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Firestarter (2022)
An atrocious, absolutely terrible film. RUN AWAY.
There are so many things wrong with this film, I scarcely know where to begin. It's -completely- unworthy of the original novel, the original film starring Drew Barrymore, or of a moment of anyone's time to waste on this abomination. It's breathtaking that someone spent -millions- of dollars on this joyless, steaming pile of excrement.
Films based upon books by Stephen King, more often than not, tend to be somewhat poor. There are certainly exceptions, of course-but before -this- colossal mistake, I thought I'd seen the worst of those efforts.
Oh how utterly, utterly wrong I was.
Quick spoilers ahead, and purposefully so, in the hopes of dissuading any fan of the original works from wasting even a moment more of your time on this rot (and trust me, there is plenty more "What the Hell?!" being left off of this short list):
- Rainbird was an early Lot Six subject, has psychic powers of his own, killed Charlie's mother, and is (effectively) the sole bad guy
- Charlie outright murders a cat, with Andy encouraging her to finish it off in an utterly creepy way. Charlie goes on to become a borderline psychopath.
- The Shop is a mere afterthought, never actually capturing Charlie at all.
- The Manders have been reduced to a (literally) catatonic, paralyzed, bedridden housewife, and a husband who is not only an idiot, but outright responsible for much misery in his own right. Oh, and he's black now. Way to switch things up, Hollywood!
- Cap is utterly useless, and is now black as well (so both a gender and a race change, all in one!) Wanless has one voiceover at the very beginning, then a throwaway scene, and we never hear from him again (so apparently, he survives now?)
- The Shop is no longer a country estate, but more like a large, underground parking garage and maze of concrete hallways.
- Charlie is pushed by Andy into killing himself and Cap, before she ends up NOT killing Rainbird. In fact, the film ends with her -sparing- him, then -holding Rainbird's hand and ultimately being carried off into the night in Rainbird's arms- while the credits roll.
I couldn't make this up if I wanted to make the worst possible remake of Firestarter-all of the good things about the book and the original movie, from Charlie's and Andy's strong relationship, to her innocence and fear of her power, to the kindness of the Manders, to the Shop's truly evil plans, intentions, and actions, to Rainbird's utterly creepy and sadistic plans, to the ultimate denouement and conclusion the story... all of that, and more, are just grist for the mill in one of the worst remakes (hell, one of the worst -movies- period) that I've ever seen in my entire life.
It's no wonder that it's streaming free on Peacock-no one in their right mind, should pay even 99¢ to rent this stupid, insipid, and ultimately pathetic claptrap.
Don't watch this. Don't think about watching this. Pretend it doesn't exist. And never think of it again. It is, quite literally, one of the most heartless, disjointed, ham-handed efforts I have -ever- had to misfortune to encounter in nearly 50 years of being a cinephile.
Frequency (2000)
Wonderful -- just what to go to theaters for! (spoilers)
I thought this was a great movie for several reasons -- most importantly, because it is *entertaining*. All too often, it seems that Hollywood will give the public a flashy-sounding release that ends up being glorified dog food. However, 'Frequency' delivers: it's fun, engaging, and sappy in just the right amounts.
Being a filmgoer who likes movies to make sense, I did have a bit of pause with some of the timeline paradoxes that seemed to crop up near then end of the film. However, upon reflection one could say that something about the nature of the link between the two eras could have affected normal causality -- for example, when the cigarette burns the desk, and we see the desk today get the faded burn mark, in real time. Maybe the link changed the normal flow of time, or else the burn mark would always have been there, right? :-)
In any case, the movie was a great date movie for my wife and I, and we've recommended it to all of our friends. Enjoy it!
George Lucas in Love (1999)
Hilarious! Who says you need a studio for good entertainment?
This was a great bit of whimsy, just under 9 minutes and a laugh all the way. I don't want to ruin anyone's fun, so just take my word for it that this is probably the best-yet answer to the Great and Mysterious Question of Life, the Universe, and Everything: *Where* did Georgie get his ideas for Star Wars?
Worth the time, check it out!