- Erica Goldberg: How is it my fault every boy in our school is an unbearable moron?
- Lainey Lewis: And that's another thing. You have to stop calling everyone a moron.
- Murray Goldberg: Morons! You're being too loud. Go find another house to stupid up.
- Barry Goldberg: Oh, my God! You've become just like dad. Way to go, Mur-man. Years of calling everyone on the planet a moron has poisoned your daughter's lovelife and left her cold and alone.
- Murray Goldberg: So you're saying I've raised a daughter who won't go out with dumbass high school boys? I think I've done my job.
- Mr. Mellor: I'm going to put this as delicately as possible. You smell like a gym sock's butt.
- Adam Goldberg: Thanks.
- Mr. Mellor: You smell like a garlic diaper.
- Adam Goldberg: Thanks.
- Mr. Mellor: You smell like an egg salad sandwich that's been left out in the sun.
- Adam Goldberg: Thanks.
- Geoff Schwartz: If you have anyone to take you to homecoming, I can drop my foxy lady...
- Barry Goldberg: Dude, your foxy lady is your cousin.
- Geoff Schwartz: Second cousin, comepletely different bloodline. But we're not doing stuff because she looks like me with a perm.
- Murray Goldberg: Who are you?
- Johnny Atkins: I'm Johnny Atkins. Yeah, that Johnny Atkins.
- Murray Goldberg: I'm her dad. Yeah, that dad.