- [Major and Ravi describe to Clive how they found the dead body in the open field]
- Clive Babineaux: Geo-whatting?
- Ravi Chakrabarti: Geocaching. It's a real world outdoor treasure hunting game. Strangers leave caches, post the GPS coordinates, and then people like us go out and find them. That's what we were doing.
- Clive Babineaux: What sort of treasures?
- Ravi Chakrabarti: Oh! Let's see. Uh, Matchbox cars, sets of crayons.
- Major Lilywhite: Yeah. I found a wheat penny once.
- Clive Babineaux: So treasures for children.
- Ravi Chakrabarti: It's more about the joy of discovery. Why do men climb mountains, Clive?
- Clive Babineaux: Because it tests their endurance, their courage, their sense of themselves as men? Oh, I'm sorry. Were you drawing a comparison?
- [Blaine gets a visit from his father's domestic help Frieda Baker]
- Frieda Bader: Still the insolent boy.
- Blaine DeBeers: I blame my upbringing. Clearly, I wasn't beaten enough as a child.
- Frieda Bader: It remains my greatest regret.
- Blaine DeBeers: Really? So you're over losing out to Eva Braun, huh?
- [Blaine and Freida Bader listen to his father's will, as the father states Frieda will receive $10 million]
- Angus DeBeers: [on the television] To my dear friend, Frieda Bader, who has served me loyally for 35 years, I leave $10 million and the Lake Como estate.
- Blaine DeBeers: And why not? She only starved your son to punish him for tracking in mud. Gave away his dog when he was caught shoplifting bubblegum.
- Frieda Bader: And you still believe that, shedding barking mutt was given away. You never wondered why the rose bush in the south garden grew so fast and full?
- [Major sees Don E. for the first time]
- Major Lilywhite: Scott E?
- Don Everhart: Nope. I'm flattered, though. That was one good-looking man.
- [first lines]
- Major Lilywhite: [Major and Ravi dig in the open field in search of the Utopium on the dead body] Ravi! Ravi!
- Major Lilywhite: [Ravi takes his headphones off] We did it! There he is! Zombie cure, here we come!
- Ravi Chakrabarti: It isn't one of our guys. Ours has been dead for nearly two years. This one's only a couple of months gone.
- Major Lilywhite: Then who is this?
- [Clive gathers information to pass onto Agent Bozzio]
- Clive Babineaux: I'll run this by Bozzio.
- Ravi Chakrabarti: [Ravi whispers] If she bears your children, you'll start using her first name, right?
- [the bartender identifies the body of Corey Carp]
- Bartender: Yeah, Corey Carp. But everyone called him Big Fish.
- Olivia Moore: Because he's a big guy and his name is Carp?
- Bartender: [the bartender chuckles] No. Because everything out of his mouth was a lie.
- Olivia Moore: Ah.
- Bartender: A fish story.
- [Blaine and Chief stand over the coffin Major's nailed shut in]
- Blaine DeBeers: [Major continues to thump for help] Should we see what he wants? I sure don't want my hole to go to waste.
- Blaine DeBeers: [Blaine gets a text message from Chief] Yeah, Chief, 'That's what she said.'
- [Zombie Jeremy Chu calls Blaine with a complaint about the brain he sold him]
- Jeremy Chu: These brains, man. You handed me a Holocaust survivor. Do you want me to describe some of my visions to you.
- Blaine DeBeers: She was a classical violinist. Go out and impress some ladies.
- [Clive and Liv bring in Miss Shaefer to identify the dead body of Corey]
- Miss Shaefer: [Miss Shaefer sees the body] Oh! Oh, this jackass.
- Clive Babineaux: You do know him?
- Miss Shaefer: Kind of. His name's Corey. I hooked up with him a couple months ago. Dick never called me again.
- Olivia Moore: Possibly because he was dead.
- Miss Shaefer: Yeah. You're right. That's probably why. 'Cause I know he had a good time.
- [pathological-liar-brain Liv tells Clive the drink she invented when she used to bartend]
- Olivia Moore: I invented the Orgasm, Clive. Amaretto. Irish Cream Whiskey. Coffee Liqueur. That was me.
- [Don E. and Chief wish Blaine a happy birthday]
- Don Everhart: [Don E. singing] Happy birthday to you, Blaine / I think this gift will make good...
- Blaine DeBeers: It's not my birthday, Don E!
- Don Everhart: ...Brain!
- [Blaine gets reacquainted with the tied-up Major at Blaine's funeral home]
- Blaine DeBeers: What do you think of my latest business venture? Your girlfriend gives it her old zombie stamp of approval.
- Major Lilywhite: Liv doesn't...
- Blaine DeBeers: No, she's totally down with me getting my brains from people that don't need them anymore. We're BFF's now. Who else is gonna feed Seattle's zombies? At least until you kill them all, right?
- Major Lilywhite: I'm not killing...
- Blaine DeBeers: Shhh, the lying to save your life section comes later.
- Blaine DeBeers: Don E. How soon could you have a grave dug?
- Don Everhart: I have plans, actually.
