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Ian Mc
Reviews
Battle of the Planets (1978)
Great big slices of American cheese!
Having run madly around the school playground as a member of G-Force, I have fond memories of this series. I was lucky enough to discover some UK re-runs recently and I must say it doesn't disappoint. This had to be one of the most bizarre cartoon series ever. Sub-anime cartoon action, with a core of good Vs evil morality and a strange taste in feathery superhero costumes.
Basically, our five brave orphan heroes spend their day chilling and waiting to be called into action - when they are, it's off in the Phoenix zap about and save our galaxy from another lacklustre take-over attempt by Spectra - embodied be the Evil Zoltar.
Intros from soothing robot narrator 7-Zark-7 (and his robot dog 1-Rover-1) push the plots along, and somehow our heroes save the day by flying about a bit, throwing some banter about and coaxing this weeks traitor back to the good guys before wherever they are explodes. Zoltar then promptly escapes to pester the good peoples of Earth and her colonies another day.
You will not find a better example of 70's haircuts, camp villains, naff plots and creaky cold-war style American morality. It's a winner!
A few things to treasure... One: All the computers still work on ticker-tape in the future... fantastic! Two: Camp bad-guy Zoltar not only had all the best lines, but some of the most fulsome lips in the cartoon universe. Three: Possibly the most melodramatic opening spiel in tevevision history (even beats the A-team!) Four: 7-Zark-7's ongoing romance with 'Susan' the sexy computer voice that delivered the mission at the start of the show.
In the UK, you can catch 'Battle of the Planets' on Bravo, usually in the dead of night. On reflection, perhaps this is a good thing - the children of today might not be able to handle the sheer drama and tension.
And yes, I did have a crush on Princess. And I still do.
Honest (2000)
This must have looked great on paper...
This must have looked great on paper... Imagine three beautiful sisters, in swinging-sixties London, who steal for a living. Get three pop stars (Nicole and Natalie Appleton, Melanie Blatt of the 'All Saints) as the cast and package with pop star turned director, Dave Stewart (of Eurythmics fame).
It's the perfect pitch. OK - maybe not, but there will be a buzz and people will want to see it. But should they? In my opinion, probably not.
From the outset, the film couldn't decide whether it wanted to be sixties a pastiche comedy, or a thriller edged movie.
The plot was pedestrian and you were never really drawn to care about the characters. The script was peppered with sixties stereotypes, posh kids, tripping hippies and some decidedly one-dimensional mobsters. The cast seemed to struggle under the weight of the plot, some of the scenes were truly painful to watch - especially the comedy drug-dealer villain and the extended 'trip' sequence. Some of the emotional pay-offs were lame to say the least. Co-writers Clement and La Frenais (with Stewart) are capable of much, much more than this.
All that said, there are a couple of good comedy moments, including a chase into Mornington Crescent Tube Station in a camper van. Sadly, these moments are few and far between.
Nicole Appleton, as the oldest sister Gerry, seemed reasonably at home in her role. Sadly though, she was let down by a mock-cockney accent which seemed to have escaped from the Dick Van Dyke school of dialect coaching. Others were guilty of this too. Peter Facinelli, the American love interest was missable. Corin Redgrave brought a little dignity to the proceedings with his mob boss.
Points must also go to one of the most obvious continuity errors I have ever seen... a full back tattoo that goes missing!
With an 18 Certificate in the UK for the drug-taking, language and nudity the film was doubtless pitched at an adult audience. I feel that, unless all want to see is some pop star nudity, you will walk away disappointed. "Honest" is destined for the same bargain bin that you may pick 1997's 'Spiceworld' out of, and that's a shame as this had the potential to be far, far better. One to miss.
The World Is Not Enough (1999)
007's Confident return to form
The World is Not Enough (Bond 19) is a classy thriller, and a worthy addition to the canon of Bond. Pierce Brosnan has never looked more comfortable as the British Government's most famous agent - dangerous, dashing and deadly. In this installment Bond deals with the murky world of International terrorism and the Oil industry. Assigned to look after the daughter of a wealthy heiress, Sophie Marceau, he gets more than he bargained for.
