Dylan Walsh: Al Burns

Quotes 

• Jay Lee : You need something else to weaponize it.

  Al Burns : What?

  Jay Lee : Copolymer transethermite.

  Eddie Martin : Well, you're gonna have to help me out. I failed science.

  Carrie Wells : Failed history and PE, too.

  Al Burns : Who fails PE?

• Al Burns : Jay, we just missed him. They knew we were coming.

  Jay Lee : How's that possible?

  Eddie Martin : Who else knew?

  Carrie Wells : Well, Eliot was keeping Narcotics looped in.

  [remembering interactions with Lt. Sartain] 

  Carrie Wells : Wait a second. Jay, check the ballistics on Vlad's gun. How many bullets were left in the clip?

  Jay Lee : [checking]  Got it. Four, Carrie.

  Carrie Wells : Vlad's gun was out of bullets when he was shot. I heard it. Sartain switched the guns.

  Eddie Martin : Sartain? From Narcotics?

  Carrie Wells : Yeah.

  Eddie Martin : He killed the DeMars brothers?

  Carrie Wells : Yeah, but why?

  Jay Lee : Hey, Carrie, I'm on with Brooklyn South. Sartain took off two hours ago and never came back. He's gone.

  Carrie Wells : And so is the missile.

• Denny Padilla : We got security footage from around the plastics company. A black van was headed away from Real Plastics seven minutes before you guys got there. None of the other factories claim it as their own. Boom. We got a BOLO out.

  Al Burns : Good. Homeland intercept any communications about shipping weapons out of New York? Anything like that?

  Denny Padilla : Yeah, they're thinking it's probably a local target. They're checking domestic chatter.

  Al Burns : There's some peace summit. Midtown. I saw it on the news. Jay, check it out.

  Denny Padilla : [Jay runs a search]  Whoa, guys, we're talking about the South Asian Cooperation Summit. The prime ministers of India and Pakistan are meeting at the Omni Hotel.

  Al Burns : Tell Homeland to go to the Omni on 47th.

  Jay Lee : Oh, hey, hey, guys, guys. Hold on, I got a hit on Sartain's personal car. He just blew by a traffic cam coming off the Hutch, near Westchester Airport. There's a second male in the car. Looks like he's traveling with his war buddy Lushing.

  Al Burns : Skipping town before the fireworks.

  [to Denny] 

  Al Burns : Go with Homeland, find that van, I'll get Carrie and Eddie, go to the airport, grab Sartain.

  Denny Padilla : Roger that.

• Al Burns : DeMars brothers weren't carrying methylamine. It was something else.

  Eddie Martin : But meth was all those boys knew.

  Al Burns : They may have *thought* they were carrying it.

  Carrie Wells : Delina said there were burns on the lungs of both Angus and Malcolm DeMars.

  Eddie Martin : Methylamine wouldn't do that. What would?

  Jay Lee : Well, there are four possible chemicals. Calcium hydroxide, sodium hypochlorite, coactive resinase, and dimethyl sulphate, and all of them are pretty nasty. Some of them can burn through flesh, metal. One can even burn through glass.

  Carrie Wells : [remembering the DeMars crime scene]  You know, I saw a-a glass bottle at the warehouse. It was melted. Which one of those burns through glass?

  Jay Lee : Uh... that would be coactive resinase. It's a kind of synthetic enforcer used in the production of...

  [pulling up pictures of military missiles] 

  Jay Lee : Holy crap.

• Carrie Wells : We did it. Way to go, partner.

  Eddie Martin : Way to go.

  Al Burns : She was talking to me.

  Eddie Martin : No, she was talking to me.

  Al Burns : She was definitely talking to me.

• Jay Lee : Okay, so, copolymer's all around us. Shower curtains, toilet seats. So these guys have no problem getting their hands on some.

  Al Burns : But they need a large amount to mix with all that coactive resinase, which is why Jay was looking for any unusually large shipments.

  Jay Lee : So, I pulled up the security footage from the four stores in the surrounding area, all reporting large sales of copolymer. Our guys are analyzing all the buyers. We're trying to match with facial recognition.

  Carrie Wells : [recognizing a face]  Wait a second. I saw that guy driving by the motel. And I saw him somewhere else, too.

