- Selina Meyer: [to Congresswoman Nickerson] You're playing a very dangerous game of chicken with the head fucking hen. 'Cause if I don't win the White House, O'Brien is gonna sink your stupid boats and you're gonna look like a hair-sprayed asshole in your 1980s mother-of-the-bride dress. And if I do win, I will have my administration come to your shitty little district and shake it to death like a Guatemalan nanny. And then I'm gonna have the IRS crawl so far up your husband's colon, he's gonna wish the only thing they find is more cancer.
- Jonah Ryan: It's my personality that has gotten us this far.
- Jeff Kane: No, I am the one who got us this far, you sentient enema.
- Mike McLintock: Ma'am, I'm getting a lot of press interest about Catherine - and, you know, her condition.
- Selina Meyer: What? She's a lesbian, Mike. She's not a werewolf. Although either one would explain why she never shaves her legs.
- Selina Meyer: You're playing a very dangerous game of chicken with the head fucking hen, 'cause if I don't win the White House, O'Brien is gonna sink your stupid boats and you're gonna look like a hair-sprayed asshole in your 1980s mother-of-the-bride dress. And if I do win, I will have my administration come to your shitty little district and shake it to death like a Guatemalan nanny. And then I'm gonna have the IRS crawl so far up your husband's colon, he's gonna wish the only thing they find is more cancer. So can I count on your vote, or do I need to shove a box of White House M&Ms up your stretched out, six-baby vag?
- Kent Davison: The White House officially celebrates Diwali, Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa and Mawlid al-Nabi, the alleged birth date of the prophet Muhammad.
- Selina Meyer: Well, I suppose putting a few pictures up of Muhammad never hurt anyone.
- Jonah Ryan: Oh Polly, look at this. Big shoes. You know what that means, right?
- Polly: Uhhhhhh - big feet?