Zod-2 Reviews

Tremors 4: The Legend Begins (2004 Video)

The Tremors Well is Officially Dry!

[3/10 · 25 April 2004]

Warning: This review contains minor spoilers.

Well the writers of the first Tremors are officially out of ideas. I'm a big fan of the first movie and the first two sequels are pretty good for straight to video fare. Tremors 4: The Legends Begins, however, is a very dull movie. Where the heck are the Graboids???

Due to the relative lack of Graboids through the first 90 minutes I'm convinced that this entry into the series is suppose to be a "character study". Unfortunately there isn't one interesting character in the movie except for Billy Drago's character who is given too few lines, too little to do and in the end too little screen time. What saved the 2nd and 3rd movies was the presence of Michael Gross as Burt Gummer. Whenever there wasn't any action on the screen you could rest assured that Burt Gummer was going to be interesting to listen too and/or watch. However in this movie Gross plays Hiram Gummer a very poor and boring substitute.

On the plus side when the Graboids (Dirt Dragons in this movie) are on the screen they do look good but that is about as good as it gets.

I was impressed when I saw that Tremors 4 was listed at 101 minutes long. Pretty good for straight to video. But after watching it I'm sure that this movie is a good 15 minutes too long. There are long stretches of dialogue that is boring and doesn't further the plot any. Was there a rush to get this movie made? I think not, more time could have and should have been spent on the script.

I thought I had hit a gold mine when I saw Tremors 4 packaged for sale with....Tremors!!! What luck I thought, pay for #4 get #1 for free. Well after watching Tremors 4 I like to think I paid for the original and got this mess for free, I can't imagine paying a single dime for Tremors 4. For fans of the series it's best to forget that Tremors 4: The Legend Begins even exists.

Tremors 4: The Legend Begins rates a 3 out of 10.

My Bloody Valentine (1981)

original cut would be better

[6/10 · 22 November 2003]

I just bought My Bloody Valentine on DVD and was impressed with it. However, it is very apparent that it has been heavily cut in order to receive an "R" rating.

It is my belief that the producers of the film wanted to forego suspense in favour of gore. Since so many cuts had to be made viewers are now left with very little suspense and not enough gore. However, the director still creates good atmosphere throughout the film, thanks to wonderfully creepy locals and a menacing and truly scary killer. One can only imagine how good this film could be if an un-cut version were ever released.

While the film was pretty good I thought that just as it should be getting going it starts to run out of steam. The climax of the film, where the suspense usually really starts to build, is left barren. The film starts to drag its feet and the killer is rarely seen. My guess is that this is where the viewer is suppose to start guessing who the killer really is and the fun lies therein. However, it is rather obvious who the killer is so the revelation is not surprising. The director makes up for this by having a wonderfully creepy ending. It screams sequel but I liked it.

My Bloody Valentine is an uneven film. Not much in the story department but what do you expect? Some nice kills, minor suspense and creepy locations make this film a cut above the rest of the 80's slasher genre. I know there is a better version of this film out there and would love for the film company to release the original edit. My Bloody Valentine is a classic just waiting to happen. My Bloody Valentine rates a 6 out of 10.

Mountaintop Motel Massacre (1983)

will leave you scratching your head

[4/10 · 14 November 2003]

This review contains spoilers.

On the surface Mountaintop Motel Massacre is your run-of-the-mill cheap horror quicky. However, there are a couple of things that rise Mountaintop Motel Massacre (MMM) above most of the cheapo horror garbage that came out in the 80's. First off there seems to be a lot more going on in the story then what is presented on the screen. Had the film makers had the time/money to fully realize their vision MMM could have been even better.

The story follows Evelyn, an old woman who spent a couple of years in a insane asylum. Now she runs a motel along with her daughter. This is where there is likely an explanation for why Evelyn is the way she is. There is obviously a connection between Evelyn her dead husband and her daughter that is making Evelyn mad. Her daughter also seems to be dabbling in the black arts but none of this is explained, only tiny tidbits are revealed throughout the film. Evelyn's daughter is also killed (by Evelyn) early on in the film but makes a couple of brief appearances late in the movie. Is she a zombie? Again nothing is revealed. It's all up to you to put together if you feel like putting the effort forth.

The director does try to create atmosphere in the picture and the camera work is a notch above most films of this type. While the film is pretty slow going to start it does pick up at the end with some creepiness and light suspense.

Given a chance Mountaintop Motel Massacre could have been a very decent flick. However, the actual plot of the film is pushed to the side in order to introduce the characters and start knocking them off. The movie would have been better off explaining Evelyn's relationship to her daughter and therefore her insanity rather then slowly introducing each guest at the motel.

