LibertadBGreen Reviews

Fragile (2005)

Lesbianism, Pedophilia, Necrophilia and Other Fetishes: Calista Flockhart Explores Darkness!

[8/10 · 20 October 2006]

What do you get when you mix lesbian nurses with sick little girls in a children's hospital? A twisted drama like this! A blurb at the beginning of this movie warns that it's not recommended for children under thirteen years of age. Personally, I wouldn't recommend it for children of any age, nor for adults who are easily offended! In her "Intimate Portrait" on the Lifetime channel, Calista Flockhart admitted that she is "drawn to darkness." This movie proves it! Besides containing seemingly non-stop violence, and foul language, it panders to various twisted fetishes, including lesbianism, pedophilia and necrophilia, as demonstrated when a child gives the corpse of Calista's character "a kiss of love" on the mouth, in an effort to bring her back to life. Watch the movie to see if it worked; I won't spoil it for you! Calista is known for starring in roles that dabble in darkness and lesbianism. She starred as the murderess of her character's own child in "Bash: Latter-Day Plays." She locked lips with Lucy Liu, Jane Krakowsky and Courtney Thorne-Smith in the award-winning, title role of Ally McBeal. She also said that she got "to kiss Valeria Golino" in "Things You Can Tell Just by Looking at Her" and that "She's hot!" In "The Last Shot," her mentally disturbed character grabbed two small dogs, threatening to stab the one and to strangle the other! I'm not even going into fetishes for nurses and medical equipment, or extreme sadomasochism and cat-fighting! Suffice it to say, bones are broken and blood flows! I watched it on DVD in English and Spanish. It's also available in Catalan, which is appropriate, because it was filmed in Barcelona, in the Province of Catalonia, Spain. It also has Spanish and English subtitles. I noticed that I couldn't remove the Spanish subtitles when I played it in English. I recommend playing it in English if you, like me, are mostly interested in watching it because you're a die-hard fan of Calista Flockhart, and want to hear her voice, because she doesn't speak Spanish, and I don't know who uttered her lines for the Spanish version.

(By the way, did you see the documentary which provided more evidence that Christopher Columbus was a Catalonian named "Colom" from in or around Barcelona, than that he was an Italian from Genoa?) If you want to see more of Calista Flockhart than in "Quiz Show" or "The Birdcage," then you're in luck, because she plays the protagonist, and you get to see her throughout this movie. If, however, you want to see more of her than you did in "A Midsummer Night's Dream," you're in for a disappointment, because the only nudity displayed in this movie is that of the antagonist. Again, I won't spoil it for you; watch the movie to figure out who I'm talking about! Although this movie was intended to be a horror film, the audience laughed at it as if it were a comedy when it premiered at the Venice Film Festival in September, 2005. I thought this was odd, considering how horrifying it is, but I admit there were times when I laughed out loud while watching it. If you've ever laughed at someone else's misfortune, and/or at someone who looked strange, you should be able to relate. And Calista's face was, in my humble opinion, created for comedy. She should have been a clown, as she told people as a child that she intended to be when she grew up. She's just too cute! This movie is historically significant to Calista Flockhart's fans, because it's the last movie she appeared in prior to her return to TV in a series ("Brothers & Sisters") after "Ally McBeal" was canceled in 2002. If you're not a fan of hers, or if you're easily offended or squeamish, I wouldn't recommend watching this movie. However, if you are a fan of Calista Flockhart, or you enjoy seeing people, including children, severely injured, then you must see this movie!

The Incredible Adventures of Marco Polo (1998)

Who played the Princess?

[8/10 · 20 October 2006]

Who plays the princess, Princess Marita, in this fantasy, which is loosely based on history, with lots of literary license? Her name is Lara Bobroff, and she's hot! She could bob on my roff any day! She looks like my favorite actress, Calista Flockhart. In fact, since they're both Shakespearean actresses, I wouldn't be surprised if Lara didn't play Calista in a biographical film about Calista Flockhart. The only other movie I find in her filmography is "The Double," in which she plays a "body double." With a body like hers, she must have made an incredible body double; I've got to find that movie! I liked the belly dancer, too! I also liked the plot. The good guy (Marco Polo) has to outwit a couple bad guys (one played by Jack Palance ) in order to get the girl (Princess Marita)!

Evil Alien Conquerors (2003)

The World's Longest Smirnoff Ice Ad!

[2/10 · 3 August 2005]

Smirnoff Ice is mentioned about three dozen times in this movie; it's even mentioned in the "Evil Alien Conqueror" theme song that's played at the end as the credits roll!