  [thinking back] 

  Carrie Wells : Outside the pizza place. He's been tailing us.

  Jay Lee : Got a hit on the time and date when he left the plastic store. Here we go. His name is David Lushing. Runs a place over in Bushwick called Real Plastics. Huh. Normal order for this guy is a couple kilos a month. Last week, 40 kilos.

  Eddie Martin : How big a missile are we talking about?

  Al Burns : Big enough to give the Manhattan skyline a facelift. Let's get over to Bushwick.

• Carrie Wells : Want to go, um, get a drink?

  Al Burns : Oh, I like the sound of that.

  Carrie Wells : All right, let's do it.

  Al Burns : Okay.

  Carrie Wells : Where should we go?

  Al Burns : I don't know. Your place?

  Carrie Wells : Slow down. I'm just getting over a divorce, remember?

• Carrie Wells : Two behind the forklift and another two by the cargo container.

  Al Burns : You forgot the one on the truck.

  Carrie Wells : Ah. No, I'm leaving him for you. You know...

  Al Burns : You don't forget anything.

  Carrie Wells : Exactly.

• Carrie Wells : That's the guy that's been tailing me.

  Al Burns : You sure have a lot of guys after you these days.

  Carrie Wells : [firing a few rounds from her gun]  Now there's one less.

• Jay Lee : Apparently, the Army's been all over this stuff. Early tests show it can create plastic strong enough to form the casings for missiles.

  Carrie Wells : And a plastic missile would be undetecable by radar.

  Jay Lee : And apparently, a bunch of resinase went missing a couple weeks ago from this plant in Silver Springs, Florida, which is...

  Eddie Martin : Twenty miles outside of Daytona.

  Al Burns : So whoever hired the DeMars brothers used them as mules because they knew how to navigate the back roads and avoid cops. Must have told them they were carrying methylamine, sent 'em to New York.

  Eddie Martin : And when they got here, they killed them.

  Jay Lee : Hey, guys, check this. It's an Army video of a plastic missile produced with coactive resinase. The other two, encased with metal. They get shot down by antiaircraft. Plastic missile goes on to hit its target.

  Al Burns : Whoever killed the DeMars brothers is trying to make a missile and is still in New York.

  Carrie Wells : And all we've gotta do is find them in a city of nine million people.

• Al Burns : So, you're single again.

  Carrie Wells : Thanks to you.

  Al Burns : Yeah.

  Carrie Wells : Want to make an honest woman out of me?

  Al Burns : Oh, getting married? Sure as hell won't do that.

  Carrie Wells : Right. I have too many secrets to be an honest woman.

  Al Burns : Come on, your secrets are your best part.

  Carrie Wells : I thought my best part was my...

  Al Burns : That's not bad, either.

  Carrie Wells : And then I've got my...

  Al Burns : You've got a lot of best parts.

  Carrie Wells : So do you.

• Eliot Delson : You three have some explaining to do. I specifically said this was not a Major Crimes case.

  Carrie Wells : Well, you know I have a problem with authority.

  Eddie Martin : And commitment, too, by the way.

  Al Burns : Yeah, right?

  Carrie Wells : I do not have a problem with commitment. I just haven't met the right guy.

  Eliot Delson : Whoa. Okay, stop. Just stop talking. The point is, this is now a Major Crimes case. Don't screw it up.

• Al Burns : So, one of my exes walks in, asking for help. You're volunteering?

  Carrie Wells : Whatever you did in the past has no bearing on what we have together now. So, as a mature adult, I would of course help your ex.

  Al Burns : Oh!

  Carrie Wells : Unless it was Georgia Song. That one... I mean, she hit on you every time we were together, and then she intentionally spilled her drink on me.

  Al Burns : Mm-hmm.

  Carrie Wells : And she gave you that ugly brown turtleneck that I had to throw away.

  Al Burns : I looked all over for that.

  [reluctantly] 

  Al Burns : Yeah, I'm in.

  Carrie Wells : Thank you.

  Al Burns : Only to ensure this clown doesn't get you killed.

  Carrie Wells : Okay.

  Al Burns : And I'm out if your six kids show up next.

  Carrie Wells : Six?

