- Selina Meyer: If Mohamad Atta had you people booking his travel, he'd still be alive today; which from his perspective, would be a massive fuck-up.
- Selina Meyer: If I ever needed a miracle, it is right now.
- Richard Splett: Ma'am, there's been a mass shooting in a mall in Phoenix. Twenty-seven people have been killed.
- Selina Meyer: [Everybody reacts in shock and sadness] Hohhh...
- [Something dawns on Selina. Dan, Kent and Amy have the same idea]
- Selina Meyer: This can... work for us?
- Dan Egan: Yes, because we couldn't possibly announce now out of respect for the victims.
- Selina Meyer: Halle-fuckin'-lujah! We have to send that shooter a nice thank-you card.
- Richard Splett: Actually, he shot himself before he could be apprehended. I'll send something to his wife.
- [Continues to read about the incident on his smartphone]
- Richard Splett: Oh. Actually, he shot her first.
- Selina Meyer: You know what I would like to tell people, but obviously I can't?
- Gary Walsh: Say it here.
- Selina Meyer: I should be president...
- Gary Walsh: Yeah?
- Selina Meyer: Because it is my goddamn turn! I was the game-changer!
- [Gary agrees]
- Selina Meyer: I took a dump on the glass ceiling, and I shaved my muff in the sink of the old boys' club. But for three years Hughes kept me chained to a radiator in some basement in Cleveland. So as far as I'm concerned, America owes me an eight-year stay in the White House, and this time, I want a war!
- Gary Walsh: Ye-es!
- [Typing]
- Gary Walsh: All right. Do you want me to read that back?
- Selina Meyer: Oh, we can't use any of that. It sounds like I'm shouting from a balcony in Munich.
- Gary Walsh: [Gasps] Like Evita!
- Selina Meyer: [after watching Jonah's disastrous interview video] What? Wha...
- Kent Davison: Actually, since this segment first aired, Jonah's numbers are up over 3%. He's tapped into something.
- Amy Brookheimer: Yeah, his stepsister.
- Ben Cafferty: Well, it's playing big with non-college educated white males, and... college educated white males. Basically, white males.
- Selina Meyer: This entire country is getting more disgusting by the second.
- Kent Davison: That's a demo we're targeting mostly on Facebook.