Murder on the Blackpool Express (2017 TV Movie)

Sheila Reid: Mildred

Photos 

Quotes 

• Mildred : I heard the man on the coach behind us say he was a doctor. I love a doctor!

  Marge : Snap your legs back together, Mildred. It's a coach trip, not Love Island.

• Mildred : If he tries to kills us, at least we'll be in the papers.

• Doc : Ladies, you'll have to forgive Kevin here, had a knock on the head and he has some memory problems.

  Kevin : Do I? Oh. That would explain a lot.

  Peggy , Mildred , Marge : Awww!

  Peggy : My Derek had that. Very forgetful. But only when it came to birthdays, anniversaries, and not sleeping with my sister.

  Doc : Well, that's... fascinating.

• [Moira's wheelchair won't go over the step into Bartleby Cathedral] 

  Moira : Why is this cathedral not wheelchair-accessible?

  Mildred : Accessibility wasn't really an issue in the 15th century. They didn't have you in mind when they built this place. If they had, we'd be seeing an access ramp on a tapestry.

  Moira : I'll have you know this country was built by people exactly like me.

  Mildred : What? Post-menopausal killjoys with an attitude problem? I doubt it, love. They'd have burned you as a witch. Or just for a bit of peace and quiet.

• Marge : Yellow? We're going to look jaundiced. Mildred's just got over that.

  Mildred : She's right. The nurses said I was like a friendly lemon.

• Mildred : I wish I'd known I was being spied on. I'd have put in me good teeth.

• Mildred : I killed a deer once. That was back when I used to drink. Threw a brick at its head.

• Grace : Excuse me. We were promised executive seating.

  Gemma : Oh, they are all executive seats.

  Grace : Really? There's what I think is a pork scratching down the side of mine.

  Gemma : Why not try to think of it as... an executive pork scratching?

  Grace : [whispers]  One other thing. Do we have to sit across from these... people? They're like zombies in support tights.

  Marge : And what about us? You've sat us over from this snotty woman and her ferret- faced husband.

  Grace : How did you hear that?

  Marge : I've got me hearing aid cranked right up, love, in case folk are talking about me. Anyway, what have we got to look at, you and that gormless lump.

  Grace : That is eavesdropping!

  Marge : Your husband's got a head like a sad potato. It's not his fault; it's the way he's built. I've got varicose veins you can see from space, and Mildred here, she's got a hairy back.

  Mildred : You said you wouldn't tell!

  Peggy : And I'm agoraphobic and claustrophobic, so I'm never really settled.

• Gemma : Terry, Marge died because she was old, and that is what old women do.

  Mildred : Oh, thanks for the reminder, love.

• Mildred : You watch your mouth, or I'll cut you up. I've got a fruit knife on this key ring!

• Mildred : We're absconding, like Thelma and Louise. We were two Thelmas and a Louise, but one of the Thelmas just got taken away in a body bag.

• Mildred : Gemma, dear, if we die in the night, I'd just like to say this is the best adventure we've ever had.