- Lily Salvatore: [re having surfed Internet on Stefan's computer] What a wondrous invention. All that knowledge.
- Damon Salvatore: And videos of cats riding robot vacuum cleaners.
- [Elena's phone rings, she answers, seems distraught]
- Damon Salvatore: Everything okay?
- Elena Gilbert: It's Jo. Someone's been attacking people over at Whitmore.
- Damon Salvatore: Let me guess. One of them is blonde, and the other one likes turning people into human Pez dispensers.
- Elena Gilbert: [after romance] Have you seen my T-shirt?
- Damon Salvatore: I prefer you without one.
- Elena Gilbert: Not so sure your mom will feel the same way.
- Caroline Forbes: [to Tyler] For those of us keeping score, if Matt dies, are you gonna start peeing on fire hydrants again?
- Caroline Forbes: I scared you, right? With the whole chair flippy and the bottle thing?
- Bartender: Who are you people?
- Caroline Forbes: Oh, I'm Caroline. This is Stefan. And that,
- [points at Chris' dead body, then licks off fingers]
- Caroline Forbes: mm, was delicious. Taste.
- [offers to Stefan]
- Stefan Salvatore: [licks blood off fingers] Mm.
- Bartender: What's going on?
- Stefan Salvatore: Well, Caroline and I have a little bet that she would scare you to death.
- Caroline Forbes: Like literally
- [nods]
- Caroline Forbes: scare you to death.
- Stefan Salvatore: But you have to understand that this is her first time messing with somebody, so she didn't realize the whole dead body shock-drop thing is a... complete cliché.
- Bartender: Cliché? This guy was my friend.
- Caroline Forbes: Then why aren't you freaking out? A panic attack. A heart attack. Come on. Give me at least something.
- Caroline Forbes: [in bar, singing Karaoke, Pat Benatar's "Hit Me With Your Best Shot"] Well you're a real tough cookie / with a long history / of breaking little hearts like the one in me / that's okay, let's see how you do it / put up your dukes and let's get down to it / hit me with your best shot / why don't you hit me with your best shot / hit me with your best shot...
- Female Student: Hey, Taylor Swift! We're trying to study here. Where's the manager in this place?