- Abby Sciuto: When I was young, me and my brother Luca, we saw this movie in school, and at the end, the good guy killed the bad guy, and we all cheered. And Ms. Johnson turned off the projector and she said "We don't applaud killing, no matter who it is. If you take a life today, then you failed yesterday." I don't remember much from fifth grade, but I remember that.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I can think of a few other adjectives that describe our boss better.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: Grumpiest.
- Ellie Bishop: Angriest.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Loneliest.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Quietest.
- [Everyone turns and sees Gibbs standing behind them. Slight pause]
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: But also fairest.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: Strongest.
- Ellie Bishop: Coolest.
- Ellie Bishop: Victim is Navy Reserve Captain Jeremy Doblin. It's his car.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Who was driving it?
- Ellie Bishop: No prints. Driver was probably wearing gloves.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: And not much of a physical description from the witness.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: "It was, like, a guy. I think." That's all she could give us.
- Ellie Bishop: She pretty rattled?
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: Oh, yeah, but, uh, not about the accident. Metro ticketed her for, uh, driving and texting and we took the cell phone into evidence.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: She almost had a stroke.
- Donald Mallard: [entering with Palmer] It's called nomophobia. As in "no mobile phone" phobia. It's quite common. And a sad reflection on our ability to disconnect, to use the parlance. In fact...
- [he's interrupted by a ringing phone]
- Ellie Bishop: Sorry. Thought that was on vibrate.
- Abby Sciuto: Why am I not more disturbed that Caf-POW! is only three ingredients away from a smoke bomb?
- Abby Sciuto: [hanging a banner reading "Greatest boss in the world" behind Gibbs' desk] What do you think?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I think that Gibbs cannot be bribed.
- Abby Sciuto: I'm not trying to bribe Gibbs. I'm just... politely asking for his help.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: [entering with Bishop] Help with what?
- Abby Sciuto: Oh, Gibbs' makeover inspired me. I'm ready for a change, too.
- Ellie Bishop: Hey, don't fix what isn't broken.
- Abby Sciuto: Oh, no, I don't mean me. It's my lab. I mean, I have enjoyed a decade-plus of being below sea level, but I just imagine this view that doesn't include people's... bunions.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: She wants to swap offices with Accounting.
- Abby Sciuto: I put in a request. But Accounting got wind of it, they staged this huge protest, and Human Resources denied.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: And you think Gibbs will help.
- Ellie Bishop: Because there's nothing he likes more than HR drama.
- Abby Sciuto: No, I know. That's why he just needs to be... properly motivated.
- Donald Mallard: Well, he's been stabbed, but I would surmise that Captain Doblin's cause of death was asphyxiation from a crushed windpipe.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Killer could've been dumping the victim's body when he got rear-ended.
- Jimmy Palmer: Doctor, there's some mass in his lower abdomen, here.
- Donald Mallard: Huh?
- [feeling where Palmer indicates]
- Donald Mallard: Oh, yeah, sizable. But it's too large for a kidney or gallstone and too regular for a fibroid. Well, I can't even speculate as to what that might be.
- Jimmy Palmer: I can.
- [taking his keychain out of his pocket]
- Jimmy Palmer: It's my magnet, for hanging my keys on the fridge. Best gift I ever got.
- [he hovers the magnet over the body, which then sticks to the mass]
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Look at that. That's a new one.
- Ellie Bishop: Still no suspects for Captain Doblin's murder, but I spoke to his C.O. He confirmed there's botulinum toxin stored in Doblin's office.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Anything missing?
- Ellie Bishop: Yeah, but apparently, it's not an easy thing to smuggle out.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Doblin didn't do it the easy way.
- Ellie Bishop: But Gibbs, there's more toxin missing than Ducky found. A lot more.
- CEO Virginia Wilson: How'd you know Janice was involved?
- Abby Sciuto: Okay, I first suspected it when I got into the server room, and I traced the fake Ebola alert back to her computer. But I was sure when the bad guy pronounced my last name properly. I mean, there's no way that he's gonna read "S-C-I-U-T-O" off a sign-in sheet and get that right, so Janice must have warned him about me.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You doing okay?
- Abby Sciuto: I was this close to violating one of my most sacred principles.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: But you didn't. That bomb was fake.
- Abby Sciuto: That's because I knew you were coming. I just knew it. But... what if I didn't? What would I have done?
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You'd have done the right thing, Abs, whatever that is. I don't know much, but I know that.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: Captain Jeremy Doblin, 55 years old, worked as a biochemist for the Navy.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Anything classified?
- Ellie Bishop: Nope. Alternative carbon-neutral energy production.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: It's actually really interesting, what he was doing.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Not really, McNerd. What is interesting is the fact that his C.O. says he's been divorced three times, has no friends or family that still talks to him.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yeah?
- Ellie Bishop: [Tony is lost for words] Uh, he also got three tickets for road rage and was reprimanded for a shady real estate deal last year.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: So, basically, everybody in the world wants this guy dead.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: What was inside him?
- Donald Mallard: Well, as Mr. Palmer demonstrated earlier, it was metallic. Um, a container of some kind lodged in his sigmoid colon. It's a technique common among smugglers.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: What was he smuggling?
- Donald Mallard: Well, time to find out. Mr. Palmer?
- Jimmy Palmer: [opening the container and finding two small vials] It's botulinum.
- Donald Mallard: What? That's one of the deadliest neurotoxins on the planet.
- Jimmy Palmer: Where did he get this?
- Donald Mallard: I'd be more concerned to find out what he was planning to do with it.
- NCIS Special Agent Tony Francis: Orange smoke means "In Distress, Requires Assistance" according to naval and maritime code.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Hey, I talked to Accounting. They heard what you did and they said they would be happy to take the basement... as long as you promise not to hurt them.