hamburgerman Reviews

Killer Date (2019)

Fun Horror Comedy Short

[7/10 · 17 February 2020]

I saw Killer Date today at the Knife Through the Heart Film Festival in Austin TX (Feb 16, 2020). I found it funny and entertaining. Worth a look.

Save 2.0 (2019)

Really Well Done Horror Short

[8/10 · 17 February 2020]

I saw Save 2.0 at the Knife Through the Heart Film Festival today (Feb 16, 2020.) I thought it was a really well done short. It kept me on the edge of my seat the entirety of its short duration. - Joe

Christopher Robin (2018)

Split 50/50 opinion but I still recommend it

[6/10 · 27 August 2018]

"People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day." - Winnie the Pooh

We saw Christopher Robin yesterday. I am split 50/50 on the movie. When Pooh and/or his friends were on the screen, it was wonderful, nostalgic and gave me the feels. The voices for Pooh and Tigger were spot on. When they were not on screen, it was your run of the mill work-obsessed dad who is not paying attention to his family movie. I still recommend it.

Spirit Camp (2009)

Excellent indie horror, raising the bar

[9/10 · 6 January 2010]

I have been a fan of low budget horror my whole life and as a longtime fan of the genre, you really don't expect much when you hear "low budget horror film." Things are different now. If you weren't aware that Spirit Camp was a low budget horror film, you'd never know it when viewing the movie. It easily looks like a multimillion dollar effort.

Technically, the film looked perfect. The cinematography, sound, shot composition, direction all first rate. And when I learned the history of this project, that not only did Kerry Beyer write, produce, direct and perform in Spirit Camp, but he was also the cinematographer, editor, sound editor and did the digital effects himself, it almost redefines "indie" -- he almost did everything himself.

The acting is a lot better than it needed to be as well. The leads and co-stars are great, and there are some great actors in bit parts.

If you are a horror fan, especially fan of classic slasher films, you should catch Spirit Camp if it comes to your city.

The Longest Yard (2005)

The Longest Turd

[2/10 · 8 June 2005]

I typically like Adam Sandler's movies. This one was a turd, though. I didn't believe any of the relationships. I did not believe his character bonded or felt for these criminal misfits in the least. All the talk about bonding... I didn't see it.

Very few laughs. And is Chris Rock's act getting tired? Old, played out racial references... Nothing new, nothing funny. Rock did have the funniest line in the movie, though: "I'll teach you how to football, just don't eat me."

I must admit I've never seen the original Longest Yard, but it must have been better than this!

2 out of 10.

Soul Plane (2004)

Simply awful

[1/10 · 1 June 2004]

I saw this "movie" on a Saturday afternoon. I didn't have high expectations at all, just wanted a few laughs. Well, there were very few laughs.

This movie fails on all levels. The timing was incredibly bad, both from the actors, the director and the editor. I am not even sure there was a script as there were so many scenes that felt poorly ad-libbed.

The only thing this movie succeeds in doing is making Tom Arnold look like a comedic genius. He and D.L. Hughley were the only actors with any sense of comic timing. Not one other actor had any sense of timing.

This was the first time I've ever left a movie and complained to the theater manager just how bad it was. I got a free pass out of it, but I have forever lost those 90 minutes of my life.

This movie didn't have to suck, but it did.

A Fisherman's Lament (2000)

a touching story...

[10/10 · 5 July 2003]

A Fisherman's Lament is a touching story of a fisherman who looks back on his life with some regret.

this short film is shot very well and has high production value. The actors do quite well with no dialogue. what is truly impressive is the attention paid to the sound design. all independent filmmakers should take note!

Keep an eye out for this short. I look forward to seeing more work from Douglas Burns.

The Boogerman (2002)

pick a winner!

[10/10 · 5 June 2003]

i just saw BOOGERMAN at the HD Fest in LA. i really enjoyed this short.

very well written and shot. high def really looks good as well. Jeff Eagle should have a bright future ahead.

Keep up the good work!

Dogtown and Z-Boys (2001)

not a perfect documentary...

[7/10 · 16 March 2003]

This isn't a perfect documentary. although i was entertained, i think it could have somehow delved deeper into its subjects. how? i don't know, maybe revealing more of its seedy underbelly. maybe interviewing the "skater groupies" of the era.

i skated in highschool and college 1985-1989, so when these guys talk about how much fun it was, i can relate.

i have to agree with the reviewer that stated Dogtown should have been half as long. i felt like i was watching the same footage over and over again. i also thought the camera movement on many of the photo montages was unnecessary, too quick and shaky.

it was an entertaining documentary nonetheless. i am looking forward to seeing STOKED, the documentary on 80s skater Mark "Gator" Rogowski.

