Lucifer (TV Series)
The One with the Baby Carrot (2017)
Lauren German: Chloe Decker
Photos
Quotes
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Chloe Decker : After it became a family show... the micropenis got removed.
Lucifer Morningstar : Did anyone even notice?
[Chuckles]
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Chloe Decker : The Sinnerman is an urban myth; He doesn't exist. He's a boogeyman that criminals use to hide their bad behavior. "The Sinnerman made me do it."
Lucifer Morningstar : Yet another thing he's stolen from me, being blamed for the bad deeds of men.
[pause]
Lucifer Morningstar : He can keep that one, actually.
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Lucifer Morningstar : The man is clearly a thief. Let's go give him a good throttling.
Chloe Decker : I'm leaning towards just talking to him.
Lucifer Morningstar : And *then* throttling. I suppose a little foreplay never hurt anyone.
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Chloe Decker : We found him.
Lucifer Morningstar : Who? The missing link?
[Looks at photo]
Lucifer Morningstar : Proof of human/rodent copulation?
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Chloe Decker : Originally, the show was much edgier. About a guy dealing with his insecurities about his, um...
[Flustered]
Chloe Decker : W-Well, I really don't want to tell you.
Lucifer Morningstar : Ooh. Well, now I need to know.
Chloe Decker : [Signs] Dealing with his insecurities about his, um, micropenis.
Lucifer Morningstar : All right, well. Hold me closer, tiny donger. So you're saying we're looking for a needle in a penis stack.
Chloe Decker : See, this is why I didn't want to tell you.
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Chloe Decker : [Looking at victim's notebook] So what are these, jokes?
Lucifer Morningstar : A charitable description, Detective.
[Reads]
Lucifer Morningstar : "Avocado, how about avoca-don't?" Would it be rude to throw tomatoes at a corpse?
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Erik : All the chuckle bunnies talk.
Chloe Decker : The what?
Erik : Chicks who like to have sex with comedians.
Lucifer Morningstar : There's a term for that? I should get a term. Devil bunnies. No. Lucifans.
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Erik : I don't mind a fellow struggling comic busting balls. It's when a millionaire starts punching down that I get pissed. Or that good-looking jerk from the club.
Lucifer Morningstar : What? Who's he talking about?
Chloe Decker : Dan.
Lucifer Morningstar : Right. Are you sure?
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Chloe Decker : So how do we draw him out?
Lucifer Morningstar : Easy. Arrest everyone in the club and pull their pants down. Tiniest weenie wins, for once.
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Chloe Decker : I realized the killer might seek out a sympathetic voice.
Dan Espinoza : He wasn't sympathetic. He just used it as an excuse to tell even more micropenis jokes.