- Beverly Goldberg: Your first assigment: lasagna. This will be the greatest challenge of your young lives.
- Rubén Amaro Jr.: But my mom makes lasagna all the time. How hard could it be?
- Beverly Goldberg: I don't know, is three layers of hand-rolled noodles, three stewed tomatoes and five different kinds of cheeses hard?
- Brian Corbett: I only know two kinds of cheeses, string and Whiz.
- Beverly Goldberg: Goat. Gruyere. Gouda. Those are just the Gs. Shall I go on?
- Beverly Goldberg: How will they learn the science behind the three Cs: cooking, cleaning and cheesing?
- Principal Ball: Due to Ms. Cinoman's accident, the producers of Phantom of the Opera caught wind of our illegal production. Apparently, you can't take a new hit musical and stage it in a high school without permission.
- Adam Goldberg: Balls!
- Principal Ball: Inappropriate. But accurate.