- [Blaine remains silent]
- Don Everhart: A few hours.
- Blaine DeBeers: Well, let's get 'er done.
- [Blaine asks Major to bring his dad body back to him]
- Blaine DeBeers: I'm gonna need my dad back. God, do I miss that man.
- Blaine DeBeers: [Blaine tries to cry] Nope. Can't do it. You need me to show you a photo, or?
- Major Lilywhite: No, I have no doubt which one is your dad. Imperious, fancy dresser, owns a bust of himself.
- Blaine DeBeers: [Blaine smiles] That's the guy!
- [Blaine tells his father Angus DeBeers that he needs to learn how to humble brag]
- Blaine DeBeers: Someone should teach you how to humble brag. People might hate you less.
- [Blaine threatens Major to get him his dad back]
- Blaine DeBeers: Uh, Major.
- Major Lilywhite: Yeah?
- Blaine DeBeers: I know where you live. I know where Liv, um, lives. Give me my dad or things are gonna get ugly fast, okay?
- [Mr. Boss does taxes for the thug Billy the Chin]
- Stacey Boss: I'm not disputing that Bonnie and Clyde are like family to you, but the IRS doesn't allow you to claim pit bulls as dependents.
- Billy the Chin: But I'm their sole provider.
- Stacey Boss: I know, but I always advise my clients to stay on the right side of the law.
- [Major questions Liv about hanging around with Blaine]
- Olivia Moore: I'm not palling around with him. One of the weird, um, 'perks', at my job is that I get to know just about every funeral director in the city.
- Major Lilywhite: You didn't tell me.
- Olivia Moore: Yeah, because I thought you would do something unwise with the information. Drop by the grenade store.
- [Liv lays in bed thinking about the people who lie]
- Olivia Moore: [narrating] Everyone lies. It's a coping mechanism. A key survival trait. Show me someone who always tells the truth, and I'll show you a weirdo. But maybe the most dangerous lies are the ones we tell ourselves. That boy you like? The one who gets shot, the one who hangs out with Don E. and Blaine and disappears in the middle of the night. You've never seen his place or met his friends.
- [Liv calls Clive after having a vision of who murdered Big Fish]
- Olivia Moore: Big Fish saw Terrell bent over Popeye Collier's dead body, blood on his hands. Big Fish could've put Terrell away for murder. That has to be why Terrell killed him.
- Clive Babineaux: We should drop back in on Terrell. I can swing by first thing.
- Olivia Moore: Great. I'll be ready. Oh, and Clive, if you can, pick me up a soy vanilla latte. There's this new study that says caffeine helps stimulate psychic activity. Clive? Clive!
- [Major and Chief carry in the body bag to Blaine's frozen dead father]
- Blaine DeBeers: I guess someone's gotta make an obligatory popsicle joke, right? No? When did it get so highbrow in here?
- [Blaine unzips the body bag to his dead father]
- Blaine DeBeers: Oh! They're so cute when they're sleeping.
- [Liv leaves Drake a voice message]
- Olivia Moore: Hey, it's me. I thought you were coming over for dinner? Text me so I know you're alive? Unless I'm being ghosted. In which case that would defeat the purpose. Ah, frack!
- [Liv and Ravi begin to work on a dead body in the morgue]
- Olivia Moore: What's that Missy Elliot song, 'Cerebellum, don't fail me now'?
- Ravi Chakrabarti: I don't think that's how it goes.
- [Blaine pulls his reanimated father out of the freezer]
- Blaine DeBeers: [Blaine made-up to look and sound like an old man] Daddy? You've come back to us. After 50 years of praying, here you are. You missed it all. The Zombie Apocalypse, the Rapture, the Ginger Rapture, the Great Floods of '28 and '44.
- Angus DeBeers: Blaine? Is that you?
- Blaine DeBeers: Quick! We've got to get you out of here before Dr. Zaius catches us! You see, winter is coming!
- [last lines]
- Major Lilywhite: [Major, Ravi and Liv find the dead body in the open field] Oh! Whoo!
- Ravi Chakrabarti: Whoo-hoo! Whoo! Yeah! Yay!
- [pathological-liar-brain Liv tells Clive she used to bartend]
- Olivia Moore: You know, I used to bartend.
- Clive Babineaux: You never mentioned that.
- Olivia Moore: Yeah. At this island-themed place called Jamaica Me Thirsty. The bartenders were the show, juggling bottles, making drinks blindfolded, dancing on the bar. I was kind of a big deal. Don't bother looking for the place now.
- Clive Babineaux: Wasn't planning to.
- [Blaine threatens Major with his life by wanting to know how he's finding his zombies to kill]
- Blaine DeBeers: Bad news, brother. Today is the last day of your life. So you better get straight with your God, 'cause here comes the big one. You comfy in there? I ask, because it's where you're going to be spending eternity. But because I'm a forgiving man, I'm willing to let you decide which way you go out. There's quick and painless, a bullet straight to the heart. I know, a head shot would be quicker, but that brain of yours is gonna fetch a pretty penny. Or... we turn you into a zombie and we bury you in this box, where you will suffer forever with an abiding hunger for brains that you will never sate.