There is more going on here then the film makers are letting the viewer in on which is why MMM will leave you scratching your head over the huge plot holes. But, with average (for the genre) acting, some good kill scenes and a little suspense thrown in for good measure Mountaintop Motel Massacre rates slightly better then most b-movie drive-in fodder. In the right hands it could have rated a 5 or maybe even a 6! Moutaintop Motel Massacre rates a 4 out of 10.

Campfire Stories (2001)

better then I thought it would be

[4/10 · 28 October 2003]

I didn't have much faith in this movie when I bought the dvd, but it was cheap and I figured it had to contain at least a couple of scares. After the first few minutes I thought I was wrong, this movie was going to suck but as it progressed it did get better.

The wrap around story is easily the worst of the bunch, the acting and production is amateurish at times. While it does contain some humor David Johansens hammy acting takes away any suspense that could possibly be being produced. The whole plot of the wrap around story is pretty flimsy as well and seems very forced, as if the producers just needed to get the film to the point where the stories are told. The resolution that comes at the end is just as forced and is pretty pathetic.

The first story, about a group of jocks picking on a school handyman, doesn't fair much better in it's acting or production values. Once it gets going there is a level of creepiness to it but the whole set up before the climax is so poorly done that you find yourself caring very little about what happens.

Aside from some poor special effects (well good in a high school class project sort of way) the second story involving three troublemakers looking to profit from the murder of a native man, fails to really grab the viewer. There isn't much wrong with the story it just doesn't do much until the twist ending. At that point everything registers and the story makes sense, unfortunately it's not much fun getting to that point.

The final, and best, story is a nice little "who-done-it". While the story, of four friends getting together for a night of "passion" which ends in murder, doesn't really set itself up as well as it could, it does contain the most suspense of the 4 stories. This entry contains the best of everything in the movie, best story, acting and suspense. The topper is that is also contains the best ending as you continue to guess who the culpret is.

I could almost recommend this movie if it had a better wrap around story to hold the rest of the movie together. Also, if you want a professional type horror movie it is best to stay clear of Campfire Stories. I realize I'm probably going very easy on this film but I did like it much more then I thought I would, it's a guilty pleasure that's worth 90 minutes of mindless enjoyment if you can find it for the right (read VERY LOW) price. Mind you, I would recommend 1997's Campfire Tales over this film any day. Campfire Stories rates a 4 out of 10.

Suspiria (1977)

Not that scary

[5/10 · 27 October 2003]

This review contains minor spoilers.

Suspiria is a movie with potential. It does have it's scary moments but the surrounding story is quite dull and you'll find yourself wishing the director (Dario Argento) would put more scares in the film. The film has 3 good moments too it, one at the beginning, middle and the all too brief end.

The movies main problem is that there isn't much plot to hold the "scare" scenes together. Had the main character actually investigated the strange goings on then perhaps the movie would have been more interesting as she found clues to the schools secret. The problem is that all of the investigating has already been done for her and it is just a matter of time before she is told all she needs to know. The telling isn't very interesting and you wonder how the information was gathered in the first place. To top it off there aren't many strange happenings going on anyway (that the viewer sees) so you have to wonder why an investigation takes place at all. So in the end that viewer just has to take it for granted that strange occurrences have been happening at the school for awhile.

On the good side the film does have an interesting musical score although it tends to get in the way of actually being able to hear important noises and pieces of dialogue in the movie, but it is creepy so serves it's purpose. Argento's use of the camera is interesting but not enough to save an otherwise dull film.

A better revelation of what is going on at the school might have increased the suspense level. By the time Argento gets around to said revelation the film is almost over and everything is wrapped up quite quickly.

Overall Suspiria has a few good moments but lacks in story. It's a fine idea for a horror film but it's story matter is wasted. You'll find yourself asking many "why" questions and getting very few "because" answers. Suspiria looks good, sounds good, and has some shocks...but in the long run you'll probably be bored. Suspiria ranks a 5 out of 10.

Castle Freak (1995 Video)

wonderful character but movie is missing something

[7/10 · 25 October 2003]

This review contains minor spoilers.

Just by looking at the cover of the Castle Freak DVD I had a feeling I would enjoy the movie. The Castle Freak is a wonderful creation, his look is just that, freakish, and as the viewer I felt both sympathy and hatred for him. Rarely has such a character been created for a horror movie, especially in present times.

The story, in a nutshell, revolves around an American family inheriting a castle in Italy. The former owner kept her son in the dungeons below the castle, torturing him for years. When the woman dies the Castle Freak is free to roam the castle.

The films director, Stuart Gordon, does a nice job of including ample amounts of suspense as well as a few scares in the film, but he doesn't rely on them. The story itself is interesting and Gordon makes sure to feed the viewer tidbits of information throughout the film. One particularly nice scene has the Castle Freak showing a prostitute what his mother has done to him (a couple of body parts have been removed). This scene really adds to the character of the Castle Freak and isn't played entirely for shocks.

