Mario_Mangler Reviews

Arrested Development (2003–2019)

Easily the funniest sitcom ever

[10/10 · 10 October 2008]

I have been a fan of comedy movies and sitcoms for more than 30 years. Over the past three decades, I have been familiar of just about all of the big ones. I love comedy so much, in fact, that for the last ten years I have been working part time as a comedy writer.

And do you know what? Arrested Development is hands down the single best sitcom I have ever watched. Easily. It's not even close. In fact I almost feel I'm doing it a disservice to say any more than that. Arrested Development is so good that it pretty much ruined the idea of "a sitcom" for me. I can barely watch other shows anymore. They all fall short in the end. Even the Office. I mean, I love the Office, but I just sit there, and I think, "Hmmm, how would Will Arnett have played the character of Dwight?"

Watch Arrested Development seasons 1-3 on DVD, give the show a chance, and you will understand what TV comedy is supposed to look like. This is the Holy Grail of sitcom comedy. Everyone should know about it.

P.S. And that's why you don't use a one-armed man to scare people.

Black Christmas (1974)

Wonderful horror movie with an absolutely horrific bit of trivia

[9/10 · 17 October 2005]

This is by far one of the best and most unknown horror movies I have ever seen. The atmosphere, the music, the plot, the ending... all of it is absolutely perfect.

But what really creeps me out about Black Christmas is the fact that it seems like a blueprint for serial killer Ted Bundy's attack at the Chi Omega sorority house in 1978. Bundy was known for loving slasher movies and he fantasized almost 24/7 about violence against women. In fact, he was once shown the movie Friday the 13th in prison and he couldn't finish it because he got too overstimulated. So it's no stretch of the imagination to think Bundy saw this movie in 1974 and enjoyed every single minute of it.

Especially if he was taking notes.

So if this movie wasn't creepy enough on its own, just realize it probably served as an inspiration for one of the most notorious serial killings in American history. A lot of the details from Chi Omega are pretty darn close, particularly what happens to Margot Kidder. And if that isn't enough to make your skin crawl, you must be a thicker skinned person than me!

The Black Hole (1979)

Screw the reviews. Remember it for Maximilian.

[5/10 · 23 January 2005]

I saw this movie in the theater when I was 6 years old. So you have to remember that frame of reference when you read these comments.

I saw The Black Hole when I was six years old and, of course, I loved it. Although what I remember the most about that experience was my first glimpse of Maximilian, the giant killer red robot. Maximilian terrified me. And he ended up being the first movie character to ever really scare the crap out of me.

If you were 6 years old kid in 1980, you would remember this film. Because even though it's silly to make the comparison today, at one time the Black Hole held a special place in the hearts of kids everywhere, mainly because it featured a character who was even scarier than Darth Vader.

That's right, Star Wars came 2 years earlier than the Black Hole, and Star Wars had a frightening guy in a black mask named Darth Vader. But let me tell you that to a kid growing up in 1980, Darth Vader was NOTHING compared to Maximilian. Darth Vader was a pansy compared to Maximilian, and I'm not just joking around. If you were a little kid in 1980, you knew about this movie. And you knew who Maximilian was. And you spoke about him in terms of reverence. Because you don't mock the robot who haunts your nightmares every single night.

That's how big a deal Maximilan was at the time.

Yes, The Black Hole has flaws. Yes, the rest of the robots are comical. And yes, the science fiction in the movie makes no sense. And sure, I'd agree that the sight of Ernest Borgnine in a tight turtleneck is disturbing and I never want to see it again. But none of that really matters to me. All I care about is that this movie features Maxmilian the bleeping killer red robot. And from a pop culture/movie history perspective, that makes this movie a classic.

Personally, I think that the Black Hole is a pretty lame movie. But in 1980 I would have ranked it alongside Star Wars as the coolest thing I had ever seen in my life. And of course, that is almost solely because of Maximilian. So don't make fun of this movie. Just remember that it cause a lot of nightmares in kids from the 70's and early 80's. And please give it props for featuring a villain that (at one time) was cooler and scarier than a guy named Darth Vader.

So here's to you, Maximilian.

Please don't Cuisinart me through a book.

Mario's Movie Rating: 5 out of 10 (at least it's somewhat entertaining)

Mario's Maximilian Rating: 10 of 10

The Bad News Bears (1976)

Most realistic baseball movie ever

[10/10 · 10 December 1998]

This is one of those movies to be treasured. It's by far my favorite baseball movie, and gets big points for not dumbing down the kids in the movie. They talk, act, and swear just like real kids. They are foul mouthed, unlikeable in many cases, but every kid presented in this film is 10x more realistic than in any kid's movie you will see nowadays. Plain and simple, this film would not be made today. It is TOO realistic. Little league is just like this. Little league PARENTS are just like this. I think the film does an excellent job showing how the parents sometimes take the fun out of the game for the kids. Walter Matthau, Tatum O'Neal, Jackie Earle Haley, and especially the late Vic Morrow (coach of the Yankees) all turn in excellent performances. Not only that, but the film reaches some incredibly dramatic moments that catch you off guard. You're not supposed to like all the characters, but taken as an overall whole, The Bad News Bears is a movie in which the filmmakers really did their research. I think it gets underrated because it is a "kids movie", but It is without a doubt one of the best movies in my collection.