DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV Series)

No Country for Old Dads (2018)

Neal McDonough: Damien Darhk

Quotes 

• Damien Darhk : [referring to his younger self]  I am gonna kick my ass.

• Nora Darhk : Looks like you still got it, old man.

  Damien Darhk : Who are you calling old man? I look good for 257.

• Ray Palmer : The Darhks said that they'd let go of me when they were done with me. He is asking me if I want to see a Grateful Dead concert, which is really kind of weird. But look, you'll probably try to come after me and find me. If you do, he said that he'll kill me, so... you know, please don't do that. Okay, bye.

  [hanging up] 

  Ray Palmer : Okay, I have done as you asked, so no more torture today, right?

  Damien Darhk : I really don't think you understand how this whole torture thing works.

• Damien Darhk : What about this Fire totem I stole in Detroit?

  Nora Darhk : [noticing Kuasa recoil]  Afraid of a broken trinket?

  Kuasa : That thing killed me once. Even in pieces, it's still to be feared. Totems are eternal. They can never be destroyed.

  Damien Darhk : So they can be fixed? Ooh! So I can get a necklace myself?

  Kuasa : It would take a truly brilliant mind to figure out how.

  Ray Palmer : [tied up]  You guys hungry? I could really go for some eggs; poached, runny. Oh, my coffee... with grass-fed butter and MCT oil.

• Ray Palmer : No, no, no. Nope. Not gonna do it.

  Damien Darhk : You and I both realize that your idiot friends are gonna search every Dead show in history before they realize that I don't even like jam bands.

  Ray Palmer : Be that as it may, I... will not fix the Fire totem. Sorry. You're gonna have to kill me.

  Nora Darhk : Suit yourself.

  Damien Darhk : No, no, no, no, hold on a second, sweetie.

  [holding up the miniaturized Atom suit] 

  Damien Darhk : I think I'm gonna give this suit to Genghis Khan. Imagine what history would be like if the Mongols had a dwarf star-powered rocket man.

  Ray Palmer : The Legends will just find the anachronism and fix it.

  Damien Darhk : Good point.

  [in a high-pitched voice, as if the suit is talking] 

  Damien Darhk : Way to go, Ray.

  [normally] 

  Damien Darhk : Maybe I will just murder a young Sandy Palmer picking her sons up from Ivy Springs Day Care, 1982.

  Ray Palmer : I'll need a lab.

• Ray Palmer : Hi, Alan. Sorry, Alan.

  Alan : What the hell, Ray? You quit. There's no takebacks in Upswipz.

  Damien Darhk : Oh! You're the "up and down" guy. Me, I prefer side to side.

  Alan : [with his powers, Damien throws him around the room]  Our focus groups found up and down was more intuitive.

  [Damien throws him back and forth between the ceiling and the floor] 

  Alan : Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait!

  Damien Darhk : You know, he might be right.

  Alan : We think it shifts the paradigm.

  Nora Darhk : [to Ray]  You have your lab. Now get to work, nerd.

• Damien Darhk : Sweetie, you think it's too early for me to, you know... get back out there? I mean, how long should I mourn your mother?

  Nora Darhk : It's been 23 years on my end, dad. I say go for it.

  Damien Darhk : Thank you. Trouble is I haven't had a single match yet. I think the thing is broken.

  Alan : If I may... you might have more luck if you tak about your hobbies.

  Damien Darhk : I just said that I enjoy destroying the world to re-make it in my image. Oh! I like trying new restaurants.

  Alan : Also, your profile says you're 199 years old.

  Damien Darhk : Yeah, it... it wouldn't go any higher. Can you fix that?

  Alan : Well, everyone lies about their age, brah.

• Nora Darhk : Can you please stop fooling around?

  Damien Darhk : Nora doll, what's the point of living if you can't have a bit of fun?

  Nora Darhk : Well, I'm not enjoying myself. I'm annoyed.

  Damien Darhk : Hi, Annoyed. I'm Dad.

• Ray Palmer : Okay, I have analyzed the shards. We'd have to go back to the Big Bang in order to get enough energy to reignite the Fire totem. That or invent cold fusion. And since that's not possible...

  Damien Darhk : Yes, it is. Cold fusion was invented in 1962 by a German physicist named Bernhard Vogal.

  Ray Palmer : Yeah, no. See, I'm kind of a science dork.

  Damien Darhk : [to Nora]  Kind of?

  Ray Palmer : And if someone had invented cold fusion, let alone in 1962, I think I'd have heard of it.