  [thinking] 

  Carrie Wells : One, two, three... no, we're good.

• Al Burns : What's going on?

  Jay Lee : Uh... been trying to find a connection between the DeMars brothers and Vlad and his people. So far, no cell records, no wire transfers, nothing.

  Al Burns : I gotta go talk to somebody. I could use some backup.

  Jay Lee : I'll go with you.

  Al Burns : No, you keep looking into Vlad and his people.

  Jay Lee : Sure.

  Al Burns : [to Denny]  You, Mr. Threesome. Come with me.

• Al Burns : Guys inside don't remember seeing the dealers.

  Carrie Wells : But I did bring you a slice.

  Eddie Martin : Thank you.

  Carrie Wells : Oh, you're welcome.

  Eddie Martin : I thought the pizza was no good.

  Carrie Wells : Oh, it's terrible. But I figured since you're in New York, you may as well try a piece of Brooklyn's worst.

  Eddie Martin : Did you bring me a napkin?

  Carrie Wells : No, but you could always use my shirt like you did back in Daytona.

  Eddie Martin : One time. It was one time.

  Carrie Wells : One time? Well, actually, three.

• Al Burns : We were following a lead. We don't need to call Narcotics.

  Lt. Greg Sartain : Oh, yeah, I know, you Major Crimes, you got your own rulebook.

  Eddie Martin : This is my case. I followed these guys for days.

  Lt. Greg Sartain : Listen up, Detective, you gonna work a narcotics case in Brooklyn South, I expect to be looped in.

  [talking over each other] 

  Lt. Greg Sartain : That's Lieutenant Sartain, and you're out of line. Memory freak show.

  Carrie Wells : What'd you call me?

• Al Burns : That guy's a mobster?

  Denny Padilla : Hey, hey, hey. Don't let his baby face fool you. Guy's a killer. Before he takes you out, he makes you look right up at him...

  [pantomiming] 

  Denny Padilla : I mean, like, makes you, you know? Then he kills you. Guy's a psycho.

  Carrie Wells : [remembering bruises on the victims]  He grabs their faces. Which could leave bruising on their jaws, right?

  Denny Padilla : Sure.

  Carrie Wells : Okay, both of the DeMars brothers had bruising on their jaws consistent with someone grabbing their face just like that.

  [demonstrating on Al] 

  Carrie Wells : Let's go pay your friend Vlad a visit.

• Al Burns : So, you two staying married?

  Carrie Wells : You know, I hadn't really thought about it.

  Eddie Martin : Yeah, me neither. It's been, what, ten years?

  Carrie Wells : 11 years, five months, three weeks, two days.

  Al Burns : Now that Eddie's here, I figured you might want to disentangle.

  Carrie Wells : Oh.

  Al Burns : Called a buddy in Florida, had him pull a couple of strings. You can have your marriage disentangled from right here in New York.

  Eddie Martin : When did you do all this homework?

  Al Burns : Just trying to help a friend.

  Eddie Martin : Yeah, a friend?

  Al Burns : Yeah.

• Jay Lee : All right, so these are guys who would all have an interest in outsiders bringing meth into New York.

  Al Burns : Paulie Fitzgerald? I put that guy away a couple years back.

  Jay Lee : Prison overcrowding. He's out, Al.

  Al Burns : I don't see him as an execution-style killer.

  Eddie Martin : Yeah, so who's our prom king over there?

  Denny Padilla : [Jay pulls up a rap sheet]  Oh, yeah, that's Vlad Nostrov. Hey, I've had the pleasure. Jay-bone.

  Jay Lee : Uh, it's... it's just Jay, man.

• Denny Padilla : Listen, about Carrie. And that hot new M.E. running around here, what, Delina? Right? Right?

  Jay Lee : Okay, you do realize there's no actual thought there, right?

  Denny Padilla : Yeah.

  Jay Lee : Okay.

  Denny Padilla : I'm just saying, the both of them. Hot. Hot stuff.

  Jay Lee : Agreed. Dibs on Delina.

  Denny Padilla : Dibs? What are we, twelve? Come on, hot detective, hot new M.E., you know? Come on, you never thought about a threesome with that-that technical head of yours?

  Jay Lee : [seeing Al]  No, dude, come on.

