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ebolabrahmin
Reviews
The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)
Return of the Turd
My lord, what a mawkish slab of overwrought merde. No medium shots here, just washed out and incoherent long shots of battle and close up after close up of meaningful lip quivering as the music deafens all theater goers with the more dramatic strains of what seems to have been borrowed from Stargate. And what is with the weepers in the audience? This is worse than the previous two films.
Signs (2002)
Water kills aliens - aliens invade planet made of water
Why did they let this one go through? Aliens land - ok - but on a planet they know will kill them? Not to mention that the theme of faith is explored in only a cursory grade school paper fashion. If only aliens would land - and take out the Hollywood machine.
Gladiator (2000)
To the lions with ya...
If the sight of oiled men, in close quarters, talking dirty, and sticking it to each other gets you off, then this is your movie. If senseless and near incoherent speeches about spectacle and war make your heart pound, then this is your flick. If an evil villain who needs a shrink and a valium intrigues you then this pictures got it. If you are impressed by special effects that render all of Rome in flat grays and whites, then this is your blockbuster. On the other hand, if you want to see a better movie rent anything with a talking dog.
The Minus Man (1999)
A deeply cynical movie.
Minus man stands as a deeply cynical and cold movie. It is shot smartly, but is not pleasant to watch. Contrary to the trailer, there was little to talk about after the film. No mystery, no magic; just another stylish, cold and long strip of celluliod that takes money from you wallet, and hours off your life. At least American Psycho was funny and pointed, go see that instead. Or go see Clay Pigeons.