DaynaSu Reviews

Slender Man (I) (2018)

Maybe the worst movie I've ever paid to see

[2/10 · 11 August 2018]

My daughter was all excited to see this movie. She's been talking about Slenderman for YEARS.

Less than halfway through the movie, I turned to my child and said, "This movie sucks," and for the first time in her fifteen years, my child agreed with me.

There was nothing likable about most of the characters. Jaz Sinclair was the only one who could act, and who had a relatable character. The rest of them were vapid and annoying.

The movie was not scary. It wasn't even creepy. The effects were cheesy. I left that theater feeling cheated of money and time.

World War Z (2013)

These Zombies Don't Follow the Rules!

[6/10 · 29 June 2013]

ZOMBIES DO NOT RUN. I don't care who you are...you don't get to turn zombies into lightning-fast ninja predators that make dinosaur noises, do the chicken dance, and could care less about eating brains. That just isn't right.

Also...the filming was atrocious. They used all kinds of time lapse tricks with the zombies that just made it tough to watch. I'd love to know where all that money went, because it sure wasn't for special effects. The 3D was underused, but worth it.

Granted, there were some spooky moments. The few zombie close-ups were intense and memorable, but the story was lacking. When the movie ends, you still have no idea WHY there was a zombie outbreak in the first place, but there is an obvious setup for sequels.

I love zombie movies, books, and TV shows. I'm all for creativity, but ZOMBIES DO NOT RUN, dammit! They shamble. They shuffle. They walk. And they want BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAINS.

Zombie Apocalypse (2011 TV Movie)

Ving Rhames, You Are Killing Me

[2/10 · 7 March 2012]

There was a time when Ving Rhames' association with any project would have lent it a certain amount of weight. This time, I wasn't very surprised to find him in a low budget disaster, co-starring with CrabMan from My Name is Earl. Haha!

I love zombie movies. I have also been known to love low budget, B- horror projects. This...this was a catastrophe! I swear to you, the "special effects" in this POS must have been done by a teenager on his home computer. I've seen video games from the 80's with better graphics. I marked this as a spoiler, just in case, but in this one the ANIMALS are also zombies. The effects during these scenes are among the cheesiest I have seen in my life.

The zombies, though...it looked like they did a casting call in a Walmart parking lot and accepted EVERYBODY. They weren't very gory at all, but they all had some blue-green paint slapped on them. When people were "turning" into zombies, there was a Star Trek-ish visual effect that really needs to be seen to be believed.

Don't watch this if you are looking for a good zombie movie. Watch this if you want to laugh at a bad one.

Our Idiot Brother (2011)

Rambling and boring. Unworthy of Paul Rudd's talents.

[3/10 · 1 January 2012]

What a great title! I have an idiot brother, and he is SO much more entertaining than this movie was.

This would have been a decent Movie of the Week, or a Lifetime Original Film. It had some endearing moments and a couple of weak laughs, but for the most part I felt robbed.

Rudd plays a gullible stoner named Ned. Note to the producers of MY NAME IS EARL...look into this. Rudd's character looks, sounds, and acts exactly like Earl. I kept waiting for the Crab Man to enter the scene.

The plot revolves around Ned's relationships with his siblings -- three very different, equally unlikable women. One is a wimpy supermom, one is a career woman, and one is a bisexual performer. Ned, the idiot brother, gets passed around from family to family, being taken care of, when he is really enriching their lives without them realizing it.

The whole thing is unrealistic and sappy. This should not have been billed as a comedy at all, as there are really very few laughs in the film.

Hostel: Part III (2011 Video)

Even the kill scenes are not worth watching

[2/10 · 1 January 2012]

I like cheesy horror. Even if there is no plot, I can justify renting and watching a movie if there is gratuitous violence and gore involved. Based on the first two movies in the HOSTEL franchise, I did not bother to read the synopsis or the reviews for this third installment. BIG mistake!!!

How did this movie get attached to the HOSTEL franchise? It has nothing to do with a hostel. It takes place in VEGAS of all places.

First and foremost, what you need to know is that the acting in this movie is abysmal. I liked John Hensley in Nip/Tuck, but his appearance in this movie may have put the crazy glue on his career's coffin lid.

Gore can almost always save a cheesy horror movie, but not in this case. There were a few "eeeeeeeew!" moments, but overall the kill scenes were super lame. Not-worth-watching lame.

