Frank Einstein Reviews

Teenage Caveman (2002 TV Movie)

Didn't ANYONE like this?

[1 November 2001]

Now I know the original with Robert Vaughn (oh, god...) sucked, but I loved this! Given, some of the performances downright SUCKED (Andrew Keegan Andrew Keegan), and the ending was a little vague, I thought this was a really good film. Richard Hillman as Neil gave a fantastic performance, he was absolutely perfect for the role of the crackhead bent on domination. Besides the two other things I said, the vast amount of sex in the movie was a little excessive, but what else would you expect from the director of `Kids'? Anyway, I highly recommend this movie, as Larry Cark did what Roger Corman couldn't.

Eyes to Heaven (1999)

Odd, spooky, and, well.... odd.

[9/10 · 5 June 2001]

While I really liked this movie, it was really very odd. I'm sorry to keep using that term, but it's the only way I can put it. The movie's about milk vampires, for poop's sake! I don't even know what it's all about, but the score by Mike Allred's band, The Gear, is one of the best I have ever heard in my life. If you like inde/underground cinema, seek this out! Also see Astroesque, another movie by The Droog Brothers.

Body Shots (1999)

Great film!

[5 February 2001]

I watched this at first cuz I am a huge fan of both Tara Reid and Jerry O'Connell. It's all about the 90s club scene, how screwed up people can be, how easily things can happen, and how different memories can be when it comes to court. Plus Tara Reid gets naked, so I love it!

Alien Abduction: Incident in Lake County (1998 TV Movie)

What in God's name was this?

[19 May 1999]

Okay, you got a kid with a video camera videotaping a family's alien experiences. Three mistakes: 1) The second time they aired it, they put in "lost scenes". That only comes with a real movie, not a video recording. 2) They picked a guy who actually had a filmography (meaning he had acted before in noticeable shows). 3) The fatal mistake: THEY CREDITED THE ACTORS IN THE VIDEOTAPE!!! IT SAID "ALIEN 1: SO-AND-SO", LIKE THAT! SERIOUSLY, UPN, HOW STUPID DO YOU THINK THE PUBLIC IS? And now the sad part. 50% of America thought this was a real videotape! If you never saw this, stay away from it at all costs!

An Alan Smithee Film: Burn Hollywood Burn (1997)

What is wrong with you people?

[10/10 · 13 May 1999]

This one funny movie! All you people who hated it, what is wrong with you? You belong in the institute where Eric Idle was in the movie! I love this film!

Dune (1984)

One good movie.

[7/10 · 13 May 1999]

"Dune" was indeed a good movie, which needed a lot of work. Lynch was a good writer, good director, bad editor. It cut too swiftly between scenes, and moved too fast. In the novel, it took them about 60 pages to get to Arakkis, in the movie it took about 60 seconds. I would recomend the Alan Smithee version to avid "Dune" fans rather than the the theatrical cut.