  Denny Padilla : What, is it too much? Come on.

  Al Burns : Yeah, definitely too much.

• Al Burns : Ex-cons with that much methylamine, why didn't you arrest them?

  Eddie Martin : I needed to connect them with the buyers to get 'em off the streets for good. They left Daytona on Thursday, so I followed them.

  Al Burns : Until you get to the part where you lost them.

  Jay Lee : You got a profile where they might be staying?

  Eddie Martin : Yeah, based on the motels they favored on the way up, they like places that offer ground-floor units, have minimal surveillance, and don't ask a lot of questions.

  Jay Lee : Anything else you can give us?

  Eddie Martin : Yeah, they like quick access to their vehicle. They always stayed near the highways. Occasionally, they'd call in for female company, and, uh... and Angus... Angus loves Highway Hoagie. So they always stayed near one of them.

  Carrie Wells : [remembering an article in the Post]  Hookers and hoagies. Al, that article that I was reading to you today.

  Al Burns : Haven't we moved on from your moment of glory?

  Carrie Wells : No, no Listen, not that one. The one about the councilman and the hookers. There was a picture of him coming out of a Metro Motor Lodge. In the background was a Highway Hoagie. Jay, look it up for me. Check for Metro Motor Lodges nearby and Highway Hoagies that are close to 'em.

  Eddie Martin : Wow. It's kind of amazing seeing your memory at work.

  Carrie Wells : Amazing enough that you're glad you married me?

  Eddie Martin : Nothing's that amazing.

• Al Burns : You're married?

  Carrie Wells : Yes. Sort it. It... yes. It's-it's... it's kind of a long story.

  Eddie Martin : Yeah, it is, and it's complicated. She's a nightmare.

  Al Burns : Told ya.

  Carrie Wells : [insulted]  What?

• Jay Lee : Hey, guys, we gotta talk.

  Carrie Wells : Oh. What kind of "welcome back" is that?

  Al Burns : Especially for the most eligible bachelorette in New York.

  Jay Lee : Yeah, yeah, I read that article.

  Eliot Delson : Don't say another word, Jay. You'll ruin the surprise.

  Carrie Wells : [suspiciously]  What surprise?

• Carrie Wells : [reading the New York Post]  "Super-memory cop saves New York City."

  Al Burns : You had a little help, if I'm not mistaken.

  Carrie Wells : Come on. "Carrie Wells, detective extraordinaire for the Major Crimes Unit of the NYPD..."

  Al Burns : It does not say "extraordinaire."

  Carrie Wells : Well, it should. "The dazzling detective can re-live, in vivid detail, everything she's ever experienced because she suffers from a rare condition known as highly superior autobiographical memory." Suffers? I don't suffer. My... my memory is a gift. It's... I'm like a superhero.

  Al Burns : Superhero? More like super-full of yourself.

• Carrie Wells : Look at this. I've hit the big time, Al. Right next to a story about a councilman busted with a hooker.

  Al Burns : No mention of me in there?

  Carrie Wells : Sadly, no. It's all about me.

  Al Burns : Well, there's got to be something.

  Carrie Wells : Nothing.

  Al Burns : It can't all be about you.

  Carrie Wells : It is. Knock yourself out, nothing there.

  Al Burns : [opening the paper]  Let's see. Yeah, right here. "Detective Al Burns, Wells' strapping partner and a modern-day Gary Cooper..."

  Carrie Wells : [laughing]  Yeah.

  Al Burns : "... is the real secret behind her success."

  Carrie Wells : It does not say that. Oh, but it does say that I'm New York's most decorated cop, boasting a 100% solve rate. Come on. And... are you ready for this? You're gonna cry. One of New York's most eligible bachelorettes. You got some competition, baby.

  Al Burns : It also says, and I quote, "With the dynamic combination of brains and beauty, it begs the question, why is the alluring Wells still single?"

  Carrie Wells : It does not say that. That's bull...

  [taking the paper and checking] 

  Carrie Wells : What kind of a rag is this?

  Al Burns : [his phone buzzes]  Well, I can tell them why you're single. You're a nightmare.

  Carrie Wells : You'd marry me in a New York second.

  Al Burns : Wedding's gonna have to wait. Eliot wants us in his office now.