Robert Carlyle, one of the UK's rising stars, gives us the menacing Renard - a terrorist with an invulnerability to pain and a chip on his shoulder. Robbie Coltrane also returns as Valentin Zubotsky, the ex-KGB agent who tangled with 007 in 'Goldeneye'. With a guest role from Judi Dench as M, alongside Samantha Bond, Michael Kitchen, Colin Salmon, John Cleese and the fantastic Desmond Llewelyn as Q, the writers have built a great support team around Brosnan's Bond - and this is as it should be, Bond was never a man to work alone.
Locations take us all over, but the best sequences for me were on snow and water. The Ski sequence with Marceau and Brosnan was stunning, and the pre-credits chase from Vauxhall Cross (London's real MI6 HQ) up the river Thames to the Millennium Dome was classic Bond - pacy, death-defying and keep me on the edge of my seat.
The writer's showed their knowledge of the character, with details of Bond's world coming through - and the title, as 007 says, is the Bond family Motto! They make a subtle mix of humour and action, yet also find room to give Bond a darker edge and some vulnerability. Of course 007 could not get through without the women and the bad puns, and both are in evidence with Marceau, Maria Grazia Cucinotta, Denise Richards as a nuclear bomb expert (really!) and Serena Scott-Thomas as a MI6's Doctor with an impressive bedside manner!
Music duties again from David Arnold were again well executed and the title song is a belter from Grungy loop experts Garbage.
Director Michael Apted has provided a stylish film, perhaps one of the best looking Bond's in some years. This is a confident return to form for 007, he looks set to keep his 'License to Kill' well into the next century.
The Italian Job (1969)
Surreal yet compelling
The Italian Job - people rant and rave about this film, and we always get told it's the one with the three mini coopers and that infamous line. It's all that, but so much more as well.
Noel Coward's performance was amazing, the camera loves him - and he loves it back, oozing camp control at every moment. Caine doing what he does best, shout, get annoyed and generally play the bad boy. The surprise for me was how visually interesting the film was - sweeping shots of the alps, racing movements through Turin...surperb.
The minis sequence is all its build up to be and more, I just grinned throughout. I loved the fact that no Italian policeman could drive, in fact the whole comedy anti-European theme was hilarious.
A great, entertaining film with a strong supporting cast (Benny Hill!) and a brave, memorable ending. Often copied, never matched. Spoil yourself, go enjoy.
Doctor Who (1996)
A new Pilot, a new Doctor - a missed opportunity.
To re-launch a famous, long-running TV series and get it right...difficult. Star Trek managed it, this Doctor Who TV Movie didn't quite do it.
Paul McGann made an excellent Doctor, and the supporting cast were all pretty good - including a hysterical, over-the-top Eric Roberts as the Master.
In this movie, the Doctor's 7th incarnation (Sylvester McCoy) is shot in San Francisco. Having died on an operating table, he then proceeds to regenerate into his 8th body (McGann). Wandering about he latches on to Grace (Ashbrook) and realises eventually realises he has work to do, saving the universe before the dawn of the new year.
Explosions, bike chases and special effects were all there a plenty - but that wasn't where the heart of Doctor Who lived for all those years. As a fan of the TV series, I missed plot. The threat just didn't make sense - and the resolution was a poor cop-out.
The TARDIS console room set however is a thing of beauty, and worth a look. Imagine if all those years of the TV series had had a budget like this!
1990's Doctor Who could have been a success - few TV series pilots have the stuff of legend. Sadly, the networks weren't prepared to take the risk.
A new take on the Doctor made him a little romantic, and much more human - personally I've no problem with the kiss scene. McGann brought a child-like wonder to the character, and he deserves an opportunity to continue.
This whole film was a missed opportunity, on the part of the writer, but also the network. Still, worth watching none the less.
Highlander II: The Quickening (1991)
There should have been only one!
This is a film that did not need to be made. Highlander II: The Quickening is a sequel that not only does not add to the original - but actually manages to spoil it...no mean feat!
Whereas in the original film we are told that the central character, Connor Macleod, is immortal because 'it's a kind of Magic' - in this film it is revealed that he is actually a rebel from the planes Zeist.
Far from using the 'prize' for the good of all, becoming mortal and falling in love - as we left him, it turns out that his retirement from head severing is far from over.
Not only does Connor have to become immortal again - but he also has to save the world from a being controlled by terrorists, who control a giant toupe covering the hole in the ozone layer.
A hammy performance from Michael Ironside, a poor cameo from Connery and an appalling plot.
Some films don't need a sequel - Highlander was one of them. The only reason I can think for watching it would be to show trainee screenwriters what not to do.