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Hulk (2003)
4/10
The most overrated flop of recent years?
17 June 2008
Warning: Spoilers
People keep referring to this movie as being too introspective, too dark, too brooding, or too thoughtful for the fans. Alternatively it is accused of having too little action for the fans.

All of these comments are invalid. The character is brooding and introspective and fans like him that way, especially when Bill Bixby played Banner. Furthermore this 2003 film had tons of Hulk time on screen. Most of it even looked like he was really there, more so than most full-CG characters, and much of the action was very appealing to those of us who love the Hulk.

The problems the movie had with the fans were many but people seem afraid to mention them. I "get" this film, that doesn't stop me seeing all the things wrong with it. Let's give it a go.

Eric Bana: His U.S. accent sounds put-on and fake, and he seems incapable of acting angry. The part wasn't very demanding other than that but that's a pretty key feature. He wasn't the worst actor in the film but being so central he represents the overall trend of bad performances in it.

Script: Unnecessary mutilations of canon, such as the Hulk being the result of his father's genetic tampering, are offensive to some of us. Another great example is Bruce liking it when he transforms into the Hulk. This "release" is offensive to the traditional Banner's repressive personality. Furthermore the transformation was once described as feeling like all his flesh was cut off with a dull knife and sewn back on with a hot rusty needle. Beyond unfaithfulness, very little dialogue in this movie is really worthwhile (much of it is monologue or unanswered dialogue followed by an edit). Good acting could have saved some of it but that was absent also.

Nick Nolte: He has proved himself as an actor and both versions of David Banner (an idiotic, backhanded homage to the TV show?) he portrayed were relatively believable I suppose, but his performance late in the movie, channeling Charles Manson raving about sky-holes, really detracts from the movie. His rant is nonsensical, his presence is virtually unexplained and his exit looked like a take he'd done as a goof when he didn't think cameras were rolling.

Editing: The comic-panel idea was novel and worth trying, but it should have been thrown out if that was the best they could do. It pulled you out of the movie. Again, a clunky edit is often used in place of properly written dialogue. A competent editor would have nixed the long opening credits as well.

The look of the Hulk: Hulk of the comics is officially about 7' tall. Obviously he's been drawn much larger than that and I'm sure that the official number has changed from time to time. 7' might have been a bit small for a movie, especially for fighting tanks. However, Hulk of Ang Lee's film is over 15' tall at times. Jennifer Connelly sits in his palm at one point. Hulk of the comics doesn't change size as he gets angrier, he isn't 15'+ tall and when he's been drawn in the more simian form portrayed in the movie, his face and head take a very specific form which was utterly ignored in the film to unfortunate, un-Hulk-like results.

Story and characters: There was nothing to care about in this movie. The hero has no great tragedy except the mother who is neither introduced or consequential to the film. He doesn't seem to even care much about turning into a monster. His father is just a lunatic for most of the movie, no depth there. Betty cares about Bruce but not enough to actually want to be with him. The main villain is a wormy warmonger who is unsubtle in his sliminess. General Ross is all bluster with no real motivation for his Ahabesque pursuit of the Hulk, and while his distaste for Bruce may have been due to his father, it doesn't play in the movie. The movie ends with a sudden non sequitur fight with David Banner-turned-Absorbing Man (canon? what's that?) in which an immobile Hulk triumphs by inactively inflating dad with his essence before a gamma bomb destroys him. The fight is not well shot, not compelling, not pertinent to the story, and doesn't have a satisfactory ending. Hulk Poodle. Hulk Rat.

The worst for last, Direction: Ang Lee may not have come up with all the ideas that formed this film, but he chose them all. He tried to throw away the "You're making me angry" line on a character who was begging to be twisted into a pretzel by the Hulk, not someone Banner would have felt any great need to warn. He didn't make the movie deep, he made it try to be deep. But, worse than any decision he made, he just didn't get the character. He took the job but he didn't get the character. However, in close contention with his failure to get the character would be allowing the pathetic final teaser scene to be in his movie, crummy fake beard and all.

This movie is atrocious. The only thing it got right was the action, much of which was quite good as I mentioned. Sadly, because of people not admitting this movie was actually badly made, depth and introspection were intentionally avoided (to some extent) when they made the new movie. It would have been nice to see the movie they would have made if they'd solely tried to avoid making another bad movie.

Go see the 2008 Incredible Hulk, it's actually pretty good. Support Marvel and don't punish them for trying not to be like this movie. But feel free to e-mail them and ask for genuine depth to Banner/the Hulk in the future. It's the wannabe depth that sucks.
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Zoom (2006)
4/10
Learn how to watch and rate movies people (rated for balance only)
24 February 2007
The people who rated this movie 1-star should get their heads out of their posteriors.

Too many movie-goers these days seem to only see movies as either being the best thing ever or the worst thing ever. The only way a movie should get 10 stars is if it would be difficult to improve upon and the only way a movie should get 1 star is if it was absolutely ineptly made on every level, and I assure you this movie doesn't come close to that. Even solely rating on personal taste and ignoring the technical filmmaking and how successfully the movie achieves the filmmakers' apparent intent, this movie could hardly be in the worst 10% of movies for anyone's taste.

This movie fails in many respects, but it has some redeeming moments and taken as a movie for small kids, it's not bad. The humor and acting both fall flat or miss the mark about as often as they're on target, but that is a sign of mediocrity, not atrocity.

Unfortunately at this point most of the IMDb users seem to think that if they enjoyed a movie they should give it a 10 and if it wasn't all they hoped for they should give it a 1. For instance the Lord of the Rings movies were entertaining, but have no business being rated higher than Citizen Kane or any of the countless classics relegated to lower ranks here. Similarly. Zoom has no business being rated lower than a piece of garbage like I Accuse My Parents which wasn't even watchable when it was skewered on Mystery Science Theater 3000.

Remember folks most movies are mediocre. That means a low rating, not the bottom rating. Furthermore, just because a movie is exciting or satisfying doesn't make it a 10. For example, one can love the original Star Wars movies and still realize they have occasional flaws in acting, direction, pacing, or script.

Is Zoom a great movie? Absolutely not. Will some children, some parents, and even some adults without children enjoy it? Yes. Will it go down in history for being remarkable in any way? Probably not.
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