While the film has suspense, a few shocks and kept my interest from start to finish I still found that it was missing something. I think what the movie was missing was atmosphere. For a castle with 100+ rooms it didn't seem very big or creepy. Even the dungeons, save for the Castle Freaks room, were rather dull. With a better location this film could have been horrifying from start to finish.

As it is Castle Freak is a pretty good horror movie considering it's from Full Moon and made on a pretty low budget. Stuart Gordon does his best with what he has and the Castle Freak is a wonderful creation and gives the movie an extra point just for being a good character. Castle Freak rates a 7 out of 10.

They (2002)

mild suspense with no substance

[4/10 · 24 October 2003]

This review contains spoilers.

I had heard a lot of bad things about They prior to watching it so I had pretty low expectations when I finally got around to viewing it. While They didn't quite sink as low as my expectations it didn't quite reach "wow" levels either. They, has some mild suspense and a couple of shocks in it but no substance. What They is missing is a good backing story. It has a minor one where creatures that visited children with night terrors when they were young come back now that they are older to harvest them (???), at least that's my understanding. They, at no times tries to answer why any of this is happening and is therefore quite dull and slow moving when none of the creatures are present on the screen.

One of the characters does have a diary that seems to hold important information but how he obtained the info is never explained ... apparently he's just a good guesser. Had the movie tried to explore his findings it could have been more interesting. For example, he writes that he removed an object from his body that "they" put there. The lead female also finds an object in herself but nothing is ever made of it, so that whole angle to the story is quickly flushed down the crapper.

Another fault of They is that the creatures will not enter the light (much like in Darkness Falls). So you would think that at every opportunity the director or writer would plunge the characters into darkness, but this doesn't happen. Oh, the lights go out on occasion but the scenes are so well lit that very little suspense is created. Even in an underground subway tunnel when the lights go out it's still bright enough for the characters to see everything around them.

MAJOR SPOILER STARTS

The final fault of the film comes at the end when the lead female character is carried off by the creatures to their world. The problem is that she's standing in a brightly lit room, from daylight through a window.

MAJOR SPOILER ENDS

With all it's faults They does have some suspense and a couple of good scares, it also has a different ending that doesn't follow the usual Hollywood formula so I give it an extra point for that. They rates a 4 out of 10.

April Fool's Day (1986)

almost great

[6/10 · 17 October 2003]

This is one of those "almost" movies. April Fool's Day has a very likable cast, a good plot and wonderful setting what is doesn't have is a lot of suspense and scares.

It looks like a lot of time was put into this film to make it a classy horror picture. Perhaps that's the reason that none of the kills are very interesting, while there is some gore the death scenes themselves seem to have been edited out. Perhaps this was due to the print used on the DVD, maybe there's a better version...I don't know.

The ending itself may put off hardcore horror fans but I found it quite amusing and it helped to make the rest of the movie gel together and answers some questions/concerns I had about about the movies story.

Overall April Fool's Day is quite enjoyable. The young cast is a lot of fun to watch and a few notches above other 80's horror fare, the story is original and the local, a secluded beach house is quite nice. However, it could have been much, much creepier! With more suspense and good scares April Fool's Day could have rated higher. April Fool's Day rates a 6 out of 10.

The Amityville Curse (1990 Video)

ho-hum

[3/10 · 16 October 2003]

There's not really much to say about this movie. It does contain one good scene that has a couple of good scares but that's about it. The rest of the movie is peppered with bad acting and boring dialogue. This may be why the climax is entertaining...you've been waiting so long for something to happen!

This movie could have been a bit better if the house itself was more interesting. Had the movie been shot better this may have been accomplished but as far as haunted houses goes this one is just dull.

As far as the backing story goes...apparently there's a ghost wandering about the house but the reason for it is so flimsy that it almost becomes pointless...that and the fact that the ghost doesn't do very much. The rest of the story involving the mystery of a priests murder is just as banal. As it is the story just isn't interesting so you are left hoping to be scared a couple of times...well a couple of times is about all you'll get.

Overall a flat story with a couple of scares in the first half and a moderately enjoyable ending will leave you wondering why you bothered with The Amityville Curse. The Amityville Curse rates a 2 out of 10.

The Hills Have Eyes (1977)

would be better if...

[5/10 · 16 October 2003]

This review contains very minor spoilers.