There was so much about this movie that annoyed the crap out of me, but the camera work is at the top of the list. At least ten times during the movie, the viewer is completely unaware of what just happened on screen, and I don't believe it was intentional. Just bad camera work. And the audio is horrible...loud, soft, garbled. My 8 year-old daughter could have done a better job with her kiddie video cam and a laptop.

I know you're thinking, "But I loved the first two so much...I HAVE to see this one!" --- and you probably will. Just know up front that Eli Roth had nothing to do with this installment. His only credit in the film is for creating the characters. You've been warned!

The Dilemma (2011)

I was wrong...a Vince Vaughn/Kevin James film CAN be bad

[6/10 · 29 May 2011]

I hate being wrong. My husband and I were in the mood to watch a funny movie, and I chose this one. He was skeptical, and I had the utmost confidence that any film starring The King of Queens and Vince Vaughn could not possibly be bad.

"That's what you said about the movie with Kevin James and Ray Romano!"

Ah, yes. GRILLED. Throw THAT one back in my face again.

I insisted, and we moved forward and watched The Dilemma...and now he has another bad movie to add to his "told you so" arsenal.

There was potential for hilarity here. One friend finds out that his friend's wife is cheating on him. There is spying and sneaking around. There are a few laughs along the way, but for the most part this movie was a train wreck. It felt thrown together in the worst possible way.

Stereotyping is considered a bad thing, but I strongly believe that some actors should never deviate from their designated character type. Kevin James is supposed to be the jovial, kindhearted chubby guy. Always. In this movie, he is a temperamental, stressed out nerd who does some very un-Douglike things. It hurt to watch him in this role. It was like catching your favorite third-grade teacher smoking behind the school.

Jennifer Connelly was wallpaper. Her character was barely even there. This woman has an Oscar, dammit!

Winona Ryder was borderline annoying, but she pulled it off.

Queen Latifah was shamefully underused. She had maybe three minutes of screen time. She was hilarious in those three minutes, but it wasn't enough to salvage this movie.

Given the right frame of mind, this movie is just barely watchable. Do not go in expecting a light-hearted, laugh-out-loud film. Keep your expectations low and prepare for something more serious and thought- provoking. The thoughts it provoked in me were "How much longer is this piece of crap?" and "My GOD, Kevin James is short." If only the movie were as short...

A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010)

Dare I say this was better than the original?

[9/10 · 11 May 2011]

Oh, I know. This movie has been BLASTED by movie snobs everywhere, and I must admit that my expectations were so low that I waited over a year to watch it. I was very pleasantly surprised.

I'm going to go ahead and do it. I'm going to say it. THIS ONE WAS BETTER THAN THE ORIGINAL.

I'm not a fan of remakes. Usually, if a classic movie is remade, I don't even bother watching it because it will inevitably disappoint me. But this one was so much more than a remake. It seemed like a completely different movie to me, with much more depth.

In this version, we get more of the back-story. We get to know the characters better. On top of that, the technology we have available today allowed for much more in the way of special effects and gore. Lots of gore! I watched it in broad daylight and still got spooked. I even jumped a few times.

I've never heard of most of the cast in this movie, but every single performance was believable. The script was well written, easy to follow, and made for an all-around great scary movie.

A Horrible Way to Die (2010)

NOT a cheesy slasher movie. Very nicely done -- don't miss it!

[8/10 · 27 March 2011]

I've been following the career of Simon Barrett since I saw DEAD BIRDS several years ago. I had never been so emotionally invested in a movie before that one -- emotionally invested to the point where I had to track him down and ask him some questions about the plot. He graciously answered my questions, and I've been a fan ever since.

A HORRIBLE WAY TO DIE is a complex but easy-to-follow story that takes you on a suspense-filled emotional roller coaster ride. The actors who played Turrell (the escaped killer) and Sarah (his ex-girlfriend) were absolutely perfect! Their facial expressions made it for me...the killer's inner turmoil was so evident on his face that the viewer almost feels sorry for him at several points during the film.

It is difficult to go into details about how wonderful this movie was without turning it into one big spoiler. I wouldn't want to give anything away. The unpredictable nature of this movie is a good deal of its charm, and to take that away from anybody would be a crime.

