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Gomorrah (2014–2021)
6/10
Game of Thrones meets Goodfellas
4 April 2021
I wanted to love this show as I really enjoyed the movie of same name as well as Stefano Sollima's Sicario 2, ZeroZeroZero and Suburra. Gomorrah Season 1 was great but the series couldn't maintain that momentum. Unfortunately, this series turned out to be repetitive, unrealistic and full of unlikeable characters. In short, there are a bunch of drug-dealing psychopaths vying for control of territory throughout Italy. Clans forge alliances, betray one another and murder dozens of people in the process. The cast starts out with some nuance but, by the end of Season 3 (as far as I got), there were just a bunch of interchangeable, sullen scoundrels moping around and assassinating everyone in sight.

In terms of realism, the show suffers from the usual crime drama problem of a comically ineffective police presence. As the show progresses, characters become increasingly brazen about committing felonies in public without even trying to hide their identity. The story is supposed to be taking place in modern day Naples, not a nineteenth-century frontier town.

Another problem is Gomorrah's expectation that its audience will inversely correlate character's screen time with disposability. This problem manifests in several ways. Firstly, when characters meet a violent end we're led to empathize with all the wrong souls. Scenes of grieving widows and orphaned children can't make me mourn the loss of some irredeemable lowlife. Conversely, it's hard to forget all the nameless redshirts mowed down in service of plot advancement. With the director's intentions at odds with our natural, empathic instincts; we end up emotionally invested in nothing.

Also, various factions are improbably forgiving when forming coalitions. Regional bosses routinely align themselves with blood enemies. It's almost as if, because *we* don't care about unnamed henchmen, we're meant to assume that their own colleagues don't care either. Apparently, killing off the boss's staff in droves doesn't preclude future collaboration. This is doubly ridiculous after early episodes establish comradery among journeyman gangsters along with fierce tribalism, persistent grudges and fragile egos.

Lastly, it defies reason that so many characters refuse to curtail ambition in the face of so much death and treachery. Every minor lead sees his comrades gunned down one by one. Every confederacy is forged with known turncoats. Be it a friend, enemy or kin; someone is coming to stab them in the back. In the unlikely event that a character survives for a spell, they'll at least lose a family member and end up worse off than where they started. In effect, these people have zero instinct for self-preservation. They're constantly making enemies, wandering around in public, meeting in-person for no reason and refusing to delegate dangerous tasks. It seems as if everyone is making decisions simply to advance the plot rather than some organic process.

All of these issues start small but become more flagrant over time. I don't mind a bleak storyline but Gomorrah ultimately leads nowhere and leaves you with no one to root for. It's not all bad though. Aside from the repetitive score, the production value is high. Cinematography is beautiful and it was cool to see the gritty side of Italy. Thematic elements of hubris, cyclic failure, family, honor and redemption are well-presented. Taken in isolation, the shootouts are realistic enough. As with Game of Thrones, there's lots of double-talk, innuendo, veiled threats, plotting, etc. Most of the tension stems from not knowing who's planning a double-cross at any given moment. Not a bad show but there's a missed opportunity to be something better. Maybe Seasons 4+ offer something that I've yet to account.
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The Snowman (1982 TV Short)
9/10
execution is everything
26 December 2020
"The Snowman" is a brilliant exercise in economy. In only 26 minutes and with zero dialog, this short evokes a range of emotions in viewers of any age. The animation is timeless. The score is wistful. The humor is endearing. This work of art raises stark contrast with the soulless, CGI cash-grabs we've become accustomed to.

Adults will find the story unoriginal but captivating nonetheless. Everything just comes together perfectly so you can enjoy the journey even if you know where it will end. Children can take the movie at face value while more mature viewers seek out metaphor. Irrespective of viewer's age, the film works as a dreamy meditation on ephemeral joy. It's designed such that you can't focus on the sad part without remembering the happy aspects as well. Tears may be shed but you'll appreciate that the movie respects you enough to sidestep cliche resolution.