The Hills Have Eyes would have been better if it had taken place in a wooded area and if Wes Craven had concentrated more on suspense. There are a few good, but brief, moments of suspense but the terrain in The Hills Have Eyes is far too open to allow for unseen movement so unfortunately much of the suspense is lost since the cannibals can be seen approaching our stranded heroes. Suspense could have been created if Wes Craven had allowed us to see just what these cannibals do to their victims, then a sense of foreboding and fear would have been created for the stranded people in the movie

That said The Hills Have Eyes is more of a survival picture then a horror picture and in that regard it's pretty good. While a viewer hoping for a really scary movie may be disappointed the movie is still interesting as you root for the normal people to triumph over the cannibals.

As a horror movie The Hills Have Eyes is way over-rated. "Harrowing and Nasty" the DVD cover reads. Well, there's not really that much gore in this picture. People with weak stomachs could probably sit through this movie fairly easily, having to shield their eyes only once or twice.

Overall The Hills Have Eyes fails as a horror picture but is still interesting and enjoyable to watch. I would have liked this movie to be much creepier and it could have done with a better ending, as it is the movie just kind of ends. As a horror movie I could only give this a 3 out of 10 but it is interesting if not fantastic so The Hills Have Eyes rates a 5 out of 10.

Burnt Offerings (1976)

You'll be bored to tears.

[2/10 · 7 October 2003]

This review does contain spoilers.

If you are looking for a horror movie with zilch in the horror, suspense or tension department then Burnt Offerings is the movie for you. At 116 minutes Burnt Offerings is way over long for what it delivers. The final 20 minutes are about all that is worth watching and even then you'll be left wondering why you bothered with it at all.

A family rents a house for the summer and for some reason they start acting a little strange. Why? Well apparently the house possesses them, I guess, you are just suppose to accept this as fact since this is a "haunted house" movie. However, this is one of the most un-haunted house movies I have ever seen. I expected Burnt Offerings to slowly build the tension with the occasional slow closing door or strange sounds in the house but by the time a door does close by itself you are left wondering why? Why after 90 minutes of tedious movie watching has the house decided to become active???? If it can close its doors and lock its windows by itself why not do in the family a whole lot sooner...you'll be wishing it had.

A missed opportunity is the old lady in the top floor. You never see her so you would think the director would play on this. We are told early on that she sleeps a lot but when awake listens to her music and works on her collection of pictures. Well it soon becomes apparent that there really isn't a old lady at all but the director could have played with our minds by perhaps having music coming from her room occasionally!! Had he done this he could have at least introduced a couple of interesting moments on his way to the so-so climax.

As for the climax it contains the only suspense in the film and there isn't much. The reveal at the end is obvious and not worth the wait. I cannot recommend this movie at all as it has absolutely nothing to offer the viewer. Burnt Offerings rates a 2 out of 10.

Session 9 (2001)

would be better with deleted scenes

[7/10 · 1 October 2003]

As it is Session 9 is an interesting and effective movie. However it could be much better with the addition of the deleted scenes.

As a suspense/horror film Session 9 suffers from lack of suspense scenes. It does have a couple of good ones but could use a few more to keep the pace moving. As the film progresses the viewer is kept interested by knowing that something is going to happen or be revealed. Unfortunately not much happens until the climatic ending. In other words the audience isn't rewarded during the movie for it's patience all the reward is at the end.

Session 9 is one of those movies that I believe will become more entertaining upon multiple viewings. Now that the viewer knows how the movie ends they can pick up hints, about what is actually happening, that went unnoticed the first time.

Session 9 is a creepy movie (set in a closed down asylum it's hard for it not to be) with 2 good suspense scenes and an interesting climax. Had the film makers stuck to their guns and kept the deleted scenes in it could have been better. As it is Session 9 rates a 7 out of 10.

The Evil Dead (1981)

lower expectations make for greater enjoyment

[7/10 · 28 September 2003]

With 365 other reviews at the time of this writing I find it hard to believe that I have anything new to add but here goes.

No movie is ever going to be liked by everybody but I think the fact that The Evil Dead gets so much positive hype from its fans that fewer people in the future will enjoy it. Hype brings with it a twisted like/hate ratio. A movie with lots of positive hype will receive fewer positive critiques from future viewers and vice versa, negative will bring more positive critiques.

With that said I admire what The Evil Dead brings to horror. When I first watched this movie as a teen it and it's sequel scared the hell out of me. It didn't help that I watched it in my basement alone but that's part of the fun of horror movies. I watched The Evil Dead again last night and it still packed a punch for me. Of course not nearly as much as it did 15 years ago but I still found it enjoyable.

The Evil Dead is an uneven movie but that is to be expected being made on such a meager budget. But it does have enough suspense, shocks and creepiness to it that The Evil Dead can actually claim to be a horror movie. A lot of nay-sayers of The Evil Dead say it's a "stupid" movie, which in and of itself is a brilliant critique don't you think? I for one think it's anything but. Unlike many horror films it has a story which is easy to follow and for the most part fair to the viewer.

