Mick Foley: Commissioner Mick Foley

Quotes 

• Shane McMahon : I don't blame Chris Benoit for being mad, because Chris Benoit...

  [the crowd starts chanting for the Rock] 

  Shane McMahon : Chant the name Rocky all you want, because everyone knows that Chris Benoit should have the World Wrestling Federation championship around his waist right now! Including you, Mick. Including you.

  [holding Benoit back] 

  Shane McMahon : Hold on, Chris. Hold on. Okay? There are rules around here, there are constants in the World Wrestling Federation. When my father was running things, when my grandfather was running things, when my great-grandfather was running things. Hell, Mick, even when Stone Cold Steve Austin, for a brief amount of time, when he was running things, there have always been constants. And that one constant remains that the referee's decision, no matter what, is final. Hear me, Mick? That the referee's decision, no matter what, is final. So allow me to take you back to last night at Fully Loaded and allow me to show you and show the world, yes, that Chris Benoit is truly the World Wrestling Federation champion. Check it out.

  [on the TitanTron, a clip from the pay-per-view is shown of Benoit being announced as the new champion] 

  Shane McMahon : [holding Benoit, who's ready for a fight, back]  Hold on a second.

  [to Mick] 

  Shane McMahon : Don't you understand? Now, Mick, now, who are you to come out here and change that lineage? Who are you, Mick?

  Commissioner Mick Foley : Shane, Shane, you are right. Up until last night, the referee's decision was always final. But let me tell you about things, Shane, because things change. You see, Shane, I can picture you about ten, twelve years ago bebopping in your room as Vanilla Ice sang "Ice Ice Baby." But where is that LP now, Shane? It's in a garbage hump in Hackensack, New Jersey. Things change. Chris Benoit, I can imagine that ten, fifteen, twenty years ago, you may have cracked a smile or even laughed at a joke, but obviously, that has changed, as well.

  [pointing at Shane] 

  Commissioner Mick Foley : As a matter of fact, the only thing that doesn't change in life is your dad's hairstyle, which will remain after all of us are long gone.

  Chris Benoit : Oh, you think this is funny? You think this is some kind of joke, Foley? Last night, at Fully Loaded, I proved to the world that I am the greatest technical wrestler in the history of the WWF! And I am the WWF champion! Your decision last night was nothing but a blatant abuse of power. Last night, I beat the Rock for the title, and tonight, I demand a title fight with the Rock right here! To once again prove to the world that I am the World Wrestling Federation champion!

  Commissioner Mick Foley : Wait, wait, wait a second, Chris. Chris, yeah, you proved a lot of things last night, and I can guarantee there will be a rematch in your future, but you're getting awful worked up. So as far as having that rematch here tonight, I'm going to have to take that under advisement.

  Chris Benoit : Under advisement? Well, that's just not good enough.

• Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley : First of all, I would like to say that after winning one of the most brutal and grueling matches in WWF history, my husband proved once again, to the word, that he is the Game, and that he is that damn good. And then later on last night, my husband proved to me, multiple times, just how good he really is. And as far as tonight is concerned, I am here in support of my brother and the rules that my family have instituted in the WWF since its inception. So, Mick, I strongly suggest... no, you know what, Mick? I *demand* that you book the rematch tonight for the WWF championship between Chris Benoit and the Rock.

  Commissioner Mick Foley : Steph, I'm going to make a confession here tonight that I've never told anyone before, and that is, last year, for about two and a half seconds, while I was recovering from a serious head injury, I found you moderately attractive. I did. But after reviewing your actions of the past several weeks, I now find myself more inclined to agree with Chris Jericho's assessment.

  [insulted, Stephanie slaps him, hard] 

  Commissioner Mick Foley : Stephanie... I CAN FINE YOU RIGHT NOW! But that's not good enough! I could fire your ass right now! But I'm not going to. You see, Stephanie, you and Shane, every time I turn around, always seem to want to get involved in WWF match-ups. So tonight, you and your brother will indeed become involved in a WWF match-up. For the first time in wrestling history, I am going to book us a brother/sister tag-team match! Right here in Austin, Texas!