  Damien Darhk : Actually... there's a very good reason why you haven't. The reason you've never heard of Bernhard Vogal is because the most ruthless and efficient assassin the world has ever known made sure that no one ever did. Me.

• Damien Darhk : Killing Vogal was one of my greatest hits.

  Ray Palmer : Someone developed an energy source that could have replaced fossil fuels and essentially save the world?

  Damien Darhk : While putting the oil industry out of business. Some very powerful people with some very deep pockets wouldn't stand for it, so they hired me. He was waiting for transfer, holed up in an East Berlin safe house, somewhat of a misnomer in this case when your old man got involved.

  Ray Palmer : And you buried the secret to cold fusion?

  Damien Darhk : And the man who created it.

  Ray Palmer : Yeah, I know. That was implied.

• Damien Darhk : Well, I guess I'm off to East Berlin to stop myself from killing Vogal. Should be fun. You watch the prisoner, and I'll bring you back some chocolate. Oh, who am I kidding? I'm probably gonna get a hat for myself, too.

  Nora Darhk : No, I'm going.

  Damien Darhk : To 1962 Berlin? Too dangerous.

  Nora Darhk : If your younger self sees you, it could change the course of your entire life.

  Damien Darhk : All right, obviously you haven't been listening. We're talking about going back against me in my prime. You don't stand a chance, Nora doll.

  Nora Darhk : We're partners. I can do this mission.

  Ray Palmer : Or you could just call the whole thing off. This is obviously causing a lot of family tension.

  Damien Darhk , Nora Darhk : Shut up.

• Damien Darhk : All right, tell me your plan.

  Nora Darhk : We return to 1962 and convince Dr. Vogal that we're American agents there to help him. Then we jump straight back to this moment.

  Damien Darhk : Oh, I'm sorry. "We"? Are you taking him?

  Nora Darhk : Dr. Vogal needs to trust us fast, which means he needs a peer; someone who speaks nerd.

  Damien Darhk : [growling]  Hmm... You better come right back you two, you do you understand me? And use protection.

  Nora Darhk : Ew.

  [Damien hands her a gun, and she pulls Ray to his feet] 

  Ray Palmer : I think he's warming to me.

• Damien Darhk : They should've been back an hour ago. Was I not clear when I said "Come right back. No dawdling"? I think I was crystal clear on that point.

  [it's revealed he's talking to Alan's dead body] 

  Damien Darhk : You know, maybe you're right. Maybe she is testing me, pushing her curfew to see how I react. Am I being paranoid? Yeah, maybe you're right. Maybe I'm not being paranoid enough. Maybe she needs me to be more involved. I mean, for her, I've been gone for twenty years. Oh, think of everything that I've missed. Life was so much simpler before fatherhood. So much anxiety. You know, you're right, Alan. I need to take action, not wallow in doubt. I'm going after 'em.

  [patting the corpse on the shoulder] 

  Damien Darhk : Thanks, pal. Great chat.

• Nora Darhk : What the hell are you doing here?

  Damien Darhk : Saving you, Nora doll. And is that any way to speak to your father?

• Nora Darhk : Is all of this just a game to you? Because I feel like I'm the only one taking any of this seriously.

  Damien Darhk : Well, since my Time Stone still works, we're gonna do things my way. We're gonna bring the good doctor back to 2018 and torture him until he talks.

  Nora Darhk : Torture isn't the answer.

  Damien Darhk : [Ray is surprised]  Says who?

  Nora Darhk : He knows his secret is the only way he'll ever see his daughter again, because unlike some fathers, he values his family more than himself.

• Damien Darhk : Honey bunny, listen...

  Nora Darhk : Ugh.

  Damien Darhk : Look, don't you know that I've only ever had your best interests at heart?

  Nora Darhk : Was in my best interest or yours when you pushed a scared little girl into the arms of a demon?

  Damien Darhk : Yeah, to bring us back together.

  Nora Darhk : To bring you back to life!

  Damien Darhk : What has gotten into you? I send you off on one lousy mission by yourself, and suddenly the...

  [realizing] 

  Damien Darhk : Oh... of course. I should have known Ray Palmer would be a good influence on you.

• Damien Darhk : You shouldn't be walking around alone.

  Nora Darhk : Stop treating...

  [realizing it's Damien from the past] 

  Nora Darhk : You.

  Damien Darhk : Expecting someone else?