Given that The Evil Dead was made for somewhere around $350,000 many of the aspects of the movie are remarkable. The special effects are nicely done even if at times obvious. Sam Raimi's camera work makes otherwise dull moments interesting to watch for the viewer. Raimi knows his way around a dollar and in The Evil Dead he gets everything he can out of every cent he spends.

So if you are looking for a good horror film, The Evil Dead is a perfect choice, if viewed in the right frame of mind. Just remember, it was made on a very small budget, it was made by a first time writer/director and amateur actors. With this in mind you should have yourself a good time watching The Evil Dead. The Evil Dead rates a 7 out of 10.

Darkness Falls (2003)

A Huge Rip-off

[3/10 · 20 September 2003]

This review may contain some very minor spoilers.

Okay, someone one in Hollywood must have thought that a horror movie about the Tooth Fairy would be a good idea. That seems to be all the thought that went into this movie.

Like so many "horror" movies today (eg. Jeepers Creepers, House of 1000 Corpses) Darkness Falls starts off rather well. The first 10 minutes are nicely done. Good suspense mixed with nice camera work allows for a couple of good jolts. Unfortunately the fun stops there. I don't know how long it took to make this picture but I get the feeling that there were a lot of script problems and they decided to just get it over with. Instead of taking their time and making a really creepy movie most of the "scare" scenes are done so quickly you can't tell what is happening. In the end this is more of an action picture then a horror picture.

To make matters worse the film is only 74 minutes long. I know the dvd package says it's "approx. 86 minutes" but my player said the movie had been on for 74 minutes when the action stopped. That's 12 minutes of end credits to sit through!!! Actually, the credits even ended before the 85 minute mark, that's how hard pressed they were to make this movie seem longer.

The Tooth Fairy herself could have been a lot scarier if handled properly but of course, she wasn't. There are a few inspired moments but most of the time she's zooming in and out of the picture. She should have been a much more stealth-ful creature, lurking in the shadows. Allowing the viewer to know she was there, allowing suspense to be built, but they only had 74 minutes to work with, so of course that doesn't happen. And what was with that annoying hissing/groaning noise she made? Talk about a suspense killer!

In the end Darkness Falls is another interesting premise mishandled by Hollywood. It would have been more interesting having the main character as a child face the Tooth Fairy instead of setting the movie 12 years later and trying to fill time with a clumsy back-up story that has the young boy (now a man) mistaken as a psychotic killer.

Placed in a set of caring hands this could have been a really good movie. Even Stan Winston's involvement can't raise this movie out of the crap heap. Thanks to a good first 10 minutes which is still fresh in your mind since the movie is so short, Darkness Falls rates a 3 out of 10.

The Omega Man (1971)

nice combo of sci-fi/horror/action

[7/10 · 12 September 2003]

This review contains minor spoilers.

I was very impressed with The Omega Man, it's an excellent combination of sci-fi, action and horror. Of the three elements surprisingly it is the sci-fi that is the least effective. The plague in the movie isn't very well defined. Sometimes it kills quickly or turns a person into a mutant and slowly kills them but it doesn't explain why this happens. Perhaps it's different levels of immunity within the human race, who knows. Regardless the plague itself could be very scary but it isn't fleshed out as completely as it could have been. This is a small flaw in an otherwise entertaining movie.

While not a true horror movie, The Omega Man, contains it's share of creepy locals and suspense. Just the fact that Heston is alone in the city makes otherwise normal locations scary. The placement of dead bodies throughout the movie also adds to the creepiness.

The action sequences in the movie are the ones that really impressed me. Some good stunt work and bullets that actually leave a mark on the body help to make the movie ring true.

I enjoy post-apocalyptic movies so the sci-fi element works for me. The suspense and creepy locals are enough to keep you on the edge of your seat and the action sequences help to carry the movie along. There is a level of cheese to The Omega Man and it could do with an updating as the attitude of the 70's hasn't aged well but it is still an enjoyable romp. The Omega Man rates a 7 out of 10.

Motel Hell (1980)

Wonderfully zany and a bit creepy

[6/10 · 6 September 2003]

It's taken me a long time to get around to watching Motel Hell. I believe it was Roger Ebert who said it was one of his guilty pleasures, but I could be wrong. But ever since the day I heard the movies tagline "It takes all kinds of critters to make Farmer Vincent Fritters" I knew I just had to see this movie. The problem was I couldn't find it. Finally I found it on MGM's Midnite Movies DVD (a double feature disk that also contains Deranged). After such a long wait I wasn't disappointed.