  [the crowd cheers] 

  Commissioner Mick Foley : Against two opponents of my choosing. And that's not all. Shane, you tell Benoit not to get involved! Stephanie, when your husband comes limping in, you tell Triple H not to get involved! Because if either do, then I guarantee you I'll fire the whole damn bunch of you!

• Commissioner Mick Foley : I was just a little bit nervous before Fully Loaded last night, I will admit, because I wanted to make sure that the first WWF pay-per-view that I had something to do with as the commissioner was worth the price. I think it's important to know that when people lay down their hard-earned money, they get one hell of a show in return. And I do believe that at Fully Loaded, the WWF came up big-time! What about Val Venis and Rikishi inside a steel cage?

  [the crowd cheers] 

  Commissioner Mick Foley : I have seen death-defying moves before, hell, I've even performed a few in my career, but I have never... I have never seen anything like a 425-pound man standing 16 feet in the air, coming crashing down full-force on Val Venis. And though I have been told that Mr. Venis will return to action sometime in the near future, they damn near had to scrape Val off the canvas with a spatula. And then we had our three big main events. Number one, where an Olympic champion learned firsthand...

  [the crowd boos] 

  Commissioner Mick Foley : It's true. He learned firsthand just why they call the Undertaker the American Bad Ass. Now, I don't know if Kurt's common sense got trapped somewhere within his massive neck, or maybe his brain was just jogged a little bit when his head hit the floor on the Undertaker's Last Ride, but King Kurt has demanded a re-match with the Undertaker.

  [the crowd cheers] 

  Commissioner Mick Foley : And, hey, I'm not just your commissioner, I'm a wrestling fan, as well, and as a wrestling fan, I'd like to see Kurt get his ass kicked as much as all of you.

  [the crowd cheers] 

  Commissioner Mick Foley : So I am inclined to give you that re-match in this very ring tonight. Right here in Austin, Texas! Then we had Last Man Standing. And I'll take my hat off right now to both men, Triple H included, as well as Chris Jericho, because they showed a lot of guts, a lot of pride, and a lot of testicular fortitude in putting on one of the greatest WWF matches of all time. And now, let's hear it for the Rock.

  [the crowd roars] 

  Commissioner Mick Foley : Thank you. Thank you very much. Let's hear it for him and Chris Benoit.

  [the crowd boos] 

  Commissioner Mick Foley : Because I don't know if many of you know it, but I got just a little bit involved in last night's WWF title match. And a lot of people have asked me if I miss being in the ring, and until last night, my answer was always no. But as I sat about four feet away from ring last night and watched Benoit and the Rock in one of the greatest WWF title matches of all time, I did indeed miss the ring, and I was wishing that it was me in the main event. And now, I will admit that the outcome was somewhat controversial...

  [he's interrupted by Chris Benoit's music, who comes out to the ring with Shane] 

  Chris Benoit : Controversy? Controversy? There was no controversy. I got screwed, plain and simple, Foley! You're nothing but a damn fraud!

• Commissioner Mick Foley : Hey, when I was talking about last night's card, I didn't mean to exclude you guys. Because I heard a rumor that Bradshaw had an ice pack on his hand after you hit it with your jaw, and that Faarooq was nursing a sore toe after it made solid contact with your butt cheek.

  Edge : Yeah, very funny, but look who's still got the tag-team championships.

  Christian : Yeah. DQs rule!

  Commissioner Mick Foley : Indeed they do, which brings me to another problem. i don't know whether to match you up tonight with the Hardy Boyz or the Dudleys.

  Edge , Christian : What?

  Commissioner Mick Foley : So what I've decided to do is have a three-way tag-team contest, and the winner of the fall wins the belts. Which means you guys don't even have to lose or be pinned to lose your titles.

  Edge : Come on.

  Commissioner Mick Foley : [hammering his toy gavel]  My rulings rule!