I would have liked to have seen more gore. The gore that was shown was minimal but very realistic and purposeful. True to the name of the film, several people did die in horrible (and creative) ways.

The two main actors gave a flawless performance. AJ Bowen and Amy Seimetz will go far. Their acting was believable and organic, and their facial expressions absolutely made the film. The close-ups were perfectly timed.

The only thing that bothered me was the camera work between scenes. The blurry, moving, deliberately unfocused camera...it made me dizzy and gave me a headache. It seemed odd that the transitions were so bad and the rest of the camera work was so utterly perfect.

I was very impressed with this movie. It was thought-provoking, emotional, funny at times...just a perfect story. Don't think twice about going to see it if you have the opportunity!

Little Fockers (2010)

Typical Focker Fun...NOT FOR KIDS. REALLY!

[8/10 · 26 December 2010]

I can't help but be annoyed by all of the reviews poo-pooing this movie. What did they expect of a Focker film? Surely this is not going to be nominated for any Oscars...but I suspect that the demographic the filmmakers were catering to are not looking for a classy, thoughtful movie. They are looking for an escape from reality. They want to laugh.

I laughed a lot during this movie. Giggled, actually. Like an idiot. Because that is what the Focker series is all about.

The plot line is uncomplicated. Father in law Jack is sensing his own mortality and looks to Greg to lead the family in case of his untimely demise. Greg, meanwhile, is dealing with job changes, house renovations, and the flirting/sexual advances of a drug rep.

Despite the title, we see very little of the Little Fockers -- five year old twins. Their scenes are hilarious, and I hope there is a movie in the works that actually focuses on the children.

Though Dustin Hoffman and Barbra Streisand make appearances, their parts were greatly reduced from the last Focker movie. I wish they, too, would have been in the movie more.

Teri Polo (Pam Focker) and Blythe Danner (Dina Byrnes) were like wallpaper. They added nothing to the film. They could have been written out completely (or replaced with cardboard cut-outs) and nobody would have been the wiser. The dumbstruck, dumb blonde looks on their faces never changed throughout the film.

Ben Stiller as Greg Focker was as he always is...perfect. As a Focker. He really can't be anything else now. He's Greg Focker.

Robert DeNiro (Jack Byrnes) did a nice job this time, but it fell short of the prior two films. Though, it may have been on purpose. His character was meant to be losing steam. He was still the best character in the movie.

Jessica Alba (drug rep Andi Garcia) was over-the-top goofy, but again...it was what her character called for.

This is ABSOLUTELY NOT A MOVIE FOR SMALL CHILDREN. I halfway considered bringing my 7 year old daughter to see it. Based on the PG-13 rating (and absence of a parent's guide due to the newly released status), I figured it would just be a bunch of fart jokes, and nothing she couldn't handle. Boy, was I glad we didn't bring her! LOTS of penis and sex jokes. We would have been answering questions for DAYS.

Long story short...if you liked the other two, go see it!

Cyrus (I) (2010)

Predictable Waste of Time

[3/10 · 15 December 2010]

Jonah Hill and John C. Reilly rarely disappoint me in films, but my head is still reeling from the utter CRAP I just witnessed on screen.

Marisa Tomei is one of the most likable actresses of all time. She is beautiful and talented, and even she could not save this movie.

The potential for hilarity in this movie was THERE. What a great concept! A lonely loser (Reilly) meets a single mom (Tomei) and comes to find that she has a dysfunctional, almost Oedipal relationship with her adult son. The son wants his mom all to himself, so he messes with the guy's life to make him leave. The problem is that he didn't do anything creative or even semi-funny. He stole the guy's shoes and got drunk at a wedding. How awful.

This movie lacked heart. Sometimes you can catch a glimmer of feeling in John C. Reilly's eyes, or in the way he wrinkles his forehead, but the characters, like the movie itself, were flat.

The previews made this movie out to be a comedy. I kept waiting for the funny to kick in, and it never happened. The humor was dark, but not dark enough to be disturbing, so it just felt wrong. And dammit, I WANTED to laugh. I was expecting something akin to the awkward humor of Napoleon Dynamite, but this didn't come close.

The camera work was shaky. The scenery was blah...and so were the people. There was not enough time to get to know the characters, so it was impossible to feel anything for them.

I wish I could un-watch this movie.

