japa Reviews

Angel of H.E.A.T. (1983)

Entertaining (?) trash.

[4/10 · 16 June 2012]

It's clear that Angel of H.E.A.T. is crappy movie yet it's fairly entertaining. So you can say this is pretty good bad movie, not the best kind of though.

Marilyn Chambers is some sort of agent representing organization called Protectors. They work outside of the official organizations like FBI, CIA etc., so they can do stuff that real agents can't... Not that this is really shown in this movie. Her character is named Angel Harmony and in the movie she has to work with real agents to stop the mad scientist or something like that. If these agents are the saviors and protectors of the USA and the whole world, well, we are doomed. And this Angel Harmony should be the best of the best! OK, Marilyn looks good and it's great to watch her naked. There is some nudity but there should be more, then H.E.A.T. would be better trash. And if one have seen Chambers previous movies one is expecting more tits at least. Also Mary Woronow offers also some skin and nothing to complain about that either.

Action sequences are poor. Well, whole production is of course cheap and it shows.

There are some interesting characters besides Angel. In these kind of B-movies there's always has to be a midget and here we have one who tries to score our beautiful lady. Also, we have Asian martial arts expert called Hans (!) and Aryan looking agent called Wong (!) who is played by adult star Randy West.

Serious movie watchers: don't bother. But those who like all kinds of trashy movies and are remembering warmly 80's video era: you might want to check this.

The Wolf Man (1941)

Pretty good Universal monster -movie!

[7/10 · 23 February 2011]

Shame to say but it took me too long to see this classic although I have had this DVD-box for a long time. I'd say that The Wolf Man is not as good as Frankenstein but it's better than Dracula. In my opinion, Dracula is pretty much overrated movie. It's OK, nothing more.

Sometimes it's a good thing that movies are short (this is less than one hour and ten minutes) but then again sometimes you need more flesh over the bones and in this case I think that movie could have been better with extra 30 minutes or something like that. With more concentrating in characters and developing their nature it could have been more touching result. Now you really don't care that much what happens to Lon Chaney's character, it is not just tragic enough! Also relationship with Talbot and Gwen Conliffe is pretty lame. Well, it's already quite hard enough to believe the Conliffe would fall for Talbot instead of much more handsome dude Frank Andrews. And you've got to admit that the Wolf Man's mask is nowadays more funny than scary or threatening.. :) I believe that it worked in 1940's but today...

But all in all, The Wolf Man is quite a good movie and I would recommend it to Universal monster -fans (of course they all have seen this already) and horror movie and movie history -fanatics.

Them! (1954)

Very good bug-movie!

[8/10 · 16 August 2007]

Most of the so called monster movies of the 50's are only funny, but Them is an exception. Of course you might get amused by the special effects, but that don't change the fact that Them! is a seriously good movie. One reason that Them is working so well is that they don't show the ants very much. First appearance happens after half an hour. There is a real suspension and there are really chilling moments, which is quite rare in these kind of films. And the other reason for being a good movie is that actors are quite good (for example James Whitmore, who's been nominated twice in Academy Awards) and they don't even overact - at least not too much, which is very typical in 50's sci-fi films. Edmund Gwenn (The Trouble with Harry) as a scientist is so and so if he's overdoing it, but we'll forgive him... I was pleasantly surprised after watching this, definitely one of best horror/sci-fi-movies of the 50's! I'll give it 8 out of 10!

The Sword of the Barbarians (1982)

Oh, well...

[3/10 · 19 September 2001]

Phew, I watched this film last weekend and boy, it was pretty awful, but still, perhaps it was awful in a funny way. Last time I had seen this film was in the 80's and I thought it would be kind of nostalgia trip. I didn't expect anything great, but still it was a kind of disappointment! I remembered this film was pretty violent, but there wasn't even a hint of blood showing when the barbarians slewed one another. And their swords were pretty much like toys!! Fighting scenes were hilarious but not in a good way. Well, the final battle between two men was okay. Of course, acting was horrible, but I didn't expect anything else. But it was fun to watch and it took me back to my childhood for a hour and a half so I guess it is always positive thing.

