- Abe Applebaum: It's difficult to accept the difference between who you are in your head and who you are in the world.
- Mr. Applebaum: You can't take that case.
- Abe Applebaum: Why not?
- Mr. Applebaum: Well, it wouldn't be fair. You don't have the experience.
- Abe Applebaum: I've solved over two hundred mysteries.
- Abe Applebaum: Finally, after all this time, someone trusts me with a real case. A chance to prove myself. You're telling me I shouldn't take it?
- Abe Applebaum: I remember when girls still went for the star quarterback.
- Caroline: Nobody cares about football.
- Abe Applebaum: God, this town got cynical.
- Caroline: Did it?
- Abe Applebaum: Look at this place. On Saturday night, this was the center of the universe. They used to serve breakfast for dinner and dinner for breakfast.
- Caroline: Why?
- Abe Applebaum: To be funny.