biedjee Reviews

The Simpsons Movie (2007)

Bad, bad, bad idea

[5/10 · 1 September 2007]

(warning, may contain minor spoilers)

I am quite a Simpsons fan. I've always loved the series on telly, and over the past years I have faithfully bought all 'complete series' DVD box sets. I know the series take a dive after series nine, and I'm still doubting whether to buy series 10 when it comes out next month. Better quit while you're ahead, is my motto.

If only the creators of The Simpsons had had that same motto. 20 years in the making, they finally got round to putting the yellow family to the big screen. And while all the buzz was very positive (old producers coming back, the complete writers team of series 2-7 collaborating on the script, etc etc) the movie ultimately fails to deliver. There are some really funny jokes, but the story itself is just downright stupid. Furthermore most of the side-characters are reduced to screenfiller for most of the movie. With the exception of Flanders, Grampa Simpson and (oddly enough) Comic Book Guy and Cletus, none of the supporting characters have anything to do in the movie. Ms Krabapple, Barney, Selma & Patty, Apu and even Moe barely have talking parts? What a waste!

Instead we get a strange Native American lady, an unfunny secret agent and "President Schwarzenegger" (whatever happened to The Simpsons' own Schwarzenegger spoof Rainer Wolfcastle?).

Bad, bad, bad idea.

Kiss of the Dragon (2001)

Bad, worse, worst and utterly boring

[2/10 · 13 August 2001]

I thought Romeo must die, Li's previous movie, was a poor scripted, poor acted, yet very entertaining movie. This one however, is worse scripted, worse acted and in fact not entertaining at all. We are to believe that in the whole of Paris, there isn't a single good cop to be found, and all go shooting around, killing innocent people and destroying entire hotel buildings along the way. And they can blame it all on Mr Li. Even in France people would not buy this!

Add to that that the movie only shows Chinese and French people, and they all insist on talking English with the most preposterous accents heard this side of 'Allo 'allo.

Oh, and it may be obvious that the entire FRENCH police corps uses Kung Fu in their crime fighting, of course. But in that, they're not that spectacular really, so the fighting scenes end up being pretty tame too.

Munchie Strikes Back (1994)

This is the worst movie I have ever seen

[1/10 · 24 July 1999]

Terrible story, poor acting and no humour at all (apart from the final joke at the end)

Some sort of ugly angel is sent to earth to save a boy and his mum from being thrown out of their home. Supposed to be a kiddies movie, but even they will not be amused by this terrible film

Brave (1994)

Haunting, depressing, gripping

[9/10 · 24 July 1999]

The haunting video that accompanied the Marillion's eighth studio album. The film tells the fictional story about a confused runaway girl who's picked up by the police when found wandering at the Severn Bridge.

A police psychiatrist tries to unravel the mystery about the girl, who refuses to talk. He learns about her problems in her childhood, when she was abused by her father, her running away, her drug-abusing and more terrible things. Meanwhile almost all the songs of Marillion's album is being played.

Although maybe not the best film in the world, it will definitely leave you with a strange taste in your mouth. It helps if you like the Marillion's music though.