- Amenadiel: [Talking about Charlotte] There's something going on with her.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Yeah. Or it's just that time of the millennium.
- Linda Martin: [about Maze, who is sitting next to Lucifer, on the verge of tears] She thought you abandoned her. That you didn't care how that affected her.
- Lucifer Morningstar: But those sort of things never bothered her be-
- [He finally notices that Maze is crying]
- Lucifer Morningstar: ... Before.
- Ella Lopez: [in a muffled ventriloquist-like voice] What if Ella goes to the party? That sounds like a great idea.
- [normal voice]
- Ella Lopez: Oh, my God. Thank you so much for thinking of me. But you know what? I'm so busy.
- Charlotte: I heard... things.
- [Lucifer imitates a cellphone behind Chloe's back]
- Charlotte: On a... On - on the phone call.
- Chloe Decker: Like ?
- Charlotte: [Lucifer imitates a gun with his hand] Fingers. Pointing?
- Chloe Decker: You *heard* fingers pointing?
- Charlotte: [Lucifer seems angry] Very angrily. Yes. Also, a gunshot.
- [Lucifer puts his hand on his chest and falls slowly]
- Charlotte: Sounded like he was dying, or... melting?
- [Lucifer looks at her, dumbfounded]
- Charlotte: It's... hard to tell.
- Nigel: You slept with your therapist?
- Lucifer Morningstar: What? O-only in the beginning. Then she decided that I shouldn't pay for therapy with sex. So, such strong morals, don't you think?
- Charlotte: [as Chloe is searching for something on Charlotte] Oh, you're being incredibly thorough. I like it.
- Amenadiel: I think you might be in danger.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Well, is it the Yakuza? The Nephilim? One Million Moms?
- Chloe Decker: I mean, the way she talked about your dad and- and what he put her through.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Mm-hmm. Betrayal, torture, Hell, et cetera. All true.
- Chloe Decker: Mm-hmm. I just cannot imagine raising kids with someone like that.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Sympathy for the goddess, detective?
- Chloe Decker: Not all kids appreciate what their parents have given them.
- Charlotte: Well, that I agree with.
- Mazikeen: You don't care about anyone other than yourself, unless they can be of use to you. Sound familiar?
- Lucifer Morningstar: [his eyes turn red] Tread very carefully, Maze.
- Mazikeen: You're just like your parents.
- [They start fighting]
- Chloe Decker: I still don't understand why you're helping us. Bianca's your client.
- Charlotte: I'm not the same woman I was when she hired me.
- Chloe Decker: Hmm. Did you have a change of heart?
- Charlotte: No, the same heart. Completely different soul, though.
- Ella Lopez: [trying combinations to unlock a phone] Birthday reverse... nope. Double 69... Oddly relieved that's not it.
- Charlotte: I'm the best.
- Chloe Decker: At getting criminals off.
- Charlotte: Well, that's not true. I haven't slept with any of my clients.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Stop hitting me.
- Mazikeen: Then explain.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Well, I'd like to, but you have a tendency to get emotional about things.
- [She punches him in the face again]
- Lucifer Morningstar: Aah! Case in point.
- Ella Lopez: The home screen is... two eyes?
- Charlotte: Human female breasts.
- Lucifer Morningstar: No. That is a woman's perfectly freckled rump.
- Chloe Decker: So our lead on the killer is a pair of butt-boob-eyes.
- Bianca Ruiz: I can't even count the times that Chet has come close to destroying everything I've built.
- Charlotte: Children always find new ways to test us.
- Lucifer Morningstar: [Listening from the police van] She's talking about Amenadiel.
- Charlotte: Put us through Hell.
- Lucifer Morningstar: ...That one's me.
- Charlotte: A book? That's what Zeke smuggled for me? Is this a joke?
- Lucifer Morningstar: Well, if it were, I would have chosen something funnier, like Douglas Adams or Freud.
- Mazikeen: [about Dr. Martin] How about proof of all the good she's done? Like this guy. Lucifer Morningstar.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Oh, that's quite flattering.
- Mazikeen: ...The worst patient anyone could ask for. He is a back-stabbing, selfish, narcissistic little devil. He's greedy...
- Nigel: Is there a point to this?
- Lucifer Morningstar: Yes, I'm wondering the same thing.
- Lucifer Morningstar: I can't read it.
- Charlotte: But you speak every language.
- Lucifer Morningstar: Speak, not read. I've always found tongues much more useful.
- Chloe Decker: There's Chet. I'll go talk to him.
- Charlotte: You know, that's wise. You seem more his type than me, and you're not particularly intimidating, so that should help.
- Chloe Decker: Help what?
- Charlotte: Well, in seducing him, of course
- Chloe Decker: I'm not gonna seduce him, Charlotte.
- Charlotte: Not with that posture you're not. Fine. I'll do it.
- Chloe Decker: No. No. There's gonna be no seducing!
- Mazikeen: What the hell am I, Lucifer... A pawn in some plan of yours?
- Lucifer Morningstar: No, I wouldn't put it like that.
- Mazikeen: Of course you wouldn't, because that would actually require you understanding how you affect people. How you hurt them.
- [She hits him in the nuts]
- Lucifer Morningstar: Oh! Aah! You seem to be the one doing the hurting at the moment.
- Linda Martin: Well, my work here is done. Literally. So, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to find a very stiff martini.
- Dan Espinoza: You and Charlotte Richards... that is the most awkward team-up of the century.
- Chloe Decker: Actually, it wasn't as bad as I expected.