- Constable George Crabtree: I think the idea of Henderson giving up his companionship in a fake manoeuvre difficult to believe.
- The Masked Marauder: I'm telling the truth. I couldn'ta killed him.
- Constable George Crabtree: All right. Lying is one thing; attacking the integrity of the great sport of wrestling, that is quite another.
- Constable George Crabtree: The only constant in this investigation is that each wrestler is proved a fraud.
- Detective William Murdoch: True. The Cossack isn't Russian, and the chief rivals were actually friends.
- Constable George Crabtree: A-a-and in our championship match the other night, i-it involved a fake manoeuvre and a prearranged outcome.
- Inspector Thomas Brackenreid: So? What of it?
- Constable George Crabtree: Well, sir, as much as it pains me to say, it's quite possible the entire sport is fake.
- Inspector Thomas Brackenreid: Outlandish! Wrestling is a sport of honor and integrity.
- Jean Hamilton: Here is the campaign literature I'd like for you to distribute. It's rather exciting, isn't it. Think of all the good we can do for Toronto should we succeed.
- Dr. Julia Ogden: Banning books?
- Jean Hamilton: Oh yes. Did you know our libraries give children access to the criminal writings of such amoral libertines as Mark Twain. Frankly I'd like to *burn* his books.
- Dr. Julia Ogden: [hands back the pamphlets] Perhaps you ought to burn these instead.
- [last lines]
- Constable George Crabtree: Sirs, you called for me?
- Inspector Thomas Brackenreid: Ah, Crabtree. We wanted to compliment you on a fine piece of work.
- Detective William Murdoch: Yes.
- Inspector Thomas Brackenreid: Even if your diligence did uncover that professional wrestling is a sham.
- Detective William Murdoch: Yes, I doubt fans will continue to follow it so feverishly once the truth reaches them.
- Inspector Thomas Brackenreid: Nevertheless, I think it's about time you got measured for a new suit.
- Constable George Crabtree: Sir?
- Detective William Murdoch: Yes, George, you've been serving in a constable's tunic long enough.
- Constable George Crabtree: Sirs, uh...
- Inspector Thomas Brackenreid: Don't be thick, bugalugs. There's an opening at Station House Number 3 for a new detective. I've put you forward.
- Detective William Murdoch: They'll be lucky to have you, George.
- [first lines]
- Constable George Crabtree: There you go! Trounce him!
- Edna Brooks: Get him!
- Constable George Crabtree: Edna. I had no idea you had such a passion for wrestling.
- Edna Brooks: Oh, I don't. I... I merely accompany Simon.
- Simon Brooks: Go, Randolph, go!
- Inspector Thomas Brackenreid: The neighborhood's coming up, Mr. Chilton. Rents must be a fortune these days.
- Mr. Chilton: Quite right, Inspector; tough luck for my tenants.
- Inspector Thomas Brackenreid: You own the building?
- Mr. Chilton: I do.
- Inspector Thomas Brackenreid: How does a barber end up owning the whole building?
- Mr. Chilton: Simple. I save ten percent of my earnings and I never buy anything frivolous. Why put a new floor in when you can throw down a rug?
- Inspector Thomas Brackenreid: Tell that to the wife.
- Mr. Chilton: [chuckles] How are you planning for your future, Inspector?
- Inspector Thomas Brackenreid: I put my extra money in Margaret's cookie jar at the end of the month.
- Constable George Crabtree: Give it up, Humber! You can't outrun me!
- The Masked Marauder: I'm twice your size! How are you going to arrest me?
- [runs into a pole & knocks himself unconscious]
- Constable George Crabtree: Twice my size, and half the wit.