Lastly, I can't heap enough praise upon the "Walking On The Air" musical interlude. The song is haunting and perfectly complements the visuals. This one will stick with you.
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The Wave (2015)
3/10
Poor man's Roland Emmerich
3 May 2016
It's a family man's last day on the job. He's an expert scientist in the field of ${whatever}. He's got a beautiful wife, precious young daughter and a sullen teen son. This flawless protagonist thinks disaster is imminent but his boss is skeptical. We can't run around like Chicken Little every time a few bad omens crop up, right? It's tourist season after all.

Oh noes, everything has gone to hell! Handsome leading man was right all along: crisis management time. There will be danger. There will be heroic sacrifice. There will be tragic loss. Tertiary characters will make poor decisions. Main character and his loving wife will be the only ones to keep their wits about them.

OK, time to wrap this thing up. Hero's wife and kid are trapped and in need of immediate rescue. Loving husband will traverse disaster area and find them in the nick of time. Will he be able to save them or is all for naught? Hahahaha, I won't spoil it for you.

I usually enjoy Scandinavian cinema and expected something a bit less Hollywood. This film won a few awards and seemed like a safe bet. Boy, did I gamble and lose. If you've ever seen a movie before, it'll take you five minutes to deduce exactly what's going to happen in this formulaic piece of crap. It's like every other American "disaster porn" flick except with a smaller budget.
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Prometheus (I) (2012)
5/10
Easily Avoidable
17 June 2012
Prometheus follows the same formula as 'Event Horizon' and a thousand other sci-fi horror flicks before it. Incautious scientists discover alien life. Shady corporate interests get involved. A dormant evil is released. Characters make poor decisions and get picked off one by one. A lone hero survives -- queue ambiguous ending. It's difficult to follow this recipe and deliver something that is both exciting and plausible. Unfortunately, Ridley Scott fails on both counts.

It's a shame that the man behind 'Alien' and 'Blade Runner' has sunk to such mediocrity. Scott makes beautiful movies but needs a good writer to pull things together. Collaborating with Damon Lindelhof doomed Prometheus from the start. Not since 'The Matrix' has a dying franchise spewn so much pseudo-intellectual drivel. Prometheus is little more than an absurd collection of clichés masquerading as a 'deep' film. It seems that no one could agree on the characters' motivations or even a consistent set of rules for the alien lifecycle. In the end, they just threw together a bunch of slick-looking nonsense and called it a day. That Lindelhof is the deranged mind behind 'Lost' explains a lot.

I don't expect complete believability but Prometheus is a bridge too far. In addition to making mockeries of biology, physics and chemistry, the movie infuses no logic into its characters' behavior. The handling of the most important discovery in human history is just stunningly incompetent at every level. If we ever send such a collection of morons as interstellar emissaries, the human race deserves to be exterminated. It's not just that the cast seems unfamiliar with basic safety protocols or simple contingency planning. Rather, they seem to be actively pursuing catastrophe. As Prometheus' crew stumbles from one easily avoidable disaster to the next, the viewer is left wondering "what did they think would happen?" In this movie, death is rarely the result of unlucky cascading failures or unpredictable turns of events. Instead, characters' demise is simply the most likely result of their own reckless actions. Everyone in this movie has a death wish.

'Prometheus' is similar to 'The Thing' and 'Star Wars' prequels. In each case, directors take a beloved classic and try to fill in the blanks. Not only do the new movies fail but they also suck the life out of the original films by ruining the mystery of it all. Someone needs to take the Alien franchise out back and put a bullet in its head. It's the humane thing to do.
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Sons of Anarchy (2008–2014)
3/10
"I'll do him if you do me"
30 January 2012
I got roped into watching the first few episodes of this clichéd pablum and won't be coming back for more. James Bond meets the Dukes of Hazard meets Duke Nukem to fulfill every adolescent white trash fantasy imaginable. The show in a nutshell: unlikeable, one-dimensional characters traipse about a small town assaulting people, bedding hot ladies and getting wrapped up in soap opera nonsense. Also, there are bitchin' motorcycles.