For some strange reason, Tori Spelling wasn't originally credited in this movie, although her appearance as Jan is, in my opinion, the only thing that makes this movie worth watching. I've never seen her look anything less than fabulous, but her waist looks particularly long and slender in this movie. Unfortunately, the most skin she shows is her face and arms. Her most sensual and erotic scene is when one of the Evil Alien Conquerors feels up her hairy "unibrow".

The Cat in the Hat (2003)

Children's' Art for Adults, Too!

[8/10 · 12 June 2005]

I would love watching this movie just for the art alone - art in the architecture, the fashion, and the interior decoration! It's as if the world's greatest artists, architects, fashion designers and animators collaborated to create an entire world in one style just to create a huge fashion statement! The style and color coordination are just fabulous and adorable! So are the characters - even the despicable ones, like the boss, the boy friend, and the babysitter!

Then there's the dialog and the action! I find it hilarious! I watch it over and over! I also like the subtle sexuality. Mom looks so hot, it's no wonder the Cat pops an instant boner when he sees her portrait, which he then turns into a centerfold and swipes right in front of her children.

There are several other subtly sexual scenes, like the momentary clip of Paris Hilton dancing in a disco, and a closeup of mom's feet in high heels.

This is such a visual, sensual, humorous and erotic feast, I was surprised to see it only has a three-star rating! I guess that just goes to show that most people fail to appreciate art and creativity, and wouldn't know it if they were immersed in it!

I Was a Teenage Faust (2002 TV Movie)

My Favorite Quote

[10 April 2005]

...from this movie is when Robert Townsend's character asks a man if his wife sumo wrestles on the weekend, and how much her Jenny Craig diet is costing him!

This movie seems too didactic for me, but if you want to watch (or have your children watch) a movie with an anti-materialistic moral to the story, this should fit the bill!

What I liked the most about this movie, besides the quote about the Jenny Craig eating, sumo wrestling wife, was seeing Morgan Fairchild in the role of Satan's girl friend, Babylonia! Pardon the cliché, but she's hotter than the hell her character came from in this movie! I just wish she would have shown more skin!

The Sweetest Thing (2002)

Excellent Cameron Diaz, Christina Applegate and Selma Blair Vehicle!

[31 October 2004]

This is an excellent love story! It's more complex than a mere love triangle. Extremely risqué, it's a "chick flick" and a romance for open-minded women, but, most of all, as far as I'm concerned, it's a vehicle show-casing Cameron Diaz, Christina Applegate and Selma Blair!

This movie contains at least three raunchy yet romantic plots. The main plot is about a romance between Cameron Diaz' character and a man she off-handedly tries to interest in one of her female friends (played by Selma Blair), who's having boy trouble. Ironically, Selma's character seems to have no trouble finding boy friends for herself! Christina Applegate's character also finds romance, but I'm not going to spoil it and tell you who ends up or doesn't end up with who!

My main interest in this movie was Cameron Diaz, whom I've found extremely attractive since I first saw a poster of her on a buddy's wall in the '90's, and even more so after seeing how sweet she was with Jay Leno on his Tonight Show, as well as in some of her endearing roles such as one of "Charlie's Angels" and the bride at "My Best Friend's Wedding"!

This movie didn't show as much of Cameron as I would have liked, but as much as I would have expected. She shows off her sexy little hips, abs and navel in low cut pants and a short T-shirt (as seen on the cover) dancing and hanging over a bar, as well as in a bikini while examining, in a mirror, how much her breasts have started sagging. There's also an excellent scene where her character appears to be giving cunnilingus to Christina Applegate while Christina's character drives down a highway! Both of these gorgeous actresses appear in bikini underwear during this scene.

Speaking of oral sex, there's also a particularly humorous scene where Selma's character is literally "caught" giving head to one of her boy friends. So "caught", in fact, that the only way she is able to remove her mouth from the poor boy's pierced penis is by singing, which the crowd that gathers helps her to do by singing along!

There's one scene where Christina looks especially fetching in a strapless red gown. There are other sexy scenes I've neglected to mention, but the point is, if you want to see any or all of these actresses at their sexiest, this is the movie to see!

The Curse of the Jade Scorpion (2001)

Excellent Woody Allen Love Triangle

[31 October 2004]

I would recommend this movie to anyone who enjoys Woody Allen movies. I've always enjoyed the movies he's starred in, the roles he's played, and his self-deprecating yet undaunted sense of humor, and this movie proved true to all of this!

