- [first lines]
- Man: [in interrogation room] One more time, D'Mello. From the beginning.
- Doug D'Mello: [sighs] Look, I apologize for calling your partner a dick stick. I mean, come on. It's not even a real word, "dick stick."I wasn't really calling him that. I was referring to a guy I went to high school with named Richard Stick. You know, it'd be the same if I called him Michael Hunt or Michael Hawk. Any of the Mikes. To be honest, I don't even know what a "Richard Stick" is. I mean a dick stick. Sorry. See? Even I went right back to Richard. It was reactionary. It wasn't like I really meant it. I don't even know the guy.
- Man: Focus! Let's get back to the story.
- Doug D'Mello: Look, I told you. My partner and I were staking out the border with our informant, Jerry Wax.
- Doug D'Mello: [from the back seat] Hey, is that a cow air freshener?
- Indian Cabbie: Yes. New leather smell, no? New car smell, no?
- Doug D'Mello: It smells like there was a cow in here earlier, and now there's not.
- Indian Cabbie: That is because there was a cow in here, and now it's not.
- Doug D'Mello: [narrating] Look, I just got back from India. I found out I'm not Indian. I mean, in Canada, if you needed to identify me, I'd be Indian. But in India, 100 percent
- [Indian accent]
- Doug D'Mello: "You are not Indian." I'm from the south of Canada. We're a little darker over there.
- Doug D'Mello: You speak English really well.
- Seema: Thank you. Your English is good too.
- Doug D'Mello: Thanks. I'm from Canada. It's what we speak there - and French. I'm not really good at either of them.
- [little girls giggling]
- [last lines]
- Priya Sehgal: Do detectives from Toronto always play such tricks with the law?
- Doug D'Mello: About that...
- Priya Sehgal: I know. You're not really a detective. I kind of figured when you started using words like "Detective-ing."
- Doug D'Mello: I'm a constable, but, in all fairness, we have a Detective Charles Ing back at the station. So Detective "Ing" is a real person.
- Priya Sehgal: I'll, uh... see you around?
- Doug D'Mello: Yes. You'll... see you around. Okay. Good... Good job partner.
- [gives her a high five]
- Doug D'Mello: See you in there.
- [as she walks inside]
- Doug D'Mello: I'm going to wait out here, so it doesn't seem awkward, we go in together. Lock down these streets. Make sure no bad guys get in.
- Doug D'Mello: [still standing in the street talking to himself now] High five? You went for a high five. You friggin' idiot! High five?