• Damien Darhk : You know, the last time I saw Nora, she was still daddy's little girl. And before you know it...

  [he snaps his fingers] 

  Damien Darhk : Twenty years passes just like that. And sure, we're traveling through time together, plotting the end of the world, but... I'm left wondering "Where is that little girl, and how do I get her back?". Look, I'm not keeping you alive for my health. Speak!

  [realizing Ray can't, he releases his grip] 

  Damien Darhk : Oh.

  Ray Palmer : [gasping breaths]  If you really care that much about Nora, then maybe you shouldn't let her be a conduit for a primordial evil.

  Damien Darhk : I admit, this isn't the life that I wanted for her, but world domination was supposed to be my gift to her, not her career path.

  Ray Palmer : Then maybe you should tell her how you feel. She's under a lot of pressure, you know, and it's all to impress you.

  Damien Darhk : Me? I am so proud of Nora. Obviously she knows that.

  Ray Palmer : She only knows what you say to her, Damien.

  [realizing the awkwardness] 

  Ray Palmer : Can I call you Damien?

• Ray Palmer : What is it? Is it Nora? Is she okay?

  Damien Darhk : [tying him up]  She's alive. His life for hers. He wants to meet in one hour. I should've just listened. This is all my fault. If I lose her...

  Ray Palmer : L-look, it seems like you're having trouble with a knot.

  Damien Darhk : I am.

  Ray Palmer : Okay, well, you're probably slipping the slack through the half-hitch.

  Damien Darhk : How do you know that?

  Ray Palmer : Because I'm an Eagle Scout. Trust me.

• Ray Palmer : Look, I-I fought you lots of times. Together, we can save Nora. Just give me back my suit.

  Damien Darhk : [sarcastic]  Oh, sure, and after we save my daughter, maybe we can go shoot some hoops and grab a brewksi.

  [he roughly tightens a knot and Ray groans in pain] 

  Ray Palmer : Now that's a good knot.

  Damien Darhk : One therapy session does not make us friends. You are still gonna die when I'm done with you.

• Nora Darhk : [taken prisoner by her father's past self]  There's no reason why we can't collaborate. We'll take the doctor for a few days and give him back when we're done with him. You don't want to t-talk about your plan even a little bit?

  Damien Darhk : Oh, the plan is simple. I'm going to kill you.

• Damien Darhk : [trying to fight his past self and save Nora simulataneously]  I got you. I won't let you fall.

  Damien Darhk : This is why I'll never have kids. They make you weak.

  [he fires his gun; future Damien deflects them, then focuses on Nora again] 

  Damien Darhk : Huh. Magic. I should look into that.

• Nora Darhk : Dad... you have to let me go.

  Damien Darhk : [being garotted by his past self]  No! I won't let you go!

  Nora Darhk : If you don't, you'll die.

  Damien Darhk : No!

  Nora Darhk : I can't lose you, not again. I'll be okay.

  Damien Darhk : [letting her go]  I love you!

  Damien Darhk : Why won't you die?

  [a bird screeches, and it's revealed that Nora has tapped into the totem's powers] 

  Damien Darhk : Because I have something to live for!

• Damien Darhk : [killing Vogal a second time]  Well, I wasn't gonna let him ruin my perfect record.

• Kid Flash : You're gonna wanna hold on.

  The Atom : [to Nora]  Oh. See ya!

  Damien Darhk : Speedsters. I hate speedsters.

  [indicating his past self] 

  Damien Darhk : Almost as much as I hate that guy.

• Nora Darhk : I thought you were getting a breath of fresh air.

  Damien Darhk : Well, I felt like an apology was in order. I lost the Fire totem, and I know how much it meant to you and to the big guy, Mallus. But I also remember something that used to bring a smile to your face.

  [holding out a cup from Jitters] 

  Damien Darhk : Hot chocolate with whipped cream and caramel sauce.

  Nora Darhk : Oh, wow. I haven't had one of these since...

  Damien Darhk : Since I came and told you to join the Order. Since I sent you into the arms of a demon.

  Nora Darhk : I'm glad you did. It brought us back together.

  Damien Darhk : No. I never should've doubted your strength. Look, I know you feel a lot of pressure to be like your old man, but I just want you know that... I'm proud of you, no matter what.

  [tears well in his eyes] 

  Damien Darhk : Ooh, I think there's something in my eye there.

• Nora Darhk : Well, I'm not enjoying myself. I'm annoyed.

  Damien Darhk : Hi, Annoyed. I'm Dad.