While not a great horror movie it does contain enough suspense, scares and general creepiness to keep one satisfied. Motel Hell is also peppered with some truly kooky characters which make the movie more interesting to watch when the action moves away from Farmer Vincent for any period of time.

The one drawback of the film is Farmer Vincents brother who is also the town sheriff. He's not a very likable character, he's dimwitted and a bit of a pervert and when he becomes the films hero it is truly unsatisfying. Also inconsistencies in Ida Smiths actions towards Terry makes one wonder why Terry sticks around.

The problem with horror films is that they seem to forget that they need to build to a climax so once the bulk of the film is done they need to hurry to a finish. In Motel Hell it is having Sheriff Bruce Smith discover what his brother Vincent is doing. He just seems to solve the mystery without really having a reason to look into it in the first place. Regardless, with this little problem out of the way the films ending is quite enjoyable and contains a nice battle scene between Bruce and Vincent as well as a couple of the movies best laughs.

Overall Motel Hell is a fun little film. Despite it's flaws if you are a fan of quirky dark comedies Motel Hell is perfect for you. Motel Hell rates a 6 out of 10.

Dead & Buried (1981)

Interesting premise is mishandled

[5/10 · 5 September 2003]

This review contains very minor spoilers.

Aside from Dark Star and Alien I have yet to be fully entertained by a Dan 0'Bannon cinematic effort. I had read lots of good things about Dead & Buried so when I heard about the Limited Edition DVD I ran out and bought it. I must say I wasn't totally disappointed but much like O'Bannon's later effort, Return of the Living Dead, Dead & Buried is a missed opportunity.

Everything is in place for a terrific horror story. A small fishing village, creepy mood and settings and a wonderful twist ending. The problem is that the storyline doesn't seem to know where to go or what it exactly wants to be. Is this movie a horror movie? A sci-fi? A murder mystery? It's all of these things and none of them. The problem is that the different genres don't mesh in Dead & Buried, not enough time is taken to fully establish any of them so just as one gets going we suddenly jump to another. The murder mystery itself is quite weak, all of the plot points seem forced. For example, why does the Sheriff even think the body in the car could have been killed elsewhere? A lot of the Sheriff's investigation is very flimsy, but he does have a lot on his mind.

Dead & Buried does have some nice creepy moments, a couple of good scares and some very nice make-up work but what it is missing is a nice flow from beginning to end. Dead & Buried starts off slow and just when it seems to get going it stalls once again until the interesting conclusion. Overall the bad balances out the good so while Dead & Buried isn't horrible it isn't the masterpiece it could have been. Oh, and it also has one of the worst stabbing scenes I have ever seen (performance wise). Dead & Buried rates a 5 out of 10.

Silent Running (1972)

the other side of sci-fi

[5/10 · 24 August 2003]

I don't think there are many sci-fi movies made like this today. Other then the remake of Solaris, sci-fi films are more about action then they are about ideas. That wasn't so when Silent Running was made back in 1972.

Silent Running isn't a mind-blowing film but it does have it's moments. The point it is trying to make is very obvious, the environment needs to be saved. It pretty much shouts that point at you making one believe that that is the films only message but I think Silent Running plays it's other hand far more subtly.

Silent Running's other message is that man needs companionship from other humans. Due to circumstances that occur early on in the movie Freeman Lowell is alone on his ship, he has his 3 drone buddies but he isn't able to relate to them, he cares for them as his only companions but still can't relate. Believing he is lost from his fleet Lowell goes a little stir crazy. It is when contact is regained with his fleet that Freeman Lowell realizes what he has done and has become.

Silent Running has some interesting moments, my favourite being a card game with 2 of the drones, but for the most part just tells its simple story. There's not much adventure involved in the movie and little time is spent on it's main plot point, that being Lowell saving the last dome containing the remains of Earth's forests. Perhaps what the film makers wanted to get across is that one man alone cannot save the world...who can say for sure.

Overall Silent Running is a interesting enough movie. It's more enjoyable to figure out the movies other non-environmental messages then it is to dwell too much on it. Silent Running is dated but it's not too bad to watch. Joan Baez's songs are very dated, sound horrible and are pretty much laughable. Also, it's effects, if you keep in mind Silent Running was made over 30 years ago, are passable.

Silent Running rates a 5 out of 10.

House of 1000 Corpses (2003)

Nightmare visions don't equal horror

[3/10 · 20 August 2003]

THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SOME SPOILERS

I was really excited to see this movie. I thought for sure it was going to be really scary and a real fun ride, oh how disappointed I was.

My first disappointment is that the movie is one big rip-off of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and not the 1974 original but the really lame 1994 sequel/remake. A group of kids are captured by a really weird family...blah blah blah, do I really have to give a plot synopsis?