Besides the comedy I expected in a Woody Allen movie, I found suspense, an excellent plot, and even some heart-warming romance.

Helen Hunt plays one of his character's antagonists, as well as his love interest, forming a three-dimensional love triangle or pyramid, with Dan Aykroyd's character, their characters' boss, as the third member/cornerstone.

Dan Aykroyd and Helen Hunt remained true to their forms in this movie, as the professional and unique actors they are, so if you like any or all three of these stars, you should enjoy "The Curse of the Jade Scorpion"!

Working Girl (1988)

Melanie Griffith Vehicle

[31 October 2004]

I enjoyed this movie. It contains humor, drama, good acting, and a great plot!

It's a Melanie Griffith vehicle; she played the leading role. Unfortunately, this movie doesn't show as much of her as some of her other movies, and she looks older. There's one scene which features her in stockings and lingerie, which should appeal to any hard core fans of her and/or those fetishes.

This movie might also be seen as a Sigourney Weaver vehicle, although her character is less endearing; she played the antagonist who abuses and back-stabs Melanie's character. Although she plays part of this movie's love triangle (Harrison Ford's character being the third member), we don't get to see as much of her as we do of Melanie.

Wet Hot American Summer (2001)

Janeane Garafolo at Her Most Disgusting!

[25 October 2004]

I've never cared much for Janeane Garafolo, her stand-up comedy or her movies. I especially don't understand why she appeared in an interview on CNN as if she had anything to say about politics and the current war in Iraq! So I was a little hesitant to check this video out of the library, and now I'm sorry that I did. After watching it, I've promised myself never to wittingly watch anything starring Janeane Garafolo again!

At first glance, this video appeared to be a video for a heterosexual, fun-loving guy like me. It seemed to promise lots of "wet, hot, American" girls in "summer" attire, which is something heterosexual guys like me would certainly want to see!

Well, to this movie's credit, it did feature beautiful, bikini-clad girls who at least spoke English with an "American" accent, whether they are actually native to the U.S. or not. (I realize that Canadians and Latin Americans are "Americans", too, but any of you who can read English can also understand what I mean!)

The first thing I noticed about this movie, which I didn't like, however, was that it seemed too didactic for what I expected to be much more light-hearted fare.

Then I noticed gross scenes which were among those in the poorest taste I've ever seen in any movie!

For example, one scene featured two men having anal intercourse. Another scene featured Janeane's character "sanctifying" their union as if in a wedding she had the authority to perform by virtue of being the summer camp "director". Yet another scene featured a man humping on a refrigerator - and not in private/secret, but in front of a theater full of children! Two scenes showed the bodies of children being tossed from a vehicle along side a road after they drowned while the lifeguard was making out with a girl in a bikini instead of keeping an eye on them! Another sequence featured Janeane's character mugging someone, then using the money to buy drugs and do them with other people from her camp in what appeared to be a crack house! Molly Shannon's character became romantically involved with a child who massaged her as if almost to orgasm! Not to mention the camp slut making out with yet another little boy for no apparent reason other than that she was a slut and he was available!

The lessons to be learned in this movie seem to be:

It's OK to be gay.

It's OK to share carnal knowledge with children.

It's OK to use the most vulgar language and gestures in front of children.

It's OK to be perverse, as long as you're proud of it and let everyone you can, including children, know about it.

Children's lives are less important than an adult's sexual gratification.

The gratification derived from drug abuse surmounts the immorality of robbing someone to get money to pay for it.

Women will go for the good looking bad boy who couldn't care less about her no matter how well the unattractive man treats her, or how nice, kind, honest or smart he is.

After seeing this movie, I could never recommend anything featuring Janeane Garafolo in good faith!

Goliathon (1977)

The Might Peking Man and the Mightier But Uncredited Blonde!

[25 October 2004]

As far as I'm concerned, this movie is mostly a vehicle for the blonde woman whose character, Samantha, spent almost the entire movie barefoot and in an animal skin bikini, and was able to control the title character/monster, because he apparently had some bestial kind of crush on her.

Imagine my surprise to discover that she is uncredited - at least at IMDb.com! I didn't pay much attention to the credits, because they appeared to be in Chinese, and I was counting on IMDb.com to provide them anyway. See for yourself; no character is identified as "Samantha"!

Taking a closer look, I'm guessing that this actress' name is Evelyne Kraft, although her character is identified as "Ah Wei".

Anyway, whatever her real name is, you get to see her running around throughout most of the movie, with her breasts nearly popping out of her bra. You also get to watch her buttocks flex as she shimmies up and down a palm tree and a hill. You even get to see her stripped of her bra and slapped around!

