frosty-26 Reviews

Deep Blue Sea (1999)

Like a 50s B-movie, except really bad

[1/10 · 16 July 2000]

This is the worst, most insulting film I've seen a long time. I don't particularly mind that no scientific advice whatsoever has been given to the scriptwriters, but I'm really appalled that the makers of this movie have such a low opinion of our intelligence. Even a dumb effects movie should have some respect for its audience. The dialogue is consistently pathetic, and every single character is one-dimensional and unlikeable. LL Cool J's character, in particular, is a disgraceful pander to the audience - a stereotype black guy who uses the word 'ass' in every other sentence and acts like some kind of evangelical lecher most of the time(crucifixes kill sharks, apparently - because sharks are the devil, you see. Because they eat other creatures. Unlike man, who of course doesn't). He explains physics through sexy woman analogies. Oh good, something our thick, penile brains can understand. Naturally, it's up to him to provide all the cheap laughs and atrocious oneliners (and even those are underdeveloped).

One woman commits the double crime of being both a scientist AND British. I'll leave it to you to guess whether she survives to the end or not. The surly he-man anti-hero character does, of course. He's harpooned through the leg, slammed at turbo speed into a big metal gate, and then exploded. But he survives. What the hell, we're all idiots, right? We'll accept that.

The Seventh Victim (1943)

Seven is a Lonely Number

[9/10 · 30 May 2000]

A bleakly beautiful film set in an impossibly lonely Manhattan. It looks uncannily like an Edward Hopper painting translated to film. And it's look is timeless rather than dated. Another incredible Val Lewton film, and an amazing poetic achievement for a B-movie.

Kurt & Courtney (1998)

They Know Not What it Means...

[1/10 · 1 May 2000]

Part of the reason Kurt Cobain killed himself was because he hated himself and his fans. Frankly, I can't blame him. Those same fans have continued to misunderstand not only his music, but also his suicide. Here we have the documentary equivalent of the Salem witch trials. It's an absolute shambles. Testimony from a dopey 'hitman' who wandered mindlessly to his own death? Testimony from Courtney's demented vindictive father? Oh well then, case closed! It's both laughable and depressing that so many hardcore Nirvana fans (fundamentalist Kurtians you might call them) really believe that this shows Courtney Love up as a 'lying mad evil bitch', or whatever they're calling her this week ('bitch' usually comes into it somewhere. Back in Salem, they'd probably have said 'harridan'). If anyone's true colors have been shown up by this film, it's theirs. They are exactly the kind of people Kurt despised. Dumb, misogynist crowd followers. And I guess they're so desperate to hate that nasty, ugly shouting woman that they've made this movie their flimsy bible. Smell like mean spirit...

Road Games (1981)

Lost highway...

[9/10 · 5 April 2000]

A cool little film. It's vivid, creative, evokes the romance of the open road, and has both suspense and fresh, edgy humour (there's a wicked pun on 'Butcher'). The director has clearly studied Hitchcock (those in the know will recognise steals from Rear Window, 39 Steps, and Psycho in literally the first five minutes), but he's made a vibrant film with its own very distinct personality. I'm surprised at how poorly this rates with my fellow IMDB users. Truly, it is the one that got away. I'd better shut up now - believe it or not, I don't want to oversell it! Best to discover it by accident like I did.

Terror by Night (1946)

Comfort by Night

[8/10 · 5 April 2000]

One of the better entries in the Basil Rathbone Holmes series, with Watson and Inspector Lestrade bumbling more comically than usual and all the action set aboard a moving train. Okay, the scenery is unconvincing, but it adds to the charm. And the title 'Terror By Night' overstates the case just a little! I couldn't give any of these movies 10 out of 10, because they're generic and reassuring rather than challenging, but it's nice to watch for an hour and imagine living in a world this prosaic. So 8/10

Sherlock Holmes Faces Death (1943)

Checkmate

[17 March 2000]

Not the best of the Rathbone Holmes series, but it involves a very nice little bluff at the end and, like Hitchcock's Stage Fright, features a 'lying flashback' which misleads us at the beginning. Not that this really matters - I watch these things for the acting and the atmos, not because I care who the murderer is! The chessboard sequence is pretty silly, though.

Sherlock Holmes and the Voice of Terror (1942)

Elementary, my dear Watson. I'm a time traveler!

[17 March 2000]

Having seen all the Rathbone Holmes films on a satellite channel recently, I'd have to say that this is one of the weakest. It comes as film no.3 in the series, and, following two hokey but fun Victorian adventures, it's quite bizarre to see Sherlock suddenly turn up in the battle against the Nazis. Okay, there was a war on. But the anachronism stops you getting into it, and the idea of the government calling in a private detective is just too silly. While you're at it, why not shine the bat signal too? Luckily, the series improved.

Night of the Living Dead (1968)

Space vegetation

[6/10 · 17 February 2000]

A movie worth seeing, but not the classic it's made out to be. Apart from the first and last ten minutes, it's absolutely boring. To kick things off, you have that brilliant hurry-up-and-start-the-car scene that's appeared in practically every horror movie since. To end things you have the mother/daughter death by (well, I won't say) scene, and the cruel, cruel ending. But for an hour between it's just a lot of people standing in a house arguing about what they're going to do when the zombies come in. Which would be fine if there was any suspense or urgency about it, but the zombies seem to make absolutely no attempt to enter the house anyway. Until they sense that it's nearly the end of the movie or something. The 'space radiation' explanation sucks somewhat too. It's a bad idea to make the explanation more ludicrous than the thing it's meant to explain.

Johns (1996)

lightly comic tragedy

[8/10 · 14 February 2000]

This is a small film, but one with a lot of life in it. It attracts My Own Private Idaho comparisons, but the similarity is superficial. I thought this was more believable, and more watchable. It's sort of contrived and raw at the same time, quite a bizarre feat. It also has a fairly light tone, which makes the ending all the more gut-wrenching (I doubt I'm giving anything away here - people only ever read the user reviews after seeing the film anyway). The blues soundtrack is wonderful too.

Vertigo (1958)

to know it is to love it

[10/10 · 14 February 2000]

This movie is an absolute masterpiece, with both heart and deep, cynical intelligence. Of course it's contrived. that's part of the joke. It's the most beautiful and romantic film ever, but has an utterly black heart. That's why, like the ups and downs of the human heart, it's as much comic as it is tragic. The ending is perfect precisely because it is such a cop-out, leaving us as (and Scotty) just as stranded over the abyss as we were at the beginning. To love this movie you have to understand it. And if you don't, well, go watch North By Northwest with the other children.

The Curse of the Cat People (1944)

like a brittle snowflake

[10/10 · 14 February 2000]

Possibly the most irrelevantly (and misleadingly) titled movie ever. People are going to expect an old horror movie, spend the whole time waiting for a panther attack, and be disappointed. I'd say if you're going to show this to a friend, fast forward past the title and pretend it's called something else. Actually, don't bother with a friend. This is a film that you can only really enjoy alone. It brings back half-remembered feelings of early childhood, things you can't even put into grown-up words or ways of thinking. Viewing it with another cynical adult might break the film's fragile little spell.