The movie does have a few things going for it. Captain Spaulding is a real treat. His scenes are humorous but also creepy and disturbing. A fine character and a fine creation which deserves a better movie. The movie does have a couple of creepy moments, but no where near enough for the type of film it wants to be. The major problem is that Rob Zombie has these weird interludes during scenes which break up any tension that was being built. Perhaps he was using them for shock value but I found them to be distracting and provided little in the way of story.

Story is the main problem with this movie, it's got tons of it but doesn't use any of it! The whole issue of Dr. Satan could have been truly frightening but he is reduced to a set piece once he's finally revealed. Also you never get the feeling that the characters you are cheering for (hopefully that's the kids in the car) ever have a chance of escaping, hence no tension or suspense.

Overall the movie starts off slow but has a creepiness to it. Once the family is introduced the film screams Texas Chainsaw Massacre and you are left saying, "oh yeah I've seen this, I know how this works...yawn", and you are left hoping for an exciting conclusion. Zombie does try to give an exciting ending but his nightmare visions of the tunnels under the house tend to just be set dressing and much of the action doesn't make sense because the viewer doesn't know why people/creatures/Dr. Satan are down there. The final third of the film is just a confusing mess, almost like Zombie forgot all about Dr. Satan and threw something together at the end.

The final scene is another disappointment. There is reportedly an alternate ending which I think I would have been more satisfying. Hey, I like Captain Spaulding!

Rob Zombie has some good ideas and if he can stick to the story of Dr. Satan I think a sequel could be quite good. I would also recommend to slow down the pace a little and work on creating a lot of suspense. As it is House of 1000 Corpses is one long boring mess.

House of 1000 Corpses rates a 3 out of 10.

The Legend of Hell House (1973)

a HUGE disappointment (spoilers)

[3/10 · 26 April 2003]

Like several of the other reviewers on this site, who were disappointed in this film, I too read many rave reviews on how scary this movie is so I went out and bought it and watched it, BIG mistake. Not only is this movie not scary but the mystery of the house is paper thin and the revelation as to the reason of the house's haunting is a joke.

Apparently the house is so haunted that anyone who goes into it is either killed or driven insane but apart from a couple of doors opening and closing and a little bit of "phantom" wind nothing much happens.

Aside from a couple of brief (very brief) creepy moments The Legend of Hell House is a big bore and a utter disappointment. I watched it alone late at night and I have only one thing to say, this movie should have been called The Legend of Harmless House. The Legend of Hell House rates a 3 out of 10 as it does have fine performances and a couple of okay moments.

The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002)

Over-long and dull.

[5/10 · 26 December 2002]

I have a sneaky suspicion that many, not all mind you but many, of the people going to see The Two Towers are watching it with blinders on. Seeing only what they wish to see and not seeing what is being presented on the screen.

For years we have been told that The Lord of the Rings is the defining work of fantasy fiction. It is no doubt very thought out and well written but when you come right down to it the novels are very often quite dull and over-long and that is brought out magnificently in the second installment The Two Towers, which is itself quite dull and over-long.

The Two Towers is a great looking movie and very well acted, the problem is it isn't very well paced. Overall the movie doesn't even need to exist for all it accomplishes. As has been pointed out it bridges the gap between the first and third films however it doesn't justify a 3 hour running time.

Is The Two Towers an action picture? I certainly hope not! If it is the film makers need to take another look at the first two hours of the film which are only lightly peppered with action sequences and to make matters worse contain fewer pieces of important/interesting plot. The final 45 minutes is loaded with action footage and does pick up the pace of the rest of the movie quite nicely. The battle at Helm's Deep is a magnificent spectacle but alone cannot save the movie. The battle of the Ents is also visually impressive but, as with the Helm's Deep battle, ends rather unsatisfyingly. Instead of being climactic battle scenes both battles instead play as saviors to an otherwise dull movie.

At 3 hours The Two Towers is over-long but even with an hour shaved off the running time I don't think this movie has what it takes to be truly "great". Although I do think special notice should be made of Gollum as he is very well done and the most interesting character in the movie and makes the otherwise enormously dull Frodo and Sam portions of the film worth watching.

I throughly enjoyed The Fellowship of the Ring but The Two Towers fails to entertain. This, however, is not necessarily the film makers fault but due to the flaws in the source material. When watched with blinders off The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers receives and deserves a 5 out of 10.

Comic Book Villains (2002 Video)

A comic book fans dream!?

