- Jimmy Pesto Jr.: It smells weird in here.
- Mr. Fischoeder: It smells weird everywhere, sir. That's how you know you're alive!
- Mr. Fischoeder: Big day tomorrow. Keep it to one nightcap, hm? One jigger of gin per pound of body weight.
- Mr. Fischoeder: You look like a boy who isn't aftaid of getting his hands a little sticky.
- Gene Belcher: I've heard of washing hands; doesn't seem like it's for me.
- Mr. Fischoeder: Creepy twins? You're on the water squirty game.
- Andy: That's what we call the toilet!
- Ollie: We've never won.
- Mr. Fischoeder: I guess someone else will have to be tiny and bossy. Uh, what about you? What've you got?
- Andy: I can smile!
- Mr. Fischoeder: Never mind. What about you?
- Ollie: I know how everybody's gonna die.
- Mr. Fischoeder: Okay, forget it.
- Mr. Fischoeder: That mammoth has been at Wonder Wharf with me since actual mammoths roamed the Earth. He's my most beloved and most asbestos-filled employee.
- Gene Belcher: In two more years, that's what Dad'll say about me!
- Mr. Fischoeder: Mm-hmm.
- Mr. Fischoeder: This is your crew?
- Louise Belcher: They don't look like much, and they're not much; but I trust them.
- Mr. Fischoeder: Even the two licking each other's hair?
- Louise Belcher: You've gotta lick something!