- Johnny Carson: Where's - Tommy!
- Tommy Newsom: [confused] Where's Tommy?
- Johnny Carson: No, no... Someday you're gonna find yourself, and be disappointed.
- Carnac the Magnificent: [holding envelope to forehead] Goody two-shoes.
- Ed McMahon: Goody two-shoes.
- Carnac the Magnificent: [opens envelope and reads] "What were Imelda Marcos' first words at birth?"
- Liv Ullmann: [on Johnny's sons] They are all married?
- Johnny Carson: None of 'em are married.
- Liv Ullmann: Oh.
- Johnny Carson: Never, ever. That's unusual, isn't it?
- Liv Ullmann: It's very unusual. Well, we could be in-laws, maybe.
- Johnny Carson: ...You want me badly, don't you?