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woolyboy76
Reviews
Bloody Birthday (1981)
Stereotypical 80's slasher flick...with KIDS!!!!
Is it a poorly acted, cliche-ridden pile of trash? Of course. Anyone who doesn't realize that when they pick up the box in the video store probably doesn't have any right judging movies in the first place. Thus, I will now rate the aspects of the film that we actually care about on a scale of 1 to 10:
Violence and gore: 4 -- For this genre, there are very few deaths, and the gore is almost non-existent. Anyone looking for a little blood should probably look elsewhere. The only redeeming quality is the fact that kids are doing these awful things, which raises the bar a little.
Suspense: 1 -- Okay, I feel bad for anyone who gets scared by this trio of dorky looking kids.
Nudity/sex: 7 -- Lots of boobage from three different women, one of whom is the MTV vj Julie Brown. There are two sex scenes, but little is shown in them.
Unintentional humor -- 4 -- There are a few good laughs with the kids trying to act scary, but all in all, it's just bad, not funny bad.
Overall -- 4 -- It's not unwatchable. There are a few fun moments, and enough nudity to keep your attention for the entire movie. However, only watch this movie if you're a big fan of the 80's slasher flicks. This definitely falls on the lower end of the scale, but it's not all the way at the bottom. The real downside is the disappointing ending. It almost ruined the movie for me.
Spiders (2000)
A great ending...
Spiders is your stereotypical "creature-kills-group-of-people-in-small-enclosed-area" movie in the same vein as Alien (minus the suspense and intelligence). If you enjoy this increasingly lackluster genre, then perhaps this film is for you. For those of you who like these type of campy bad horror movies, I'm going to break it down for you on a scale of one to ten:
Death: 9 (Many people get killed)
Gore: 6 (A few decent shots of spider manglings and poisonings)
Nudity: 1 (A girl in a white t-shirt falls in the water, and if you turn out all the lights, and look very carefully, you might see a nipple)
Sex: 0 (None)
Unintentional Humor: 6 (Some horrible lines that really made me laugh)
Special FX: 7 (For a low-budget project, these effects, especially in the last scene of the movie are quite good. Beware, if they can do this with so little money, you're going to see a lot more movies like this)
Acting: 4 (As expected and perhaps desired, it's awful).
Overall: 5 (A good two hours of campy horror. Nothing too offensively bad, but nothing too memorable either.)
La bestia uccide a sangue freddo (1971)
Brilliant fun!
I saw the version entitled "Slaughter Hotel," although this movie has been retitled multiple times in order to have appeal in multiple genres.
Slaughter Hotel tells the story of a group of wealthy women who have been committed at an institution to rid themselves of their problems. There is one woman who is a nymphomaniac (which means that she jumps any guy she can, and rubs herself against walls when no one is around). Then, there is the lesbian woman (who conveniently has a lesbian nurse to take care of her). Also, there is a suicidal, homicidal woman, who serves no purpose. Finally, there is the "cured" woman who has had her rest, and will be going back into the real world shortly. All of these woman get completely naked. So, if you are looking for naked women, this is the film for you.
Then a killer comes and starts killing them. That's all.
The most hilarious aspect of this film is how these women are treated. They stand around, drinking and smoking, while the doctors come around and chat with them. The patients can come and go as they please, and do what they like. Also for their amusement, there are a series of torture devices placed around the room -- knives, swords, ball and chain, etc. It seems as though all the patients are sexually involved with the doctors or employees in one form or another.
I think the camara man was drunk in this movie. At random periods throughout the film, the camara would move randomly from side to side or fall forward to the ground, giving the impression that the camara man had tripped.
This film was utterly hilarious. One of the all-time great bad movies. If there wasn't so much sex and violence, this movie would be a prime candidate for MST3K. I strongly recommend it, if you like unintentionally bad movies. I gave it a 10 out of 10!
Evil Laugh (1986)
The title says it all
There are three types of bad movies: (a) the ones that are so bad they're boring, (b) the ones that are intentionally bad in order to be funny, and (c) the ones that are so bad they are hilarious. No one wants to watch the first one. The second type has no value since the only reason for watching a bad movie is to laugh at its "badness" and if they do it on purpose, what is the point? So, it leaves us with the third type. If you enjoy this third type of bad movie, you will love Evil Laugh. I've seen a lot of unintentionally hilarious movies, and this is one of the best, right up there with Gymkata. The plot is as follows: a bunch of friends meet at a dirty old house. People start getting killed by a masked person with an evil laugh (just wait until you hear the laugh). My favorite scene: the killer drags a guys head into a microwave, but can't close it since it's still attached to the body. So he pushes start, and magically the microwave starts working, which is followed by the requisite head explosion. Oh, and then there is the Breakfast Club-like cleaning scene to cheesy 80's music. See this movie! If you go the video store, I can pretty much guarantee that no one else has checked it out.