Saw V (2008)

Good enough to watch...bad enough to make me write this

[5/10 · 2 November 2008]

I LOVE the Saw series. Jigsaw's idea of rehabilitation is pure evil genius, and I have always delighted in the gory creativity in each installment. There was still plenty of that -- the traps and solutions were all sickeningly wonderful, but the rest of the film was pure crap.

Fans of the HBO series Dexter will recognize Julie Benz, who plays Dexter's girlfriend Rita. In Saw V, she has brown hair and eyes and plays one of the captive game participants. She was one of very few people in this movie who did not overact.

Now, I have knowledge of the four prior movies AND fancy myself to have above average intelligence, but this movie is CONFUSING. It is difficult to discern during which time frame each scene is supposed to be taking place. I am pretty sure that if I watched it again, I would still not know exactly what was happening when. There were too many flashbacks.

To add to the confusion, the two main characters (Costas Mandylor as Officer Hoffman and Scott Patterson as Agent Strahm) look so much alike that it ruined the flow of the film for me.

Long story short...it's worth a rental, but don't go running to the theater. You'll be more likely to forgive the shortcomings of the movie if you do not stand in line and pay $12 for crappy popcorn. ;)

Testees (2008)

When it's funny, it's REALLY funny

[4/10 · 11 October 2008]

The commercials for this show were really funny. I didn't even realize that Kenny (minus Spenny) Hotz was involved with the project until I saw his name in the opening credits. Fans of the Kenny vs. Spenny show won't even recognize him, although he does play a major part in the pilot.

This is definitely a show for adults. There's lots of juvenile and raunchy humor, which I LOVE. It was the awkward, unfunny spaces in between that made this show a little disappointing. It was almost painful to watch at some points. I hope the future episodes are better, because the concept is great.

Day of the Dead (2008 Video)

Oh, no they didn't. The ultimate deception!

[3/10 · 31 May 2008]

I love zombie movies, and as far as I'm concerned, the cheesier the better as long as there is plentiful gore to go along with it.

In the video store, I read the DVD cover and thought that even though I hadn't heard anything about it, it had to be good because Ving Rhames was in it. And Mena Suvari. These are two well-respected actors, and so this was going to be an AWESOME zombie movie! Argh...what a let-down! My husband and I were both shocked at the quickness with which Ving Rhames' character was killed off. We were positive he was going to be brought back to life as an all-powerful zombie, but he wasn't. It was sad. Are things that bad for Ving that he needed to take a role in the most horribly done zombie movie EVER??? This was not a good film for Mena Suvari, either. While she is usually a capable actress, her performance in this film was very flat. There was nothing redeeming about it.

I felt cheated by this movie. It was a waste of time. I hope Diary of the Dead is better!

Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium (2007)

MOMS: Great movie, but toddlers and husbands will be bored

[7/10 · 19 November 2007]

My husband and I brought our 4 year old daughter to see this movie last night. We'd already seen (and ADORED) THE BEE MOVIE, and nothing else seemed age appropriate. Despite horrible reviews, we gave it a shot.

I loved this movie. It's not often that a kid's movie can move me to tears, but this one had a powerful (yet simple) message...LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE OF IT.

My daughter was bored to the point of BEGGING us to leave. This from a kid who sees movie-going as the ultimate treat. While it was visually stimulating overall, there could have been more in the way of special effects.

Jason Bateman was surprisingly good in his role as the accounting mutant. Some of the most moving moments in the film were created by little more than the expression on his face.

Natalie Portman was radiant and lovable and...androgynous? ;) She could easily have been mistaken for a thirteen year old boy throughout most of the film, to the point where it seemed that she had her chest bound up to appear that way. But it's not about the boobies, and it's not a romantic love story, which I greatly appreciated.

No sex. No violence. No profanity. My husband hated it.

There is love...lots of love. Pure love. The kind of love you feel when you're a child, and your mind has not yet been bogged down with the soul-crushing stress of adult responsibility.

This movie is a nice kick-in-the-pants for anybody who needs to be reminded that you don't have to be a kid to see the potential in yourself and the world around you. You just have to relax a little and believe in magic.

Dead Mary (2007 Video)

WTF??? Where is the ending??? This had such potential.

[6/10 · 19 July 2007]

The first three quarters of this movie had me wondering why I had never heard anything about it before. I saw it in Blockbuster and picked it up out of nostalgia, for I too played the Bloody Mary game when I was a kid.

