Count Olaf: I've always been honest about my desires to you orphans: you maimed or dead, and your fortune in my rarely-washed hands. That's more than the rest of these people can say.
Violet Baudelaire: These people are here to help us.
Count Olaf: Help you? Look around! I see a banker who cares more about a promotion than three orphans!
Arthur Poe: Vice-President, Orphan Affairs
Count Olaf: I see a man who was too afraid to protect you, and a woman who values paperwork over peoples' lives! I see a vice-principal who was more than happy to let me into his school, as long as I stroked his ego!
Vice Principal Nero: That's a lie! He only stroked my... violin.
Count Olaf: I see rich people who only cared about you because you were "in", and villagers who only took you in to do their chores! I see volunteers whose complicated codes and pretentious literary references are useless against the real treacheries of the world! And presiding over them all, a justice so blind she let me marry you! These so-called decent people have done more to help my schemes than any of my associates. They should be up here!
Klaus Baudelaire: They're not up here, you are!
Count Olaf: Yes. But you are up here too, Baudelaires.