- Manacek: Sorry, I can only solve impossible crimes if I'm seducing an amazing woman. It's my process.
- [repeated lines]
- Homer Simpson, Marge Simpson, Mr. Burns, Megan: [said at different times by various characters] I like you, Manacek.
- Manacek: Ah, Clancy. You're looking well... fed.
- Chief Wiggum: See? He deliberately put that pause between those two words!
- Manacek: Maybe I did, and maybe I... didn't.
- Chief Wiggum: Well, two can play at that... pause!
- Chief Wiggum: I don't mind telling you, Manacek: I hope you fall flat on your face!
- Manacek: [chuckling] Oh. I hope not. My mother's rather fond of it.
- Chief Wiggum: Damn your wit!
- Marge Simpson: There is nothing wrong with liking art, as long as it's representational.
- Homer Simpson: Umm...
- Marge Simpson: It is representational, isn't it?
- Homer Simpson: Umm...
- Marge Simpson: Tell me it's representational!
- Homer Simpson: Umm...
- Marge Simpson: What else about your marriage is a lie? Are you even a certified DJ?
- Homer Simpson: I took the classes, but I failed the test!
- Megan: I need that painting for my monkey sanctuary in Costa Rica. The monkeys find the colors rather arousing.
- Manacek: A blue-collar Joe suddenly likes modern art? That story and two bits will get you a cup of coffee.
- Lisa Simpson: What year do you think it is?
- Manacek: Hey, who's the shamus here?
- Manacek: Your family's story of how you fell in love with that painting did prove your innocence.
- Homer Simpson: How?
- Manacek: By providing one crucial fact: you're too dumb to steal anything.