takes on trained French soldiers.

There is an ending after, but its thrown together in five minutes.

In one line.

This movie had a lot of potential, but it's thrown away on hasted parts and plain stupid scenes.