The Tunnel (2001)

A dark tunnel, but a bright future ahead...

[9/10 · 31 August 2002]

I recently had the pleasure of watching Abed's THE TUNNEL on video. I must say, this guy has a bright future ahead. THE TUNNEL is a well crafted little film, more thought provoking than your average horror film. I look forward to seeing more of Ramzi Abed's work. Keep it up.

The Distinct Smell of Red (2001)

clever concept

[8/10 · 25 August 2002]

I recently had the pleasure of watching THE DISTINCT SMELL OF RED after following some of its film festival exploits, such as Planet Indie Film Fest in Canada. I found the idea of a guy living his life through Cliffs Notes to be a clever gimmick. Special kudos to actresses Robin Christian-McNair and Edi Patterson.

One-Hit Wonder (1999)

Can't get that song out of my head

[10/10 · 14 August 2002]

I had the opportunity to catch ONE HIT WONDER at the Indian Summer Film Festival at the Kiosk in Glendale this summer. A fine spoof of boy bands. Although I can't remember their hit song's title, I can't forget the words: And baby when you cry, you have tears, so do I, isn't that wierd. Check it out if you have the chance.

Dog Soldiers (2002)

decent werewolf movie

[6/10 · 12 August 2002]

I read about this film in the Los Angeles Times Calendar section (for the Sci-Fi/Horror film festival at the Egyptian Theater), and was intrigued. What drew me in was the articles comparison of DOG SOLDIERS to THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT. This comparison is not a fair one because the only thing similar was the fact the whole story took place in the woods.

I went into the film not knowing anything about it, which is rare these days. The newspaper article didn't really explain the concept of the movie, just briefly mentioning these British soldiers go into the woods and begin disappearing. I wish the guy that introduced the film didn't say the word WEREWOLF, which blew some of the surprise.

Now to comment on the movie itself. While i enjoyed the movie very much, it already had two strikes against it (no fault of the filmmakers, though.) The problems I had with the film are simple: I don't like the potential victims to have that much ammunition! All of the gunplay kind of takes the fun out of it. The other problem I had with the film is that, in my opinion, it may have been more suspenseful if the opening scene with the campers was eliminated, allowing the audience to discover the creatures as the main soldiers do.

What was refreshing about the film was that no computer special effects were used (to the best of my knowledge.) It was a good old fashioned horror film (with lots of guns.) The werewolves were very effective, tall and intimidating. And solid acting all around.

I understand DOG SOLDIERS is not getting a U.S. theatrical release, but will be released on DVD in the U.S. in November. Definitely worth at least rental, and probably worth purchasing for horror fans.

Sway (2001)

A fine short

[10/10 · 13 July 2002]

SWAY is a well done dramatic short. A short but touching story of a young man dying from cystic fibrosis. Writer/Director Philip Zlotorynski has done a fine job with delicate material. I look forward to seeing more of his work.

The Pig Farm (2000)

Oink Oink

[8/10 · 11 May 2002]

I finally saw this film after following its progress on and off for about 4 years. I caught a screening at the Kiosk Cafe in Glendale CA. I enjoyed the film, and was very impressed once I learned the actual budget for this 35mm production. Richard Alan Johnston as Rusty gave a fine "dumb hick" performance and was especially impressive towards the end of the film. Jason Hildebrant did a great job as Joey the mob guy as well. I look forward to seeing director Michael Lee Barlin's next film.

The Blair Witch Rejects (1999)

Great spoof

[8/10 · 1 March 2002]

I recently viewed The Blair Witch Rejects on home video. I have not been exposed to many Blair Witch spoofs, only a couple of short amateur videos. I believe Blair Witch Rejects may be the only feature length spoof of the original.

Anyway, putting it in a Hollywood setting was a great idea, and I really got a kick out of the scene when our fearless filmmakers finally ventured to the woods, and ran into several other clusters of filmmakers making the same documentary. That says a lot about people jumping on a bandwagon, taking advantage and cashing in on a fad that will quickly fade. Isn't that Hollywood?

Special kudos to Brent, the actor playing the sound man. I really got a kick out of his subtle "dumb guy" performance, quite a few laughs there.

For a moment I was fooled by the "Artisan Lawyer" in front of Mann's Chinese Theater. I really thought our filmmakers were busted, because you never know who is on the streets of Hollywood. That was an actress, wasn't it?