The objectification of women in this show makes Entourage look like The Vagina Monologues. A beautiful female agrees to sleep with a creepy stalker in exchange for a few hours of passion with our hero. The girlfriends of the dudes whose asses he whups, the checkout girl at the local grocery, the schoolgirls walking down the street, his ex-wife, his doctor: if there's a remotely attractive woman in frame, one can be sure she's enamored with our mulletted protagonist, Jax. It's later explained that beautiful women are apparently willing to serve in club harems for years in exchange for a slim chance at becoming some specific thug's "old lady". Be still, my beating heart.

In addition to the blatant alpha male wish fulfillment, the show is terribly unrealistic in other ways as well. Despite being a bunch of misogynistic, drunken idiots; gang members are quite capable of running a complex business; hacking into FBI computers; executing (casualty-free) precision military operations; and outwitting "the man" at every turn. Law enforcement ranges from corrupt to ineffectual but for damn sure won't do anything important in this series. Considering that the idyllic small town of Charming, California is more violent and lawless than Ciudad Juarez, one has to wonder why everyday citizens hold gangsters in such high regard. The message here seems to be that policemen making any attempt to do their jobs are just annoying buzz-kills getting in the way of everyone's fun. The audience is meant to identify with the rowdy bikers because, despite being ruthless criminals, all but the obvious bad guys have hearts of gold. And besides, Jax is secretly conflicted about the moral implications of his chosen profession. Perhaps by Season Five he'll have morphed the gang into a hippie commune -- just like daddy wanted.

The acting is passable and production value is decent. If the show could ditch the corny comic relief and introduce some subtlety or complexity or realism, it might be worth watching. As it stands, Sons of Anarchy is little more than Blaxploitation for poor white people. 3 stars.
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Splice (2009)
5/10
whiskey tango foxtrot
13 June 2010
Warning: Spoilers
This film gets props for pioneering a new genre: the romantic-comedy-scifi-horror-thriller-drama. Production values are too solid for it to be called 'camp' but the lack of realism makes the movie hard to take seriously. The film opens with two lovebird scientists delivering a genetically engineered creature that is sufficiently amazing (and unrealistic) to drive the plot of several movies. In the Parallel Earth of Splice, however, the scientific community is none too impressed by the birthing of a radical new species: "Yeah, those sentient penises you've grown are neat but we'd like to see synthesis of some random protein or we're shutting you down." The H-40 chimeras are quickly forgotten and our heroes move on to the first of several fantastically stupid ideas. For the lulz, they opt to secretly grow a human/animal hybrid. Counter-intuitive as it may be, these two dolts are able to create a freakish humanoid monster with trivial effort and without anyone noticing. The director constantly reminds us that they're are all torn up inside over the attendant ethical dilemmas. As we all know, the characters will do whatever the plot requires and there's no real dramatic tension there. Never mind the outrageous intellectual, temporal and financial resources needed to achieve such a task: Dren, the lovable monster, is born.

The bulk of the movie is occupied by the scientists (Adrien Brody and Sarah Polley) secretly raising CGI monstrosity Delphine Chanéac (Dren) to adulthood. A recurring problem with the story is the inconsistent scientific acumen exhibited by the two leads. They're able to effect implausibly awesome scientific breakthroughs on a whim. On the other hand, they fail to notice things that should be obvious to an undergrad biology major. Is the specimen male or female? Does it have wings? Gills? Maybe they should've given the bitch an X-Ray or something. At one point the dynamic duo fails to even recognize whether Dren is dead or alive. Some of these oversights would be excusable if they were integral to the plot. Too bad they're mostly thrown in for the sake of cheap thrills. As Dren's biology is revealed to be increasingly far-fetched, I sense a truly compelling premise being squandered upon a mediocre movie.