- Major Lilywhite: Wait. What do you want to know?
- Blaine DeBeers: Well, it's obvious there's a leak in my organization. I mean, how else are you finding my zombies? Give me a name, and we'll go the quick route. Scout's honor. Otherwise it is... express train to Zombieland.
- [Major tells Blaine that he was given a zombie list]
- Major Lilywhite: I was given a list. Three hundred names, all suspected zombies, all connoisseurs of fake tans, hair dye and hot sauce. My job was to figure out which ones were zombies and which ones weren't, and get rid of the ones that are. I was told that if I didn't do it, they would take out every single person on the list, and they would start with Liv.
- Blaine DeBeers: Oh. Who's the 'they'? Let me know who's making you do this.
- Major Lilywhite: No.
- Blaine DeBeers: You must have a pair on you the size of watermelons.
- Major Lilywhite: If I told you, you have no reason to keep me alive. And aren't you a little bit interested to know if you're on their list?
- Blaine DeBeers: Maybe a few more hours in the dark will make that quick death more appealing. Close him up. I'm not going to miss you.
- Olivia Moore: This pathological liar brain is gonna get me in trouble. I can feel it.
- Ravi Chakrabarti: Not with me. I'll know the truth when I hear it.
- Olivia Moore: Ahh! I stand corrected.
- [Ravi tells Liv that he made clones of the test subject rat New Hope]
- Olivia Moore: What am I looking at, Ravi?
- Ravi Chakrabarti: Matricide. These six young zombie rats are clones of New Hope. The remains you see here are those of the mother that gave birth to them. Apparently, the little clones decided it was time to switch from mother's milk to brains.
- Olivia Moore: Why the clones?
- Ravi Chakrabarti: When we find the tainted Utopium, I'd prefer to test on rats, normal and zombie, rather than humans. New Hope, like Blaine and Major, became a zombie and was given the cure. Her clone should give us the most accurate picture of what Blaine and Major can expect. I'd hate to lose a perfectly good zombie rat.
- [pathological-liar-brain Liv tells Agent Bozzio about her imaginary lotto ticket]
- Dale Bozzio: Hey, Liv. What's up?
- Olivia Moore: Clive didn't tell you? About my lottery ticket?
- Dale Bozzio: First I've heard of it.
- Olivia Moore: I hit five out of six numbers, and I only missed the sixth by one. I was this close to $40 million.
- Clive Babineaux: Five out of six numbers, I think that still wins you 50 grand or something like that.
- Olivia Moore: Oh shoot! Why did I tear up my ticket? I just was so mad. Live and learn, I guess.
- Clive Babineaux: That's very Zen of you.
- Olivia Moore: [Liv smiles] Well, back to the salt mines.
- [Major tells Blaine that he doesn't kill his zombies but freezes them]
- Major Lilywhite: My handlers don't care which zombie I take out next as long as I make my way steadily down my list.
- Blaine DeBeers: And they have you freeze them?
- Major Lilywhite: They think I'm killing them.
- Blaine DeBeers: Killing sounds easier.
- Major Lilywhite: Yeah, except I'm not a murderer.
- Blaine DeBeers: I bet you tell that to all the families grieving for their loved ones.
- [Major looks out the window while talking to Blaine at the funeral home]
- Blaine DeBeers: Hey. Hey. Hey. It's the FBI, man. They've got a crush on me. They've got it in their head that I'm the Chaos Killer. You're gonna have to leave here the same way you came in, back of a hearse.
- [Ravi arrives back to work late with Liv's lunch]
- Ravi Chakrabarti: Lunch is here! Finally. Did you get lost?
- Olivia Moore: I would've been back sooner, but the guy in front of me in line had a mild heart attack. I had to administer CPR, wait for paramedics... He'll survive, but your Kung Pao chicken may be cold.
- Ravi Chakrabarti: [smiles] Then it would be small of me to complain.
- [Liv tells Major that her roommate is out babysitting her uncle's dog]
- Olivia Moore: My roommate is dog-sitting her uncle's mini golden doodle. So cute. The dog, not the uncle.
- [Drake gets dressed for work when Liv asks him out to dinner for the following night]
- Drake Holloway: Work called. G-Rad got attacked by a drunk bachelorette. Girl nearly took his eye out with a penis straw. They need me to go down there and cover the door.
- Olivia Moore: How about dinner tomorrow? I make a mean brain ziti.
- Drake Holloway: Yeah. Sounds great. Wait. Is that another lie?
- [Blaine threatens his father Angus DeBeers to make him a new will]
- Blaine DeBeers: You might remember Chief? You had him shot in the face. Oh, and Candy. You tortured her, cut off her fingers. Have fun, you guys. Come find me when he's ready to make a new will. Oh, and avoid the face. We wanna leave him camera-ready.
- Angus DeBeers: [Blaine heads upstairs leaving Angus to the zombie Chief and zombie Candy] Blaine. Son!