An Embalmer's Tale (1997)

only 4 people left after screening...

[1/10 · 19 February 2002]

I saw this film at a festival in New York in 2000. It was a late screening, and only about 20 people were in attendance at the beginning. By the time it was over, there were only 4 remaining.

This film was a bland as they come. Actually, I can't remember anything about it other than how boring it was. I wish the filmmakers better luck next time.

The Photographer (2000)

saw it at durango film festival

[7/10 · 20 March 2001]

I saw THE PHOTOGRAPHER at the durango film festival in March 2001. Although I didn't quite understand what was going on (until someone briefly explained it to me, then it all made sense), it was an enjoyable film, mainly because of the supporting cast, especially the guy the the photographer saves from almost getting killed. To me, the film began to remind me of THE WIZARD OF OZ because this photographer meets individuals on his journey, and each one joins his quest.

The Last Supper (2000)

congratulations

[10/10 · 19 March 2001]

Congratulations on winning the very first Quakie Award at the Inaugural Durango Film Festival in Colorado. Your "Best Short Film" award is well deserved.

Keep up the good work.

Charming Billy (1999)

controversial subject matter, well executed

[8/10 · 19 March 2001]

I saw this film at the Inaugural Durango Film Festival in March 2001. The controversial subject matter in CHARMING BILLY is well executed, no pun intended. Great acting from every performer. Nicely paced film. I hope to see more work from these filmmakers in the future.

Return to Zork (1993 Video Game)

Revisiting an Old Friend

[10/10 · 30 December 2000]

I grew up with the Apple II computer in junior high. The original text adventure ZORK series was an all-time favorite of mine. I never played any ZORK games after ZORK III, like ZORK ZERO and BEYOND ZORK, though. After being away from the computer gaming world for a while, I got a new PC and then I saw RETURN TO ZORK on the shelf. Wow. Not knowing anything about it, it was already a must-have in my eyes. I took it home and played it right away. It was fantastic! It has the same sense of humor of the text adventures. Great graphics (for the year it came out), great storyline, just plain fun.

If there is one complaint, it's that RETURN TO ZORK is a point-and-click adventure. Puzzles are often easy to figure out because sometimes you can just start clicking things until you get it right, where in the original text games you had to really think about it, because you typed in your action. But even so, RETURN TO ZORK is great fun. It has a maze, as most adventure games had in the past, the I found impossible to figure out, so i bought the cheat guide.

Porky's II: The Next Day (1983)

very UNfunny

[1/10 · 19 October 2000]

what the hell did i just see? i had never taken the time to watch porky's 2 until tonight (on comedy central).

i found nothing funny about it, and i am a big comedy fan and can usually find some good in everything. i can't believe this came from the same director that did A CHRISTMAS STORY, one of my all time favorites.

X-Men (2000)

this movie didn't suck

[8/10 · 31 July 2000]

i was pleasantly surprised by X-Men. I enjoyed it. You do need to know a little of their history before going in, because they don't take much time explaining or developing each character. i think everyone did a pretty good job, but halle berry was a little weak (she didn't have much to work with, though.) Hugh Jackman as wolverine was excellent.

Death and a Salesman (1995)

It succeeds.

[9/10 · 10 May 2000]

Dallas Observer, January, 1996: 'Brief and often funny in a base, guilty-pleasure way, this comedy - about a used car salesman trying to sell an automobile to the Grim Reaper - serves merely as a forum for an endless succession of jokes about death. What's really remarkable is how effortlessly it illustrates that references to dying permeate our daily conversation. 'Salesman' is a slight, funny video, with no greater goal than to entertain for a few minutes. It succeeds. (AWJ)'

Magnolia (1999)

long but worth it

[8/10 · 6 January 2000]

i went to see a free screening of MAGNOLIA this evening. the host told the crowd it was 3 hours long. i wasn't prepared to sit through a 3 hour movie. but it was worth it. tom cruise is better than i have ever seen him. in fact, the entire cast is solid.

i was hooked during the intro. it describes three supposedly true stories of very bizarre coincidences. once you see the movie, you may recognize these stories from emails your friends have sent you - the darwin awards and so on...unbelievable stories of irony that are supposedly documented as fact.

i did start to get restless about 2 hours into it. then SURPRISE! what a wonderful and fascinating surprise it was (the sky is falling! notice the "frogger" arcade machine in the bar...)

i give MAGNOLIA and 8 out of 10. i could give it a 10, except that i still believe it was too long, and i didn't understand all the characters singing along with that song...