[2/10 · 29 November 2002]

The plot to Comic Book Villains is a comic book fans dream. Unfortunately its execution is a comic fans nightmare. James Robinson writes some of todays most interesting comic stories, sadly, his talent doesn't extend to writing interesting dialogue in movies. The story is the movies main flaw. The film is well put together and for the most part well acted its just boring. Two comic shops both want to get their hands on a comic collection. How they go about it is neither interesting or exciting. I had high hopes for Comic Book Villains, I thought it would be for comic fans that the Fast and the Furious was for car buffs. Comic fans should stick to Kevin Smith's films or Shyamalans Unbreakable. Although it has a couple of chuckles in it Comic Book Villains isn't worth the price of a 99 cent rental. Comic Book Villains rates a 2 out of 10.

Deranged (1974)

least of the Ed Gein inspired films

[3/10 · 28 November 2002]

Deranged is a frustrating movie. It's so close to being good that I feel bad that I can't give it a better rating.

The first half of the film is pretty bad, campy and boring. It has a few interesting moments, although very brief, and a couple of laughs to sustain the viewer until the movie gets going in the second half. Unfortunately the second half isn't that much better. It does do an about-face however and starts to take itself more seriously. There is a nice scene where Ezra brings a pretty girl home, however, that is the high point of the movie.

What Deranged is lacking is a focus. Ed Gein wasn't a very prolific killer and neither is Ezra Cobb so there isn't much suspense in his stalking of victims. However, there also isn't much done about his use of dead human flesh and bone in making furniture etc. (which is what Gein did) other then in the scene with the pretty girl mentioned above. Deranged needed to focus on the bizarre hobby Ezra Cobb had instead of focusing on how unassuming he was and why nobody would ever peg him for a killer. Ezra was a dull country bumpkin, which makes the movie dull too.

Deranged is far too campy for the first 40 minutes for it to be totally enjoyable. Roberts Blossom does a nice job as Ezra, adding a bit of comedy to the film, however he's not very imposing and therefore not scary. While it has a couple of moments of interest, on the whole Deranged is a pretty dull movie, lacking in suspense, scares or insight into the life of Ezra Cobb. Deranged rates a 3 out of 10.

Hell Night (1981)

not bad for a wannabe

[9/10 · 27 November 2002]

At first glance it seems that Hell Night is just cashing in on the success of proven box office draws, that being, Linda Blair's name from the Exorcist and the slasher genre which was doing so well at the time that Hell Night was made. However for a "wannabe" film Hell Night is very well done. The premise of the film is set up nicely and there is enough suspense and cool death scenes to make the film enjoyable. The problem is that after seeing the movie and witnessing the obvious talent behind the camera you realize that Hell Night could have been so much more then it is.

Hell Night has several good things going for it, a creepy mansion, creepy tunnels beneath the house and an eerie killer. All three are under used. The mansion and tunnels are rarely seen. The people in the house don't go exploring and when we finally get to see the tunnels, which are mentioned a few times to wet our appetites, we are quickly ushered out of them. The problem here is the film makers focus on realism. Realisticly if you were told to spend a night in a creepy old house would you explore the place? Probably not, ditto for creepy tunnels, especially if you discover evidence of someone/thing living there. Perhaps with a bit more imagination and/or bigger budget the house and tunnels could have been explored a bit more. As it is they are still a good source of suspense.

Finally we have the killer. The killer is used quite well and is really eerie looking. The problem is that a couple of interesting things are mentioned and shown about him but we don't learn what exactly is going on (you have to see the movie to know what I mean). It does provide for some interesting conversation after the movie is over but I think the film would have been more enjoyable if questions had been answered.

Hell Night is a little slow moving and doesn't keep it's pace going once things start to happen and Linda Blair's acting is atrocious, but that aside Hell Night is a nice addition to the 80's slasher flicks. Good suspense, creepy locations and some nice scares earn Hell Night a 7 out of 10.

Eight Legged Freaks (2002)

Arachnophobia meets Tremors

[11 November 2002]

Eight Legged Freaks is a combination of Arachnophobia and Tremors, unfortunately it falls short of both those films. What it does have going for it are terrific computer effects. The spiders look great and are quite ruthless. The spider attacks are quite shocking when compared to the feel of the rest of the movie.

Much like Tremors, Eight Legged Freaks forgo's suspense in favor of action and humor. Unlike Tremors it doesn't take itself seriously enough, a fight scene between a cat and a spider is overdone and detracts from the film instead of adding to it. Several characters are too goofy for the movies good. They don't help move the story along and don't add much in the way of humor. The goofy characters and silly moments in the story detract from the overall flow of the film. Just as the film is getting serious the goofy characters make their appearances throwing the movies timing off.

Kari Wuhrer is also a distraction. While she is nice to look at she doesn't suit the part as she flinches every time she fires a weapon (some sheriff!).

Eight Legged Freaks is an entertaining movie but could stand a bit of polish. If they had spent more time on the script this could have been the next Arachnophobia or Tremors. Nice try though, Eight Legged Freaks gets a 5 out of 10.