But for those who seek no nostalgia, don't watch this!!

Dallas (1978–1991)

J.R. is the man!!!

[8/10 · 16 August 2001]

Yes, this is a classic show though I have to admit, that maybe they should have ended sooner. The last years are not that good. But of course what makes this show so spectacular is J.R. Ewing. Has there ever been so devilish man. I don't like people calling this soap opera. The bold and the Beautiful, Young and the Restless, they are soap operas. Dallas is just damn good drama series. It's so great too see J.R. and Cliff Barnes fight against each other. And what about Ewing barbecue and Oilbaron's Ball, those events include most classic TV-scenes ever. Yes, this is one of best shows ever. There are so many great characters, Jock Ewing, Jeremy Wendell, Punk Anderson, Jack Ewing, McKay played by George Kennedy but of course J.R. is the man! And yes, I have a picture of J.R. on my door!!

Mute Witness (1995)

Scary? Well...

[6/10 · 14 June 2001]

I have noticed that quite many people consider this film to be scary. Well, I guess they haven't seen a lot of scary films. This is an ok thriller, but nothing spectacular. I have to admit that the scene in the beginning where the murderers are chasing Billy is quite thrilling, but scary? No. And from that moment on, the films loses its edge. After that chase it comes somewhat an ordinary thriller with no great surprises. But it's not a bad film, you can watch it once at least. And the actress who plays Billy, the lead character, is pretty cute.

I gave it an 6/10.

The Russia House (1990)

Pretty pointless movie! Boring....

[3/10 · 7 August 2000]

I didn't expect much from this movie but still it was surprisingly bad. I mean it doesn't do anything for you. It doesn't make you laugh, cry, excited, afraid or anything. The romance between Pfeiffer and Connery isn't very convincing. There are good actors in this movie and they are all wasting their time. Even Connery, he's starting only to annoy with his ssshhh. There are no great feelings in this movie, it's not comedy, thriller, drama, it is just a movie. And too long, nothing happens in two hours. Only funny thing in the film is that there is Martin Clunes from Men Behaving Badly in a role with no lines. But as I said The Russia House is a pointless movie.

I gave it 3/10, perhaps even that's too much.

Going Under (1991)

What a c***!!

[1/10 · 5 November 1999]

This must be one of the worst movies I have ever seen. It didn't make me laugh at all and you know when comedy doesn't do that to you there's something wrong in the film. There are not many other comedies that are this bad, perhaps Police academy:Mission in Moscow and Caddyshack are as terrible as this. Well, there are few funny scenes in Caddyshack. But this... What can i say. There are no sense in the jokes, plot is... beyond anything. Acting makes you cry or laugh, it depends. I watched this when I had hangover, because I hoped that this would be good hangover-film... but it made me feel worse. I'm glad I didn't throw up! Bill Pullman is sometimes good, but he doesn't save this one. Oh no, what more can I say? Do I have to say more? I don't think so. Just don't ever watch this, you may regret it. I surely did.

Without Warning (1980)

What can I say about this?

[7/10 · 29 July 1999]

I haven't seen this film for a long time, it must be over 10 years when I saw this. I bet if I'd see it today, this films would suck. But in the 80's when I was a little boy, this felt so exciting. There are lot of films that I'd love to see again, but here in Finland they are hard to get. Luckily, I have had a chance to see few horror films, which I liked as a kid, like Incubus, Superstition, The Legacy. I know, they are not masterpieces, but I missed them and I'm glad I had a chance to see them again. This film is one of those, also New Barbarians, Time walker, The dark, Thor the Conqueror and many other B-films.

Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man (1991)

GREAT!

[10/10 · 16 February 1999]

I don't understand why people say that this is a bad movie. Well, I guess there's nothing new in it, but so? It's fun, there's action, great one-liners and so on. This movie beats the Godfather. Damned.