This movie was apparently created to cater to Asian men who have a fetish for blonde women.

And anyone who's into comic book violence featuring a monster like King Kong smashing villages and cities, and stomping on human beings like bugs!

Boarding School (1978)

Boarding School Fantasy

[9/10 · 21 October 2004]

I love this movie! I love it because it's such an excellent vehicle for Nastassja Kinski, Fabiana Udenio, and several other nubile young women, including Véronique Delbourg! Nastassja and Véronique would have been 19 at the time this movie was produced, Fabiana only 14, which may be why the two former appeared nude, but Fabiana did not.

My favorite sequence in this movie was a striptease contest held in the attic of the boarding school. Nastassja's character, a student and the ring leader of the other girls who had decided to become prostitutes, hosted this event for some of the boys from an all male boarding school.

Several of the girls performed stripteases during this competition. They employed a variety of gimmicks. One girl belly danced. Another performed a swan-like ballet. Fabiana stripped out of an alligator costume (but only down to a bikini) to the tune of "See Ya Later, Alligator!" My favorite, however, was performed by Véronique Delbourg, who did a dance with a banana skirt, similar to Josephine Baker's. She passed out some of these bananas, but not enough to appear bottomless!

Nastassja did not compete, but she did treat one of the boys to a private, nude performance after the show. This is the most erotic footage of her I have ever seen!

If you find Nastassja Kinski or Fabiana Udenio attractive, and would like to see them and other beautiful actresses at their sexiest, this is a "must see"!

Get Well Soon (2001)

37 Minutes

[1/10 · 21 October 2004]

I tried to watch this movie twice, after I borrowed it from the library, but failed to watch more than 37 minutes of it. I curtailed my first attempt because the characters were too annoying, and the plot didn't seem to be going anywhere. The second time I attempted to watch it, I simply fell asleep. After that, I decided not to torture myself with it anymore!

The hook comes when the protagonist, a talk show host named Bobby, introduces a supermodel on his show. Played by Carolina Parsons, this gorgeous model sachets onto the set in a miniskirt and a suggestive halter top, and, if you're a heterosexual man like I am, the most natural thing for you to think would be how much you'd like to have sex with her.

Bobby, floundering for any interest he might have in common with the model, comments that she shares his initials. She "guesses" that's true. Finally, Bobby gives up trying to sound intellectual with such a beautiful woman he can't think of anything to talk to about except the obvious (sex), and just tells her he'd like to "f***" her.

She and the stage crew are startled.

He follows up his crude remark with more crude remarks, about how much sex she probably has, and how tired she must be of sex.

She gets up and leaves. He is forcibly removed from the set.

Other than this scene, this movie seems to be a collection of home video clips of boring, pathetic people, including Lily, played by Courteney Cox, who also played Meryl on Seinfeld. This is apparently par for her course, because Seinfeld himself admitted that his TV series was about nothing.

If you enjoy watching footage about nothing, such as episodes of Seinfeld, then you will probably find this movie entertaining. If, however, you're like me and never could stand watching an entire episode of Seinfeld because it was so obviously about nothing, then you are not likely to enjoy this movie either.

Carry on Follow That Camel (1967)

Corktip Turns Me On!

[9/10 · 29 March 2002]

Anita Harris stars in this Phil Silvers burlesque, as a belly dancer named "Corktip" who does a complete belly dance cameo and spends significant portions of the rest of the movie in an orange, hiphugging, midriff-baring harem outfit. A must see for fans of the belly dance/harem girl fantasy!

Scalpel (1977)

Judith Chapman looks great in a bikini!

[21 May 2000]

The topless stripper (Judith Chapman or a body double?) who gets her face bashed in at the start of the movie looks great topless from the shoulders down. Later, Judith Chapman gets chased through the woods in a hip-hugging red bikini. This is one of my favorite bikini scenes!

Prehistoric Women (1967)

More dance scenes/blondes have less fun

[1 May 2000]

There's a scene at the beginning, which continues at the end, forming a frame for the main portion of this tale, and features a tribe of Negroes dancing. The star of this show is a young woman wearing her bottom very low on her slender loins.

Later, Martine Beswick, as the evil queen, does a strip tease/bikini dance to entice her male captive. He rejects her, so I doubt his balls are intact! Then she gets pissed and lashes out at him with a whip.

I suspect this movie is some brunette's fantasy about brutalizing the blondes they are jealous of, since the slave girls are all blondes, and the mistress race is all brunette.