• Al Burns : There's no way that Sartain could connect with the DeMars brothers on his own.

  Jay Lee : You're absolutely right. They're being bankrolled big-time. Several hundred thousand dollars were deposited eletronically into his bank account from a fronting bank in Dubai.

  Al Burns : What do we have on Lushing, the guy who was trailing Eddie and Carrie and bought the copolymer?

  Jay Lee : Well, David Lushing served in the Army Rangers. Guess who was in his battalion. Lieutenant Greg Sartain. They took down one of Saddam's palaces together.

  Al Burns : How do you go from war hero to terrorist?

  Jay Lee : Well, Sartain and Lushing were suspected of trying to make off with some of Saddam's gold reserves. Lushing took the bullet, got a dishonorable discharge. Sartain became a cop. Now, according to Homeland, Lushing got picked up two years ago for smuggling a bunch of weapons to a bunch of Pakistani warlords. Did six months in a prison in Islamabad.

• Austin : You bastard, Al. Why'd you punch me so hard?

  Al Burns : Had to sell it for the crackheads, huh?

  Austin : Thought you'd appreciate it.

  Denny Padilla : Hey, what the hell's going on here?

  Al Burns : Denny Padilla, meet Austin Caswell, Detective second grade, Queens Narcotics. Denny here likes to ask a lot of questions.

  Denny Padilla : Ah, son of a bitch.

  Austin : What's on your mind?

  Al Burns : Five barrels of methylamine went missing right before Vlad was killed. You hear anything?

  Austin : No. And I won't. No way Vlad's buying methylamine right now.

  Al Burns : Why's that?

  Austin : Doesn't need to. There's more out there than there are buyers.

  Al Burns : So why take out two couriers just to get his hands on it?

  Austin : Something's not right. Cooks are overstocked up and down the east coast. Believe me, Vlad's not burning anyone over methylamine these days.

• Eddie Martin : Angus and Malcolm DeMars. They're brothers. Seriously bad guys. A handful of unsolved murders linked to them. Mom left. Rumor was they killed their father in a drug dispute. Rumor was the dispute was with Angus and Malcolm.

  Al Burns : They killed their father over a meth deal?

  Eddie Martin : Yeah, with a crowbar.

  Jay Lee : [sarcastic]  Nice family.

• Al Burns : What happened to cooperation?

  Lt. Greg Sartain : Vlad's guys were on the move. I had to make the call.

  Al Burns : The call you had to make was to us.

• Eddie Martin : [finding his suspects dead]  Meet the DeMars brothers.

  Al Burns : Looks like someone got to 'em before you did.

  Carrie Wells : Now what?

• Al Burns : You're married?

  Carrie Wells : No.

  Al Burns : No?

  Carrie Wells : Well, technically, yes. But I was married for, like, six weeks. Listen, when I left Syracuse, I just needed to get away from everything. I went to Daytona 'cause they had good gambling, cocktails, great sunshiny weather. And...

  Al Burns : And you got married. And I guess it just slipped your mind to tell me, since you've been back.

  Carrie Wells : Nothing slips my mind.

  Al Burns : Not a big deal. Why mention it? And now he shows up, and you're gonna help him.

  Carrie Wells : Actually, I was hoping *we* were gonna help him.

• Carrie Wells : What are you doing here, Eddie?

  Eddie Martin : I've been tracking a couple of guys out of Daytona. Got a string of dead bodies to their names.

  Al Burns : And that's our problem why?

  Eddie Martin : Four days ago, they got into a van full of methylamine and headed north. I followed them to see if I could find their buyers. But I lost them coming out of the Holland Tunnel.

  Eliot Delson : Your C.O. signed off on this?

  Eddie Martin : I took some vacation days. It's kind of... kind of a personal mission for me.

  Al Burns : Yeah, I can see that.

• Eliot Delson : While I commend you taking vacation days and using them for work - Carrie, Al, you could learn a thing or two from him - Major Crimes does not condone vigilante missions. I'll leave you two alone for a moment.

  Carrie Wells : Thanks, Eliot.

  Eddie Martin : I think he meant for the two of us to have a moment.

  Al Burns : Oh, I don't care what he meant.