The actors in this movie were actually pretty good. It was professional enough, but much of the gore was implied. It was cleverly written and creatively filmed.

The storyline was EXCELLENT, and it really had my mind working to figure out the mystery behind all the murders, and then IT ENDED. It just ended with this stupid scene, and it left us with NO ANSWERS at all. None. Not one! The only thing we know for sure at the end of this movie is that everybody had sex with everybody else, and that Canadian accents start out mildly annoying and become maddening after about an hour, like nails on a chalkboard.

I'd love to see this redone with an ENDING. It felt as though they got sick of trying, or ran out of money and decided to end it at some random spot. Overall, it left me feeling angry and curious, almost like the series finale of THE SOPRANOS, only not as sad.

The Hills Have Eyes (2006)

Don't watch it right before bed!

[8/10 · 7 August 2006]

My husband did not make it past the first hour of this movie. I had to watch the rest alone. It is psychologically terrifying...one of those movies that takes hold of you, makes you scream at the screen, and leaves you with a disturbed feeling for hours after the final credits roll. There was nothing profound about the premise, and nothing Oscar-worthy about the acting, but it was an all-around great horror film. The special effects were good...lots of gore and violence. It's suspenseful, dark, and is guaranteed to leave you with a creepy feeling that won't let you go to sleep right after watching it. I watched three hours of SEINFELD reruns, and had nightmares anyway. That's the way it should be! ;)

Magnolia (1999)

Crap...with Potential

[3 September 2000]

I am disturbed by any video rental that takes up two tapes. Without exception, any time I watch a double-taper, I find myself praying for the end.

This movie had some serious potential. From what I could gather, it's about coincidences (or what we believe to be coincidences).

It starts out with a really interesting story about a suicide/murder. We get a glimpse into the lives of several pathetic, annoying people. A child genius pees his pants on live TV, Tom Cruise (sporting some kind of greasy Samurai hairdo) screams about respecting the male genitalia, Bill Macy fantasizes about a guy with braces, and just when you think it might all be coming to some kind of logical, blissful "tie-it-all-together" ending, IT STARTS RAINING FROGS.

On a positive note, Philip Seymour Hoffman and John C. Reilly both gave OUTSTANDING performances. They were why I stayed with the movie throughout the painful three hours.

Ultimately, I hated this movie. Nobody in the movie was better off at the end than the were in the beginning, and there was no...RESOLUTION. Maybe it was meant to be mind candy for people who love to dwell on the deep meanings of things...or maybe it really is as bad as I think it is. I just can't believe that IMDB has it listed as #50-something on the Top 250 Movies list. That's what prompted this tirade, after all. Who are these people who thought so highly of this film, and what planet are they from???

High Fidelity (2000)

I am not pleased.

[6/10 · 2 April 2000]

Maybe I hold John Cusack up to unrealistic standards. I've fallen in love with every one of his movies since I was a teenager, so I had no reason to believe that this movie would be anything less than phenomenal.

The movie is kind of...slow. It was about two hours long, but by the last half hour I was praying for the end.

I was expecting something funnier. There were some really funny moments, but overall I would never call the film a comedy. Jack Black absolutely stole the show, and I truly believe that the movie would have been a complete disaster without him.

The lead female role is annoying. I spent the entire two hours wondering what she had been in before and why the hell she cut her bangs so short. (She's from Denmark, and hasn't been in anything I've ever seen. I still don't know about the bangs.)

There were a lot of references to obscure bands, which bothered me because I felt like I was missing the joke a lot of the time.

I found myself laughing at things that were only slightly funny. I think I was trying to justify spending $8.50 to see the movie, but I still left feeling ripped off and angry.

The Blair Witch Project (1999)

Who said this was scary???

[7/10 · 14 August 1999]

First of all, Heather Donahue was so annoying that I wanted to throw things at the screen.

The majority of the film is dedicated to the three stars bitching and whining amongst themselves. Then, when you think it's finally going to start to get good, it ends.

I can't understand the great reviews this movie has gotten. People were actually booing and hissing when the movie ended, and I've never seen that happen before.

The hype over this film was SO much more interesting than the movie itself. The website is fantastic, but the movie was undeniably the worst I have ever seen...including cheesy "B" films.