Yet another unforgivable oversight is the needlessly limited communication with Dren. Brody and Polley are constantly wondering what Dren is thinking. Does she understand her origins? What are her hopes and dreams? What does she know of the outside world? Dren communicates via body language and incomprehensible chirps yet it's established early on that she knows English. Did nobody think to bring a pad and paper? The scientific achievement of the millennium is handled pretty casually by all parties.

The director tries to use the scientists' emotional involvement as an excuse for their poor judgment but that only goes so far. The film jumps the shark when Brody elects to have sex with their creation. At this point, I decided that the whole exercise was "tongue in cheek" and that the joke was on me. It seemed like a subtler reenactment of the scene from Spike Jonze's 'Adaptation' where the plot starts to unravel with a nod and a wink. From this point on, clichés per minute goes off the chart as the film descends into B-Grade horror.

I can't decide if this movie is genuinely ridiculous or if it just went over my head. 5-stars for making me think.
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Traitor (2008)
4/10
Don Cheadle channels Tim Meadows
16 May 2009
Warning: Spoilers
Is Don Cheadle a terrorist or an undercover operative? The suspense is killing absolutely no one. By the numbers thriller with predictable outcome. Cardboard characters, clumsy emotional manipulation, implausible storyline and cliché twists weigh against decent production values, competent acting and a reasonably balanced portrayal of participants in the war on terror. Terrorist Thriller #0988047 should turn a moderate profit. Hey, Hollywood is a business so one can't fault the producers for not taking risks. Nevertheless, it'd be nice if they threw in a few curveballs so we'd know that the script wasn't written by computer. Steer clear of this poor man's 'Syriana' if you're looking for something new.
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3/10
plot driven exercise in stupidity
17 April 2009
Warning: Spoilers
Soulless milking of cash cow franchise. Generic superhero flick. CGI showcase. Gavin Hood's "A Series of Improbable Events." Combinatoric iteration of mutant fight scenes strung together by inane exposition justifying formation/dissolution of arbitrary alliances. I'm not expecting Shakespeare here but the cliché per minute meter was off the charts: Primal scream while looking skyward and kneeling over murdered girlfriend. Renegade military commander. Predictable double crosses. Revenge sought for slain lover. Erased memories. Evil character discovering morality at last minute. Misguided failures to execute nemeses after defeating them in melee. Lover not really dead. Lover actually acting as spy for hero's arch-nemesis. Girlfriend/spy actually falls for protagonist. Good people work for antagonist in order to save kidnapped family members. Evil mastermind fails to honor promises to reluctant employees. Kindly old couple care for weary hero and get murdered for their troubles. Certain deaths averted as third parties arrive on scene before coup de grace. Hero reluctantly joining secret government agency. Abandonment of elite squad in protest over slaughter of innocents. Scientists unable to control indestructible killing machine of their own creation. Outdated but lovable government 'secret weapon' kills off better designed but heartless successor. Hero strolls away from wreck and casually lights a trail of gasoline behind him. After everyone has given up, flatlined heart monitor picks up a pulse. Evil mastermind explains plans to hero he no longer sees as a threat. Hero refuses to kill defeated foe because he's "better than that". Transparent comic relief character makes hilarious understatements and offbeat comments. Cheerful psychopath revels in random murderous rampages. Nigh indestructible Goliaths hurl one another through a series of walls and other physical traumas that would kill a mere mortal. Man dispatches dozens of gun wielding enemies with nothing but skillful swordplay. Common sense and the laws of physics, biology and chemistry temporarily abandoned. Antagonist using loved one's murder as justification for misguided crusade.

I could go on but this is just exhausting. If you're over the age of twelve and not living in mom's basement, there's probably nothing here for you. Depressingly enough, it's not too far off of par for superhero movies so discount all I've written if you can't get enough of the genre.
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