bison-3 Reviews

The White River Kid (1999)

First true portrayal of Arkansas

[5 February 2002]

As a dyed in the wool Southerner bred in Arkansas, I am happy to see that someone has finally made a movie that portrays Arkansas like it is. Arne Glimcher has done a fine job capturing all of the nuances of Southern culture, and Bob Hoskins--whom has always been a terrific and often underrated actor in my eyes--does a great job adopting a believable Arkansas accent despite his thick British accent. In fact, I think Bob somehow managed to come up with an accent that transcends both cultures, and is uncannily unrecognizable as belonging to either. Mike Thomas, in particular, does a great supporting turn. The only thing this movie was missing is a buck-toothed banjo player and Tia Carrere, but I guess maybe Elie was divorced from her by the time it was made. (Okay, actually, we all know this movie is really just not that good, and if any of you want to explain how this happened--because I really am curious--please e/m me here in Los Angeles.)

The Matrix (1999)

Mass delusion.

[19 April 1999]

What a pathetic film.... and I hate to say that, because friends of mine worked on this. This is the kind of film which you should be able to take a guilty pleasure in--if it had done two weeks at the box office, then went to video and escaped the notice of critics. Instead, everyone's lauding a fourth-rate B-movie with sub-par special effects, a mind-numbingly boring opening 45 minutes and fight scenes which it is hard to believe Wo-Ping Yuan choreographed (Perhaps he had a lousy DP? Did the Wachowski brothers make him choreograph the scenes blindfolded?). Go watch "Tai Chi Master" (1996), and then you'll understand what you're missing and why Keanu Reeves looks ludicrously like a 10-yr-old playing at Kung Fu. The last half of the film kept me awake because I was laughing (not with the film--at it). This is the worst script since Titanic, and--no--the special effects in this film were not good enough to excuse it from being this bad. Is everyone out there suffering from some mass delusion manufactured by the studios? Free your mind...

Scream (1996)

Entertaining only if you're not a horror film buff...

[31 March 1999]

... otherwise, if you cut your teeth on film-makers like Cronenberg, Craven's early efforts, the Italian shockmeisters of the 1970's and even Halloween or Friday the 13th, this film is decidedly forgettable. Williamson, who doubtlessly doesn't have any more perspective on horror cinema than the average person, can only capitalize on these films' relegation to obscurity--otherwise, people would recall that there was a time when directors produced horror films with what looked like handheld cameras and scripts written-on-the-fly which still in comparison make this look like a horror movie for toddlers. And, since no one recalls Craven's New Nightmare, that was also a self-referential horror film... it just happened to flop.

The Hills Have Eyes (1977)

Back in the late 70's, when directors still knew...

[31 March 1999]

... how to deliver gruesome chills on a low budget with no barely-out-of-their-teens flavor-of-the-month actors... Wes Craven made this one, which has more well-directed shocks per frame than any of his later efforts... and which makes the Kevin Williamson stories and their ilk-of-late look like the derivative and flaccid efforts of hack writers--which they are. Too bad Craven no longer seems capable of directing a real horror movie, but at least he left us this one to look back upon and wish (probably in vain) that he'd once more be struck by a bolt of lightning and create a work of horror genius.