Russell Peters: Doug D'Mello

Quotes 

• Todd Johnson : I needed the cash.

  Doug D'Mello : For what?

  Todd Johnson : For an operation.

  Doug D'Mello : What kind of operation?

  Todd Johnson : To make myself taller.

  Doug D'Mello : That's the stupidest operation I've ever heard in my life.

  Todd Johnson : You try being this height.

  Doug D'Mello : I did, when I was three.

• [first lines] 

  Doug D'Mello : You don't believe me, do you? You don't believe one word I've said. But you believed the part where everyone laughed at me and thought I was a loser, right? Losers deserve a chance to prove they're not losers. I may be Constable fourth class in Canada, but in India I'm a detective first class!

• Rocco Farinelli : Gotta admit, you had me fooled.

  Doug D'Mello : I had you fooled?

  Rocco Farinelli : Yeah, the bike bust thing, you act the douchebag part pretty well.

  Doug D'Mello : I wasn't acting!